Captain N: The Game Master

Captain N: The Game Master is an animated series produced by DiC Entertainment based off of various video games available for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It was also a short-lived comic book published by Valiant as part of the Nintendo Comics System.

Cartoon quotes

• "'Trust me', he says. Ha! I'd sooner trust a vampire to give me a shave". ~Simon
• "Looks like the Ultimate Warp brought us the ultimate wimp!" ~Simon
• Kevin: Your powers don't scare us!
  Dracula: I'm so happy to hear that. You know, fear makes de blood taste terrible.
• Kevin: Stay close. I think the bridge goes this way.
  Lana: What if you're wrong?
  Kevin: Then we'll be getting some free skydiving lessons - parachutes not included.
• Simon: (under the effects of a love arrow) How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One is for your little button-nose. Two is for your cute little twinkle-toes. Three is...
  Mother Brain: Enough! I want the truth this time! What is your real plan?
  Simon: All right, I'll tell you. My plan is to hug and kiss those cute little wrinkles on your brain!
• "It's a good thing for you I'm an animal lover. Now scoot, before I change my mind and make fur underwear out of you". ~Simon, to a lion
• Lana: Some guide you are.
  Simon: An honest mistake. Mountain lions are related to dogs, you know.
  Lana: They're related to cats.
  Simon: Ah-ha! I always suspected Duke was part cat.
• "I didn't save you. I saved him. He gets awful indigestion from eatin' strangers. Keeps me up all night". ~Bayou Billy
• "Oh, he's probably just feeding the alligators...with himself". ~Simon
• "I'm gonna scramble your eggplant when I get my gloves on you!" ~King Hippo
• "If you promise not to eat me, I'll take you to Captain N!" ~Simon
• "Let 'em go, or there's gonna be french-fried eggplant and hippo burgers for everyone". ~Kevin
• "Toro! Toro! No, I mean Hippo! Hippo! Olé!" ~Simon
• "Hey, it's either that or go back home and clean up my room". ~Kevin

---

Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are in a gymnasium training

King Hippo: I can't wait to cream the N-Team at the games.

King Hippo punches a punching bag with Simon's face taped to it

Punching Bag: SIMON

Eggplant Wizard runs into King Hippo

Eggplant Wizard: No! Wait! It was an accident!

King Hippo: Oh, I'll give you an accident on purpose!

---

Commentator: Our next event, tag team wrestling!

Kid Icarus and Kevin prepare to face-off against Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo

Commentator: There has been a mistake in the drawing.

King Hippo is ushered out of ring

Kevin: King Hippo is out of the competition. All right!

Commentator: King Hippo has been determined to be ineligible for tag-team wrestling. The replacement contender is...Donkey Kong!

Kevin and Kid Icarus look in shock as a gigantic Donkey Kong enters ring

---

After losing

• Lana: That's not fair! Donkey Kong weighs more than you!

Kevin: Are you kidding? He weighs more than the Chicago Bears!

Lana: Who are they?

Kevin: Never mind, just a group from my world.

---

"Get this junk off me before I have you frozen in butter sauce!" ~Mother Brain

---

• Mother Brain: Quick, get me the second Sacred Treasure!
  Eggplant Wizard: Yes, your wrinkledness.
  Mother Brain: Never say the word "wrinkles" to me! These are beauty lines.

---

• "Hmph! I could have done better, and I don't even have a body!" ~Mother Brain, after Lana wins the diving competition

---

• Simon: But Medusa's even uglier than Mother Brain! One look at her face turns a man to stone!
  Kevin: Look on the bright side, Simon. You'd make a very handsome statue.
  Simon: Oh, yes! I would, wouldn't I?

---

Kid Icarus: Oh no, King Hippo is guarding the warp zone. We need some way to get past him.

Simon: No problem, just leave that to these disguises.

King Hippo is in a whirlpool bath. Simon approaches wearing a toga, sunglasses and a brunette wig. Pit is wearing a football helmet, masking his appearance

King Hippo: You must be the steam bath repairman I called. Get to work, I am barely sweating!

Simon: No worries, I will get that fixed with the help of my faithful assistant, Shrimpicus! Will you hand me the crescent wrench?

