Hamlet 2

      Hamlet 2 is a 2008 comedy about a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher who rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages a politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

      Directed by Andrew Fleming. Written by Andrew Fleming and Pam Brady.
      One high school drama teacher is about to make a huge number 2.


      Dana Marschz

      • I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!
      • Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.
      • It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.
      • [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!
      • It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!
      ↑Jump back a section

      Cricket Feldstein

      • You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!
      ↑Jump back a section

      Epiphany Sellers

      • I still get nervous around ethnics.
      ↑Jump back a section

      Dialogue

      Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
      Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
      Cricket Feldstein: My balls?

      Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.
      Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.
      Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.
      Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?
      Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.
      [pause; realization dawns upon Dana]
      Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.

      Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
      Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
      Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
      Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
      Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
      Dana Marschz: It was?
      ↑Jump back a section

      Cast

      ↑Jump back a section
      Last modified on 15 October 2010, at 20:48