- Dipper: Ah, summer vacation. A time for leisure, recreation, and just taking her easy. Unless you're me.
- Mabel: [whispering] He's looking at it, he's looking at it!
- A boy: [reading from a letter] Uhh, do you like me? Yes, definitely, absolutely?
- Mabel: I rigged it!
- Grunkle Stan: And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face.
- Crowd member: Does it look like a rock?
- Grunkle Stan: No, it looks like a face.
- Another crowd member: Is it a face?
- Grunkle Stan: It's a rock that looks like a face!
- [Dipper pokes in through the crowd]
- Dipper: Over here! Grunkle Stan?
- Grunkle Stan: For the fifth time, it's not an actual face!
- Dipper: Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!
- Gnome: Oh, hey there. You know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding. You see, your sister's not in any danger. She's just marrying all 1000 of us and becoming our gnome queen for all eternity. Isn't that right, honey?
- Mabel: You guys are butt-faces!
- Dipper: Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for...teenagers?! Stay away from Gravity Falls' nefarious...ZOMBIES?
- Grunkle Stan: [in the bathroom a floor below] Did somebody say...crombie? What is that, a crombie? Is that even a word? You're losing your mind...
- Dipper: I'm telling you, there's something weird going on in this town! Just yesterday, my mosquito bites spelled out BEWARE.
- Grunkle Stan: [leans in and examines Dipper's arm] That says BEWARB.
- Dipper: [to Mabel] Awkward sibling hug?
- Mabel: Awkward sibling hug.
[The twins hug for a second, and then pat each other on the back twice while saying 'Pat, pat.']
The Legend of the Gobblewonker
- [Dipper, Mabel, and Soos encounter what they think is the Gobblewonker, but is actually just a shipwreck inhabited by beavers]
- Beaver 1: [subtitled] I love cavorting!
- Beaver 2: [subtitled] That deserves a hug! [The two beavers hug, while another beaver slides right off]
- Dipper: But, w-what was that noise there? I heard a monster noise.
- [Another beaver is seen playing with a chainsaw]
- Soos: Sweet! Beaver with a chainsaw!
- Dipper: Maybe that old guy was crazy after all...
- Mabel: He did use the word "scrapdoodle"...
- Grunkle Stan: Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car?
- Mabel and Biker: Two, three, four...
- Mabel: Your wife is going to be beautiful!
- Dipper: Mabel! We've got a big break in the case!
- Mabel: Break in the case!
- Biker: But will she love me!?
The Hand That Rocks the Mabel
[Mabel comes to the door with jewels covering her face]
- Mabel: Check it out, Dipper! I successfully bedazzled my face! Blink! [painfully blinks, a few gems fall off] Ow...
- Dipper: Is that... permanent?
- Mabel: I'm unappreciated in my time...
- Stan: For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible 'Sack of Mystery'. When you put your money in it, it mysteriously disappears!
- Various Tourists: Oh yeah! That makes perfect sense! That was totally worth the drive!
- TV Announcer: The tiger was badly injured in the explosion, but we repaired him with a fist!
- Bud Gleeful: Void where prohibited, no C.O.D's accepted. Carla, I've always loved you but I've never had the guts to say it.
- Stan: No one who lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon's roof.
- Dipper: Do tents have roofs?
- Mabel: I think we just found our loophole! Literally! [Holds up a rope with a knot tied in it] Womp-womp!
- Dipper: Whoa, this is like a bizarre-o version of The Mystery Shack. They even have their own Soos.
[A man looking almost identical to Soos walks by.]
- Gideon: I'll read your mind if I am able...something tells me you're named Mabel!
- Mabel: [Turns to reveal that her sweater says Mabel in big letters.] How'd he do that?
- Mabel: Hey Dipper. What's going on?
- Dipper: Whoa, where have you been? And what's with those fingernail? You look like a wolverine.
- Mabel: I know, right? Rawr! I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon. He is one dapper little man!
- Dipper: Mabel, I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head.
- Mabel: Oh, leave him alone! You never wanna do girly stuff with me! You and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time.
- Dipper: What do you mean?
- Soos: Hey dude! Ready to blow up these hot dogs in the microwave one by one?
- Dipper: Am I!
- Soos: Yeah!
