Hill Street Blues

Let's be careful out there.

Hill Street Blues (19811987) was an American TV show, airing on NBC, about the lives and work of the staff of an inner city police precinct.

Season 1Edit

Hill Street Station [1.01]Edit

Esterhaus : Let's be careful out there.

Furillo: I'm sending in Goldblume, see if we can open communication, diffuse the situation. It's by the book, Howard.
Hunter: [snorts] Goldblume! Goldblume couldn't diffuse a roll of kosher toilet paper.

Esterhaus : But then I met Cindy. Overnight, my life turned around!
Fay: [sniffling, drying her eyes from crying] Oh, yeah? All, that's terrific, I'm glad to hear that! Are you thinking of getting re-married?
Esterhaus : As soon as she graduates.
Fay: She's a college student?
Esterhaus : High school. She's a graduating senior.

Bates: [to the just-restrained Angel Dust-using suspect] Take it easy, baby, take it easy. Nobody's gonna hurt you, you hear me? We're gonna take you to the hospital, now. You understand what I'm saying to you? Huh? [to another restraining officer] Don't think I don't know who was coppin' a cheap feel durin' the fight, huh?

Furillo: Look at this! You got the address wrong on the warrant.
Esterhaus : Captain, we never shoulda stopped doing these in pencil.
Furillo: ...so when the man understandably objects to being arrested, Earps here hits him with a board!
Earps: We had to, boss. We couldn't get his attention.

Presidential Fever [1.02]Edit

Politics as Usual [1.03]Edit

Furillo: What is that stuff?
Hunter: Oh, that's my tobacco. It's imported from Indonesia.
Furillo: Great aroma.
Hunter: You might start thinking about Indonesia, Frank. Some little dugout up in the bamboo. If I were you, I'd consider it.
Furillo: Why is that, Howard?
Hunter: Judas Priest, Frank! You've got the Commander-in-Chief on the front burner and you're standing around here with your pants around your support hose!

Belker: [answering his phone] Hill Street, Detective Belker... hi, Ma... I'm booking a pick-pocket... Ma, you're not having a heart attack, so why don't you just give it to me straight...chuckles "Standing in the window with binoculars?" Why is that such a bad thing? So what if he's a peeping tom, the man is 83 years old! All he's got left is his peep! … Ma…Ma…Ma! I am not arresting my own father, and that's that!

Can World War III Be an Attitude? [1.04]Edit

Hunter: I need you, Bates. You've got tight end size, with hands like a wide receiver, and a body weight to stand up against the stock of an M-16.

Bates: [tearfully] Do I look like a tight end to you?
Esterhaus : Well... I have noticed a certain muscularity in that vicinity.

Esterhaus : [to Malibu] Hey, tell me the truth. You think I should get rid of my Buick? My girlfriend thinks I ought to get into something flashier. See, we got the senior prom coming up...

Hunter: [leading Bates into the men's room] The walls have ears.
Bates: They also have urinals.

Double Jeopardy [1.05]Edit

Davenport: Suffice to say it is not John LaRue's innocence or guilt that is in question. The issue is how best to preserve what is already dangerously tainted bacon!

Esterhaus : I have this problem. It's of a male-female nature, if you know what I mean.
Fay: Phil, if you're talking about an occasional... dysfunction... it's nothing to worry about, especially with someone like Cindy where I'm sure you're under a great deal of pressure to perform.
Esterhaus : No, no, no. My relationship with Cindy is more domestic. We do a lot of cooking together.
Fay: Then, the problem's not sex?
Esterhaus : My problem is that I met this other woman... she's a lot older than Cindy.
Fay: Well, most of us are.

Esterhaus : I'm basically of the monogamous persuasion.

Furillo: What I don't understand is how [Macafee] was able to handle two wives emotionally.
Davenport: When you couldn't handle one?
Furillo: [sarcastically] How do you suppose you and Fay would get along under the same roof?

Film at Eleven [1.06]Edit

Belker: Sit down, dirtball.
Kevin: [extends his hand] Please, call me Kevin.

Esterhaus : Mrs. Perez, would you mind terribly leaving the little one with Officer Belker here while we ask you a few questions? He's very good with children.
Mrs. Perez: You take my baby? I want a receipt.

