Last modified on 25 July 2014, at 00:54

Gilmore Girls/Season 5

Gilmore Girls (2000–2007) is a dramatic television show, created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, centering around the relationship between a single mother and her daughter in a small Connecticut town.

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Season 5Edit

Say Goodbye to Daisy MillerEdit

Dean: I'm just… trying to make sure that all this is really happening.
Rory: It is. [they kiss] Hey, you know what I think we need?
Dean: What?
Rory: A song. Like a song that's "our song."
Dean: Okay.
Rory: Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this.
Dean: [chuckle] Ah, believe me, I'm remembering this.
Rory: Oh, I know. [She reaches over to the nightstand and loads a nearby CD into her player and turns it on ] Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this [clicks remote on. Sammy Davis Jr.'s "The Candy Man" plays]
Dean: [laughs] That's not gonna be our song.
Rory: Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word "candy" in it. Hey, what is more hot than candy?
Dean: Pick something else.
Rory: [She bobs to the music beat and repeats the lyric in a high squeaky voice] "Who can take the sunrise… sprinkle it with dew"
Dean: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll pick something else. [ He struggles to snatch the remote from her]
Rory: No.
Dean: Hand it over, I can't take it anymore.
Rory: This is what happens when the women get the remote, ah-ha!

Richard: You do realize you just leapt out of a moving vehicle.
Emily: Everything cannot be on your schedule, Richard. [shuffles through small drawers on the desktop] Now, where is it? I know I put it in here. [She picks up a small, thin blue booklet.] Aha!
Richard: In all the years we've been together, I have never seen you behave as irrationally as -- Emily, I'm talking to you! Will you stop? [Emily storms down the hallway, brushing aside a nearby potted palm tree frond] Emily, this feud of ours has now reached comical heights that… Charlie Chaplin, himself, would find hilarious, and he's dead.
Emily: Don't follow me, Richard.
Richard: Oh, wait, come back. Let me get you a cane and a derby.

Emily: [provoking grin] I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.
Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.
Emily: Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.

Richard: Do you seriously think after 39 years of marriage, I would resort to locking you in a basement? [follows her to front of house]
Emily: I don't know what you'd resort to. I don't know who you are at all.
Richard: I knew the mental illness in your family would catch up with you eventually.
Emily: Aunt Cora was not mentally ill! She was athletic!

Lorelai: Oh my God. We need to take him upstairs.
Kirk: [still face down] LuLu can't see me like this.
Lorelai: But, Kirk --
Kirk: [hysterical] LuLu can't see me like this!!
Lorelai: Okay, she won't. I promise. Can I take a look?
Kirk: [quickly responds] Okay.
Lorelai: I don't want to take a look.
Luke: Well, I'm not looking.
[Sookie descends the stairs and approaches]
Sookie: Hey! It's a party. What's everybody doing up?
Lorelai: Aw, hey, good timing, Squiggy.
Sookie: I was just going to check on my loaves and make sure they're rising properly. The air's a little more humid than I thought it was going to be, and if the loaves aren't rising properly, then -- what are you doing? [They both pull Sookie closer to the sofa]
Lorelai: We need you to look at Kirk's butt.
Sookie: Why?
Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes, and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.
Sookie: Me? Why me?
Lorelai: Well, because... you're a chef.
Sookie: What?
Luke: And you have a kid.
Lorelai: Yes, that's better. You have a kid.
Luke: Neither of us has kids. Well, she does, but it's big and -- and -- and can look at her own butt.

Kirk: Is Luke here?
Luke: I'm right here, Kirk.
Kirk: Sorry I bit you.
Luke: It's okay, Kirk.

Sookie: [approaches] Hey, Shortstuff. How's it hangin'?
Jackson: He just came to say hi to everybody and to see the place on which his entire college education depends. What do you think? Is it gonna be Ivy League, or is it gonna be "Murray's House of Learnin'"?
Sookie: If we're going by the donut demand, I think he's in pretty good shape.
Jackson: Okay, Ivy League it is. [baby talk to Davey] I just hope you're not stupid. Yeah?

Jackson: Yeah, he did. Oops, he's got that look on his face. You might want to give him back to me.
Miss Patty: Oh, please, if I went running every time some guy tried to crap all over me, I never would have gotten married.

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, what did you want to talk - Oh my!
Sookie: [Squeals and hugs Lorelai] I'm so happy!
Lorelai: I'm so glad you're so happy! Is this is a normal happy or was there cooking sherry involved?

Lorelai: Hey, so where are you right now?
Luke: Uh, about 10 minutes out of 'If I lived here I would shoot my brains out.'
Lorelai: Oh, well I hear its nice this time of year.

Luke:Hey it's me. Listen I got a call from my sister and TJ, they are up in Maine and they got into a little accident. Nothing too major, just each one of them broke an arm and a leg. So anyhow, they can't run the Renaissance fair booth for a couple of weeks. So they asked me to come and help them out, and I, unfortunately, answered the phone, so I'm on my way to Maine. I'll be back in about a week. OK? Bye.
Lorelai: Great...
(Message number 2)
Luke: Hey it's me again, I'm not sure we are at the point in this relationship where you actually need to know that much information about my whereabouts. So if we're not, I'm sorry. I could have just said, "I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later." So I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later.
(Message number 3)
Luke: It's me again. The idiot that leaves you three rambling messages on your machine. I just wanted to tell you I got a cell phone before I left so... You know you could call if you want, but only if you want so... That's it.
Lorelai: AH! (Frustrated)
(Message number 4)
Luke: Yeah number might be good.
Lorelai: Thank you. (She writes the number down)
Luke: 860-294-1986. OK bye.
(Message number 5, she is finishing writing down the number)
Luke: Just...don't change your mind until I get back, OK? OK, talk to you later.

A Messenger, Nothing MoreEdit

Lane: Look, I told you guys I'd throw you free fries. Not a big deal because they're usually the ones we wind up throwing away anyway. Which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers, or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies, or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.

Lane: [referring to coffee given to Lorelai at the diner] I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.
Lorelai: Bless you.

Lorelai: Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?
Rory: For what?
Lorelai: Pizza.
Rory: I just got back from Italy.
Lorelai: So?
Rory: So they'd shoot you in Italy for that.
Lorelai: But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.
Rory: I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.

(Sookie is trying to get Lorelai to take some time off.)
Sookie: Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? Your mother's house.
Lorelai: Ow...knife in the gut!

Lorelai: (after finding out that Lindsay read the letter Rory wrote to Dean) Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter.
Rory: I...I told him that that night was special and that I wasn't sorry it happened...but he's married, and he has to figure out his life, so I said that I was going to make it easier for him...and take myself out of the mix.
Lorelai: That was a very good letter.
Rory: I can't believe she found it.

Written in the StarsEdit

Luke: (Approaching with food) Hot plates.
Lorelai: See? He called me "Hot Plates." He so likes me.