- Dipper: One at a time! One at a time!
- Gideon: Mabel Pines, you have made me the happiest boy in the world!
[Gideon leans in and gives her a hug.]
- Mabel: Are you sniffing my hair?
- Mabel: I can't believe they let us bring a horse in here!
- Gideon: Well, people have a hard time saying no to me.
- Mabel: I've never seen so many forks. And water with bubbles in it? Ooh la la, oui oui!
- Gideon: Oh! Parle vou Francis?
- Mabel: I have no idea what you're saying.
- Soos: I wonder what the new name for the power couple will be? Mabideon? Gideable? Ha! Magidbelion!
[Stan has just stormed out of the front door, intent on telling Gideon to stay away from Mabel.]
- Soos: Dude! Wouldn't it be funny if that was a closet and he had to come back out and go out through the real door?
[Soos opens the door to see if it leads outside. It does.]
- Soos: Nope. Real door.
[Stan sees a sign on the door that says 'Pardon This Garden.']
- Stan: I will pardon nothing!
- Bud: Since you're here, you simply must come in for some coffee!
- Stan: But I-I-
- Bud: It's imported! All the way from Columbia!
- Stan: Wow, I went to jail there once!
- Gideon: Hark! What a surprise! A red-breasted South American rainbow Macaw.
[Mabel screams as a large parrot descends onto Gideon's arm.]
- Gideon: Two, three, four...
- Parrot: Mabel! Will! You! Accompany! Gideon! To! The! Ballroom! Dance! This! Thurbsday! Bawk! Thursday!
- Dipper: Hey! How'd it go?
- Mabel: I don't know, I have a lobster now.
[Mabel and Gideon are in a rowboat with Old Man McGucket rowing.]
- Old Man McGucket: Boatin' at night! Boatin' at night! A hee hee hee!
- Mabel: You know, I thought dancing was going to be the end of the evening, right?
- Gideon: Don't you want this evening to last, my sweet?
- Mabel: No! I mean, yes. I mean, I'm always happy to hang out with a friend. Buddy, pal, chum...other word for friend...
- Old Man McGucket: Pal?
- Mabel: I already said pal, uh, mate?
- Dipper: What the heck happened on that date?
- Mabel: I don't know. I was in the friend zone, and then he pulled me into the romance zone! It was like quicksand! Chummity quicksand!
- Dipper: Mabel, come on, it's not like you gonna have to marry Gideon.
- Stan: Good news, Mabel! You have to marry Gideon!
- Mabel: What?!
[Stan walks in wearing a tee shirt that says 'Team Gideon']
- Stan: It's all part of my long term deal with Bud Gleeful. There's a lot of money tied up in this thing. Plus I got this free shirt! [Looks down] Ugh. I am fat.
[Mabel runs out screaming]
- Stan: Bodies change, honey! Bodies change.
- Dipper: Oh no. Mabel?
[Mabel has her entire body wrapped up in her sweater, rocking back and forth.]
- Mabel: Mabel's not here. She's in Sweatertown.
[Gideon uses his powers to toss furniture around the room.]
- Bud Gleeful: Gideon Charles Gleeful! Clean up your room this instant!
- Gideon: I can buy and sell you, old man!
- Bud: Fair enough.
[Mabel is sitting on the porch, chewing her hair and thinking. Wendy walks out.]
- Wendy: How's that hair tasting, buddy?
- Mabel: Wendy, I need some advice. You've broken up with guys, right?
- Wendy: Oh yeah. Russ Durham, Eli Hall, Stony Davidson...
- Mabel: I don't know what's wrong with me! I thought everything was back to normal, but I still feel all gross!
- Wendy: Blake Whirley, Nate Holt, ugh, that guy with the tattoos...
- Mabel: Maybe I shouldn't have let Dipper do it for me. Gideon deserves an honest break up.
- Wendy: Danny Feldman, Mark Epsteen...oh man, I'm not sure if I actually broke up with him! No wonder he keeps calling me...
- Mabel: I know what I've gotta do. Thanks for talking to me, Wendy.
[Mabel rides off on her bike. Wendy's phone rings]
- Wendy: Ugh. Ignore.
- Gideon: Stanford Pines, I rebuke thee. I rebuke thee!
