Bones (TV series)

Bones (2005–) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

Season 1

Pilot [1.1]

Brennan: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy.
Angela: Then you weren't doing it right
Brennan: [looking at the screen] What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at?
Booth: It’s like pornography; you'll know it when you see it.
Goodman: I do not view you as property, Dr. Brennan. You are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets.
Zack: An asset is, by definition, property.
Goodman: What's the rule, Mr. Addy?
Zack: You only converse with PhDs. You do realize I'm halfway through two doctorates. Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking...
Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy.
Booth: What are you trying to do?
Brennan: Blackmail you.
Booth: Blackmail a federal agent?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: I don't like it.
Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.
Booth: Fine. You're in.
Booth: What's it going to take?
Brennan: Full participation in the case.
Booth: Fine.
Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.
Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Zach: Right away Dr. Brennan.
Booth: He’s got no sense of discretion. That kid. Typical squint.
Brennan: I don’t know what that means.
Booth: Well when the cops get stuck we bring in people like you. You know, squints. You know to squint at things.
Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills.
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: Split the difference. Mixed race.
Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams?
Brennan: I don’t know what that means.

Booth: A case this big. The director is going to create a special investigation unit and if I line all my ducks up in a row, I can maybe, I can head it up.

Brennan: I don’t know what that means, but I think maybe I can be a duck.
Booth: You’re not a duck, okay. On this one we stick to the book. Cops on the streets. Squints in the lab.
Brennan: Well in that case, the Jeffersonian will be issuing a press release identifying the girl in the pond.
Booth: If you do that i'm a dead duck.
Brennan: What if Booth is right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people?
Angela: People like you.
Brennan: I don't care if men like me.
Angela: Okay, interesting jump from "people" to "men," but I'm sure it means nothing.
Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with dead people.

The Man in the S.U.V. [1.2]

Zack: If Smokey here had access to the president, why would he attack a café?
Brennan: "Smokey"?
Zack: It's how I deal with stress.
Hodgins: Targeting everyday places causes panic. People stay home, the economy is crippled. It's Terrorism 101, man.
Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture: terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.
Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.
Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.
Booth: Okay, what's so funny?
Brennan: I just never figured you being in a relationship.
Booth: Why? Do you think something's wrong with me?
Brennan: Not wrong. You just have alpha male attributes usually associated with a solitary existence.
Booth: What, me? You're solitary.
Brennan: No, no, I'm private.
Angela: Please, she's been sleeping alone for months! She has enough pent-up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern city.
Brennan: We'll find out who killed him, Booth. We've got Hamid's body. You can always count on the dead.
Hodgins: I graduated top of my class, Rhodes scholar, the youngest member inducted into the Academy of Physical Sciences, but she still makes me feel like a cretin.
Zack: She apologized to me.
Angela: Look, I... I know you needed help out there... at the crime scene. And I wanted to... but...
Brennan: It's okay. You see it. I don't anymore. I don't know what's worse.
Hodgins: [after Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend.] She's spying for you?
Brennan: No. No!
Zack: If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction.
Brennan: [glares at Zack] Okay, stop.
Angela: He is there for the taking, honey.
[Booth arrives]
Booth: Okay, I couldn't get his medical records.
[everyone stops and stares at Booth wordlessly]
Booth: What?
Brennan: [quickly] Nothing.
Booth: [after he kicks open a door.] Okay. Anybody asks, that door was open.

The Boy in the Tree [1.3]

Zack: She said "Take a hint." But when I asked "What hint?," Naomi said if she told me what hint, that it wouldn't be a hint any more, it would be a statement.
Angela: God, Etruscan burial crypts are so boring.
Hodgins: Oh man, I know. I mean silt profiles?!...you know what we need.
Angela: A murder investigation
Booth: Ah, you know, I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.
Brennan: I don't like sheriffs. They are elected into office, which means their goal is being re-elected, not finding the truth.
Booth: I don't... I don't like people who think they're better than other people.
Brennan: Some people are better than other people.
Booth: Uh, you know what you said right there, that is so un-American. All men are created equal; either you believe that or you don't.
Brennan: Some people are smarter than others; there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents?
Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. "We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss," and we are.
Brennan: What?
Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad. Try to remember that.
Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.
Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.
Brennan: You're the least objective person I have ever met.
Booth: Thank you.
Brennan: It's not a compliment.
Zack: I had sex with Naomi in Paleontology.
Angela: You mean, actually in Paleontology?
Zack: No, at her place. I thought it went great, but I could be wrong, because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is basic. And since she never called me back, I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.
Angela: You know what, Zack? I’m thinking this is more of a guy-guy conversation.
Brennan: [after catching the head that fell from the tree] I am going to need an evidence bag!
Booth: Heads up!
[the rest of the body falls in front of Brennan]
Brennan: I am going to need a bigger bag.
Zack: Sometimes, when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?
Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.

The Man in the Bear [1.4]

Goodman: [to Brennan] Come on, now, you have partially-digested, dismembered skeletal remains to examine. That should put a smile on your face.
Goodman: It's time to live a little, Temperance. Connect with other people.
Brennan: Are you suggesting that I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?
Goodman: Good God! Where's Dr. Freud when you need him?
Brennan: Residual cross-section striae.
Booth: Hmm... Just because you say it in that definitive tone doesn't mean it means anything to me.
Booth: You're a smart ass, you know that?
Brennan: Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.
Hodgins: All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?
Zack: Pack'em up tighter; maybe, say, in a suitcase.
Hodgins: How did a bear open a suitcase?
Zach: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.
Hodgins: That was not a documentary. It was a cartoon.
Sherman: Did you ever hear of the bone gatherers, collecting bones so that the dead can make their journey to the next world?
Brennan: Not even sure I believe in the next world.
Sherman: Doesn't matter what you believe in. You're a bone gatherer. That's a good thing, helping the spirits move on.
Brennan: Thank you. It's probably the best job description I will ever get.
Angela: Did you work all night?
Hodgins: Yes, I shaved the truffle.
Angela: Is that anything like spanking the monkey?
Hodgins: I found boring dust.
Angela: Is there any other kind?
Hodgins: Boring dust is produced by beetles, which means the tree the truffle grew on was infested.
Zack: That's not going to impress Toni.
Hodgins: That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.
Angela: That'll impress the hot courier.
Hodgins: I am back in the game.
[Angela and Dr. Goodman examine a Native-American stone wheel embedded with symbols.]
Dr. Goodman: This one is for spirit, the heart... this one for knowledge... and this is for courage.
Angela: So, we're looking for, maybe, a scarecrow, tin man, or a lion?