Choice Cut [1.07]Edit

Fay: [touching the lumpy bag in front of her] What is this?
Furillo: Don't pay any attention to that.
Fay: [jerking her hand away from the bag in revulsion] What do you mean, "Don't pay any attention to that"? There is a dead person in that bag, Frank!
Furillo: Fay, please, I'm pressed. Would you get to the point?

Hunter: Judas Priest, Frank! That's an eight-inch steel door! If those idiots don't think we mean business than our ace in the hole isn't worth a brown Q-tip!

Hunter: We're using a GL-700 deluxe mobile Frost King, Frank! It has dual frost pumps and direct power access. It sucks up thermal BTU's faster than an elephant in heat!

Renko: Can I stash some meat in the rear of your unit?
Bates: Sure, why not.

Up in Arms [1.08]Edit

Renko: Understand what? That my own partner doesn't want me in his house? I am housebroken, Bobby! I haven't messed the rug in years!

Your Kind, My Kind, Humankind [1.09]Edit

Calletano: Are you on duty or just in heat?
LaRue: Uh... right. I'm on my way.

Gatorbait [1.10]Edit

Esterhaus : Makes a wicked carrot cake, my Cindy. The frosting's mine. [lowers his voice] We baked it dressed in our bathing suits.

Esterhaus : You know, Fay, for as traumatic as these calls are, I wouldn't worry about the caller doing what he threatened to.
Bates: [nodding] It's true.
Esterhaus : Sick, lonely, cowardly types. They can't do anything but dial a phone.
Fay: [nodding, feeling reassured] I know.
Esterhaus : Of course, there was the Clausen case not long ago.
Fay: What's the Clausen case?
Bates: Sergeant...
Esterhaus : Uh, you don't want to know, Fay. She lived though, and he was put away. [shakes her hand reassuringly] Nice seeing you Fay. I'm sure you got nothing to worry about.

Hunter: [carrying the dismembered plastic alligator into Furillo's office, amidst howls of laughter] This is just one more example of the rampant unprofessionalism that is legend in this precinct! Frank, Judas my boys shouldn't have to put up with this! Not with a gaggle of prankster apes who have silly putty for brains and jelly where their manhood ought to be!

Life, Death, Eternity [1.11]Edit

LaRue: Hey, in light of what's happened here today, has anyone given any more thought to my investment? It's an annuity for our loved ones, and it's still a thousand bucks a share to friends.
Goldblume: Uh, maybe I ought to talk to Rachel... again.
Phil: Yeah, maybe I'll give Grace a call... and Cindy, naturally.

Esterhaus : You know, since the word's out that you might move up to division, I have a few requests for transfer.
Furillo: How many?
Esterhaus : Twenty-eight uniforms, seventeen plainclothes, and one retirement. But you shouldn't let this in any way affect your decision.

I Never Promised You a Rose, Marvin [1.12]Edit

Hunter: Do I look like the sort of man who would leave the keys in the ignition of a six million dollar assault tank? Why, I've got 'em right here... [fumbles around in his pockets] right...

Fecund Hand Rose [1.13]Edit

Macafee: You know as well as I do, Frank, I'm facing four felony charges... and I don't think I have to tell you what's waiting for me upstate. I put away a few people in my day. Let's face it, it's a death sentence up there. So what's to lose? My virginity?

Davenport: [regarding her client, Heidel] Where is his paperwork?
Belker: Just about to get started.
Davenport: Was he Mirandized?
Heidel: Counselor, would you give the guy a break?
Davenport: Was he or was he not Mirandized?
Heidel: Yes, I was!
Davenport: Button up! Any evidence of theft on or about his person?
Belker: Yes and no.
Davenport: "Yes and no?"
Belker: What happened was, I think I saw him swallow some rings and things.
Heidel: You see, what-
Davenport: Don't say a word.
Belker: Uh, the captain is looking into a court order for stomach X-rays. In the meantime, we're just sitting around, waiting to see what comes down the pike, as they say.

Belker: Can I talk to you? Up until about a month ago I was dating a real quality woman. I mean, no dirtbag. We didn't see eye-to-eye on a couple of things, so we split up. So I'm seeing her tonight. [holds out his shaking hands] I'm like this.
Heidel: [who is by profession a burglar] You know something? I myself can't seem to sustain a relationship. It's the business that we're in. We work nights, holidays, weekends...how long can we expect a woman to put up with that kind of thing?