Kid Icarus: Right away...mutters to himself Dopeius Maximus!

---

• "Uh, on the other hand, why worry about a neck when you've got an entire body to think of?!" ~Simon
• "Well... this doesn't look so bad. But that does!" ~Simon
• King Hippo: Ooh! That's hot enough.
  Simon: What's that? Still too cold?
• "Don't worry, Princess. I got to be Game Master by learning from my mistakes". ~Kevin
• Mega Man: There's no time to waste! We've got to mega move it!
  Kevin: Well, I wouldn't call hugging a princess a waste of time.
• "What perfectly dreadful statues. Medusa has lousy taste in art". ~Simon
• Mother Brain: Metroid mirror on the wall, am I the cutest of them all?
  Mirror: Princess Lana is the cutest chick. You're so ugly, you make me sick!
  Mother Brain: What do you know, twerp?! I will be the most beautiful woman in VideoLand! And you, Eggplant Wizard, are going to help me do it.
  Eggplant Wizard: M-m-m-me?
  Mother Brain: Yes, you! You can start by making me an apple!
  Eggplant Wizard: Uh, ah, whatever you say, Mother Brain. Magic words with which I grovel, make this brain a big juicy apple!
  (He turns Mother Brain into an apple.) Mother Brain: You idiot! I don't want to be an apple! I want to have an apple!
  Eggplant Wizard: Cool off, Mother Brain, or you'll became a baked apple! I can turn a princess to a pumpkin, a prince to a ham on rye; turning you back to normal is as easy as apple pie!
  (He turns Mother Brain into an apple pie. She grabs Eggplant Wizard and shakes him.) King Hippo: Hey! You look pretty tasty, Mother Brain! Can I have a slice?
  Mother Brain: Shut up and change me back!
• Kevin: What have you done to the princess?!
  Mother Brain: What's the matter? Don't you like fairy tales? You remember this one. The beautiful princess eats the poisoned apple and falls into a deep sleep. And the handsome prince - ha! I suppose that's you - has to wake her out of the spell.
  Kevin: It's also the one where the prince destroys the ugly witch, isn't it?
  Eggplant Wizard: That's the one!
  Mother Brain: Shut up, you mental midget!
• "You couldn't even wake up a frog with a kiss like that!" ~Simon
• "I'm doing this for your own good, Captain N! Rescuing princesses is a man's job! (Duke growls at him) Shut up". ~Simon, after trapping Kevin
• Kevin: Simon! Don't just sit there like a Thanksgiving turkey! Gimme a hand!
  Simon: Yes, well, I'd love to, but I'm tied up at the moment.
• Guard: Halt! No one enters Castle Ironspire and lives!
  Kevin: But we're prepared to pay.
  Guard: I don't accept credit cards!
  Kevin: How about gold and jewels?
  Guard: Well... why didn't ya say so? Go right in and make yourselves at home.
• Kevin: I don't get it! It's not working!
  Simon: Maybe it's my breath.
• King Hippo: Hey, egg-breath! You're paddling the wrong way!
  Eggplant Wizard: Uh-uh, you are! The island's behind you!
  King Hippo: Then let me sit over there! I get seasick ridin' backwards! (stands up)
  Eggplant Wizard: Wait! You're rockin' the raft! (They fall off the raft.) YAAHHH!!! See what you did?
  King Hippo: Aw, shut up and swim!
• "If you're trying to scare me, you're doing a good job!" ~Simon
• "If we get out of this, remind me to have my Zapper waterproofed!" ~Kevin
• "All right, you deadbeat! You can squeeze me! You can choke me! You can shake me! But mess my hair? No way!" ~Simon
• Mega Man: Dr. Right, are you sure you can trust that mega rat?
  Dr. Light: There's good in everybody, Mega Man. You just have to look for it.
  Kevin: Yeah? Well, Wily does wear a clean lab coat!
• Kevin: You'll pay for this, Dr. Wily!
  Dr. Wily: Sorry, Captain Numbskull. I left my wallet in my other lab coat.
• "Let's make a run for it! Uh, on second thought, let's run away from it!" ~Simon
• Kevin: Sorry if I upset your cat.
  Lana: But I don't have a cat.
• Lana: What do you see in the mirror?
  Simon: You mean I'm a Prince Charming?
  Lana: No, Simon! I mean you're an arrogant, self-centered egomaniac!