LORELAI:[talking to Luke in his diner] I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my daughter. She's gonna think there's something wrong with me.
RORY: Please. I got that confirmation letter a long time ago

Lorelai: Is this like a Mafia thing?
Luke: Excuse me?
Lorelai: The whole coming in, special table, reserved sign. Are you gonna have to whack someone before the soup course?
Luke: No, I've filled my whacking quota for the week. [cringes] Dirty?
Lorelai: [wicked grin] Extremely.
Luke: Thought so.

Lorelai: I was just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
Luke: It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day. The place was packed. And this person...
Lorelai: Oh, is it me? Is it me?
Luke: This person comes tearing into the place, in a caffeine frenzy...
Lorelai: Ooh, it's me!
Luke: I'm with a customer, she interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee. So I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. Finally I turn to her, and tell her she's being annoying. Sit down, shut up, and I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai: You know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful...
Luke: She asked me my birthday. I wouldn't tell her, she wouldn't stop talking, finally I gave in. I told her my birthday. She went and got the newspaper, opened it up to the horoscopes page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. So I was looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written: 'You will meet an annoying woman. Give her coffee, and she'll go away.' So I gave her coffee.
Lorelai: But she didn't go away!
Luke: She told me to hold onto that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and one day it would bring me luck.
[Luke takes his wallet out and shows Lorelai the horoscope.]
Lorelai: Boy, I will say anything for a cup of coffee! (long pause) I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet...
Luke: Eight years.
Lorelai:[touched] Eight years...

(referring to Luke keeping the horoscope Lorelai gave him)

LORELAI: I can't believe you kept that horoscope.
LUKE: You're just lucky I never clean out my wallet.
LORELAI: You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself. You've been pining for me.
LUKE: [ Chuckles ] I have not been pining.
LORELAI: I'm your Ava Gardner.
LUKE: God help me

(Luke's alarm goes off)

LORELAI: Bad alarm. Bad, bad alarm.

[Luke reached and turns off alarm, then scoots closer to Lorelai, who now uses him as a pillow]

LORELAI: [groggy] What time is it?
LUKE: Early.
LORELAI: Hate early. Must kill early.

[Luke sleepily strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head]

LORELAI: Okay. I gotta get up.
LUKE: Why?
LORELAI: Work. Inn. Buy shoes. Oh, my God, I can't move. I need coffee.

Rory: Heart attack? Umm.. it wasn't during... umm... was it?
Paris: No Rory! This great man was not brought down by my vagina.

Rory: Asher Fleming died.
Marty: In bed?
Rory: No.
Marty: Damn. I lost the pool.

[Lorelai quickly pulls out her cell phone and hits speed dial. She sighs impatiently while it rings.]

Rory: Hello?
Lorelai: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Cut to the wake in Rory's dorm room.]

Rory: For what?
Emily: Rory.

[Hearing her grandmother's voice, she turns in shock. Emily is standing in the open doorway]

Rory: Grandma.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Emily:[walks toward Rory looking around] What is going on here?
Rory: I have to hang up now.
Lorelai: Have I mentioned I'm sorry?

Tippecanoe and Taylor, TooEdit

Luke: You cannot gather here.
Lorelai: Do you like my hair like this?
Luke: Yes....and you cannot gather here.
Lorelai: Wow, sleeping with you is getting me nothing.

(Rory and Paris dorm room) [Knock on door, Rory crosses room as Paris mutters to herself while polishing part of the ancient printing press]

Paris: Ben Franklin was out of his mind.

We Got Us a Pippi Virgin!Edit

[Emily, Rory, and Lorelai are in the poolhouse - Richard's home while he and Emily's are separated]
Emily: Oh, my God. Will you look at this? [Shocked, she pulls out a vest dressed in colorful sequins]
Rory: Bright.
Lorelai: [dryly] And tasteful.
Emily: It's a vest.
Rory: Grandpa has lots of vests.
Emily: It's got glitter. It's a glitter vest.
Lorelai: So?
Emily: So? Where would your father wear a vest like this? Certainly nowhere he ever would've taken me.
Rory: Grandma, it's just a vest.
Lorelai: Yeah, Mom. There's tons of places he would wear that.
Emily: Name one.
Lorelai: Okay, I'm at a loss.
Emily: This is insane.
Lorelai: Mom, this is the place where unwanted things came to repose. Maybe it's a vest of his from the old days.
Emily: Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him. I have definitely, positively never seen this vest. This is a party vest.
Lorelai: Okay, just put it back, Mom, and let's go.
Emily: [holds out the festive garment] You put it back.
Rory: You know, we've moved a lot of stuff around here tonight. We've got to cover our tracks.
Lorelai: Where did you find it?
Emily: Squished in the middle, as if he was hiding it from me.
Lorelai: [mutters as she returns the vest to the closet] Can you blame him? It's hideous.
Emily: How dare he have a vest like that.

Emily: It's a panic room.
Lorelai: Like Jodie Foster?
Emily: I have no idea.

Emily: I bought a panic room.
Rory: Like Jodie Foster?
Emily: What does Jodie Foster have to do with anything?

Rory: I have never seen Grandma so singularly obsessed about a piece of clothing.
Lorelai: Not since I wore my "Gas, Grass, Or Ass — No One Rides For Free" T-shirt to the Junior League spring tea.

Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!Edit

Lorelai: Sookie, first thing we agreed on opening the inn?
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: Keep Kirk away from business?!!!

Sookie: Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!

Lorelai: Am I wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Halfway here I was struck by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit to last Friday night, and there’s no way I’m going in there to see my mother wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night because I may not remember but she sure as hell will.
Rory: I don’t know.
Lorelai: You don’t know?
Rory: You don’t remember but you expect me to?
Lorelai: Well, you look at me more than I look at me; you sit across from me at dinner. You had more of a chance to imprint my ensemble in your brain.
Rory: Sorry, no imprint.
Lorelai: Oh, that hurts.
Rory: Well I’m sure you don’t remember what I was wearing.
Lorelai: I most certainly do.
Rory: Okay, what was I wearing?
Lorelai: You were wearing a lovely and delicately understated, uh, outfit… well, you were definitely wearing these arms.
Rory: Oh, way to imprint, lady.
Lorelai: Stand in front of me, just in case. (Rings doorbell.)
Maid: Hello.
Lorelai: Hi, we should be on the guest list. Holstein and Liza are expecting us. (Maid looks confused.)
Lorelai: Okay. Let’s try it straight. Hi, we’re here for dinner. I’m Lorelai the daughter, this is Rory the granddaughter.
Maid: Oh! Okay, I’m sorry. Right this way.
Rory: She’s acting weird.
Lorelai: She knows I’m wearing the same outfit as last week.
Rory: She wasn’t here last week.
Lorelai: The world’s small, maids talk.
Rory: About you?
Lorelai: Yes.
Rory: Oh. With all that’s going on in the world, all the maids in existence are talking about you.
Lorelai: Huh. ‘Kay, now you’re making me seem a little stuck up.
Maid: Can I get you something to drink?
Lorelai: Yes, a martini please.
Rory: Coke, please.
Lorelai: Oh, you know, maybe we should wait for my mother. Is she coming down soon?
Maid: No.
Lorelai: Oh. Okay. Do you know if she saw what I was wearing through the window?

