Elf (film)

Elf is a 2003 film about a man (Will Ferrell) raised by Santa's elves at the North Pole is sent to the America in search of his true identity.

Directed by Jon Favreau. Written by David Berenbaum.

This holiday, discover your inner elf.

Buddy

[Answering the phone] Buddy the Elf; what's your favorite color?
[about Miles] He's an angry elf.
[Burps loudly for what seems like thirty seconds] Did you hear that?
[Dejectedly] Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toymaker in the world! I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. [Elves gasp]
[In a public restroom, looking over the wall into the neighboring stall] Hey, have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!
[To wild raccoon] Does someone need a hug? [The raccoon attacks him] I just wanted a hug!
[After getting hit in the face with a snowball] Ow! Son of a Nutcracker!
[About the mail room] This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.
[Repeated several times throughout movie] First, I went through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest... Then, I went past the sea of twirly, swirly gumdrops... And after that: I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.
Morning, Sarah. That's a very nice purple dress. It's very purpley.
[in his good-bye note] "I'm sorry that I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies in the VCR. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere. I'll never forget you. Love, Buddy."
Francisco; that's fun to say... Francisco... Fran... cisco... Francisco...
I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!!

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Miles Finch

DO NOT PUT ME ON HOLD! [silence in Walter's office] I'll be there tomorrow. 71 degrees.
Hey, Jackweed, I Get More Action Then You Had in Your Entire Life, I've Got Houses From L.A. Paris & Vali, in each One of Them Had A 70 Plasma Screen, So I Suggest You Wipe That Stupid Smile Off The Face Before I Come Over And Smack It Off! You're Feeling Strong, My Friend, Call Me Elf One more Time & You're Dead.
You're Hillarous, My Friend.
(While Strangling Buddy) Call Me One More Time, Call Me Elf One More Time.

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Walter Hooves

Emily, Can I Speak to You For A Moment in A Kitchen, Please?
Buddy, Get Out of Here.
Listen, Miles, Listen Miles. [Miles Slams The Door In Angered]
[Angrily] LISTEN YOU WANT SOME MONEY!?!

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Dialogue

Buddy: Wow, what's this?

Gimbel's Manager: This is the North Pole.

Buddy: No, it's not.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it's not.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it's not. Where's the snow? [smiles]

Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?

Buddy: I just like smiling; smiling's my favorite.

Gimbel's Manager: [pause] Make work your favorite, okay? Work is your new favorite. [to the employees] Okay, everyone! Tomorrow, 10 A.M., Santa's coming to town!

Buddy: SANTA!!!!! Oh my god! [excitedly, to the Manager] I know him! I know him!

Buddy: Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas carol.

Jovie: Go away.

Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.

Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.

Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.

Jovie: I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.

Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.

Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.

Buddy: No, there's not. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] I'm singing! I'm in a store and I'm singing! [adeptly] I'm in a store and I'm singing!

Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!

Buddy: Yes, there is!

Gimbel's Manager: No there's not!

Buddy: We sing all the time!

Gimbel's Manager: No there's not!

Buddy: Especially when we build toys! [Back to Jovie] See?

Deb: (over intercom) Mr. Hobbes? It's me on the intercom?

Walter Hobbes: Yeah?

Deb: I think someone sent you a Christmas gram. (escorts Buddy in)

Buddy: (excitedly) DAD!!!!

Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?

Buddy: I heard you singing.

Jovie: You sure had it nothing to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?

Buddy: I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?

Jovie: They shut my water off. What were you doing here?

Buddy: Building this.

Jovie: You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.

Gimbel's Manager: [appears] Hey guys, you seen the place? Pretty good, they must have brought in a professional. I dunno why, but someone's gunning for my job. But look, let's stick together on this. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." [to Jovie] Six inch ribbon curls, honey.

Jovie: [rolls her eyes] But that's impossible.

Gimbel's Manager: [interrupting] SIX... inches. [storms away]

Buddy: By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.

Buddy: Who are you?

Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.

Buddy: No, you're not.

Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?

Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?

Kid with Santa: Four.

Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?

Kid with Santa: Paul.

Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?

Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.

Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.

Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?

Gimbel's Santa: Just Zip it, Skippy.

Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.

Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.

Buddy: You're a fake.

Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?

Buddy: Yes!

Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.

Buddy: You stink.

Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.

Buddy: You smell like Beef And Cheese, you Don`t smell like Santa.

Buddy: (Accidentally Rips A Beard) HE`S AN IMPOSTER, HE`S NOT SANTA!!!

[Started into Fight]

Children (Screaming)

Buddy He`s A Fake, He`s A Fake, I Saw.

Buddy He`s A Fake.

Gimble's Manager OHH, OHH.

Gimble's Santa Aha, Where Are You Going.

Gimble's Manager (Stops Gimble's Santa For Tackling Buddy)

Buddy He's Not Santa Claus, He's Not Santa.

Emily: You sure like sugar, huh?

Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?

Emily: Yes.

Buddy: Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Emily: So, Would You Be Staying With Us Then.

Buddy: [out of breath from chasing Michael] Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited five hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?

Michael: That`s Nice, Now Go away!

Buddy: [drunk] I know I sound like a broken record but we are buddies, you're my best friend, that's it.

Mailroom Guy: You know, I have really great ideas, but no one around here listens to me.

Buddy: I listen to your ideas, you have great ideas.

Mailroom Guy: I got to go with the flow.

Buddy: Then go with the flow.

Mailroom Guy: No! I got to get out of the flow, that's what got me here.

Buddy: Then get out of the flow.

Mailroom Guy: I mean I'm 26 years old, I've got nothing to show for it.

Buddy: You're young, you're so young...You know my papa, he didn't make master tinker till he was 490.

Mailroom Guy: [chuckles] 490...

Buddy: Ticklefight! [tickles the mailroom guy, who laughs hysterically]

[Buddy and Jovie are ice skating at Rockfeller Center. Buddy kisses Jovie on the cheek.]

Buddy: Sorry.

Jovie: You missed.

Buddy: What do you mean I missed?

Jovie: You missed. [kisses Buddy on the mouth]

Miles Finch: It's just one of those ideas, I'm just psyched out of my mind about...ya' know, it's just one of those ideas where you're like, YES!

Eugene: [brainstorming for a new book] What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells. [hand movements]

Gimbel's Worker: Passion Fruit spray?

Buddy: Fruit spray? Sure. (takes bottle and sprays it in his mouth, then reacts in surprise and disgust) EWW! NO! NO! AHH AHH MEHHHHH!

[Buddy had just caused Walter to lose a client]

Walter: You get out of here.

Buddy: Where do you want me to go?

Walter: I don't care where you go. I don't care that you're an elf! I don't care that you're nuts! I don't care that you're my son! Get out of Here! Now!

Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.

Deb: [whispering] Good idea.

Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!

Walter: Are You Crazy, He Can`t Stay Here.

Emily: We can't just throw him out in the snow.

Walter: Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.

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