- [last line of the real ending] Okay, Chief. Take 'em away. I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife.
- Col. Mustard: I prefer Kipling myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
- Miss Scarlet: Sure, I'll eat anything.
- Wadsworth: I'm merely a humble butler.
- Col. Mustard: What exactly do you do?
- Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.
- Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.
- Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.
- Wadsworth: So your work has not changed.
- Mrs. Peacock: Yvette, is there a little girls' room in the hall?
- Yvette: Oui, oui, madame.
- Mrs. Peacock: No, I just I wanna powder my nose.
- Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.
- Col. Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?
- Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. A lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
- Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
- Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
- [after catching Mrs. Peacock in the second ending]
- Wadsworth: You see, like the Mounties. We always get our man!
- Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?!
- [Colonel Mustard and Wadsworth each slap him]
- Wadsworth: Would anyone care for fruit or dessert?
- It's Not Just A Game Anymore.
- Murder, madness, mystery, and mayhem. More fun than you can imagine.
- Seven Suspects, Six Weapons, Five Bodies and Three Endings.
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