Doug (TV series)

Doug is an animated series, aired on both Nickelodeon and ABC. In the show, an eleven-year-old boy named Doug Funnie moves to Bluffington with his family. There he and his friends have many adventures.

Recurring Quotes/Catchphrases

Doug: How did I get into this mess?

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Mr. Dink: Very expensive.

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Doug: Dear Journal, hi, it's me, Doug.

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Roger: Sayonara, suckers!

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Mr. Bone: This is going on your permanent record!

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Skeeter: Cool, man!

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Skeeter: Hey Doug! Honk-honk!

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Doug: [whenever someone calls his journal a diary] It's a JOURNAL!

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Roger: Hey, Funnie!

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Doug: That's me... Hey!

Season 1

Doug Can't Dance / Doug Gets Busted [1.01]

Mr. Dink: Say, Tippy. Wanna shag some balls?

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[Doug is writing in his journal.]

Doug: Dear Diary, it's me... Doug. The school dance felt like it happened a long time ago, but I remember it like it was only yesterday. It all began...well, this afternoon!

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Roger: Trying on your costume for the big dance tonight? What are you? A pile of manure?!

Doug: I'm a slug.

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Mr. Dink: Do you remember the first time I asked you to dance?

Mrs. Dink: Yes, dear.

Mr. Dink: And do you remember what you said?

Mrs. Dink: Yes. 'Go away and leave me alone.'

Mr. Dink: Oh, you do remember! But you finally said 'yes' at our senior prom! As I recall, I swept you right off your feet.

Mrs. Dink: And into the refreshment table.

Mr. Dink: Still, wasn't that hospital really nice?

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Patti: Great costume. You make a wonderful slug.

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Doug: [flustered while trying to explain his science fair project to Patti] Well... uh... uh... the reason the lava keeps shooting up into the air is... because I... love you.

Patti: Huh??

Doug: I mean... above you. The sparks go above you.

---

[A fantasy sequence]

Ms. Wingo: Now, class, does anyone know what the Sixth Article of the Constitution says? ... Patti?

Patti: The Sixth Article of the Constitution states the courts shall have the power to punish anyone who covers the science lab with molten lava.

Ms. Wingo: And do we know anyone like that?

Class: [turning and pointing in unison at Doug, who is crouched at the side of his desk] IT'S HIM!

Doug: [jumping on top of his desk and putting a rose in his mouth] You'll never get... wa na na... Jack Bandit! [swings across classroom on a rope, and before escaping out the window, tosses his rose to Patti, who catches it]

Patti: [dreamily] What a guy!

[After jumping out the window, Jack lands in the arms of a police officer]

Mr. Bone: [through megaphone] Funnie! This is goin' on your permanent record!

Patti: Jack! You've got to escape!

Doug: [rolling out of policeman's arms] So long, suckers!!!

[Back to reality. Doug has just fallen out of bed and Porkchop licks him awake.]

Doug: [narrating] It seemed as if my only chance was to go on the lam.

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Doug: On second thought, I think I better just draw a map. It's a lot safer.

Doug Bags a Neematoad [1.02]

Mr. Funnie: Look out, Bluffington, the Funnie family has arrived!

[The population sign changes from 19,997 to 20,001 people.]

Doug: Population 20,001. I guess the one is... me!

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Doug: I hope Skeeter and me become best friends- [Porkchop begins growling] -best humans friends!

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Roger: I'll catch one that'll make that 'neematoad' look like a 'neematadpole'!

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Mr. Dink: So, Douglas, did you find the Honker Burger? Or did you just starve to death?

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Doug: I'm Doug. Funnie. I didn't catch yours.

Roger: That's because I didn't throw it!

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[Approaches Honker Burger Register]

Doug: Hi, I'd like three double cheeseburgers, one all the way, one no pickles, one no onions, a fish sandwich, four large fries and four grape sodas.

Honker Burger Lady: What on Earth are you trying to say?

Doug: What do you mean?

Honker Burger Lady: I can't understand you.

---

Doug: Listen, my family is starving....

[Skeeter arrives]

Skeeter: Yo, man, let me take care of this. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cukes, one no stinkers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Want anything else?

Doug: Well, how do you order a salad from the salad bar?

