Joe Versus the Volcano
Joe Versus the Volcano is a 1990 film about a hypochondriac who learns that he is dying and accepts an offer to throw himself in a volcano at a tropical island so that an industrialist can get a mining concession from the superstitious natives. Along the way, he finds love and learns to truly live.
- Directed and written by John Patrick Shanley.
- Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how big... thank you. Thank you for my life.
- Brain cloud! I knew it. Well, I di- I didn't know it, but - I knew it.
- [to Angelica] If you have a choice between killing yourself and doing something you're scared of doing, why not take the leap and do the thing you're scared of doing?
- I'm my only hope for a hero.
- My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement.
- Marry me...Marry me and then jump in the volcano. What is the problem? You're afraid of the commitment? You're gonna have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds. You can't handle that?
- [to Joe] Do you think I feel good? Nobody feels good. After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what? I don't let it bother me. I don't let it interfere with my job.
- [On the phone] I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? Harry. Yeah, Harry. But can he do the job? I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you' Harry! Harry, Harry. Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job? I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. Harry, I am not arguing that with you! Who said that? I didn't say that. If I said that, I would have been wrong. Maybe. Maybe. I'm not arguing that with you! Yeah, Harry, I know he can get the job. But can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you! I am not arguing that with you! I am not arguing that with you! Who told you that? No! I told you that! Me! What? Maybe. Maybe, maybe. Maybe!
Samuel Harvey Graynamore
- [to Joe] Well, does it take more guts to twice traverse a staircase in a burning building, or to make a one-time leap into a volcano? Damned if I know, Kimosabe. All I know is when you're making those kind of calls, you're up in the high country.
- I see it as a sign of tremendous sophistication that you haven't demanded my name or asked me what I'm doing here.
- "Ninety percent of people are asleep, and those of who are awake look around us in wonder."
- You have some time left, Mr. Banks. You have some life left. My advice to you is: live it well.
- Joe: So I'm not sick except for this terminal disease?
- Dr. Ellison: Which has no symptoms. That's right.
- Joe: You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK... [makes a sucking noise] For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber.
- Mr. Waturi: You watch it, mister! There's a woman here!
- Joe: Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for 300 bucks a week, and Frank, the coffee stinks, it's like arsenic. The lights give me a headache. If the lights don't give you a headache, you must be dead; let's arrange the funeral.
- Mr. Waturi: You better get outta here right now! I'm telling you!
- Joe: You're telling me nothing. And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for 300 freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to! And maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, Mr. Wahoo Waturi, and what could be worse than that?
- Marshall: They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are.
- Joe: I didn't ask you to tell me who I am.
- Marshall: You were hinting around about clothes. That happens to be a very important topic to me, sir. Clothes, Mr...
- Joe: Banks.
- Marshall: Banks. Clothes make the man. I believe that. You say to me you want to go shopping, you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind. You leave that hanging in the air, like I'm going to fill in the blank. That to me is like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are. I don't want to know. It's taken me my whole life to find out who I am, and I'm tired now. You hear what I'm saying?
- Luggage Salesman: This is our premier steamer trunk, it's all handmade, only the finest materials. It's even watertight, tight as a drum. If I had the need, and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this would be my trunk of choice.
- Joe: I'll take four of them.
- Luggage Salesman: May you live to be a thousand years old, sir.
- Marshall: Listen, ain't you got nobody?
- Joe: No. But there are certain times in your life when I guess you're not supposed to have anybody, you know? There are certain doors you have to go through alone.
- Joe: Look. I don't know you. I don't think I know anybody. You're angry, I can, I can see that. I'm very troubled. I'm not ready to... [sighs] There's only so much time. You wanna use it well. So I'm here, talking to you. I don't wanna throw that away.
- Angelica: I have no response to that.
- Patricia: That outfit's wearing you, Felix.
- Joe: Why are you calling me Felix? My name's Joe.
- Patricia: I'm calling you Felix because I do what I want.
- Patricia: Wait, stop right there! I love you! I've fallen in love with you. I've never loved anybody. I don't know how it happened. I never even slept with him or anything. And now you're gonna kill yourself.
- Joe: [to the Chief] Can you give us a minute?
- [Chief nods]
- Joe: You love me?
- Patricia: Yes, I love you. I can feel my heart...I feel like I'm going crazy. You can't just die and leave me alone on this stinking earth without you.
- Joe: I've gotta do it.
- Patricia: Why? Why? The Chief doesn't even want you to do it. Do you, Chief?
- Joe: 'Cause I've wasted my entire life and I'm gonna die. Now I have a chance to die like a man, and I'm gonna take it. I've gotta take it.
- Patricia: I love you!
- Joe: I love you, too! I've never been in love with anybody before, either. It's great. I'm glad. But the timing stinks. [kisses her on the cheek] I've gotta go.
- Patricia: [as they are about to jump in the volcano] Joe - nobody knows anything. We'll take this leap, and we'll see. We'll jump, and we'll see. That's life.
- Joe: I saw the moon when we were out there in the ocean, shining down on everything. I've been miserable so long, years of my life wasted, afraid. Been a long time coming here to meet you - a long time, on a crooked road. Did I ever tell you? The first time I saw you, felt like I'd seen you before.
- Patricia: I wonder where we'll end up?
- Joe: Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man.
- An Average Joe. An Adventurous Comedy.
- A story of love, lava and burning desire.