A Boy In a Bush [1.5]

Cop: You mind if I make an observation?
Brennan: No, of course not.
Cop: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that?
Brennan: You mean two-dimensional.
Zack: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value.
Cop: O-kay. Really looking forward to your next book.
Goodman: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena, a Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.
Brennan: You're not going to fire us if we don't go.
Goodman: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.
Zack: The shuttle smells like feet.
Zack: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on.
Brennan: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation.
Zack: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: I was at Waco. Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire, seventeen of them.
Zack: So you're saying I'll get used to it?
Brennan: No, I'm saying you will never get used to it. We're primates, social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young, even from each other.
Zack: So I'm always going to feel terrible?
Brennan: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box.
Zack: I'm not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: Focus on the details.
Zack: Details, yeah. I can do that.
Brennan: I'm afraid Angela might quit.
Booth: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Well, because she's human. I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, Angela didn't get the same training the rest of you got on Planet Vulcan.
Angela: You know Hodgins better than anyone body else. So, why is he so bent out of shape about this banquet?
Zack: What makes you say that?
Angela: Cause everytime sometimes mentions it, he starts snapping that rubber band around his wrist.
Zack: I mean what makes you think I know Hodgins better than anyone else?
Angela: You're roommates.
Zack: I live above his garage.
Angela: But you see a lot of each other.
Zack: Not really.
Angela: He drives you to work.
Zack: I've never been up to the main house.
Angela: The main house?
Zack: It's at the opposite end of the driveway on the other side of the tennis court across from the pond

[Booth enters]

Booth: OK. Anything on the identity of Charlie's abductors?
Angela: I can't clear up this image anymore than it is. Tell Booth what you told me about living in Hodgins's garage.
Zack: There's a bedroom, a living room, kitchen, another bedroom, a den.....
Booth: Quite a garage. Can we focus on the case?
Angela: How many cars does he have in that garage?
Zack: Including the antique ones about 12. And a boat.
Angela: Zack has never seen the main house because the tennis court and the pond block the view
Booth: Well, he must be one of those Hodgins.
Zack: Who are those Hodgins?
Booth: You know, the Cantilver Group Hodgins.
Angela: Oh, my god.
Zack: The same Cantilver Group that generates more GNP than Europe.
Angela: Get this. They are the single biggest donors to the Jeffersonian Institution.
Booth: Ha! That makes Hodgins your boss. [Laughs]
Brennan: Do you remember me, Sean?
Sean Cook: You're the museum lady, the one who's so smart.
Brennan: Yeah, I'm pretty smart.
Attorney: [sarcastically] And modest.
Booth: Oh, believe me, she is being modest.
Zack: What do we talk about?
Goodman: Your work, of course.
Angela: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs.
Hodgins: Leave me out of it, I am not going.
Dr. Goodman: And how do you see your job?
Angela: I draw death masks.
Goodman: Is that really how you see it?
Angela: Don't you?
Goodman: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro! You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body! You give victims back their faces! Their identities! You remind us all of why we're here in the first place! Because we treasure human life!
[Angela absorbs this and, on the verge of tearing up, embraces Dr. Goodman]
Goodman: Oh for God's sake.
Brennan: What happened?
Zack: Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

The Man in the Wall [1.6]

Angela: TGIF? You've heard of that?
Brennan: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym, but my inbox is full.
Angela: We know that's not true.
Brennan: A student needs help identifying some remains, and there's a TV show that needs research. Not that they listen.
Angela: We're going.
Brennan: I really should catalog that skull. It's in the museum's exhibit on the French Revolution.
Angela: Yeah, Pepe le Pew is more important than booze and boys.
Brennan: I don't think that's his name.
Angela: We are so gonna tear it up tonight!
Brennan: That's slang, right?
Angela: Right.
Brennan: Do you ever go on vacation?
Zack: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.
Brennan: What do you do?
Zack: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.
Brennan: Do you enjoy that?
Zack: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons. They think I'm a freak.
Brennan: Then why do you go?
Zack: They're my family... They love me.
Hall: I've been investigated for years. Why do you think they never got me on anything?
Booth: Because you’re so smart?
Hall: Because Terrence Baskin is my past. I'm one hundred percent clean now. This is my life now. This and my record label, not crystal meth... not gang-banging.
Brennan: Yet much of the iconic quality of urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.
Hall: Where did you find her?
Booth: Museum.
Booth: Randall Hall, he’s behind this. Randall Hall, okay? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him and there’s no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.
Brennan: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.
Booth: I can't let it stand.
Brennan: What?
Booth: You know what? I'm going to spread the pain. All right, that's my new motto.
[Booth turns and leaves. Brennan chases behind him.]
Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!

A Man on Death Row [1.7]

Amy: Amy Morton.
Brennan: Temperance Brennan.
Amy: You work with Booth?
Brennan: Yes. I'm a forensic anthropologist.
Amy: I'm a defense lawyer; I tend to work against Booth.
Booth: If it's all the same, I'd rather you two didn't bond in any way.
Hodgins: (about Zack) He's weird, but he's smart.
Brennan: Let’s pretend we are objective scientists and not indulge in conjecture.
(Booth and Brennan are in a conference room in the FBI building, sitting across from each other. Booth is filling out a form.)
Booth: Name?
Brennan: You know my name.
Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol.
Brennan: It’s ridiculous.
Booth: Fine. Then we’re done here. Do you want to get some coffee?
Brennan: My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?
Brennan: To shoot people.
Booth: Not a good response.
Brennan: It’s the truth.
Booth: You know, I’m writing self defense in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI.
Brennan: So I can shoot them.
Booth: (gives her a look but continues undeterred) Have you ever been charged with a felony?
Brennan: Charged or convicted?
Booth: Charged.
Brennan: You know I have.
Booth: I have to ask the questions.
Brennan: Bureaucratic nonsense.

(Booth and Brennan are digging in the marsh for evidence)

Brennan: What would you usually be doing?
Booth: What?
Brennan: If it were a normal weekend.
Booth: You wanna discuss this now?
Brennan: Compared to you with your multiple sex partners.
Booth: You know, that's none of your business, okay? I'm not having sex with Amy and I've never, ever cheated on any woman that I've ever been with. Never!
Brennan: I just asked what you'd normally be doing!
Amy: So, you seeing each other?
Brennan: Who?
Amy: You and Booth.
Brennan: No. No, we're working together.
Amy: Cause, I'm picking up a bit of a sex vibe.
Brennan: No, that's tension. (a little frustrated) He has a girlfriend.
Amy: Tall, blonde, beautiful?
Brennan: (nods) Lawyer.
Amy: Figures. Should’ve jumped him when I had the chance.
Brennan: You’re really interested in Booth?
Amy: You aren’t?
Brennan: No.
Amy: Well then why are you helping him?
Brennan: Because he asked me, he said please.
Brennan: This is a personal favor you're asking.
Booth: Not for me, for Amy.
Brennan: Well, your personal favor would be for Amy but mine would be for you, strictly speaking.
Booth: Please do me a favor. (pleading with his eyes) Please.
(Brennan takes the file from him accepting)
Booth: Hey Bones, what're you doing this weekend?
Brennan: I've got plans.
Booth': Come on, I'm serious.
Brennan: Between your girlfriend, the corporate lawyer, and the defense lawyer on the side your weekend must be completely booked. What is your thing with lawyers?
Booth: Name of arresting officer.
Brennan: You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you?
Booth: I think I can sound that out.
Brennan: So, when do I get the gun?