You Jump, I Jump, JackEdit

Logan: It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived.

[Comes out in the dress Logan has bought her.]

Rory: I got your event integrity right here, mister.

[Looking down from top of 8-story high scaffolding]
Rory: High. We are very, very high.
Logan: I've been higher.
Rory: I meant distance from the ground.
Logan: That, too.

Rory: That was a once in a life time experience!
Logan: Only if you want it to be.

Rory: I am not a fan of ladders.
Logan: They scare the crap out of me too.

The Party's OverEdit

LANE: You cannot put those flyers here! I'm surprised that my mother told you that you could, but you can't! So, go stand on a street corner like I had to do, ages six through fourteen! [Kyon just stands there.] Go! What?
Kyon: I'm so hungry.
Lane: What?
Kyon: It's flaxseed muffin month. Flaxseed muffin in the morning, flaxseed muffin at night. I'm having trouble lifting my toothbrush.
Lane: Okay, come here.
Kyon: Not fast, please.
Lane: Sit.
Kyon: She made a lot of food with flaxseed. It lasts a very long time.
Lane: [Sets down a plate of fries]: There.
Kyon: What's this?
Lane: Fries.
KyonBut Mrs. Kim, she says that fries are the devil's starchy fingers.
Lane: They're hot and delicious and they don't have any flaxseed in them.
Kyon: But they are a gateway food. They lead into harder things. Pizza, movie popcorn, deep fried Snickers bar...

(Lane waves the fries under her nose.)

Kyon: Oooh. [takes a bite.] Oh, my.
Lane: Welcome to America.

Paris: You sleep with one old guy, and suddenly you're Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Emily: [Directing the setup of chairs for her party] Just move them so people can navigate around them comfortably. [They move chairs] Not that far apart. Not that far apart! Good Lord, if someone needs that much room to get around a chair they shouldn't be at a party, they should be on a treadmill.

Logan: Refill?
Rory: Sure, why not?
Finn: Because drinking is bad. It's very, very bad and we're bad for doing it. [To Rory] Spank me.
Rory: I think the hangover tomorrow will be punishment enough.

Logan: So, who's it gonna be?
Rory: What?
Logan: Well, this shindig's an obvious meat market. I got the feeling that your grandparents are expecting you to choose someone tonight, so...
Rory: Oh, well...
Finn: Me. Pick me.
Colin: No, pick me.
Various guys: Pick me. Pick me. Pick me.
Finn: But I'm exotic.
Colin: So's the Asian bird flu.
Logan: Wow. A roomful of guys and still extremely slim pickings.
Rory: Well, I don't know. It's a pretty tough choice. Maybe I should let my boyfriend help me choose.
Finn: I'm crushed

Luke: Thank you for not being related to me.

[Lorelai snickers]

Luke: That came out wrong.
Lorelai: No, I got it.


[Mrs. Kim storms across the street.]

MRS. KIM: You! You dirty, filthy devil boy! You will pay for this. You will burn in hellfire for this! You will swim in the sludge with Satan's hell-dogs, and feed them your innards for eternity!
ZACH: Ah, is this about the magazine?
MRS. KIM: She's an innocent girl. And you are a wild pig of filth! I know! I know all you do! You think you can hide from me? That you can carry on your dirty, filthy schemes without me finding out?
ZACH: I'm really, really lost right now.
MRS. KIM: I heard about it! Kyon told me. She told me about your hands on LANE. You put your hands on Lane! My Lane! And before God, I swear that you will be punished. Because that is what happens to all swine that walk up tall!

[She storms away, leaving Zach bewildered.]

[Lane's apartment. Zach is pacing back and forth as she enters.]

LANE: Oh, you're home. Do you want to talk about dinner?
ZACH: Um, sure, or about how your mom totally attacked me today.
LANE: What?
ZACH: I'm standing out on the street in broad daylight, and, like, out of nowhere, bam! She was in my face, crazy and screaming!
LANE: Zach! Slow down, I don't understand.

[She makes him sit.]

ZACH: She cursed me, Lane! What's not to understand? She went on and on about burning in hellfire and swimming in Satan's sludge, and hell-dogs eating me, and I gotta tell you, it sounded bad.
LANE: I don't understand. Why would she?
ZACH: 'Cause she knows, okay? She knows everything! She sees everything, you know that.
LANE: She doesn't know everything, Zach.
ZACH: Well, she knows about you and me, and she's sending me to hell for it, and I've got to tell you this is not cool. This is not rock and roll.
LANE: I know, I'm sorry.
ZACH: I don't do parents. I'm not that guy. Nobody brings me home to Mom for a reason, okay? I'm a total backseat, in the closet, jump out the window dude, all the way.
LANE: I just don't understand how she found out. I mean, it's not like she's ever seen us together, or... I know who told her.
ZACH: I can't do this crazy scary short chick screaming at me on the street.
LANE: Zach, I'm sorry. I promise, it will never happen again! I will take care of it.
ZACH: What about the hellhounds?
LANE: I will take care of the hellhounds too.
ZACH: 'Cause Hellhounds is a cool band name but the positive imagery stops there.
LANE: I got it. It's done.
ZACH: Okay. Fine. I've gotta go walk by a church or something. [He leaves.]
LANE: You told her about Zach.
KYON: The boy you hugged?
LANE: Yes! You told her, I'm just a little mystified as to why you would do that.
KYON: Mrs. Kim has taken me in.
LANE: No, I took you in. You came to me, starving, and I gave you fries. You did like the fries, right?
KYON: Very, very much.
LANE: Okay, so that is we what we call in America a bonding thing. I gave you the fries and you are not supposed to tell on me to my mother!
KYON: What am I supposed to do?
LANE: Nothing. You say nothing, you do nothing.
KYON: But she would know!
LANE: She would know what?
KYON: She would know I lied, she would know I'm ungrateful and I keep a secret from her!
LANE: How would she know?
KYON: She know!
LANE: No, she no know! She is not magic!
KYON: Yes she is! She read thoughts and hand gestures!
LANE: Come here. [She makes Kyon sit down.] If you want, I can help you.
KYON: Help me?
LANE: What do you do every Sunday between noon and four?
KYON: I study.
LANE: And then?
KYON: And then I wait for Mrs. Kim to get home from her Crochet for Christ group with her sister.
LANE: Okay. And what do you do while you're waiting?
KYON: Nothing. I sit quietly.
LANE: Okay. Now wouldn't you rather, let's say, watch some television while you're waiting for my mother to get home?
KYON: [shaking her head]: Oh, I cannot!
LANE: Why?
KYON: Mrs. Kim does not want me to watch the television!
LANE: And how would she know?
KYON: Because, there's a little machine in the television set that will tell her what I watch!
LANE: Ha!
KYON: What ha?
LANE: That machine does not exist.
KYON: It does not?
LANE: Nope. It took me fifteen years to figure it out, but that's the truth.
KYON: So she cannot know?
LANE: She also cannot smell fast food on you even after you've showered.
KYON: She can't?
LANE: And she can't tell how many times you've opened your bible by staring at your palm.
KYON: My head spins!
LANE: And you don't have to hand out all those religious flyers she gives you. Just post enough of them around here regular route home and she'll think the job is done.
KYON: I think I need to lie down.
LANE: It's a whole new world, Kyon. A world I fought long and hard to figure out and I'm willing to pass all my knowledge on to you.
KYON: So, I can eat fries, watch TV if I get home early from not giving out my flyers?
LANE: I wouldn't bring the fries into the house. She has a really good nose. But you're thinking big, and I respect that.
KYON: I can watch the TV!