  Simon: I'm that good, am I?
• "Abandon ship! Women and Simons first!" ~Simon
• Kevin: Hey, are you guys all right?
  Simon: Yeah. We're in hamburger heaven.
• Mother Brain: That's it! I've found Captain N's weak spot.
  King Hippo: Uh, you mean he's afraid of rats?
• Kevin: I learned this recipe from my uncle Lenny back in New York. Trust me princess, this is gonna be the coolest thing you ever tasted.
  Lana: What exactly is a pizza?
  Kevin: Oh, this is no ordinary pizza, it's a Captain N Special. N for nuts, N for nectarines, N for nachos... (Duke grabs the pizza) And N for "No"!
  Lana: I think you better rename it the Duke Special.
• "What a shrimp! And every shrimp needs a shrimp salad!" ~Eggplant Wizard
• "Yes. Well, it was very nice of you to drop by. Do come back and visit us soon, say, twenty years?" ~Simon
• Simon: Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast! (pulls out a golf club and gets ready to hit the lizard)
  Kevin: Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job?
  Simon: You're absolutely right. (throws the golf club aside, pulls out a rocket launcher, and points it at the lizard)
• Simon: (as the baby dragon licks him) Knock it off! I'm not your mother!
  Kevin: No, but you probably smell like her.
• Kevin: I'll see what the lightning bolt can do. Simon, you try on the armor.
  Simon: But I look awful in gold!
• Eggplant Wizard: Forget the food! This is the chance of a lifetime!
  King Hippo: FORGET THE FOOD?!
  Eggplant Wizard: Don't you get it? If Link and Zelda are coming here, there won't be anyone left on Hyrule but their flunkies!
  King Hippo: They'll give us food?
  Eggplant Wizard: No, banana brains! The alarm's been turned off! We can steal the Triforce for ourselves!
  King Hippo: Then we can make Ganon's servants give us food!
• "Oh, boy! Next to vampires, dragon-hunting is my favorite sport!" ~Simon
• Lana: But Simon, that's an ironing board.
  Simon: Yes, and how appropriate for flattening my competition.
• Simon: Who am I?
  Kevin: You're Simon Belmont, the vampire hunter.
  Simon: No, no, I'm definitely not him. I'd never forget a name like that.
• "Thank you, Captain M. And thank you, Kid Licorice, Mega Mutt, Princess Lea, and you too, Puke". ~Simon, after getting amnesia
• King Hippo + Eggplant Wizard: The stains of brains stay mainly on the veins.
  Mother Brain: I'll stain your brains if you don't get yourselves to Kongoland now!
• Lana: We've got to get to CastleVania before it's too late.
  Kevin: Yeah, but Simon isn't ready to handle the Count yet.
  Simon: Don't be silly. Of course I can handle the count. Watch me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Need I go on?
  Kevin: No. That was terrific, Simon. If there's a math quiz on CastleVania, I'm sure you'll pass.
• "The worst part about being a handsome hunk of hero is having to get up early to save the day". ~Simon
• Simon: Stop! I belong in the jungle!
  Kevin: You belong in a cage, maybe, but not the jungle!
• Simon: Hey, cut it out. That tickles.
  Lana: What tickles?
  Simon: Well, there's a little fish nibbling my toe. That's a naughty little fellow. Simon says stop tickling my toes. (The Swamp Creature pops out.) Oh, I didn't mean it. You can tickle them all you want.
• Kevin: Better buckle up, dudes. I don't have my driver's license yet.
  Simon: You what?!
• Eggplant Wizard: Watch where you're stepping! That's my nose!
  King Hippo: Hey! Get your leg outta my bellybutton!
• Eggplant Wizard: Don't shoot! I've got a wife and two baby eggplants at home.
  Kevin: Don't worry. I'm not gonna fry any eggplant. Just flowers!
• Kevin: Looks like Mother Brain's world is finally brain-dead.
  Lana: We've done it! VideoLand is free at last!
  Mega Man: No more mega monsters attacking in the night!
  Pit: No more battles to the maximus!
  Simon: And best of all, no more waking up early!
• "Good-bye, Captain N. Good luck. Um... must've gotten some flower pollen in my eyes". ~Simon