(Booth stamps the application form and shows it to her. It says DENIED)

Booth: You can't have a gun.
Brennan: Why not?
Booth: Because you were charged with a felony.
Brennan: Write down that you were wrong to charge me.
Booth: Oh, there is no space for that.
Epps: (about death penalty) They say it's like going to sleep, but you're on fire, you're paralyzed, and you can't scream. Sometimes the scream is all you have, you know?
Judge Cohen: (Wearing an open robe and boxer shorts) These are not the robes I like to wear to work, Ms. Morton.
Brennan: Sir, would you mind closing your dressing gown?
Judge Cohen: It's one in the morning. Deal with it.
Judge: Dr. Brennan, if those shadows turned out to be pieces of bone, I'd be extremely angry.
Brennan: Thank you, Judge Cohen.
Judge: For making a veiled threat?
Brennan: I thought you were threatening me because you had decided to sign the exhumation order.
Zack: (Ranting maniacally) I was out taking the pictures you needed and there was a sign and numbers on the ground and I thought, "Why assume a quasi-randomly generated function-oriented paradigm?"
Hodgins: Zack! When you talk that fast, human beings can't hear you.
Zack: 1-2-4-0-2-5-1-0-2-2-1. That's the number they found on the victim.
Hodgins: You're the one with the photographic memory. I'm the one that's good with the ladies.
Hodgins: (Answering the phone) Hodgins.
Zack: Most recondite codes have a complex numerical cypher.
Hodgins: That's a fun factoid, Zack. Thank you.
Brennan: I'll ask the others but I won't order them. They might have plans.
Booth: It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.

(after Brennan breaks Epps' wrist bone)

Brennan: Are you going to arrest me for assault?
Booth: From what I saw, purely self defense.
Brennan: Maybe I shouldn’t carry a gun after all.
Booth: Hell, you can have mine.
Cullen: (to Booth about Brennan) Got the squints involved. Well, if she shoots anybody this time, I sure the hell hope it's you.
Hodgins: What did you find?
Brennan: A shard of bone. How'd they miss that?
Hodgins: They're not as good as we are.
Booth: Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it.
Brennan: But what if you're injured or dead and someone still needs shooting? I'm not hoping it will happen. I'm just stating the possibility.
Booth: You know what, Bones? You're a professor, all right? You're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers...just talk people to death.
Brennan: Are you going to help with the digging?
Booth: Well I would but, psh, this is a $1200 suit.
Booth: I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution. There shouldn't be any doubts.
Prosecutor: He doesn't have doubts. He has cold feet.
Booth: Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?
Troy: (Sees the exhumed body on the lab table.) Oh god!
Angela: Don't look, sweetie.
Troy: You're not an artist. You're a freak. You're all freaks.
Angela: This job is so hard to describe online.
Booth: Why does he need a driver?
Zack: I can't drive.
Booth: You're a genius who can't drive?
Zack: If you knew what I know about structural design, you wouldn't drive either.
Hodgins: You want in on the action?
Angela: No thank you. I'm going to go have sex.
Hodgins: Have a good time.
Zack: Yeah, okay...
Hodgins: I demand another beetle. Jeff's got a groin pull.
Zack: Arthropods do not possess groins. Pay up
Booth: I told them not to let you in this building. I gave them your picture.
Amy: Which is why I wore the tiny skirt.
Booth: You have the right to appeal.
Brennan': To whom? Cullen? I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me.
Booth: I'm pretty sure you're right.
Brennan: I believe in the death penalty. There are certain people who shouldn't be in this world. The people who hacked hundreds of innocent children to death in Rwanda; beheaded them at their desks at school! The people who did that, they should be executed.
'Angela: Look at this guy. He's cuter than a monkey with a puppy.

(Booth and Brennan at Wuang Fu's)

Booth: You know, I’m sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing.
Brennan: No, not for nothing.
Booth: Ah, you know what I mean. You know all that running around it didn’t change anything. Epps was guilty. He was always guilty.
Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.
Booth: Very poetic.
Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. (very earnestly) When I look at a bone it’s not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It’s a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone’s life. I don’t care who it is. (Booth stares at her intently for a long while) What? (he continues to stare and a smile begins to form on his lips) What?
Booth: You know you’ve been practicing your Nobel prize speech just a little too much.

The Girl in the Fridge [1.8]

Zack: [excitedly] The Anthropology Journal is publishing our piece on the evolution of the Coronals suture.
Brennan: Worthy interruption.
[Zach offers his fist to Brennan, who looks confused.]
Zack: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours.
Brennan: Why?
Zack: I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. [puts his fist down]
Angela: I love it when you two impersonate earthlings.
Brennan: So why are you here?
Michael: George Washington University wants to talk to me about heading their Anthropology department.
Brennan: They'd be lucky to get you.
Michael: I assume they tried you first.
Brennan: I already had a job.
Brennan: Not tonight. I have a dinner.
Booth:: What? Wow. I just assumed that the two of you would be eating off an autopsy table.
Brennan: Not tonight!
Booth: I was being...uh...Tomorrow's fine.
Hodgins: Using a refrigerator to hide a body... kinda perfect, isn't it?
Zack: A good way to remove the victim without being detected. The rubber gaskets seal in the odor.
Angela: Maybe the company should use that in their ads.
Angela: You know, you can take the day off. You deserve one day.
Brennan: Michael wanted to look at our equipment.
Angela: ...I'm gonna let that one go...
Brennan: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.
Levitt: But it's informed by it. Are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?
Brennan: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context; but you can’t break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces. She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied. And her side, her hip and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection. And the more she struggled, the more pain she was in. So they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn’t matter. Only she matters; only Maggie.