Bates: [on the phone with a potential blind date for the wedding] Um, I don't want to sound shallow or anything, but what exactly do you look like? Oh! No, I'm blond, too... yeah... you sound swell...I mean, super...[giggles] Um, how tall are you? Oh. Well, look, maybe you have a pair of shoes with Cuban heels?

Rites of Spring (1) [1.14]Edit

Hunter: [describing the neighbor lady with whom he just spent the night] I mean, she is a very... uh, worldly woman.
Esterhaus: Well, then she'd certainly appreciate this, Howard. You know, last Sunday Grace and I took her four-wheeler up to the country and went nude... horseback riding. [chuckles] I'm still chafed.

Renko: Ma'am, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't think a woman as fine-looking as you should be walking all alone in the middle of the night. Not around here. I'm a policeman, you know.
Sandra Paully: Yeah, I know. [thinks about it] Well, like you said, it is a four-block walk. Lots of creeps out there.
Renko: Besides me, right?
Sandra Paully: Yeah.

Sandra Paully: Why is it that you come on to everyone like you just spent the afternoon shoveling horse manure?
Renko: Good evening, Ma'am.

LaRue: Who are you, my mother?
Washington: Closer than that man, I'm your partner.

Rites of Spring (2) [1.15]Edit

Renko: You know, I'm ashamed to tell Sandra how I spend my days... standing around in alleys, walking around streets trying to control a bunch of crazy people, half of which are named after past presidents... Johnson, Jackson, Cleveland, Roosevelt...

Fay: I swear, Frank, I get more support from my pantyhose than I do from the cops in this garbage dump of a city!

Jungle Madness (1) [1.16]Edit

Renko: [about Sandra Paully] She is the finest woman I've ever met in my life! Bright, educated... you know she's goin' for her PH.D in English literature... that refined! She's the only woman I know that can speak French to me without me wanting to punch her out. If I was the less secure type, I'd wonder what she saw in me.

Fay: You know, getting mugged is the best thing that's happened to me since our divorce, Frank.

Belker: [on the phone] Naw, I'm laughing because I don't believe what I'm hearing... alright, but I want you to calm down long enough to tell my why you want to put my mother in a mental institution? What do you mean you're in love with another woman? You're eighty-three years old! Where are you going so fast with another woman? That's crazy! You can't keep up with a sixty-eight year-old! I mean, how often can you... no kidding, that often? What's mom been feeding you?

Hill: [to Sandra Paully, about Renko] Well, now that I've finally met you, let me ask you a question. What does a beautiful woman like you see in this guy? Other than maybe feeling sorry for him, which we all naturally do!

Jungle Madness (2) [1.17]Edit

Season 2Edit

Hearts and Minds [2.01]Edit

Esterhaus: [addressing the station about using the phones] If you feel you must misdemeanor, let's use the pay phones, huh?

Esterhaus: [about Grace] Frankly, Howard, I'm exhausted. The woman's a sexual juggernaut.

Esterhaus: [to Howard] Sex. Ironic, isn't it? I have more than I know what to do with. And you can't get arrested.
Renko: [to Hill] No comprende, Gordito. Larue and Washington get the martini circuit. Ellis and Perez get to take a stroll in the park. What do you and me get? A walking tour of the third world.

Jesus Martinez: [to Frank] Yo, Furillo. Don't let the shadows get you.

Blood Money [2.02]Edit

Grace: I have waited, Phil, and I have endured! First your Gidget phase with that post-pubescent pom-pom girl, and now the second coming of Margaret, your Tupperware Madonna!

Adrianna: How fresh is the wound?
Furillo: [sheepishly] Still bleeding.

LaRue: Henry, you're bleeding all over my arrest report.

Belker: [to Collar] You forgot to pay your fare, Dogbreath.

Grace: It stirs something deep within me.
Hunter: All night maneuvers have that effect.

The Last White Man on East Ferry Avenue [2.03]Edit

The Second Oldest Profession [2.04]Edit

Goldblume: [to LaRue] You haven't had a meaningful relationship with a woman since your mother quit breastfeeding you.

Fruits of the Poisonous Tree [2.05]Edit

Davenport: [to sleazy Alan Wachtel] Some of us changed, Wachtel. Others of us mutated.