[AFTER DEAN LEAVES, RORY STARTS TO CRY (LOGAN COMES OVER)]

LOGAN: [gently]: You’ll be okay.
RORY: [shakes her head]: No, I won't.
LOGAN: Okay, that's it. Back to the pool house, men. We have some serious bucking up to do here.
COLIN: I swiped some Scotch.
FINN: I'll reenact the Passion of the Christ.

[The boys cheer and head inside.]

LOGAN: Hey Ace, nothing ever seems quite as bad after Finn's Passion of the Christ. Except Finn's Passion of the Christ.[He puts her arm around her. They go inside.]

Emily Says HelloEdit

Emily: We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big formal gathering. All our friends were there. And at dinner, he made me reach for the butter.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.
Lorelai: And that's why you think he's moved on?
Emily: It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.
Lorelai: Well, Mom, I'm sorry.
Emily: It's very upsetting.

Emily: I think it's time for me to date.
Lorelai: [chokes] Oh, my God!
Emily: I want to go on a date.
Lorelai: With a man?
Emily: No, a weasel. Of course with a man.
Lorelai: I'm not hearing this.

Emily: You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?
Lorelai: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.
Emily: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say...
Lorelai: "Hello."
Emily: Is that too forward?
Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

[on phone]
Lorelai: Hello?
Emily: You get over here right now.
Lorelai: Who is this?
Emily: This is you in 20 years. "Who is this?" I swear.
Lorelai: Mom, calm down.

Emily: Simon McLane.
Lorelai: Who is Simon McLane?
Emily: He's my date.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: I have no idea what to put on. I'm in a blind panic, and it's all your fault.
Lorelai: How is it my fault?
Emily: Because I used your line and it worked.
Lorelai: What line?
Emily: "Hello."
Lorelai: "Hello" is not my line. "Hello" is not a line. "Hello" is hello.
Emily: Well, all I know is I hello-ed him today, and now he's taking me to dinner.

Emily: Nice?
Lorelai: Nice and red and panty-suity.

Emily: Oh, my goodness. I can't breathe. I'm actually having trouble breathing.
Lorelai: Mom, sit. Sit.
Emily: I can't sit. I'll wrinkle my clothes.
Lorelai: You're not dressed yet.
Emily: What? Oh, my god. I'm losing my mind.

Lorelai: So, Michel has been obsessed with these guests who he swears are the notorious bathrobe bandits from the Independence Inn. At least the moles match. So, apparently they were checking out, and Michel stopped them and demanded they open their suitcases, and they refused. So he grabs the guy's suitcase and starts tearing through all of his stuff, which, of course, went over really well. And when I got there, the wife was calling the cops and the husband was chasing Michel around with a golf club. It took a comped bill and two free bathrobes in addition to the ones they had stolen to get them to drop the charges. Plus, Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear's pink and shiny.

Lorelai:[to Sookie] Hey, you're pregnant. You're not supposed to be normal.

TJ:You're the best, you know that? I worship you.
Luke: Right, you should build an altar.

Emily: But at some point, you have to face facts, and the facts are that he's moved on. And therefore, I should move on also.
Lorelai: Absolutely, move-on.org

Rory: What did you say to her?
Lorelai: I said, "Are you getting back with Dad?" And she said he wouldn't butter her roll.

Rory:[to Lorelai] I don't hate you. I can't hate the pathetic.

Chris: Good squeaky stairs, helps sell the old inn aspect.
Lorelai: Actually, we had those squeaks installed.
Chris: Squeakmasters?
Lorelai: Oh, you've used them?
Chris: Oh, several times.

TJ: We could survive in the woods together. Start a new civilization, if need be.
Luke: I think you'd need a woman for that.
TJ: Oh, right. Okay, maybe Liz could come. Except, we couldn't share her 'cause she's your sister and that's a bad way to start a new civilization.
Luke: How about you and Liz go start a new civilization, I'll stay here in this one?
TJ: No, come on. We cold solve this. Okay, Lorelai could come. And now, her, we could share.
Luke: Okay, no more new civilization talk.
TJ: Okay by me.

Rory: Breaking your fast?
Paris: Oh, my god. I love food. You want some?
Rory: I'm good. [knocking on door]
Paris: It's for me. It's for me.
Voice: Pizza.
Paris: Yeah, yeah.

Marty: College is breaking my spirit. Every single day, telling me things I don't know. It's making me feel stupid.

But Not as Cute as PushkinEdit

Rory: [talking about Logan] I know him from school. He's just a casual friend. That's it.
Lorelai: Do you think he's cute?
Rory: It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.
Lorelai: Uh, it matters to me. I don't want ugly grandchildren.

[Lorelai is rejoicing over being able to go down to Luke's diner and get pie whenever she wants.]
Lorelai: Oh, it's heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka, but hotter.
Luke: I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
Lorelai: Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.

[Rory and Anna sit in a classroom. Anna is dozing off.]

Prof. Bell: Which brings us to this question, does Campbell's work successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes to the collective unconscious?
Rory: Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost philosophy professors in the country.
Prof. Bell: [. . .] All right. Let's call that close enough. But, now, Campbell can point to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not here are the same basic characters over and over -"

[Colin enters]

Colin: Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Prof. Bell: I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.
Colin: I know, I'm sorry, I just -- [Runs up to stand by Rory's desk.] Rory, you can't just walk out like that. Not after everything we've been through. You just left. I was still in bed. I mean what is that all about?
Prof. Bell: Ok, you need to do this later.
Colin: I can't do this later. Rory I love you. I love you, dammit! How many times to I have to tell you? God! Just talk to me.
'Prof. Bell: Ok, out right now! Out! Just get -

[Logan enters.]

Logan: Colin! What are you doing, man?
Colin: Get the hell out of here!
Logan: She's with me now. I told you that. Let it go.
Colin: I will not let it go! Everything was fine until you came along!
Logan: Oh, don't blame me because you couldn't keep her.
Colin: I swear to god, I'm gonna kill you!
Logan: Oh, I'd love to see you try.

[Colin lungs at Logan. Boys begin fighting]

Professor Bell: Stop it! Stop it right now! Anthony, get security! It's not the time or the place for this. Break it up! Gentlemen! You are losing control! You are in a classroom.
[A piercing police whistle blows. Into the classroom walks Finn, dressed in a British bobby uniform.]
Finn: All right, that's enough. Break it up, you two. Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself! Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it, Gilmore! Give them back their balls.