---

• Mother Brain: As judge, jury, and executioner of VideoLand, I charge to all with conspiracy... to bring peace and freedom to everyone! How do you plead?
  Lana: Guilty... and proud of it.
  Pit: That goes for me too-icus.
  Mega Man: I agree.
  Simon: Uh, me too.
  Mother Brain: Order in the court!
  Eggplant Wizard: Uh, I'll have an eggplant sandwich. Uh, hold the pickles. (Mother Brain bangs her gavel) Okay, okay, uh, I'll hold the pickles!
  Mother Brain: Will you shut up?! I hereby sentence you to banishment into the Black Hole Warp Zone!
  Lana: The Black Hole Warp Zone?! Oh, but no one's ever come out alive!
  Mega Man: The gravity's so great, we'll be squished to no bigger than a grain of sand!
  Simon: How dreadful! None of my clothes will fit. No! I'm too handsome to die!
• "No, I can't lie anymore. That's not the way it happened at all! Captain N is the real hero. I'm just a big-mouth!" ~Simon

---

Being stranded on Zebes unarmed; Kevin now deeply regrets disposing of his Power Pad and Zapper

Kevin{mocking himself}: Guess I will not be needing these any more.

Kevin: Yeah, real smart one Kevin. What I would not give for my Zapper. In fact, what I would not give for a squirt gun.

---

• Mega Man: Uh, I guess, now that you're back, Your Majesty, you'll be showing all of VideoLand's mega villains who's the boss.
  Mirror King: I'll do better than that. I'll invite them all to the party!
• Mega Man: Oz? I never heard of that warp zone. Where is it?
  Kevin: Uh, in a fantasy land called Hollywood. If you ever visit my world, I'll take you there.
• King Hippo: But it's dangerous in [the Palace of Power], Mother Brain.
  Eggplant Wizard: Yeah! They eat eggplants for dinner!
• Game Boy: Ready for disposal of defective unit.
  Eggplant Wizard: Disposal?! No way! Her Ugliness wants to play some games with your brain!
  Game Boy: I am programmed to play games!
  Eggplant Wizard: Hey! Be careful! I'm an eggplant, not a squash!
• "No! Stop him! Eggplant, Hippo, grab that stupid mutt! He's pulling the plug on my beautiful plan!" ~Mother Brain
• Kevin: Well, I'm pullin' the plug on this joker until we decide what to do with him.
  Simon: I know. Let's lock him up in a closet and throw away the key.
• Dragonlord: Get away! Get away!

---

Mega Man is on guard duty while it is snowing outside

Mega Man{talking to himself}: Me having to do guard duty on my birthday. Brr, it is cold! I bet they would not have put out in this cold if I was not a robot!

Masked figure wearing a red cape runs past Mega Man

Mega Man{talking to himself}: Maybe not, intruder on deck!

Mega Man chases after intruder

Mega Man: Intruder, halt in the name of Princess Lana!

Intruder bolts down hallway

Mega Man: Very well, I will open fire!

Mega Man uses his arm cannon but misses the intruder, who runs into a room

Mega Man: A ha! I got him trapped now!

Mega Man prepares to capture the intruder, who takes off his mask to reveal himself as Simon, and is with Kevin, Pit and Princess Lana in the room

N-Team{in unison}: Happy birthday, Mega Man!

---

Captain N is bedridden

Dr. Light: This is getting serious. According to these biological readings, his lifeforce has dropped by more than half.

Lana: Oh no, Kevin!

Simon{worried tone}: But he is the Gamemaster!

Simon{composed tone}: I mean, what is the worry? It is just a simple Video Virus.

Dr. Light: Not to Kevin. Because he is not a native of Videoland, he was not immunized to it as we were.

---

Town in Alfregard. A man carrying spears and wearing a suit of armor is walking outside a shop. Inside, Princess Lana and Kevin are dismayed to see bare shelves

Shopkeeper: I have seen villians come, I have seen them go. But Dragonlord is the worst of them all! Everybody has been stocking up for his attack.