The Man in the Fallout Shelter [1.9]

Angela: It's all so tragic. A cheap wedding ring sewn into his suit. Two tickets to Paris. It makes you wonder, who was the girl? Can you imagine what it was like for her, waiting and wondering, never knowing what happened?
Brennan: I don't have to imagine.
Booth: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.
Brennan: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring, and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren’t persecuted.
Booth: What are you, like, the Christmas killer?
Brennan: It's the truth.
Booth: No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.
Brennan: I ruin the true truth with facts?
Brennan: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?
Booth: Wow, that's... that's deep. It’s a very deep pile of crap.
Brennan: You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point.
Angela: We are going to that Christmas party. We are going to drink eggnog. [to Booth] You are going to kiss me under the mistletoe. On the lips. [to Zack and Hodgins] I might kiss you two on the lips. [to Brennan] I may even kiss you in a festive, non-lesbian way. But we are going to that party.
Booth: Okay, could we just stop bringing up the whole Christ myth thing? Some people believe it's more than just a myth.
Brennan: Well, who besides you?
Goodman: That would be me, Dr. Brennan. I'm a deacon at my church.
Angela: I do. Christmas and Easter, anyway.
Hodgins: Although I believe organized religion is just another political movement designed to control the masses, it doesn’t mean God doesn't love me.
Zack: Hey, I'm a rational empiricist all the way, unless you talk to my mother. Then I'm Lutheran.
Angela: How am I going to enjoy this party knowing that my best friend in the whole world is in the lab, eyeball to eyeball with Skeletor?
Brennan: Who?
Hodgins: Wow, was that a shot, because I apologized. I mean, Zach doesn't get to see his family, Goodman doesn't get to see his kids, Booth doesn't get to see his son. At least I'm an accidental Grinch, with all due respect, you're the grinch on purpose.
Brennan: I have no idea what you're saying to me.

(Goodman, Angela, Zack, Hodgins, and Booth discussing how to set up a Secret Santa)

Zack: I could build a random generator.
Goodman: Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?
Hodgins: All right, I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.
Goodman: Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?
Hodgins: Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.
Zack: Six.
Hodgins: There is no six!
Goodman: A through E and 1 through 5?
Zack: Six!
Hodgins: There is no six!
Booth: (holding out a jar with names in it) Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.
Goodman: Oh. That could work.
Booth: Christmas is the perfect time to reevaluate your standing with...(points upward)
Brennan: A helicopter pilot?

The Woman at the Airport [1.10]

Brennan: X-rays, pictures: we're going to do this without touching the actual skeleton as much as possible.
Zack: Kid gloves?
Brennan: Latex should be all right... Zack, were you being metaphoric?
Zack: I decided to give it a shot. Which is also metaphoric.
Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.
Booth: Iron Age warrior? When was the Iron Age?
Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago.
Booth: Fresh body bits; just a little more urgent.
Brennan: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies than there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?
Booth: You know, when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?
Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior. Yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?
Zack: Looks like tuberculosis.
Goodman: A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.
Hodgins: Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.
Kostov: You have the most beautiful bone structure.
Brennan: I can't take credit. It's genetic.
Zack: This is the type of situation where people say, "Oh, my God."
Hodgins: Pretend you're a person and say it.
Zack: Oh, my God.
Brennan: You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!
Booth: I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?
Hodgins: Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!
Zack: What's a classic?
Booth: That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.
Brennan: You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!
Zack: Did I hear you say hooker?
Hodgins: Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?
Booth: You have much looser daily allowances than I do.
Brennan: Well, have fun.

The Woman in the Car [1.11]

Stacy: Um, Dr. Brennan, your book has sold over three hundred thousand copies. How do you juggle twin careers as a best-selling author and crime-fighting scientist?
Brennan: Well, I do one, then the other.
Pickering: Didn't I see you on television this morning, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: How could I possibly know what you watched on television?
Pickering: Yes, that was her.
Goodman: Perhaps you should work your way up to Dr. Brennan.
Pickering: When was the last time you saw your husband?
Angela: My husband?
Pickering: Yes.
Angela: [surprised] Oh. [laughs] Oh. [chuckles] Wow, you mean that actually took? Really, it didn’t seem legal. We were in Fiji. You know, there was a fire dance. You know how those things can be, right?
Pickering: I really don't, Miss Montenegro.
Pickering: What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.
Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology; I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?
Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?
Zack: Very often.
Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?
Zack: I've been told. I'm working on it.
Pickering: Can you understand why that concerns us?
Zack: Not really.
Booth: FBI!
Suspect: US Marshals!
Booth: US Marshals?
Brennan: Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.
Sam Cullen: Well, at least nobody got shot this time. (to Brennan) Probably because she didn't have a gun.
Booth: You know, if this works, I'm gonna buy you a puppy.
Brennan: That would be inadvisable.
Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?
Brennan: Only if you tell me first.
Pickering: I beg your pardon?
Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.
Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?
Brennan: You should check with the State Department.
Pickering: I'm from the State Department.
Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.
Pickering: When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man called [consults notebook] Juan Guzman?
Brennan: [holds up finger, dials a number from memory] This is Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian; you told me to call you if anyone ever asked about...him. [In response to question] Someone from the State Department, an Agent Pickering. [she hands the phone to Pickering]
Pickering: [picks up phone, annoyed] Pickering. Yes Sir, yes, I'll wait here. [hands the phone back to Brennan to hang up, looks shocked]
Brennan: Any other questions?
Pickering: No. No, the review has been suspended. I've been ordered to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.

The Superhero in the Alley [1.12]

Booth: No, you don't have to solve the whole case. Just tell me if I'm looking at a murder. Maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.?
Brennan: Don't use your charm smile on me.
Booth: What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.
[Booth and Brennan are looking through the room of a teenage murder victim.]
Booth: Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.
Brennan: Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.
Booth: Sweet.
Brennan: Sweet?
Booth: Ah, he has Batman #127, featuring The Hammer of the Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.
Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?
Booth: First of all, you mean geek. And no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.
Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.
Booth: Oh, you mean isolated, with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.
Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on their page.
Booth: You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.
Brennan: [to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.
Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.
Brennan: Such as?
Goodman: Such as, archeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.
Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.
Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.
Angela: Yeah.
Brennan: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.
Booth: No, Bones. You do fight crime. It's not a fantasy. As far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.
Brennan: You're just saying that to me.
Booth: No, I don't do that.
Brennan: Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.
Booth: Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.
Brennan: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.
Booth: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.

The Woman in the Garden [1.13]

Brennan: I read a book about improving work relationships. It's not fair to expect you to tell me everything.
Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.
Booth: Great. Now he's ignoring us in two languages.
Hodgins: Typically, gravediggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.
Angela: Umm... ew.
Hodgins: Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?
Brennan: You can't arm Hodgins and not me.
Booth: What is it with you people and guns?
Hodgins: And here's the kicker. There was also evidence of genetic material from a Franklinea altamaha on his shoe.
Booth: You're kidding! I'm in shock...Frankie Alabama? You don't say.
Brennan: Did you hear what I said about sarcasm?
Hodgins: It's a rare flowering plant that hasn't been seen in the wild since 1800. The only known specimen in this area, outside of a specialized botanical garden, was given to Senator Alan Corman as a gift. Oh, I love going after senators...
Booth: Whoa, just, you know, simmer down there, Hodgins, we're gonna check out the botanical garden first.
Hodgins: (shrugs) Fine. It's at the White House.

