Happy Endings (2011–present) is an American comedy TV show, airing on on ABC, that follows the lives of six friends living in Chicago: married yuppies Brad and Jane; Alex, Jane's ditzy sister; Dave, a food truck owner who used to be engaged to Alex; Dave's gay roommate, Max; and their chronically single friend, Penny.
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The Quicksand Girlfriend [1.02]Edit
Your Couples Friends & Neighbors [1.03]Edit
Mein Coming Out [1.04]Edit
Like Father, Like Gun [1.05]Edit
Of Mice & Jazz-Kwon-Do [1.06]Edit
Dave of the Dead [1.07]Edit
The Girl with the David Tattoo [1.08]Edit
You've Got Male [1.09]Edit
Bo Fight [1.10]Edit
Barefoot Pedaler [1.11]Edit
The Shershow Redemption [1.12]Edit
Why Can't You Read Me? [1.13]Edit
Blax, Snake, Home [2.01]Edit
Baby Steps [2.02]Edit
- Max: [acting as a tour guide with his limo] Welcome to Chicago! Now here's a fun fact. Chicago was originally nicknamed the Window City, but another city had that nickname first, so, thanks a lot, Omaha!
- Tourist: Really? That doesn't sound right.
- Max: Aah ...
- Jane: Yes, it is true. We are from Omaha, and that is a true fact. We are called the Window City because of our famous Window Museum. It's a lot of looking right through other parts of the museum.
Secrets and Limos [2.04]Edit
- Max: You guys watching Marty's show, Boardwalk Empire?
- Jane: Marty?
- Max: Marty Scorsese.
- Dave: Martin Scorsese. You can't call him that. You're not his buddy.
- Max: I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos.
Spooky Endings [2.05]Edit
Lying Around [2.06]Edit
- Dave: Have you ever felt like the Big Mac wasn't big enough? Or the foot long wasn't feet long enough? Well, have no fear, ladies and gentlemen, and feast your eyes upon [Max removes the cover from the plate] steaktanic! Two pounds of meat.
- Max: Steaktanic.
- Dave: One liter of garlic aeoli.
- Max: Steaktanic.
- Dave: A half a block of smoked Gouda. Three layers of lettuce ... iceberg, dead ahead.
- Jane: Wow, that is disgusting ... and illegal, I think.
- Max: Steaktanic.
The Code War [2.07]Edit
Full Court Dress [2.08]Edit
- Penny: [to Jane] I don't even understand what you're raising money for. Animals for Change. Are you trying to genetically modify animals?
- Brad: I want a teacup rhino.
- Jane: "Animals for Change" helps to protect endangered species. Except for pandas. They have plenty of money. They are like the breast cancer of animal charities.
- Penny: Okay, so someone else will be crafting your opening remarks.
Grinches Be Crazy [2.09]Edit
The Shrink, The Dare, Her Date And Her Brother [2.10]Edit
Meet the Parrots [2.11]Edit
Makin' Changes! [2.12]Edit
- Alex: Woo! I'm so excited. An intervention? It's like having a surprise party for someone that's going to hate you.
The St. Valentine’s Day Maxssacre [2.13]Edit
Everybody Loves Grant [2.14]Edit
The Butterfly Effect Effect [2.15]Edit
Cocktails & Dreams [2.16]Edit
- Alex: Hello filthies. Look who I ran into at my new favorite vegan eatery "Café Thankful".
- Penny: Avi...
- Avi: Namaste, Penny.
- Alex: Turns out we're both into cleanses.
- Avi: My cleanse is pretty next level. I'm only eating clear foods, and I've given up all sexual intimacies. That's right, y'all. Avi's celibate.
- Penny: Are you sure that's a choice, Avi?
- Avi: Good dig. But jealousy is not a sweat pant that fits you well.
- Max: Bu-bu-burn!
- Alex: [goes for a high five] Oh yeah...
- Avi: Please, don't touch me! I'll explode like a water bottle on a cross country flight to Albuquerque.
- Max: Where's that flight from?
- Avi: JFK.
- Penny: Get out of my bed room!
The Kerkovich Way [2.17]Edit
Party of Six [2.18]Edit
- Max: You know what I was thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore? Hm.
You Snooze, You Bruise [2.19]Edit
Big White Lies [2.20]Edit
Four Weddings and a Funeral (Minus Three Weddings and One Funeral) [2.21]Edit
KickBall 2: The Kickening [2.22]Edit
Cazsh Dummy Spillionaires [3.01]Edit
Sabado Free-Gante [3.02]Edit
Boys II Menorah [3.03]Edit
More Like Stanksgiving [3.04]Edit
P&P Romance Factory [3.05]Edit
To Serb with Love [3.06]Edit
Fowl Play/Date [3.08]Edit
Ordinary Extraordinary Love [3.09]Edit
KickBall 2: The Kickening [3.10]Edit
The Ex Factor [3.11]Edit
The Marry Prankster [3.12]Edit
- Dave: We can prank him, beat him at his own game. We'll give him a shot of pre-vengeance, with a dose of pre-taliation, and finish him off with a load of pre-come-uppance.
Our Best Friend's Wedding [3.13]Edit
- Max: My only previous interracial relationship was with a Basque, but it ended 'cause, for a separatist, he was quite clingy.
- Alex: Welp. You know what they say, it's not a good gang hang until someone takes a major shot to the face.