- Stan: Rebuke? Is that a word?
- Gideon: The entire Pines family have invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!
- Stan: What, do you have, like a Word-A-Day calender or something?
- Dipper: Oh yeah, what is he gonna do now? Try to guess which number I'm thinking of?
- Mabel: He'll never guess which number I'm thinking of! Negative 8! No one would guess a negative number!
- Soos: You done?
- Mabel: Not yet.
- Soos: How bout now?
- Mabel: Okay, now!
[Soos turns around to reveal that Mabel has covered his entire front side with gems.]
- Soos: Let's do this.
[He spins around while Dipper shines a flashlight on him, casting a disco-ball like pattern of light across the room. Stan walks in.]
- Stan: You're all fired.
- Wendy: [to Dipper] ...and your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip.
- Mabel: [feeling sick] Uhhhhh, maybe I've had too much. What do you think?
- [Mabel hallucinates a rainbow colored candy world populated by the Smile Dip mascots]
- Flavor Pup #1: [unintelligible]
- Flavor Pup #2: Would you like to eat my candy paws?
- Mabel: Of course, you little angel! [starts chewing on the paw]
- Dipper: Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?
- Mabel: [spinning on globe] I believe you're a big dork! [Dipper rolls his eyes and stops globe with pencil] Whoa!
[Mabel is shown riding a dolphin with big arms.]
- Mabel: The future is in the past! Onwards, Aoshima!
- Wendy: And Robbie. You can probably figure him out.
- Robbie: Yeah, I'm the guy who spray painted the water tower.
- Dipper: Oh, you mean The Big Muffin!
[Changes to shot of a water tower with a red graffiti explosion resembling a muffin.]
- Lee: It kinda does look like a muffin.
- Ma: Back when we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store!
- Pa: Always sassafrassing customers with their boomy-boxes and disrespectful short pants! So we decided to up and ban them. But they retaliated with their newfangled rap music.
- Ma: The lyrics...they were so hateful!
[A rap song blares from a boom box.]
- Rapper: Homework's whack, and so are rules! Tucking in your shirts for fools!
- Mabel: Uh-oh...
- Dipper: What?
- Mabel: Somebody's in love!
- Dipper: I am not, I just think Wendy's really cool! It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about her!
[The screen shows Dipper lying in bed, awake.]
- Dipper: Oh no.
- Wendy: What's this? A secret ladder to the roof?
- Soos: Uh, I don't know, dude.
- Wendy: Eh?
- Soos: Eh?
- Wendy: Eh?
- Soos: You're freaking me out, dude!
- Mabel: Random dance party for no reason!
[Music starts playing as Wendy and Mabel dance. Dipper writes on a clipboard. The shot changes to see that he was writing 'I am pretending to write something down.]
- Mabel: Since when are we 13? Is this a leap year?
- 'Dipper: Come on, Mabel! This is our chance to hang out with the cool kids. And Wendy or whatever...
- Mabel: I knew it! You love her! Love, love, love love love!
- Dipper: [pointing] Oh hey, what's that?
- Mabel: Huh? [While she is turned, Dipper flips her hair over her face.] Bluh! Bluh! Bluh!
[Mabel uses a marker to change graffiti that says 'You Stink' to 'You Look Nice Today'.]
- Mabel: This is going to blow someone's mind!
- TV Announcer: You're watching the Black-and-White-Period-Piece-Old-Lady-Boring-Movie Channel.
- Grunkle Stan: Kids! I can't find the remote and refuse to stand up!
- TV Announcer: Stay tuned for the Friday Night Movie, The Duchess Approves, starring Sturly Stempleburgess as 'The Duchess', and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire.
- Grunkle Stan: No...no!
[The phone rings. Stan is watching The Duchess Approves, immersed, eating ice cream.]
- The Duchess: I don't care about dukes or commoners or His Royal Highness Lionel of Conmore! I'm not afraid anymore, Mother!
- Queen: Duchess! I forbid you!
- Duchess: I may be a duchess...but I'm also a woman!
- Grunkle Stan: Yes! In your face, Elizabeth! It's just like my life!...in a way.
