- [Walking into Chapman Academy] Look at this place. It's Princeton for preschoolers.
- [Leading Miss Harridan into his house] Is there anything I can get you to drink? Coffee, tea, water, eye of newt?
- When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
- [While Charlie is explaining a play for football] How about we just run in a circle?
- Charlie: What's going on?
- Phil: Your worst nightmare.
- Charlie: What?
- Phil: Mr. Broccoli's a no-show
- Kim: How was your day, baby?
- Charlie: I lost my J-O-B.
- Kim: You lost your J-O-B?
- Charlie: I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
- [After reading an advertisement for a fund-raiser for Daddy Day Care]
- Miss Harridan: They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun.
Last modified on 21 March 2014, at 13:27