Logan: [Sitting down at Rory and Anna's table] So, dull day, huh?
Anna: Not for me.
Logan: [To Rory] Someone's quiet.
Rory: Got nothing to say.
Logan: Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?
Anna: Yep.
Rory: Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right?
Anna: Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.
Rory: Kid, you're in college now, okay? Now, go get yourself some yogurt.
Anna: Are you going to come, Logan?
Logan: [Looks at Rory] Uh, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here, in a minute, Anna.
Logan: That's not a good look.
Rory: I have no words.
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh wait I've thought of some. Jerk. Ass. Arrogant inconsiderate, mindless frat-boy low-life buttfaced miscreant!
Logan: Butt-faced miscreant?
Rory: Why would you do something like that?!
Logan: I'm sorry, butt-faced miscreant?

Richard: Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.
Logan: The...?
Richard: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.
Logan: Wha...?
Richard: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast.
Logan: Yeah, look...
Richard: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.
Logan: No, I know, I...
Richard: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.
Logan: My father?
Richard: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.
Logan: Okay, I think that there's been...
Richard: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.
Logan: But...
Richard: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan... welcome to the family, son.
[Goes away to meet Rory inside the building. Rory runs towards him.]
Richard: I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.
Rory: You're the best, Grandpa!
Richard: All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?
Rory: Not anymore than usual. However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
Richard: Ah, I do love this place.

Women of Questionable MoralsEdit

[Emily calls Richard from main house. In pool house, Richard picks up his phone.]
Richard: Hello?
Emily: There’s a dog on the patio!
Richard: What? Emily?
Emily: Of course it’s Emily!
Richard: I’m sorry. You sound agitated.
Emily: Did you get a dog?
Richard: Certainly not!
Emily: Well, there’s a dog on the patio.
Richard: Well, where are you?
Emily: Inside! Richard, do something!
Richard: I can’t see it from here.
Emily: Well, he’s here nonetheless, and he’s looking at me! Richard, the dog is looking at me!
Richard: Hold on.
Emily: I’m holding, but what are we going to – Richard? [To the dog] Shoo! Shoo!
[Richard is out on the patio. They continue to talk on the phone.]
Emily: Now do you believe me?
Richard: Well, I wasn’t doubting you, Emily, I just couldn’t see it.
Emily [pointing at the fire poker in his hand]: What is that?
Richard: Oh, you made it sound like it was a rabid beast, so I came prepared.
Emily: Don’t get too close.
Richard: I don’t see any froth on his mouth.
Emily: Well, that’s something.
Richard: I see a collar but no tags. That isn’t very smart.
Emily: You’re getting too close.
Richard: Well, what should I do? It’s freezing out here. We can’t let it roam around.
Emily: Well it can’t come into the house.
Richard: Why someone would fail to put a tag on a dog –
Emily: Take it to the pool house.
Richard: What? Why?
Emily: Well, that’s why we have it.
Richard: We have a pool house for stray dogs? Love the innuendo, Emily. Fine. I will take him into the pool house.
Emily: Thank you, Richard. I came out and he was just sitting there.
Richard: It’s a he?
Emily: I don’t know.
Richard: Well, I can’t get a visual from this angle.
Emily: It’s not important.
Richard: Dog! I want you to come with me. Come along, dog!
[The dog gets up and follows Richard to the pool house.]
Emily: He’s following you.
Richard: Seems to be working!
Emily: Good job, Richard!

Lorelai: The floor's a little wet, are we getting the mats out?
Michel: We are without mats.
Lorelai: That’s impossible, we ordered them eight months ago. We got confirmation.
Michel: They were back-ordered and due within two weeks. Two weeks turned into eight months, and all we have to show for it is our special yellow back-order receipt. Such cheap paper they use at the mat place. That should have been a clue.

Michel: I would advise that you change our cancellation policy. These people cancel and have to pay nothing.
Lorelai: I hate charging people for canceling. It’s too corporate. We’re doing things differently here.
Michel: Oh, yes. Bankruptcy will be fun and different. Be sure to file for it while it’s snowing, won’t you? We’ll go down to bankruptcy court in a horse-drawn sleigh.

Michel: We have another problem. The Goldfarbs are missing.
Lorelai: The Goldfarbs? Our Goldfarbs?
Michel: The ones you recommended to go cross-country skiing this morning.
Lorelai: Right. So they’re out skiing.
Michel: They said they would be back by noon promptly. Well, it’s past noon, and their friends are here to meet them for lunch, but the Goldfarbs are erwol.
Lorelai: They’re what?
Michel: Erwol! Erwol!
Lorelai: Oh! AWOL.
Michel: What do I care, I’m French. The point is, we strapped wooden sticks to the feet of a fat orthodontist and a woman with ugly chunky jewelry, and we lost them!

Wedding Bell BluesEdit


[Rory and Lorelai are preparing a feast of frozen waffles, pop tarts and similar food. Rory's laptop is set up at the table and she is burning CD's as they "cook".]

Lorelai: Okay, I know I was the one that said I was craving mashed potatoes, but, oh my God, they're a lot of work.
Rory: It's instant mashed potatoes. Key word: instant.
Lorelai: Oh, no, not instant. I have to mix water and butter into it, not to mention the adding of salt and pepper.
Rory: OK The Best of Super Furry Animals complete.
Lorelai: Oh! Plus I have to rip the package open, dump it into a bowl and, oh my God, are they serious? I have to stir the mixture to combine? What is this, the Gulag?
Rory: Hey, do you want the Arcade Fire?
Lorelai: I don't know, do I?
RORY: Yes.
Lorelai: Then yes. So basically once I'm finished with all this manual labour, I still have to clean the bowl.
Rory: And the spoon.
Lorelai: What do I use the spoon for?
Rory: Stir to combine.
Lorelai: [Waves her hand around in the bowl.]: Pfft. Right. What do I use the spoon for?
Rory: Oh, my mistake. Carry on.
Lorelai: So let's cut to the chase. How badly do you want these mashed potatoes?
Rory: You wanted the mashed potatoes.
Lorelai: 'Cause with tater tots I can just rip and dump.
Rory: Then stick with your strengths.

Luke: I'll let you get back to taking five years off your life.
Lorelai: Meh. They were the five where I would've been wearing fuchsia lipstick way beyond my lip line, so I wouldn't want 'em anyhow.

Lorelai: Okay, so here's a fun twist for your viewing pleasure. My father thinks my mother is here for her bachelorette party.
Rory: What? Why does he think that?
Lorelai: I think she told him that.
Rory: Oops.
Lorelai: Ah, were we supposed to throw her a bachelorette party?
Rory: I don't know. You're the maid of honor. Aren't you supposed to plan these things?
Looreli: I didn't think you had a bachelorette party when you hadn't been a bachelorette for forty years. Oh my God, she is going to hold this against me for the rest of my life.

Emily: When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you do not give her a puppy.

Miss Patty: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow.
Emily: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Ab fab, sweetie darling.
Emily: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy?
Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me.
Lorelai: If only I had that power.

