Ernest Scared Stupid is a 1991 American comedy film directed by John R. Cherry III and starring Jim Varney. It is the fifth film to feature the character Ernest P. Worrell. It was the last "Ernest" film to be distributed by Touchstone Pictures.
- Kenny: Ernest, I got it! What we need is a tree house!
- Ernest: I thought we needed dress shields.
- Trantor: Bring me the head of Ernest P. Worrell!
- Trantor: You will pay for the sins of your forefathers!
- Ernest: I didn't have four fathers! I only had one father and I didn't know him that well!
- Ernest: How 'bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips? Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh
[when seeing Trantor the Troll for the first time]
- Ernest: Ahhhhh! Boy, I sure hope you're from Keebler!
- Ernest: You better back off. You don't wanna fight me, I know tai chi, kung fu, chow mein, and I saw Hulkamania three times once in slow mo.
- Ernest: I never knew when to quit. Just ask my fourth grade teacher.
- Ernest's fourth grade Teacher: He never knew when to quit.
[while driving to the treehouse with a now wooden Rimshot]
- Ernest: What good is a wooden dog? Oh, sure they swim better. But what am I going to call him? Splinter?
- Ernest: Boy, Jimmy. When you play charades, you play for keeps. You know what I mean?
- Ernest: [about the troll] He looked like a big giant Mr. Potato Head. Except he was shaped more like a watermelon.
- Ernest as a lumberjack: There ain't no trees in Botswana. Nuh uh, I know. I AM a Botswanian lumberjack, and I ain't never had a job...
- Ernest: [as the old lady] Be grateful, little trolls in China don't even get milk.
- Ernest: [being attacked by the troll] Help, help! May day! May day! Christmas Day! Colombus Day!
- Old Lady Hackmore: [to Kenny] Sometimes, you've got to do what YOU know is right, no matter what anybody tells you.
- Ernest: Pretty soon, the kids won't have to worry about eating their Brussel sprouts because the Brussel sprouts will be eating them.