Kevin: So that bottle of fairy water is all you have left?

Lana: Guess we should go.

Shopkeeper: Wait! A powerful treasure has been hidden. Pulls out map But you will need to brave the cave of the Axe Knight to get it!

Lana places gold on counter; shopkeeper sells them his last item, the fairy water

Later, in the cave, they are about to get the treasure when the Axe Knight appears and swings at them

Kevin: Wait, Tin Man, pause! Kevin presses pause button, freezing enemies. Axe barely missed him Now that is what I call a close shave!

---

Simon, Link and Kid Icarus are working on a fake dragon to infiltrate Dragonlord's army. Enemies attack Simon

Simon: AUGH!

Link, Zelda and Kid Icarus kill enemies.

Simon: Thank you for the rescue, everyone.

Simon gets up and proceeds toward work site

Simon: But let us return to our duties. The dragon is not going to build itself.

Others give each looks as in "he is right, you know"

---

Mother Brain: Why do I have a sudden craving for Banana Split?

[Mother Brain is in Donkey Kong's body and is angered at her two lackeys, King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard, for messing up big time.]

Eggplant Wizard: Something tells me, our tomatoes are cooked.

King Hippo: Something tells me you're right. Let's get out of here.

[They quickly slide down a tree to avoid Mother Brain's rage. She tosses the Gameboyifed Mother Brain body out of her hands and chases after King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard.]

Mother Brain: You imbeciles, look what you did. Now I'll be stuck in this harry body forever.

Comic book quotes

• "It's always Captain N! He's the cause of all my troubles! They're right, though. Unless I can get rid of that pesky Game Master, my spring offensive will fall flat on its... face". ~Mother Brain
• Bigtime: Look at my credentials. Bigtime Brannigan comes with an efficiency rating of 100%!
  Mother Brain: True. You are one of the best bounty hunters in the force, Bigtime. Most impressive.
  Bigtime: The best.
  Zoomer: That's not what I heard. There's a rumor-- (Bigtime fires at Zoomer.) Woo!
  Bigtime: I do so hate unsightly lint.
• Samus: Now... get out there!
  Kraid: Are you kidding!? They'll catch me--I'll be sent to solitary confinement for a month!
  Samus: A month in solitary or a month in the hospital... it's your choice.
• "What kind of guy do you think I am?" ~Kevin to Samus
• Kevin: I'm going.
  Samus: Princess Lana would not want you to go.
  Kevin: Of course you'd say that. You... like me. You want me to stay.
  Samus: True. But if I were the Princess and you left the kingdom defenseless in order to be with me, I would despise you.
• Zebes Security: In Mother Brain's name, has your mission been accomplished? Have you obtained... the item?
  Merchant One Captain: The "item" is intact... of course. You think we'd show our faces here without it?
  Zebes Security: Good point!
• "Guess it's time to take a bite out of crime. Boy, crocodile sure tastes awful". ~Kevin as Duke, on biting one of King Hippo's cronies
• "Yuck! Some things taste even worse than crocodile". ~Kevin as Duke, after biting King Hippo
• "So, Mother Brain, what hologram are we going to hit them with next? Giant lizards? Snapping turtles? Vegetable peelers?!" ~Eggplant Wizard
• "Welcome, Game Master--whichever one of you that may be! Heh-heh!" ~Mother Brain
• "Too bad, Captain. I was going to save you for last, but first come first serve!" ~Mother Brain
• Kevin: Computer! If Tall, Wet, and Ugly over here isn't an enemy... then she won't mind turning over her weapons!
  Mother Brain: Put down my... weapons? Why, of course! I'll be delighted to turn over my weapons.
  Kevin: Is that all? You must be traveling light today.
• "I gave my word to Kevin to protect the Princess. I do not understand why he is so interested in her well-being - she's not half the hero I am! Still, I shall protect her..." ~Samus
• Lana: What a dismal place...
  Guard: What did you expect, the Pleasure Zone?
• "Hold me, Kevin. Hold me until forever comes again". -Samus