RORY: [To Lane and Kyon, sitting quietly]: How's it going?
LANE: Great.
KYON: What are we doing here?
LANE: I tried to explain it to her, but it's not working.
RORY: We are throwing my grandmother a bachelorette party.
KYON: But she is married.
RORY: Yeah, but they're doing it again.
KYON: But why?
'RORY: Because they want to tell each other that they love each other all over again.
KYON: But why?
RORY: Because they do.
KYON: But why?
RORY: Because it's fun.
KYON: But why?
RORY: Because - [She looks at Lane.]
LANE: Hey, you lasted one more 'But why' than I did.

LORELAI: My mother is fast asleep in my bed, clutching my Hello Kitty pillow, and yes, I have pictures!

Lorelai: Rory, that childish punctuality of yours has worn off. My baby's a woman!

Lorelai: Why are you nervous?
Emily: I'm getting married!
Lorelai: For the second time. Mom, it's a pretend wedding. J.Lo has them all the time!

Richard: Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. I went over all the greats – Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry – and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long, we couldn’t keep a nanny longer than a week. And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily’s favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy – some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, ‘If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song.’ Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song.

Lorelai: Hey, stop being such a Nancy-boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?
Like: Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?

RORY: Why did you come?
LOGAN: Open bar.
RORY: Quite a draw for a guy with an American Express black card.
LOGAN: Live band, salad, butter pats ¯
RORY: Logan ¯
LOGAN: Little knit bags full of those Jordan almonds ¯
RORY: Are you ever going to ask me out? [No answer.] You flirt with me. You act like you like me a little. You show up here, with a friend, not a date. I mean, aren’t you? Ever? [Pause.] You do like me, right? [Logan smiles.] Oh. Okay. Uh, no problem. [She tries to pull away; he doesn’t let her.] I’ll just, um, let you go back to your table, and I’ll just start burrowing directly into the ground.
'LOGAN: Rory.
RORY: I should be in China by midnight.
LOGAN: Rory.
RORY: You called me Rory.

LOGAN: I have thought about asking you out, several times. I just don’t think it’s such a good idea.
RORY: Why not?
LOGAN: Because you’re special.
RORY: Special, like ‘Stop eating the paste’, special?
LOGAN: You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are incredibly interesting. You’re definitely girlfriend material. I, however, am definitely not boyfriend material. I can’t do commitment, and I don’t want to pretend to you that I can. If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be something, right away, and I’m not that guy.

LOGAN: Where are we going?
RORY: How should I know? What, do you think I have a plan or something? Geez. [She grabs a bottle of champagne from the bar.] Live in the moment, Huntzberger. [She walks toward the exit, then looks back at him.] Coming?

Lorelai: [finding Rory and Logan in the middle of making-out] Grandma wants a picture.
Rory: Of this?
Lorelai: Rory? What are you doing? You're in your grandparent's vow renewal thing- whatever. They're out there. God! Rory I swear!
Chris: Rory? Rory's here?
Lorelai: Don't Chris, it's alright.
Chris: [seeing Rory and Logan looking disheveled] What the hell are you doing in there with my daughter? Stay away from her! That is my daughter! I'm gonna kick your ass! Im gonna kick your ass, you little weasel!
Lorelai: Out!
Chris: Who's that guy, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Calm down Christopher, you're drunk!
Chris: Calm down? There's a guy in there pawing my daughter!
Luke: What guy? There's a guy in there with Rory?
Luke: [stares at Logan] You, hands off her, I mean it! Hands in the air! I wanna see hands in the air!
Lorelai: Out! Uh, you guys better use the back way out of here.
Rory: But dad, and Luke...
Lorelai: I'll take care of dad and Luke, please go! Now go! [turns to Logan] You must be Logan, I'm Lorelai.
Logan: Uh, nice to meet you.

CHRIS: It’s none of your business what’s going on with Rory.
LUKE: It sure the hell is my business.
LORELAI: Oh, guys, please!
CHRIS: Rory is my daughter. Mine.
LUKE: Oh, really? Well then, where the hell were you when she got the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week, or where were you when she graduated high school, or started college? Huh? Who the hell moved her mattress into her dorm, and out of her dorm and back into her dorm again?

Say SomethingEdit

RORY: Are we okay? I mean, that wasn't exactly my proudest moment.
LORELAI: Aw, honey. You're the daughter of a woman who has had no end of less than proud moments. Don't worry.
RORY: Luke was so mad.
LORELAI: That's because to Luke you're still ten years old wearing feathered angel's wings going door-to-door inviting people to a caterpillar's funeral.
RORY: Oh, now, I did that once.
LORELAI: Luke is fine.
RORY: I hope so.
LORELAI: Look, go back in. Catch up with Logan. Tell him everything is fine.
RORY: He went right to his car, he split.
LORELAI: I don't blame the boy.

Lorelai: Whatcha watching?
Luke: Something stupid.

[Dragonfly Inn - Lorelai is showing a guest around.]
Lorelai: Figure as your little girls arrive, we'll have them here in the living room. We'll have the pocket doors to the dining room closed. Then, when it's time for breakfast, we'll open the doors, and voila, the full, beautiful effect.
Woman: Wonderful.
Lorelai: We'll have music with a nice little fanfare. You like Yanni?
Woman: Hate him with every fiber of my being.
Lorelai: Oh, good, we're in perfect sync. And then, we'll have small-scale tables set with china, a silver tea service, little plates, little cups, and twelve little chairs for all of them to sit on.
Woman: That's so cute.
Lorelai:: Yeah.
Michel: Wait, twelve? I thought there were six. Six little girls.
Lorelai: Six girls and their six dolls.
Michel: I beg your pardon?
Lorelai: This is a pancake breakfast for the girls and their dolls.
Michel: Get out of town.
Lorelai: I thought you knew that.
Michel: Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?
Lorelai: That's right.
Michel: Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.
Lorelai: I'm not paying attention to you anymore. [To the woman.] All right,well, I'll order everything, and all you have to do is show up.
Woman: The girls are looking forward to this. So are the dolls!
Lorelai: Aw, love that.
Woman: 'Bye.
Lorelai: Okay, bye.
Michel: [watching her leave] Is she psychotic?
Lorelai: Shh.
[They head into the kitchen.]
Lorelai: It’s silly fun, Michel, girls love dolls. Chill.
Sookie: I'm making little pancakes for the dolls, and I found these little forks they can use.
Michel: They do not have opposable thumbs!
Sookie: Who, the girls? Oh, this is a handicapped group! Poor things.
Michel: No, the dolls.
Sookie: The dolls? How can a doll be handicapped?
Michel: My point exactly! They are plastic and made in Banglagor!