(Brennan and Hodgins laugh and high five)

Booth: Okay, you guys should do that even less than normal people.
Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?
Ortez: She's not FBI.
Booth: [punches him in the face, grabs him and points his gun right at his throat] I never said anything about the FBI. She's my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won't think twice. Come here, look in my eyes. [pushes barrel of the gun into his mouth and cocks it] Look at my face. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, and nobody sees, nobody knows.

The Man in the Fairway [1.14]

Zack: This is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth. I don't like it.
Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.
Zack: Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.
Booth: The FBI doesn't have jurisdiction on a golf course.
Brennan: Well who does?
Booth: I don't know, try the PGA. You know, you've done a couple of cases without me and you miss me.
Brennan: Zack misses you, not me.
Booth: Zack and I don't even talk!
Brennan: He seems to think it's a male bonding ritual.
Booth: Maybe he's right.
Brennan: No it's not.
Booth: Could be.
Brennan: You told him that so you wouldn't have to talk to him!
Booth: Well it was nicer than shooting him!
Booth: Next time, you know, you miss me, pick up the phone, call me. We'll do lunch..or something
Brennan: *open mouthed, denying* I DO NOT miss you!
Booth: *teasing manner* Yeah..You MISS me!!Come on..
Brennan: *denying*I do not miss you!
Booth: ...say it
Brennan: *defending herself* I DO NOT MISS YOU!
Brennan: Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.
Zack: No way!
Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."
Brennan: Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.
Brennan: I suggest we try to match this reconstruction with escort ads, both internet and print in the D.C. area.
Zack: Oh, I'll do that!! ...Was that overly enthusiastic?
Brennan: I feel like kicking him.
Booth: That's normal after a pursuit. We try not to do that.
Booth: Hey, you know, your people are my people.
Brennan: What? I have people? Hey, I have people.
Angela: What's goin' on? Why's every guy from the Jeffersonian here?
Hodgins: They're scientists. This is a fascinating scientific inquiry.
Angela: Oh my god. They're all out here because your going to feed something through this wood chipper.
Hodgins: Not just something. [pulls sheet off of table] Ta da! Frozen pig!
Angela: uhh...
Zack: The morphology of pig bones is almost identical to human bone.
Hodgins: By feeding the pig through the wood chipper we'll be able to determine a dispersal pattern of the fragments.
Zack: By comparing the pulverized pigs remains to the ones we found at the golf course we'll be able to tell if this is the actual wood chipper the victim was fed through.
Angela: Liars! You just want to see what happens when you toss some frozen pig into a wood chipper.

Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15]

Hodgins:: I'm doing the fecal flotation right now... Wow, don't get to say that a lot.
Brennan: I have trekked through Tibet, avoiding the Chinese army. I think I can handle meeting someone for dinner
Booth: Fine, you know what? You have fun with Dick431 or whatever his handle is.
Brennan: Yeah! I will!
Booth: Good!
Brennan: Thanks!
Booth: Fine!
Brennan: Good!
[Booth is looking at Brennan's music collection.]
Booth:: Tibetan throat singers... Rock on, Bones.
Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: You're sure?
Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.
[In the hospital]
Booth: I don't know if I have to stay here.
Brennan: You got blown up.
Booth: Pshaw. I've been worse.
Brennan: You have burns, lacerations, two broken ribs, fracture of the clavicle...
Booth: Okay...I got blown up. [reaches for pudding on table] Can you...can you hand me one of the puddings?
Angela: Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.
Brennan: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.
Zack: Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest?
Brennan: Yes, it can mean either.
Hodgins: This conspiracy thing is a lot more intense when you're in the middle of it.

The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16]

[seeing the rats eating the body]
Brennan: May I borrow your gun?
Booth: Why do you want my gun?
Brennan: I'm not gonna shoot anyone, I promise.
Booth: It's not a hammer or anything.
Brennan: We've been working together for months Booth, a little trust would be nice.
Booth: Careful!
[analyzing the medallion evidence]
Goodman: Oh My God!
Angela: [to Hodgins] Aren't you gonna go after him?
Hodgins: Nope!
Angela: Why not?
Hodgins: Because he is now officially in charge of that medallion.
[Angela and Hodgins knuckle-punched]
Booth: Bones, I mean, you do realize that you are discussing motive right now? Psychology, not hard evidence.
Brennan: It won't happen again.
Brennan: You're nervous.
Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them.
Brennan: [checking the map on the cellphone] Okay, I bet Tic-Toc Team is here...two levels above us.
Booth: Don't call them Tic-Toc team, okay? They're Tac Team, it's short for tactical.
Brennan: But, wait, can I just have a gun at least until they get here?
Booth: [sighs and takes out the gun from his sock] Here. It's not for shooting rats, it's for psychos with climbing axes.
Booth: [talking through the radio]Tic-Toc Three!
Tac Team: Did you just called us..Tic-Toc??
Booth: (realized his mistake) Tac Team Three, standby!
Booth: Bones, give me your gun. Take the restraints out of my belt and put 'em on Kyle. [Bones puts her gun in Booth's pants pocket]
Booth: That's not cocked, is it? Because where that's pointed...
Brennan: You're safe.
Booth: Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.
Goodman: That's very good! Very good. [laughs]
Booth: Right. [laughs]
Brennan: What? What’s the joke?
Booth: Clue?
Brennan: What clue? [Booth and Goodman laugh] What clue?
Booth: Unbelievable, Bones.
Angela: What's funny?
Brennan: I have no idea.

The Skull in the Desert [1.17]

Brennan: It took all of my charm—
Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy—
Brennan: Just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.
Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?
Brennan: I want you to get federal on his ass.
Booth: [smiles] Oh!
Booth: I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop... Hell.
Brennan: Wait outside while I get dressed.
Booth: No. Unh-uh. The sun's been up for an hour out there. It's already the surface of Mercury. I can stand here, close my eyes, eat my doughnuts. Best I can do, okay?
Brennan: No offence to you, but you're a stodgy traditionalist when it comes to relationships, buddy!
Booth: Stodgy?Stodgy.
Booth: He's definitely twitchy about something.
Brennan: What if he is escaping out the back door?
Booth: You don't spend a lot of time in trailers, do you?
[Booth, Brennan and Angela are stranded in the desert after the sheriff goes to look for his sister.]
Booth: Did either of you bring any water? [The girls show him their small water bottles.]
Angela: Why?
Brennan: Because we are way past where Jesus lost his sandals.
Brennan: You will get a second chance. Because nothing in this universe happens just once. Infinity goes in both directions. There's no unique event, no singular moment.
Brennan: Obviously, subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.
Angela: I'm sure that's it.
Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?
Angela: Well it's the only rational explanation.
Brennan: Are you guys making fun of me?

