Girls with Slingshots is a webcomic written and drawn by Danielle Corsetto. It is about the everyday trials and tribulations of adulthood, starring two best friends, Hazel and Jamie. It updates five days a week.
- Hazel: I don't think inflatable sheep are considered "stuffed animals."
- Hazel: Honey, he's hot, charming, funny, and well-dressed...inevitably, that adds up to "loves the cock."
- Jameson: My and all this time I thought you couldn't smell jealousy.
- Jamie: You know, I'd say you're cute when you're jealous, but you're really not that cute.
- Hazel: Why are all my best compliments in the form of insults?
- Hazel: I've never despised an ellipsis so much in my life.
- Jamie: Well, how do you know they don't use the Dewey Decimal System in porn stores?
- Hazel: If by "Dewey" you mean "wet," you may have a point there.
- Number 138
- Hazel: I think I just lost my status as "meanest character."
- Chris: I thought dead hooker jokes were just JOKES!!
- Scott: I take it I'm the only one in the room with a steady sex life.
- Hazel: Okay...Denial, Anger, Bargaining...I think I'll skip straight to Depression.
- Hazel: Believe it or not, this is ENTIRELY about me.
- Hazel: You're so mean it makes ME look good.
- Candy: How dare you analyze me so correctly!
- Jamie: What IS wrong with Jim?
- Hazel: Besides the fact that we can't figure out what's wrong with him, nothing.
- Number 306
- Jamie: Somewhere, in an alternate universe, you and I are covered in badges!
- Hazel: Meanwhile, in THIS universe, we are going straight to hell.
- Number 333
- Jim: It wasn't a vacation. It was a leave of embarrassment.
- Jamie: I think about kids all the time! I hear they're delicious sauteed in butter.
- Maureen: Jamie, your breasts are...legendary.
- Jamie: You can say it twice. I consider them each a separate legend.
- Number 395
- Jamie: Wow. And you aren't even sleeping together.
- Hazel: I know.
- Jamie: This is like a real, grown-up relationship!
- Hazel: I know.
- Jamie: How are you doing this?
- Hazel: Masturbating like CRAZY.
- Number 433
- Hazel: What's this? A miniature pony?
- Zach: In case you didn't like the tickets. All girls like ponies.
- Number 452
- Jamie: We need a Heartbreak Bacardi and some free bartender advice over here!
- Hazel: Calling it a "meeting" instead of "drinks" takes all the fun out of it.
- Hazel: Why do you always freak out when I'm in a good mood?
- Jameson: It's weird!
- Number 570
- Hazel: How's it shakin', eggs 'n' bacon?
- Jamie: Large an' loose, like your caboose!
- Number 587
- Hazel: That wasn't me, that was my ovaries.
- Jameson: Oh, thank GOD, you're finally getting LAID!
- David: If you're suggesting I have bitchtits, I'm mildly offended. Unless you like bitchtits.
- Jameson: Sorry, I'm afraid you need less Asshole Points to access that information.
- Zach: They're OLD PEOPLE, not ZOMBIES!
- Hazel: But, they're FRAGILE like zombies.
- Number 691
- Hazel: "Why are my cat's farts so nasty?" Oh Internet, is there nothing you don't know.
- Jamie: Remind me to trick you into complimenting me more often.
- Candy: Whoa, is that kangaroo hide?
- Zach: Nonsense, you're far too sober to dump me.
- Davan: Which side has the crazier women? I want to feel at home.