That's the best euphemism for getting the total crap kicked out of you that I've ever heard.
[to his entire school]My name is Charlie Bartlett, and I'm no longer a virgin!
[tapping head]Viagra! Virgin! Vino! Vagabond! Vagina!
I'm just a stupid kid.
Well duh dude, this place sucks. But I just worry that one day we're gonna look back at high school and wish we'd done something different.
Hi, I'm Charlie.
Oh, trust me doc, bringing psychiatric drugs and teenagers together is like opening a lemonade stand in the desert.
[last line]Would you like to talk about it?
I'm fit as a fucking fiddle.
Never attack a drunk guy with a gun!
[speaking of Charlie's father]There are worse crimes than tax evasion, you know.
I'll see you in the sequel, bitch!
[with Charlie, trying to convince Principal Gardener to let the drama group perform Kip's play] Sir, would it help if I said I'd be considerably less likely to end my life if you let us do this?
- Charlie:I think you're missing the big picture.
- Kip:What big picture?
- Charlie:The universe.
- Kip: What about the universe?
- Charlie: Well, the universe is a pretty big place.
- Kip: Yeah. It's infinite, theoretically.
- Charlie:Right, which means there's probably life on other planets.
- Kip: Not life like we think, but yeah. Probably at least single-cell organisms.
- Charlie: Well, see, that's my whole point. I mean you could've been born a single cell organism on the planet Zortex. In fact, given the odds, it's probably more likely, but you weren't. You we're born a human being. And not just any human being in the history of human beings, but a human being that gets to be alive today. That gets to listen to all kinds of music, that gets to eat food from every culture, that gets to download porn off the internet. So really, you have everything to live for. [pause] Do you feel better?
- Kip: Not really.
- Dr. Weathers: You don't feel normal?
- Charlie:My family has a psychiatrist on call, how normal can I be?
- Marilyn: Well maybe there's more to high school than being well-liked.
- Charlie: Like what, specifically?
- Marilyn: [pauses to think] Nothing comes to mind.
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