The Man with the Bone [1.18]

Brennan: Why do the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multi-million dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with death are viewed as freaks.
[Booth and Brennan are trying to get everyone's attention]
Brennan: F.B.I! You're all under arrest!
[All the workers stop what they're doing and look at her]
Booth: Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that. I'm the one with the badge.
Brennan: [to Dr. Goodman] Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility. You assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know? This never would've happened at Stanford!
Goodman: We spend three-quarters of a million annually on security!
Brennan: Obviously that's not enough. [Booth comes in] I want my bones! Did you find my bones?
Booth: Ooh, maybe you just want to, you know, chill a little?
Brennan: Chill?
Booth: Yeah. You know, take a pill?
Brennan: Listen, dude, my lab was violated, my bones were stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.
Angela: Honey, maybe you should focus on your breathing.
Booth: Breathing.
Angela: Count to ten.
Booth: Count to ten.
Angela: Have a shot of Jack.
Booth: Shot of Jack.
Security Guard: I didn't see the harm.
Brennan: In stealing human remains?
Security Guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.
Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.
Booth: You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.
Brennan: Music...Shhh, it's down there. [gesturing]
Booth: That's not music...it's bagpipes.

The Man in the Morgue [1.19]

Booth: Voodoo... [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?
Brennan: It's a religion. No crazier than... well, what are you?
Booth: Catholic.
Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.
Booth: We don't make zombies.
Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days.
Booth: Jesus is not a zombie! I shouldn't even have to tell you that.
Detective Harding: [to Booth] You found a prosecutor to defend her? Interesting tactic.
Brennan: I've told Detective Harding everything I know so far-
Caroline: She's a fool!? [to Booth] You didn't tell me she's a fool!
Booth: No, she's a a brilliant forensic anthropologist.
Brennan: Wa..I have three degrees. I-I've pioneered in research-
Caroline: What's that? [pointing to the evidence]
Brennan: A gris-gris bag, I find it in my hotel- [tries to hold evidence but Detective Harding took it away] -room. I'm assuming the person who left it there was trying to frame me, so the tooth is..probably Graham's.
Caroline: Three degrees and still a fool!
Caroline: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?
Brennan: Why are you nice to me?
Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Brennan: What?
Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury him in the desert. They throw 'em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.
Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Brennan: I really should.
Booth: And they put a forgetting spell on her!
Brennan: Booth!
Caroline: Hey, I can work with that. This N'awlins, baby.
[The murderer starts chanting voodoo spells. Brennan steps forward and pokes him in the eye.]
Brennan: I find very few people are scary once they've been poked in the eye.
Hodgins: They put the voodoo on you, baby! [Brennan glares] I didn't really mean to call you baby.

The Graft in the Girl [1.20]

Booth: About a month ago, his daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with cancer. Meso—
Brennan: Mesothelioma. Lung cancer.
Booth: Exactly. So she is not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now.
Brennan: Huh.
Booth: Huh what?
Brennan: Nothing. It's just — that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer. Odd for someone Amy's age to contract—
Booth: No. No no no. No probing, 'kay? Not to Cullen, not to his family. This will take five minutes. We go in there, we do the show and tell, we leave him with the case, and then we're outta there. Is that clear?
Brennan: I just think it's peculiar—
Booth: No.
Brennan: But I—
Booth: No!
Booth: How do you listen to this all day?
Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.
Booth: She hated the guy. My guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville.
Booth: So, is it him?
Brennan: It's him. But here's the kickster—
Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.
Brennan: Oh.

The Soldier in the Grave [1.21]

Goodman: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.
Hodgins: Which is odd, because it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.
Goodman: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?
Hodgins: Sure. I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.
Brennan: [imitating John Wayne] "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
Booth: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible. That was, like, Jerry Lewis.
Brennan: Was not.
Brennan: Now you're a mind reader?
Booth: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?
Brennan: You do and you could lose a tooth.
Angela: Yeah. Men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.
Brennan: Yeah. I guess I forgot.
Hodgins: I hate to say conspiracy; but, my peeps, we've got a conspiracy.

The Woman in Limbo [1.22]

Russ Brennan: I call... every year... on your birthday. You never pick up.
Brennan: Take a hint.
Angela: Hate is easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.
Russ: Tempy, that theory explains why Mom never came back for you during those one and a half years before she died!
Brennan: What's your excuse, Russ?
Russ: You're the one that left me! You needed someone to blame and you chose me.
Brennan: I was fifteen years old!
Russ: I was nineteen. My parents were gone. My sister hated my guts. Everyone told me that she'd be better off in foster care.
Brennan: You didn't even ask me!
Russ: I tried, Temperance. You wouldn't talk to me. You still wouldn't talk to me if Mom's bones didn't show up. And I kept trying. Every year. Every year on your birthday. You're the one that gave up. You turned your back on me and you made yourself a new family.
Brennan: Sometimes people need to explain things to me, I guess.
Russ: You have to let them talk.
Booth: [making a toast] To us.
Russ: Whoever the hell we are.
Brennan: To what we're becoming.
↑Jump back a section

Season 2

The Titan on the Tracks [2.1]

Cam: Hey, Hodge-Podge, all engines reverse. First we identify beyond a shadow of a doubt. Then we get paranoid.
Hodgins: Cool. As long as paranoia's on the schedule somewhere.
Cam: You're chattering me to death because you hope I'll forget that you called me a wank-tard.
Hodgins: It's a... made-up word. No meaning.
Brennan: Tell me that's not a real skeleton.
Zack: No, we made him out of calcium phosphate and hydroxyapatite.
Hodgins: And spam.
Cam: If it happens again, I will take action. And I am from New York, which means that I will take New York action. Am I clear?
Brennan: Not at all.
Zack: I'm from Michigan.
Hodgins: Dr Saroyan means she'll make us watch musical theatre.
Brennan: Don't you have to read him his rights before you strangle him?
Booth: Yeah, Bones doesn't intimidate.
Cam: Then... what?
Booth: Have you seen the way she stares at human remains before she makes a decision?
Cam: Yes.
Booth: You're human remains and... she hasn't made a decision yet.
Lisa Supac: (after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash) It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.
Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Cam: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Booth: Hey!
Cam: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Cam: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Cam: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Cam: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Cam: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Brennan, Hodgins, Angela: Not Zack.
Cam: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Cam: No, Ms. Supac. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.