[talking about Lorelai's breakup with Luke]
Lorelai: I'm gonna be distracted until we fix this.
Sookie: Don't worry, because when a relationship is right, things work out.
Lorelai: I hope so.
Sookie:I heard about this couple on one of those morning shows. Similar to you guys, all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, headed for marriage, and something happened, and they broke up their senior year in college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. Thay married different people.
Lorelai: They married different people?
Sookie: Had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died. And they were available again, and they talked, and they hooked up. And now they're together and they're happily in love after 40 years apart.
Lorelai: That's a horrible story.
Sookie: No, it's not.
Lorelai: What morning show was that on? I hate that story.
Sookie: But they ended up together.
Lorelai: Was it Katie Couric? She seems very dark to me.

Jews and Chinese FoodEdit

Rory Gilmore: He wanted to give me his side of the story.
Lorelai: Oh well, unless his side of the story includes having his long lost evil twin lock him in a closet and come to the wedding in his place, his side of the story doesn't exist.

Rory: So what's going on at home?
Lorelai: Big grapefruit shortage. The hurricanes wiped them out and Taylor is completely freaking out.
Rory: I'm sure.
Lorelai: And Patty and Babette are organizing Stars Hollow's first botox party.
Rory: Are you invited?
Lorelai: Are you insinuating I should be?
Rory: So the Hollow's low on grapefruits?

Paris: Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.
Lorelai: Okay, Paris.
Paris: And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off anecdote.
[Lorelai glares at Paris then looks at Rory]
Rory: You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga.
Lorelai: Damn it!

Rory: So, how was the Zydeco music?
Logan: I left when Finn jumped in on vocals.
Rory: Excellent self-preservational instinct.

Rory: You couldn’t find an ATM?
Marty: Oh, no, there’s at least six ATMs within a two block radius and every single one of them is going to tell me that I only have eighteen dollars in my account...and then I believe they will flip me off.

Juliet: Are you going to eat that fried shrimp?
Rory: I think I am.
Juliet: Oh God, can I watch?

Lorelai: Hey, isn't that your naked guy?
Rory: Oh, yeah. Marty, hey! He's not my naked guy.
Lorelai: Well, you don't really want a communal naked guy, nowadays, you know, it's too sketchy.

Doyle: You look so hot when you find me annoying.
Paris: Then I must be Gisele Bündchen to you 24/7.

Lorelai: But, hey, don't worry about me. Things are starting to look up. [holds up the flier] They think I'm a student.
Rory: And they also think you're Polynesian and potentially sexually undecided.
Lorelai: Yeah. Well, still an improvement.

[Logan climbs in through the window]
Logan: Wow, that move always looked cooler in the movies.

Sookie: No more pork!
Lorelai: Finally something to put on our business cards.

Rory: Well, it is Friday night.
Lorelai: Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Eva and Adolf. Lovely.
Rory:It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf.
Lorelai: No, no, that was Grandma.

So… Good TalkEdit

Rory: Well, you are the environmental philanthropist in the family.
Lorelai: Well, I feel very badly for the planet right now.

Rory: Hey, you called my cell.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: I told you to call my landline. My cell phone bill's astronomical.
Lorelai: But a conversation with me: priceless.

[On phone]

Rory: Grandma's still hitting you with the postcards, huh?
Lorelai: As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It's weird. She's the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny Seinfeld he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.
Rory: Eww.
Lorelai: [Reading postcard from Temple of Apollo] Let's see how her trip has been since her last card. 'Dear Lorelai, kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin.' Oh, that's nice.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: 'Complained about the foie gras to a waiter whose yearly pay is less than what I spend monthly on silver polish, then kicked another dog.'
Rory: Come on.
Lorelai: 'Tripped a nun, then burned down an orphanage.'
Rory: Sounds like a busy itinerary.
Lorelai: [rips up postcard] And the sun sets on Apollo.

Lane: How are you doing, Kirk?
Kirk: Great. I'm loving this blackened Cajun bread Luke made for me. I didn't even ask for it.
Lane: It's burnt toast, Kirk. You don't have to eat it.
Kirk: But I'm loving it. And look, I've been mixing black ash with the runny eggs. Goes great with the fishy-tasting bacon.

Rory: This is just wrong!
Lorelai: What?
Rory: You washing two socks!
Lorelai: They were dirty.
Rory: That's wasteful.
Lorelai: I really wanted to wear them tonight.
Rory: They are your dancing Santa Claus socks. You're not gonna wear them for another ten months.

Pulp FrictionEdit

Rory: I am going out with Robert.
Lorelai: Have I met this Robert?
Rory: No.
Lorelai: What's his last name?
Rory: Why? You think I made him up or something? (thinking) Grimaldi.
Lorelai: Okay
[later that night]
Rory: Robert...what's your last name?

[talking about Weston's mocha chocolate caramel swirls]
Lorelai: If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.

LUKE: You're going to make yourself sick.
LORELAI: Yes, but my sickness will remind me of you, so it'll be romantic.
LUKE: Romantic nausea.
KIRK: I get that all the time.

[Rory is looking across the street. Lorelai looks and sees Logan sitting at an outdoor cafe with another girl. They look very cozy.]

LORELAI: My God. Is that Logan? It is Logan. I can't believe it. What a jerk.
RORY: Mom, it's okay.
LORELAI: No, it's not okay! He's sitting over there with a girl and - oh, no you don't. Get me a rock.
RORY: Mom -
LORELAI: I am beaning him with a rock!

LOGAN: Good. School’s good? RORY: School’s hard. LOGAN: Well, it’s supposed to be hard. It’s grounding you for life. LOGAN: Making you an upstanding citizen. RORY: God-fearing Christian. LOGAN: Habitual recycler.

To Live and Let DioramaEdit

Rory: I can't believe he's gone. He's been dying my whole life.
Lorelai: ...Apparently he just closed his eyes, muttered something about Lori Loughlin and then, he was gone.
Rory: Wow, he's never died before
Lorelai: I guess there's a first time for everything

Lorelai: I put my soul into this place. My heart. My liver. A couple kidneys

Lorelai: You know Superman's fortress of solitude? A jamacian beach compared to my mother's house.

Lorelai: Why are you covering your eyes, Kirk?
Kirk: In case you're naked.
Lorelai: You thought I'd walk into my daughter's room and get naked?
Kirk: I don't know your domestic routine.

Lorelai: Let her get all Condoleezza Rice to my Barbara Boxer if she likes.

Lorelai: [after Miss Patti offers her Founder's Day punch] Oh, how bout later when I eat a loaf of bread, and a pound of crackers and I wash it down with a quart of olive oil.

(discussing the broken window)

LORELAI: Oh! What happened there?
LUKE: Eh, what do you think? Taylor.
LORELAI: How did Taylor break the window?
LUKE: How do you think? By being Taylor.

.... (later at town meeting)

TAYLOR: After you threw a frying pan at my head.
LORELAI: You threw a frying pan at Taylor’s head?
TAYLOR: Just for playing my Muzak too loud. I mean, who doesn’t love Muzak?
SOOKIE
[raises her hand]: Oh! Music lovers?
LUKE: The thing slipped out of my hand.
TAYLOR: Right after you said, quote, um, “you better duck, Taylor, because I’m going to throw this frying pan at your head”?
LORELAI: You threw a frying pan at Taylor’s head without me there? I hate you.