Cranky Streets [2.06]Edit

Hunter: Just another light-loafered step on the path to Socialism.
Calletano: Excuse me, Howard?
Hunter: Those union wags have got cream of wheat where their bone marrow was.

Chipped Beef [2.07]Edit

Renko: I'm just a thirty-one year-old white guy just tryin' to make my way in the world!

Calletano: [indignantly] Chipped beef is not a proper menu anywhere!

Belker: [misquoting the ATM] I'm here to assist you with all your banking needs, hairball!

Luana: [to Pickpocket] How would you like me to tear out both your lungs, dogbreath.

The World According to Freedom [2.08]Edit

Hunter: The Concrete Galapagos: Reverse Evolution and the Inner City by Heinrich Pentegrass. Have you read it, Frank?
Furillo: No, Howard, I missed that one.

Furillo: I owe you.
Jesus Martinez: You're damn right you owe me, Furillo.
Furillo: They scared you, too. Didn't they?
Jesus Martinez: Later, Furillo. Later.

Belker: Name?
Captain Freedom: [stands up] Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. Ten tons of nitro in one fist and a neutron bomb in the other. When I walk buildings shake and bad guys wet their pants. [sits down] Wanna hear my manifesto?

Belker: [annoyed] Name?
Captain Freedom: Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. I vow to give crime two black eyes and fight injustice and corruption wherever they may lurk. And brotherhood, I want to establish universal brotherhood.

Belker: They're laughing at you. They are. They're making fun of you. Don't you understand that?
Captain Freedom: What am I supposed to do? Hide in my room? Lock my doors and windows? Let the fear in the streets rule me like it does millions of others? If every man and woman got up off their knees and took a stand, do you think that criminals would walk the streets with impunity? No. This is my city, my country. And I'm gonna fight for it. Life. Life is a gift and you gotta reach out and grab hold of it or you are just part of the problem. You gotta, you gotta hug your kids every day and you gotta put gum wrappers in your pockets and take shorter trips in the car. Because that's what's right. Me? I'm not backing down. I'm not givin' in. They can beat me. They can rob me. I'll keep coming back. They can stomp on me until I'm just a little grease spot on the floor and someone else will jump in my place. Life triumphs. Love triumphs. I'm a man and I'm gonna hold my head up and walk like one.
Belker: Yeah.

Pestolozzi's Revenge [2.09]Edit

Chief Daniels: Did you ever have hemorrhoids, Frank?
Furillo: I can't say I have.
Chief Daniels: You're one of the blessed ones, believe me. It's the closest thing in the world to having a tennis ball up there. [raises his glass of mineral oil] Cheers. [makes a bitter face and shivers as the liquid goes down] Weak rectal tissue. It's hereditary, Frank.

Hunter: They're not interested in third-world dysgenics! They want my financial records! Judas Priest, Frank! If they're putting the brown shaft to our types can you imagine what they have in store for this hombre [gesturing to an already nervous Ray Costello]
Furillo: Howard.

Hill: The guy is going to his brother's wedding. You stop short and he plows into the rear of our car. He winds up no job, a broken nose, arrested, plus he's on the hook for bail money. Not to mention a torn tux. And you say, "No harm, no foul". Where the hell have you been all day?
Renko: What is justice, my man? What is justice?

Belker: You gotta get straight. You gotta put yourself back in reality.
Captain Freedom: What is reality, Mick? Ever seen the nucleus of an atom? Yet the existence of the entire universe depends on it. You ever touch the human soul? Yet it drives you more strongly then any muscle in your body. We step in and out of reality at every instant of our lives and yet we persist in reducing everything that we see to bland and secure terms. A single fly is capable of laying more than twenty million eggs. Leo Tolstoy pulled War and Peace from the nothingness of pure thought. The gold in your teeth was manufactured in an interior of an exploding star. What is reality? Who governs it? What are the rules? Who is to say that at this very moment I and everything around you are nothing but the creation of your own cosmic dreams?
Belker: Yeah.
Captain Freedom: Actually my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.

The Spy Who Came In from Delgado [2.10]Edit

Captain Freedom: Where are the bad guys?
Belker: They're in your head playing Canasta.