Skeeter: One salad from the salad bar.

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Skeeter: Wow, I've never seen a vegetarian dog before!

Doug: It's just a phase.

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Mr. Dink: This is my wife, Tippy. Most people call her Mrs. Dink. I usually call her on a telephone!

Mrs. Dink: Who writes your material, dear?

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Judy: The air is electric with fragrance of this new venture. What's that smell? [realizes the smell is cow manure] Ooh... give me strength!

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Doug: Dad, can you try to dodge the bumps? I'm getting ink blots on my journal.

Dad: That's a big ten-four, buddy!

Season 2

Doug Battles the Rulemeister / Doug's a Genius [2.05]

Rulemeister: Fair? Who said rules had to be fair?

Bebe: When will I cut my hair!?

Skeeter: When do we get a day off from school?

Doug: Well, excuse me, sir. But, You've just broken one of your own rules: "No grabbing other people's comics".

Patti: And according to your own rule book, the punishment is one Saturday Detention.

Mr. Bone: But, I can't stay here. I have a yodeling class.

Doug: It's a rule, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone: But it's a silly and pointless rule.

Patti: But that's what we've been telling you, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone: I don't want to miss my yodeling lesson.

Doug: Mr. Bone, may I suggest a new rule?

Mr. Bone: Not another rule.

Doug: Just one more... Rule Number 1,900,003: "No more Saturday Detentions".

Mr. Bone: Effective immediately?

Doug: Well, it's up to you, Mr. Bone.

Mr. Bone: Well, I say... last one out's a rotten egg!

Doug: [looking at Patti's painting] Maybe if you put a little more snow on top, and a couple more trees...

Patti: Huh??

Doug: ...Or you can leave the trees off if you want. It's a perfectly beautiful mountain just like it is.

Patti: I-I-it's not a mountain, Doug. It's my grandmother!

Doug: Huh? [examines painting more closely and notices the peak of the mountain is actually an old woman's head] Well, of course. Heh heh. Just a little... art joke, Patti.

Doug Saves Roger / Doug's Big News [2.06]

Doug: Mr. Bone, I promise I had nothing to do with that story! I didn't even know you wore pink underwear.

Mr. Bone: I DON'T! And you know what, Funnie? You're gonna write that on the blackboard five thousand times!

Doug: That'll take me forever.

Doug's Derby Dilemma / Doug on His Own [2.08]

Judy: Mother...I am not going to have fun. This is research for my part in the next school play, "Teenage Bimbos from Planet Earth." As the lead bimbo I've got to find out what it's like being a typical shallow teenager. I've got to look into their empty heads and get into the character's vacuous soul.

Doug's on Stage / Doug's Worst Nightmare [2.11]

[Roger, who has a crush on Judy, is planning to re-enact the famous balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.]

Roger: [about to climb ladder to the window] It is the sun! And... and... Judy is the East!

Doug: Psst! Roger... Roger!

Roger: [climbing ladder] It is my lady! O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were! Won't you come to the window, my love?

[Mrs. Dink lifts the window blind]

Mrs. Dink: Nice try, Romeo. But you're about thirty years too late.

[Roger screams and falls off the ladder into the bushes]

Doug: Our house is over there, Roger.

Season 3

Doug's Fat Cat / Doug and Patti, P.I. [3.01]

Roger: Hey, uh, Funnie.

Doug: Yeah?

Roger: I'm-I'm counting on you.

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Doug: Stinky is a girl? Roger, why didn't you tell me?

Roger: Well, how was I supposed to know?

Mrs. Klotz: Son, we're way past due for a very important talk.

Doug is Slave for a Day / Doug Rocks the House [3.02]

Doug: [hands Patti a doorknob] It's for you. It's just something I thought would help you remember-

Patti: The Pattersons?

Doug: The Pattersons, what?

Patti: It's the Pattersons' door knocker. They were our next door neighbors.

Doug: Boy, I can't even get the right door knocker.

Patti: No Doug. I'd like to keep it, if that's okay with you.

Doug: To remind you of how dumb I am?

Patti: No... to remind me of how sweet you are.

Doug: Huh?