The Mother and Child in the Bay [2.2]

Cam: What do you want?
Angela: George Clooney naked on a white sand beach, but I can give you faces after the skull's been reconstructed.
Booth: Monkeys are Daddy's favorite! They're just like people!
Brennan: Actually, three million base pairs of the genome differ in protein encoding and other functional areas.
Booth: What?
Brennan: The differences between chimps and humans.
Booth: I'm talking to a four-year-old, Bones.
Booth: You want me to what?
Brennan: Stab the body for me. We need to match force with the injuries recorded on the remains.
Booth: Okay, I'm stabbing the body.
Brennan: It's a replica. We're all going to do it. You're just the closest to Kyle Richardson.
Booth: Okay, you know what? That's great. I'll be there in twenty. But in the future you just got to ask me differently, Bones, because you know what? Come over to your place to stab a body? That is just freaky.
Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love.
Zack: The force used to make the injuries on the bones was 24 newton-meters. And the winner is, with 24 newton-meters...Angela.
Angela: What?
Hodgins: Congratulations.
Angela: Really?
Brennan: Height and weight?
Angela: Oh god. U-uh...ugh. Five-eight, one hundred and hun...dre....
Brennan: What?
Angela: 135. It's all muscle.
Brennan: You think Richardson can rise to the occasion? Be a decent father?
Booth: He's got Carlie's parents to help him and I like to think that people can change.
Brennan: Faith and hope, right?
Booth: Right.
Brennan: Angela threw in love, too.
Booth: Love is good.
Brennan: (about Richardson) He didn't kill her.
Booth: No, but he ran. How do you just cut your family out of your life like that?
Brennan: What about Abraham?
Booth: You're gonna throw religion in my face right now?
Brennan: I thought you find answers in what you believe.
Booth: Well, that's the one Bible story that I just don't like. I mean, God commands Abraham to kill his own son and he does.
Brennan: Abraham does not kill Isaac.
Booth: But old Ab, he had the intention.
Brennan: I thought what he had was faith.
Booth: Look, I have faith. But if God himself came down, pointed at Parker and said I want you to, you know, that ain't gonna happen.
'Brennan: God's messenger stopped Abraham?
Booth: Yeah. You know, grabbed his hand the last second right before the knife was about to go in.
Brennan: Ok, then the lesson I would learn from this myth -
Booth: Myth?
Brennan: Fits the definition.
Booth: Ok, fine.
Brennan: That when it comes to your children your love has to be absolute. The messenger represents goodness, what you know to be right, ergo you have to remain open to what you know is true.
Booth: (smiles) Are you sure you're not religious?
Brennan: Science all the way.
Booth: Science all the way.
Brennan: Hey, even an empiricist can have a heart, Booth.
Brennan: I understand killers, I just don't know how mothers can do it. I mean, dogs can be trained in a couple of weeks. Kids, mothers have to give up their lives for years.
Booth: No, no. When you're looking at your kid, you don't feel like you're giving up anything.
Brennan: So, you'd do it again?
Booth: What?
Brennan: You'd have Parker, even with everything you're going through?
Booth: What kind of question is that?
Brennan: Wouldn't it be easier if Parker wasn't caught in this drama of yours, with Rebecca, new boyfriend?
Booth: God, no, no, Bones! He's my son. Whatever we're going through, it's not about that and he knows that.
Brennan: That's what parents say when they want to justify themselves.
Booth: You know, I haven't walked out on Parker, alright? I would never have done what your parents did.
Brennan: I didn't say you would, I just - I don't know. You're the father, I don't know anything about raising kids.
Booth: Parker's fine.

(Booth and Brennan in the diner. Booth just finished talking to Parker on the phone)

Brennan: New boyfriend spending a lot of time with your son?
Booth: Yeah. So, you got any new information for me Bones?
Brennan: (referring to Parker) I'm sorry.
Booth: Yeah, there's no need.
Brennan: It must be hard, not being able to see him when you want to.
Booth: See, this is information that I already know, Bones. Why don't you, let's say we just discuss the case, hm?
Brennan: (sees that he's upset) Sure.
Booth:You know, I'm his father. Parker knows that. I mean, that's, that's what's important, not some stupid trip to the zoo.
Brennan: No, absolutely.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: Yeah.
Booth: Done.
Brennan: Of course.
Booth: Boom.
Cam: (about the main suspect) Looks like he's not walking this time Seeley.
Hodgins: Ironic, since he's running now.
Angela: Hodgins, you know Booth is bigger than you, right?
Hodgins: Right. (looks at Booth) Wasn't your fault, dude.

(Booth and Brennan in the car on their way to the crime scene)

Brennan: I don't see why I couldn't drive.
Booth: Cause you're agitated.
Brennan: No, I am not.
Booth: You know what? You've turned this into a competition between you and Cam.
Brennan: I just like to be first on the scene, that's all, to protect the evidence.
Booth: She's not going to disturb anything.
Brennan: No, it's all tissue and blood and DNA with her. She doesn't appreciate the skeletal system. You can take the I70, it'll be quicker.
Booth: Don't backseat drive, ok?
Brennan: Haha, I think I know who's agitated.
Booth: Someone is annoying me, ok? That's different.
Brennan: Your ex.
Booth: Huh?
Brennan: That's who's annoying you. (teasingly) Because she has a new man in her life.
Booth: That's funny, you know, ok. I am concerned about my son. I wanna know what kind of guy this new boyfriend is and you know what? If she's not gonna tell me, I'll find out on my own.
Brennan: You're gonna run a background check on him?
Booth: You have kids and we'll talk.
Brennan: That's a lot to ask for a little conversation.
Brennan: And I'm supposed to know who that is?
Booth: Yeah. Disappeared a year ago, she was pregnant? Oh come on, Bones, you have to get a TV. Oh, hey, or at least, hey, thumb through a People to check out things.
Brennan: Was it in the Journal of Forensic Anthropology?
Booth: Oh, you know, I forgot to renew my subscription. You know Bones, you really need to take up some other interest.
Brennan: Well, I'm reading Ted Gioia's History of Jazz, was she mentioned in there? Or maybe in McGee's Science and Lore of the Kitchen. Or perhaps I should develop an interest in the mainstream media's exploitation of crimes for their entertainment value.
Booth: (amused) You know, that's amazing Bones, you can be really snotty sometimes.
Brennan: The knife is consistent with the one that caused the wounds. We've fitted it with an instrumented blade that will give us a digital readout of the Newton meters of each stab.
Zack: It's a dual-mass drop system.
Hodgins: Cliff notes version: We all stab. One of us is the killer.
Booth: Thank you!
Angela: Sort of like a real creepy party game.
Brennan: Do you want children?
Cam: What?
Brennan: Children?
Cam: Maybe, if I can find one that sleeps late and cleans. Does this apply to the case in any way?
Brennan: No, just curious. Most people think it's odd when a woman doesn't want children but obviously, you don't.
Cam: Are you pregnant?
Brennan: No! I'm not.
Booth: Why are you looking at me?
Cam: Well as long as you're not leaving the lab every two minutes to pee...
Brennan: No intention of it.
Cam: So all this back and forth was for nothing. Good to know.
Cam: The last place I worked had a drunk sketch artist...
Hodgins: It's beautiful here.
Booth: Yeah, you know that's important for a murder.
Cam: (to Hodgins) Dozing off Hodgepodge.
Zack: There was a dead fish under the plastic.
Hodgins: Ooo and it's not even my birthday.
Cam: I love being a hero.
Brennan: A heroine.
Cam: Mmm, sounds too druggie. I'm going with hero.
Booth: Don't we have some stabbing to do?
Angela: Yes. I hate my job.
Brennan': Committing yourself to one person isn't in the interest of the species. I mean, you have multiple partners.
Angela: Don't say it like that - I date.
Brennan: The notion of a committed relationship, it's fantasy. Look at Booth. Fighting with his ex, his son caught in the middle.
Angela: We make our lives out of chaos and hope. And love. Someday you'll meet somebody.
Brennan: I don't need anything more than what I have now.
Angela: Talk about a fantasy.
Cam: Let's just hand the prosecutor what she needs so I can have a nice weekend knocking back shots and playing poker.
Brennan: Yeah, that should motivate us.
Hodgins: Woo! Seems to be a lot of Gamophyta!
Booth: Is that good?
Hodgins: I won't know until I compare it to the samples in the lab.
Booth: Then why did you act so excited?
Hodgins: I guess I just like Gamophyta.