Fay: Unless you'd rather be buried with Miss Davenport, don't you think it's time we considered cemetery plots, Frank?

Freedom's Last Stand [2.11]Edit

Esterhaus: Due to a shortage of female decoys, the less hefty and bearded of you will find in your lockers a varied selection of wigs, dresses, and appropriate foundation.

Furillo: Last time you went out undercover, you ended up getting booted out of your house and sleeping on my couch for three nights.
Calletano: Size fourteen, Henry. [gives him a pink woman's overcoat and red blouse to wear]
Goldblume: [takes it from him] Don't worry, Frank. I think my marriage is safe in this.

Chief Daniels: [about his bowel movement] I gotta tell ya, I feel great! For the first time in three weeks, this morning I had a normal sit-down. I can't tell you what a joy it was. Went in there with the sports section and it was unbelievable.

Captain Freedom: [as Fay walks by] It's you! 4000 BC, the Princess Zuma, daughter of Theluminkis, whose likeness graces the wall of the Great Temple at Amar.
Fay: Excuse me?
Captain Freedom: [holds her hand] The lips, the eyes, the regal slope of the nose. The sheer overwhelming majesty of your beauty. They taunted you. A woman of uncommon intelligence, a free spirit. They did not understand your sensitivity or the fiery compassion that raged within you. You vowed you would return and now you're back, oh Princess of the Night.
Fay: Umm, could you let go of my hand? I think you have the wrong person.
Captain Freedom: [looking closer] You're right. The lights are bad in here. My mistake.

Of Mouse and Man [2.12]Edit

Hunter: These people have about as much appreciation for small arms weaponry as a Marseilles pimp!

Hunter: What have we here? [picks up a switchblade that the gang member dropped] Why, it's a Caribbean toothpick!

Zen and the Art of Law Enforcement [2.13]Edit

Mr. Sosa: Get out of here.
Goldblume: Not this time, Mr. Sosa. Your sweaty little reign of terror is over.

The Young, the Beautiful and the Degraded [2.14]Edit

Esterhaus: Change overtakes us all, Mick. And it can crop up anywhere. As for me personally, it was first apparent in matters of a sexual nature.
Hunter: Testosterone peaks and then starts diminishing. Many are out.
Esterhaus: Oh, sure, I was troubled the first few times it happened, but...

Esterhaus: Hello, Grace.
Grace: I'm wearing your favorite: Eau de Sade. You once said that it put you all out of control.
Esterhaus: A weakness I share with Weimaraners.

Esterhaus: Grace, I know you see in me some blue-clad symbol of male sensuality, but beneath this gabardine exterior beats the heart of a simple man with strong domestic desires. Grace, I have to know once and for all. In the twilight years, when the blaze has been reduced to embers, will we still be together? Semper fidelities at my side?
Grace: Philip Freemason Esterhaus, are you asking what I think you're asking?
Esterhaus: Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I...

Fay: What's a precinct captain's ex-wife have to do to get arrested around here, jaywalk in the nude?

Some Like It Hot-Wired [2.15]Edit

Personal Foul [2.16]Edit

Belker: [to the man who puts his arm around him in the theater] Move it or lose it at the elbow.
Man: I could take you out to lunch.
Belker: [pulls out his badge] I could take you to jail, dog breath.

Hunter: Alright, are there any more questions?
Shamrock: Yeah, I got a question. Are you some kind of a queen?

Hunter: [to Furillo] Just say the word, Frank. Twenty paddy wagons and a little tear gas and I'll accomplish more urban renewal in one hour than the feds have managed in a decade.

Shooter [2.17]Edit

Esterhaus: Now be reminded that in springtime, a young man's fancy turns to robbery, rape, and aggravated assault.

Furillo: You can always get guns, Marv. The world's full of guns.

Invasion of the Third World Mutant Body Snatchers [2.18]Edit

Renko: Now, what is so funny about this?
Hill: [while laughing] The whole thing. I'm sorry cowboy, but it's just so funny. Your old man sitting in that alley in his hospital greens with no shoes and Dogbreath Belker offering him a bite of his sandwich.
Renko: [also laughing] If he wasn't dead already, Belker's breath woulda killed him. [laughing heartily] You know what? That's the first decent laugh that damn old man ever gave me.


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Last modified on 15 May 2013, at 08:12