Last modified on 16 November 2013, at 16:00

Family Guy: Something, Something, Something, Dark Side

Something, Something Something, Dark Side is a Family Guy special and a future episode of Season 8. It is the sequel to the Star Wars episode, Blue Harvest.


Han Solo/Peter Griffin: Well your manage-to-keep-me-around-a-little-longer ness, it looks like you've managed to keep me around a little longer.
Princess Leia/Lois: I assure you, I had nothing to do with it.
Han Solo: Yeah right. I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sights.
Princess Leia: [angry] Why you stuck up, half witted, scruffy lookin' nerf herder!
[Han punches Leia in the face]
Han Solo: You can't use that word! Only we can use that word!
. . .
(Later, when the group is trying to escape from Hoth)
Princess Leia: This bucket of bolts will never make it past that blockade!
Han Solo: This bucket's got a few surprises left in her. Plus, me and Chewie are on it, ain't that right?
Chewbacca/Brian: Hell yeah! You my nerf herder!
Han Solo: You my nerf herder!

[Luke/Chris gets into his snow speeder]
Dak: Feeling okay, sir?
Luke/Chris: Just like new! How 'bout you?
Dak: I feel like I can take on the whole empire myself!
[Luke looks at Dak surprised]
Luke: That'd be awesome! [shouting] Hey everyone, Dak says he's got this one!
[the rebels all cheer and start landing their speeders]
Dak: You know it bitches!
[Dak takes off. In space, Dak flies up to the planet and stops, facing the imperial fleet]/
Dak: Hey imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dak!
[they shoot one laser blast at him blowing him up]

Leia: We're gonna be pulverized out here!
Han Solo: Look, we got four or five main characters on board this ship, I think we're gonna be fine.

C-3P0/Quagmire: Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are TWO TO ONE!
Han Solo: Never tell me the...oh, well, those are actually pretty good. Yeah, let's keep going.

R2-D2/Cleveland: Who the hell are you?
Yoda/Carl: Well, I'm not Yoda. (pause) Okay, I'm Yoda.
Luke: You're Yoda? You're the one Obi-Wan sent me here to find! Will you teach me the ways of the Force?
Yoda: No, I will not teach you the ways of the Force. (pause) Okay, I'll teach you the ways of the Force.

[Han fires his blaster at a mynock. The ground shakes]
Han Solo: Wait a minute.
[Shoots the ground. It shakes again]
Han Solo: Hang on a second.
[Shoots the ground again]
Han Solo: What's going on here?
[Shoots again]
Han Solo: Something doesn't add up.
[Shoots again]
Han Solo: Just a minute.
[Shoots again]
Han Solo: Time out.
[Shoots again]
Han Solo: This ain't quite right.
[Shoots again]
Han Solo: Oh, now I get it. We should go.

[after the Millenium Falcon flies out of the Space Slug/Meg's mouth, she goes into her hole then comes back out]
Space Slug/Meg: How come I never have any lines in these things?
[the Millenium Falcon flies back to her]
Han Solo: Shut up, Meg.
[flies off]

[Darth Vader/Stewie is surveying a long line of bounty hunters, including Duane Chapman]
Darth Vader: Okay, nice bounty hunter turnout today. Let's see: we got Robot Guy (IG-88), Old timey deep-sea diver looking-Guy (Zuckuss), Lizard Guy who I think I saw get into a fight with Captain Kirk (Bossk), Boba Fett, of course, thanks for coming and...what are you supposed to be!?
Raggedy Andy: Raggedy Andy!
Darth Vader: Get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting!

[Darth Vader/Stewie is in the Cloud City dining room, talking to two stormtroopers.]
Darth Vader: Okay, so they`re gonna come through that door and then you`re gonna come out with your guns ready. Or should it just be me? Yeah, yeah I like that better, okay just go away, go away.
[The rebels enter the dining room as the two stormtroopers leave.]
Darth Vader: Ah damn, I wasn`t ready! Uh, hi!
[Chewbacca/Brian growls and Han Solo/Peter shoots at Darth Vader, but Darth Vader deflects the lasers and uses the force to take Han`s gun.]
Darth Vader:[singing] Wonder Woman!
[Boba Fett/Giant Chicken and some stormtroopers enter]
Han Solo: Heh-heh! Look, the Giant Chicken`s Boba Fett!

[Han is about to be tortured by Darth Vader]
Darth Vader: Very well, Solo, if you won't talk, we have very effective means of torture!
Han Solo: Whoa! Well I don't wanna be tortured! All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base of Kashyyykk and I'm the one who clogged the toilet on the 16th floor!
Darth Vader: URGH! That was disgusting! You know, because of that, I had to use the little pig people's bathroom! All right, start the torture!

Leia: I love you.
Han Solo: Fuck off.

[after Luke falls from a great distance while fighting Darth Vader/Stewie]
Luke:I would give my right hand for this day to just end.

Leia: Oh, no! They captured Han!
C-3PO: Well, even though we know exactly where they're taking him, we should rescue him in three years.

Darth Vader/Stewie:: No. I-oh, hang on. (to camera) Spoiler alert! (to Luke) No, I am your father!
Luke: Well, that's fine, but I don't see how that affects — Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

[Luke falls into a tube, a technician is working]
Luke: Hey, have you seen a hand down here?
[Technician looks innocent, as he has found the hand and has put it over his penis in his pants]

Chewbacca: Is that him?
Leia: I'm not sure. Luke, if that's you wave your right hand... no your RIGHT hand!

[after Luke gets his hand replaced]
Luke: All right, is this thing good to go?
Medical Droid: Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. Otherwise you might rip your dick off.

Luke: Wait a minute! This is how it ends!? There's so many questions left unanswered!
[a man from Western Union appears]
WU Man: Are you Luke Skywalker?
Luke: Yeah.
WU Man: I've got something for you...a letter!
[Luke opens the letter and reads it]
Luke: "Dear Luke, if my calculations are correct, you should receive this letter at the exact moment the Delorean vanished. I have been living happily for the past six months in the year 1885. The lightning bolt that...-" 1885!? THE DOC'S ALIVE! I mean, he's in the Old West, but he's alive!
[The theme from Back to the Future plays].

Peter Griffin: Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one.
Chris Griffin: Actually, I think they did a pretty good job on that already, Dad.
Peter Griffin: Well, I'll have to take your word for it. I don't watch Comedy Central.
Chris Griffin: It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. I'm pretty sure you now that.
Peter Griffin: I don't know that. I haven't seen that show in a while, and I don't know that anyone else has.
Chris Griffin: I think plenty of people have. Their fans are pretty loyal to them.
Peter Griffin: Oh, yeah? All 42 of them?
Chris Griffin: [sighes] I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. I'm not gonna let you get to me.
Peter Griffin: Well, maybe I got time for another story then. It's called Without a Paddle.
Chris Griffin: FUCK YOU, DAD!