- Grunkle Stan: Ah, the wedding! I've waited so long for this! Oh, look at her in that dress! [Gasps are heard from the TV] Count Lionel?! What is he doing here! [From the TV, a voice says, 'I've come to reclaim my bride!'] You had your chance at the cotillion, you! [On TV: You had your chance at the cotillion, you!] That's what I'm sayin'! Aaahhhh...!
[Dipper and Mabel are walking outside. The TV set crashes out of the window. Stan pokes his head through the empty spot.
- Grunkle Stan: Uh...couldn't find the remote.
Dipper vs. Manliness
- Manotaur: Not man enough? NOT MAN ENOUGH? I have 4 adam's apples, six Y-chromosomes, pecs on my abs and FISTS FOR NIPPLES!
- [Dipper is trying to make more clones of himself using the photocopier]
- Tyrone: Uh oh, paper jam! [takes the paper out and lays it on the ground.]
- [A malformed Dipper clone emerges from the sheet and tackles Tyrone]
- Dipper Clone #3: C'mon, you're not gonna make me partner up with him, are you?
- Tyrone: Shh, don't be rude! [to Paper Jam Dipper] Hey, buddy, hey, it's okay. [Paper Jam Dipper attacks him again]
- Dipper: Okay, just one more clone.
The Time Traveller's Pig
- Mabel: He is such a jerk.
- Dipper: Yeah, but he's a jerk with tight pants and a guitar. I need to keep him away from Wendy at all costs.
- Mabel: Don't worry, brother. Whatever happens, I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the- [screaming] OH MY GOSH A PIG!
- Dipper: Wendy, I just wanted to tell you that everyone makes mistakes. And when they do, you should forgive them. And also that tight pants are overrated.
- Wendy: Dude. You lost me.
- Dipper: *sighs* I know.
- Rumble McSkirmish: I am ready to take on the greatest Fight Fighters! Take me to the Soviet Union!
- Dipper: Uh, that's gonna be tough. For a number of reasons.
- Teenager: [is handed keys to a new car] I love you, dad!
- [Rumble McSkirmish runs by and smashes the car]
- Teenager: Oh, my car!
- Father: We'll just buy another one!
- Teenager: I love being rich...
- Rumble McSkirmish: Haha! You fight like a girl! Who is also a baby!
- Dipper: We need to just learn to hate each other in silence.
- Robbie: You mean, like...what girls do?
- Rumble McSkirmish: Dr. Karate! You killed my father again!
- Dr. Karate: Hnnnnggggghhh!
- Rumble McSkirmish: You will take that baaaaaack!
- Rumble McSkirmish: Did he kill your father?
- Dipper: Well, he's dating the girl I like, and he posts a really annoying amount of status updates.
- Rumble McSkirmish: And then he killed your father!
- Rumble McSkirmish: How could you laugh when you killed this boys father?
- Robbie: Wait, what?
- Dipper: I have a confession to make. Robbie...didn't kill my father.
- Rumble McSkirmish: What? Then who did?
The Deep End
- Toby Determined: On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening day at the Gravity Falls pool!
- Mabel: Gravity Falls pool?!
- Dipper: Today?!
- Soos: Pun intended?!
- Mabel: Ah, the pool! Sparkling oasis of summer enchantment!
- Stan: Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus but wet.
- Dipper: Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?
- Soos: It's best not to think about it.
- Mermando: Hola!
- Mabel: Whoa! Are you from Australia?
- Kid: How long ya in for?
- Stan: Two hours for roughhousing. But I'm innocent!
- Kid 2: Pool jail ain't so bad. As long as you don't end up in solitary.
- Solitary confinement kid: It's the nights that are the hardest.
- Mabel: Hey, I brought you a sandwich! It's kind of wet, but it's still good! I like sharing things. Sandwiches, secrets... [whispers] share your secret, beautiful stranger.
- Mabel: I should've known from your strange foreign fish language!
- Mermando: It is Spanish.
- Stan: Yes, yes...burn the child!
- Gideon: Deal with it!
- Wendy: Soos!
- Soos: Inflatable duck guy? Is that you?
- Wendy: Yes Soos!
- Soos: I knew you guys were secretly alive! I knew it!
- Wendy: My people have been enslaved, Soos! You must free us!
- Soos: The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand...