[She hugs him]

Doug's Cartoon / Doug's Monster Movie [3.08]

Mr. Bone: Why if everybody thought of what they say, well, everything will be all higgledy piggledy. Isn't that right, Funnie?

Doug: Yes, sir. All higgledy piggledy.

Mr. Bone: Oh, why didn't you say so? Hello? Why, Mr. Buttsavage, how was your vaca- You thought it would be what? [to Doug] He saw the cartoon. You really are in trouble, mister. [to Mr. Buttsavage] Why, of course I get the joke. Ha ha, I thought it would be pretty funny too. Yes, I will, Mr. Buttsavage! Goodbye. [to Doug again] Well, young man. I just saved your fanny. Yessir, you can spend a long time in detention if I hadn't done some fast talking. In fact, I convinced Mr. Buttsavage to like your cartoon. So, just be grateful.

Doug Inc. / Doug's Nightmare on Jumbo Street [3.10]

Doug: That's it? That's the monster? Look, you can see the zipper in the back. [laughs]

Doug and the Yard of Doom / Doug's Garage Band [3.12]

Patti: Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.

Doug: I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.

Patti: I could've given you another one to play with.

Doug: [shocked] Another one?

Patti: Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

Season 4

Doug's Bum Rap / Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree [4.02]

Doug: I wanted to see what a regular, normal person did on a date, but I had to settle for Judy.

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Doug: Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?

Patti: I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?

Doug: No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.

Patti: Me neither.

Doug: I can't believe everyone thought it was.

Doug Door to Door / Doug Tips the Scales [4.03]

Doug: So Roger had to give all the money back and we started our fundraising drive all over again. And this time, we didn't even have to go door to door.

Doug's Halloween Adventure [4.04]

[After pranking Roger]

Doug: Did you see their faces?

Skeeter: Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.

Doug: And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

Doug En Vogue / Doug's Mail Order Mania [4.05]

Doug: Well, I guess I learned a lesson. Get rich quick schemes sure are tempting but you just can't count on them. Better to stick with what you're good at.

Doug's Birthday Present / Doug's Fan Club [4.06]

Doug: Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.

Phil: You mean you kids don't care about being rich?

Judy: Well I wouldn't go that far.

Doug: What I really want for my birthday is...is you. [they all embrace] And maybe a football.

Doug Graduates / Doug's Bad Trip [4.13]

[Doug's graduating from school]

Doug: When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.

Patti: Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate!

[Doug joins his friends]

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[Last lines of Nickelodeon series]

Doug: Dad was right. It was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen. And he was right about something else too. It really did bring our family closer than we'd ever been before.

Season 5

Doug's Last Birthday [5.01]

[First lines]

Doug: Dear Journal. Remember Me? Doug Funnie. It seems like years since I've written but it doesn't since the beginning of summer.

Doug: Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.

Judy: Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---

Doug: Okay, okay, you made your point!

Season 6

Doug's Secret of Success [6.01]

Doug: Mr. Bone?! But we left him back in Elementary school.

Skeeter: Bone?! Again?!

Roger: Oh, this is a bad dream. Somebody pinch me! [his friends pinch him] Ow, hey, cut it out!

Mr. Bone: Playtime's over, people! The bone... is back!

Quailman vs. The Quizzler [7.15]

Mr. Bone: What have we here? Loiters? You want to get to class, misters, or do you want a nice big detention slip!?

Cast

• Billy West as Douglas Doug Funnie, Roger Klotz, others (Nickelodeon and Disney series)
• Thomas McHugh as Douglas Doug Funnie (Disney series)
• Chris Phillips as Roger Klotz (Disney series)
• Fred Newman as Mosquito Skeeter Valentine, Bud Dink, Porkchop, others
• Constance Shulman as Patricia Patti Mayonnaise
• Becca Lish as Judith Judy Funnie, Theda Funnie, Connie Benge, others
• Alice Playten as Beebe Bluff
• Doug Preis as Phillip Phil Funnie, Assistant Principal Lamar Bone, Chalky Studebaker, others
• Greg Lee as Mayor (later Principal) Robert Bob White
• Doris Belack as Mrs. Wingo (Nickelodeon series), Tippy Dink

External links

• Big Cartoon Database
• Doug (TV series) quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• TV.com Profile
• Disney's Doug quotes at the Internet Movie Database