PARIS: I packed my bags and was on the road before I remembered that parents don’t own property in the United States any more.
RORY: Since when?
PARIS: Since the IRS red-foxed my father. The place in Asylum Hill, the Nantucket cottage – even the crack-house in Harlem that we converted into a co-op was sold to one of the Queer Eye guys.
RORY: Where’d they go?
PARIS
They’re going to wire me when they’re safe.

But I'm a GilmoreEdit

Lorelai: You lost me at carrots, which by the way was the first draft of "you had me at hello".
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: I see we've entered the no humor zone.

[Lorelai walks into the house and hears a noise in the kitchen. She grabs a cushion from the couch.]
Lorelai: Hello, is somebody there?
Rory: [walking from her room into the kitchen]: Hey, Mom!
Lorelai [sighs]: Hey, Mom? That's it? You just gave me a heart attack and all you have to say is 'hey, Mom'? I thought you were a vicious serial killer.
Rory [getting a soda from the fridge]: Who you were going to challenge to a pillow fight?

[Lorelai walks in the Dragonfly's kitchen with Michel]

Lorelai: Okay, now tell me who does what and what we need to keep things running.
Michel: Well, we need Sookie here.
Lorelai: Well, she's not going to be here, so let's go to Plan B.
Michel: Okay, Plan B. That involves Sookie's clone, also named Sookie.
Lorelai: Well, umm, who here makes the sauces?
Michel: Sookie.
Lorelai: Who here, Michel?
Michel: Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces. She makes the sauces.
Lorelai: Well, what does Mark make?
Michel: Salads.
Lorelai: Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?
Michel: Well, that man over there does the cleaning. That man over there dresses the plates. That man uses tongs, and I have no idea what that man in the corner does, but I would check his trunk before he leaves.
Lorelai: Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?
Michel: Pretty much.
Lorelai: We can't run a restaurant serving salads and desserts.
Michel: I would not go to eat, no.
Lorelai: Wait, okay here we have duck. Who here does the duck?
Michel: Nobody touches the ducks.
Lorelai: Well, starting now, someone has to touch the duck.
Michel: I do not know what to tell you, except it will not be me.

[After learning the kitchen cannot run without Sookie]

Lorelai: This is bad, Michel.
Michel: I'm getting that, yes.
Lorelai: Well, we'll just figure something out, right?
Michel: Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.
Lorelai: We'll just formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. You have any ideas?
Michel: We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces-
Lorelai: No more suggestions necessary, Michel!
Michel: Well, I'm here if you need me.

Doyle: Paris, no offense to Nanny and her magic healing balm but when I came over here, I thought you would take care of me.
Paris: I am taking care of you. I brought you Nanny.
Doyle: I don't want Nanny. I'm scared of Nanny. Can't you just take it from here?
Paris: No.
Doyle: Why?
Paris: Sick people freak me out.
Doyle: You're pre-med!

Lorelai: You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot.
Luke: That's cause you're standing next to the boiler.
Lorelai: Oh, is that what we're calling it now?

[Luke answers the phone.]
Luke: Kitchen.
Sookie: Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?
Luke: Sookie?
Sookie: Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?
Luke: No.
Sookie: You don't put walnuts in your béchamel.
Luke: Sookie, I have things burning, so I-
Sookie: I thought I tasted walnuts. What things are you burning?
Luke: What do you mean you tasted walnuts?
Sookie: You want to get fancy, you can do that at your own diner. My béchamel sauce is classic.
Luke: How are you tasting the béchamel?
Sookie: And, I don't remember including goat cheese in the fennel salad.
Luke: How do you know what's in the fennel salad?
Sookie: So you admit it. You put goat cheese in the fennel salad.
Luke: Yeah, I put goat cheese in the fennel salad. It goes good in the fennel salad, and you had it sitting there.
Sookie: And I also have some Brillo pads sitting there. You want to toss a couple of those into the fennel salad, as well? Hmmm?
Luke: How do you know all this?
Sookie: I just assumed.
Luke: You just assumed that I put goat cheese in the fennel salad?


(Rory's talking to Logan outside of his house)

Rory: Remind me to tell you about the time my mother wore a Rhine stone penis T-shirt to diner and my grandma had her car towed.


Sookie: And walnuts in the béchamel.
Luke: I did not put walnuts in- Sookie, are you having people bring you my food?

How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?Edit

Paris: Look at us! We're happy. We have boyfriends. This is infinitely better than any mood-stablizer I've ever been on.
Rory: Oh shoot what time is it?
Paris: It's hammer-time.

Rory: Last night I couldn't sleep last night so I google-d your father.
Logan: Excuse me?
Rory: 12,053 items came up. I could only pull up a couple thousand but it really helped. He was born in 1953. Episcopalian. Second of four children. Oldest boy. Yale undergrad. Star of the track team. No grad school. Interesting. Then he had a couple of lost years. A kind of blank period. A little Jesus thing going on there.

Logan: It's like 90 kropogs or so.
Richard: Kropogs? Did someone say kropogs?

Sookie: I will give it a 9.
Lorelai: 9+
Sookie: What will make it a 10?
Lorelai: Another half point.

Emily: Beatrice?
Beatrice (the maid): Yes ma'am.
Emily: Do you know what these are?
Beatrice: Lilies.
Emily: Fragrant lilies. Would you like to eat dinner with fragrant lilies in the room?
Beatrice: Yes.
Emily: WELL THEN YOU'RE INSANE!

Blame Booze and MelvilleEdit

Rory: We're fondue purists, Grandma.
Lorelai: Yea we dip old school.
Emily: The government says you should have nine servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
Lorelai: Imperialist propaganda.
Rory: Noam Chomsky would agree.
Lorelai: I bet Noam doesn't dip fruit.

Rory: What about endowment boy?
Emily: The maybes.
Rory: You go Grandma.
Lorelai: I bet Gregorio would be good dipped in chocolate.

Caesar: Hello. Hold on. Hey, Luke, it’s for you. It’s Taylor.
Lorelai: Caesar! You just broke Luke’s standing 'when Taylor calls I’m out even if he can see me through the stupid connecting window' rule.

Sookie: Really, you're eating an apple?... I'm just surprised it's not your thing... Looks like Ben Stiller.

Rory: I can't get "coming around the mountain" out of my mind. It's like one of those phrases like "drop it like its hot" that I really wish I'd never heard.

Rory: You've caught me up. Society's caught me up. The health channel on cable's caught me up. Miss Driscoll the sad spinster gym teacher at Stars Hollow High caught me up.
Lorelai: Miss Driscoll, right. Like she would ever need birth control.

Lorelai: I just ate an apple.
Rory: Uh oh.
Lorelai: Yeah. And I liked it.
Rory: Whoa!

A House Is Not a HomeEdit

Colin: I'm Colin. This is Finn. And you are?
Lorelai: Her mother.
Finn: My God those are good genes.

Lorelai: Now whats on the agenda for today. I hear there's a shipment of plutonium coming in on the docks. And I thought we could dress up as nuns and you could fake a stigmata and you could put the plutonium under your habit...