[Mabel puckers her lips in preparation for a kiss.]
- Mermando: What are you doing with your mouth.
- Mabel: Me? Nothing. This? I was just eating some sour candy...so my lips did that...because the candy was so sour.
- Mermando: Can I have some candy?
- Mabel: [Pauses] No.
- Mermando: I have never met anyone like you.
- Mabel: Me too. Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.
- Dipper: I don't remember the vampires.
- Mabel: I don't tell you everything!
- Dipper: Mabel? Is everyone here tonight? What, is Soos here too?
- Soos: [Falls off of the fence in the background.] I'm okay!
- Dipper: Go home, Soos.
- Soos: You got it!
- Mabel: Okay, my original plan was to tape together a bunch of fish sticks to make prosthetic pair of people legs.
- Mermando: Intriguing...
- Dipper: Mabel, if you don't hand over those pool supplies, I'll lose the coolest job ever!
- Mabel: Okay...I understand. [Trying to distract Dipper] Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!
- Dipper: [Falls for it.] Really? At night?
- Stan: Now all I've got to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens.... This was a good plan.
- Mabel: Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!
- Dipper: Mermen don't breathe air!
- Mabel: Then give him reverse CPR, doi!
- Dipper: [Repeatedly fills his mouth with water and spits it into Mermando's.] I hate this...I hate this...
- Mabel: [Takes a picture of Dipper and Mermando with their lips together.] Haha...blackmail.
[Mermando sits up, able to breathe again.]
- Mermando: Thank you for saving me, but didn't you just roll me into the lake?
[Shot widens to reveal them sitting a few feet away from the edge of the lake.]
- Dipper: Agh!
- Dipper: Alright, let a pro on the field. Or floor...whatever.
[Dipper hits the golf ball, causing it to break some things, and it ends up crashing through a window.]
- Stan: Ah, my head! It hit me right in the head!
- Dipper: Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?
- Soos: Sure, dude. [Opens door to reveal small room full of pipes.] You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block. The trick is to hold perfectly still. [Repeatedly burns arm on pipe.] Ow! Wait, wait! Ow! Wait, wait! Ow! Wait, wait! Actually felt kind of good that time...
- Dipper: Ah, sleeping under the stars. Not bad. [Dipper sees a wolf chewing on his leg.] Ah, get off! Get away! [Camera compares Mabel's sleepover to Dipper been chewed on by a wolf.] This is still better.
- Candy: Candy falls down now!
- Mabel: Get ready to be poked by the fun stick! Boop!
- Dipper: Ow!
- Stan: [Watching TV, Stan says this to three different shows; two men, two deer, and two babies.] Fight, fight, fight!
- Announcer: Baby fights! Will return in a minute.
- Stan: TV. It knows what I want.
- Stan: Man, that's refreshing! Ten suck-up points to this lemonade. [In high-pitched voice] Thank you, Stan[Normal] Ten more for politeness! Oh, and so sweet!
- Mabel: Don't get too comfortable, brother. I just made Stan an omelet shaped like his own face!
- Stan: I have seen the face of beauty!
- Dipper: [In Mabel's body] Braces are horrible! It's like my mouth hates me!
- Mabel: [In Dipper's body] Hey, Grunkle Stan! Your face looks like a butt!
- Stan: What?!
- Mabel: Breaking stuff is so much fun, I am Dipper and I stink!
- Grenda: 3, 4, 5. [Phone rings.] It's him, my dream date! Hello?
- Robot Voice: Hello baby, this is Kevin. My beach house has room for 2.
- Candy: Kevin has the voice of a robot.
- Grenda: Don't ruin this for me, Candy!
- Candy: Kevin, for the last time, I am not interested!
- Grenda: How could you say that to Kevin?
- Stan: Look, times are tough, the economy or whatever, et cetera. Bottom line is...I'm going to have to cut your pay.
- Waddles in Soos's Body: [Breathes creepily and puts hand on Stan's face.]
- Stan: What are you doing?
- Waddles: [Breathes eerily]
- Stan: Is this some kind of negotiating tactic? Because it's not going to work!
- Waddles: [Continues breathing creepily as the camera zooms in on him]
- Stan: Alright, I was lying, I'll give you a raise, just never do that again!