The Boy in the Shroud [2.3]

Hodgins: That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Zack: Romeo and Juliet, Act Two, Scene Two. The quote concerned most aptly describes the central conflict of the play. Which I totally do not understand.
Zack: I'm not used to bodies looking so much like actual human beings.
Brennan: I can't work like this!
Cam: Are you telling me I should start looking for your replacement?
Angela: Dr. Saroyan, I don't want to be overly dramatic or anything, but if you lose Brennan, you lose us all.
Cam: Really?
Angela: Really, and Booth too.
Cam: [to Hodgins] When it comes to bugs, slime, crud and compost, you're the man.
Hodgins: I found the murder weapon!
Angela: Oh, you are good.
Hodgins: You have no idea.
Zack: Are you having a moment?
Angela: It's a strange place for two people in love to end up.
Hodgins: What, a forensics lab?
Angela: No a squat in an abandoned pipe factory.
Hodgins: Right, yeah, right...


Cam: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit.
Booth: What?
Cam: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian.
Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Cam: And you?
Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Cam: No you don't, Seeley.
Booth: Okay here we go. What's going on Camille?
Cam: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.
Cam: Not everyone's brain works as fast as yours. I have to mull sometimes. Are... are you familiar with that concept?
Brennan: Yes. I just always thought that it was a waste of time.

The Blonde in the Game [2.4]

Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.
Cam: Why don't you just ask him?
Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Cam: You'll be there to protect her.
Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Brennan: He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Cam: Better not take Dr. Brennan.
Booth: Do you have a dog, Bones?
Brennan: I always wanted a pig...
Booth: A pig?
Brennan: Very smart, despite the popular misconception, very clean.
Hodgins: Hey Angela! You look great today.
Angela: Thanks Hodgie! This is my boho rocker, artist, mid-week, take-a-deep-breath-and-pout look.
Brennan: Hodgie?
Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?
Brennan: [looking at him as though the answer is obvious] Jasper.
Brennan: (entering the suspect's house and finding a dog they encountered earlier) Oh great! Him again. I don't have a pine cone.
Booth: (pulls his gun and advances on the dog) Listen dog, I will shoot you in the head if you don't cut it out right now! (dog stops barking and heels)
Hodgins: I can't just guess; I have a process!
Booth: I got something for you.
Brennan: A bottle of hard liquor?
Booth: Next best thing. (takes a small pig figurine out of his pocket, puts it in the palm of his hand, and moves very close to Brennan) Meet Jasper. (both smiling, Brennan takes Jasper from Booth's hand and looks at it) You're gonna be okay?
Brennan: Yeah.
Booth: Definitely.

The Truth in the Lye [2.5]

Brennan: And if you’re not helpless, then why did you sleep with her?
Booth: Oh, I really don’t recall saying that I did!
Brennan: Well, you didn’t have to. I could hear it in your voice. I might as well have walked in on you having sex.
Booth: Oh, you didn't, and we weren't.
Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.
Booth: Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.
Brennan: Sure. Any time.
Angela: Maybe he dissolved himself so there'd be more of him to go around... I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Hodgins: I'll save you a seat.
Zack: I'm going on police business.
Hodgins: So proud. [to Cam] Wait, does he mean out? In the world?
Cam: We'll pin our phone number on his shirt.
Angela: What you thought were teeth marks, Dr. Saroyan, turned out to be Chinese characters engraved along the side.
Hodgins: What do they say?
Angela: They say, "What make foolish man think I speak Chinese?"
Hodgins: I thought you were half Chinese!
Angela: And I think you're half Swedish. Let's hear some Swedish!

The Girl in Suite 2103 [2.6]

Brennan: [to Booth] You seem uncomfortable. Does his size make you self-conscious?
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: It's a condition: skeletal dysplasia. Pseudoachondroplasia or S.E.D. congenita?
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What?
Radswell: Dr. Brennan, I can see that you're a straightforward person. And as much as I appreciate that quality, what you're asking me is neither your business nor relevant.
Brennan: But it is my business because I’m a forensic anthropologist. But you’re right, it’s not relevant.
Booth: So maybe the bomber got caught by his own explosion.
Brennan: Her own explosion.
Booth: Wait — the bomber was a female?
Brennan: Sciatic arch. Doesn't lie.
Cam: Neither does the vagina.
Hodgins: Oh, I could kiss you.
Angela: That would require permission, which I deny.
Hodgins: I'll go tell Booth that the bomber is alive and six feet tall.
Cam: [As Hodgins runs out of the office] You'll tell who what? There's a loop, people, and I'm in it! [to Angela] Not only am I in it, but I'm the big, curvy part.
Booth: Come on Alex, baby steps. [realises his mistake] No offence.
Brennan: [laughs] I just got that. It's baby steps because you're so small. It's probably offensive.
Alex: Sorry, I can't help you.
Brennan: Sorry.
Booth: We cheat diplomatic immunity here in DC, we catch a murderer. That's great. They do it in Upper Kamikazestan and our boys end up on a red-hot spit over a slow fire.
Brennan: There's no such place as Kamikazestan.
Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Booth: You kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black? It's a dream come true.

The Girl with the Curl [2.7]

Angela: Childhood should be all about swings.
Hodgins: Swings?
Angela: Yeah, you know, how high can I go? If I twist the chains, how fast will I spin?
Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.
Angela: Exactly.
Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela: Yeah. Me, too.
Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class. Those were good times.
Zack: I miss my first microscope.
Booth: Yeah, and I miss normal people. Can we move on?
Hodgins: Listen, Angela, we've been dancing around this for months now, like two pieces of neodymium caught in a magnetic field.
Angela: Is that good?
Hodgins: Yeah. But if the field weakens, they fly apart.
Angela: Hodgins asked me out.
Brennan: Is that why you’re hiding in here?
Angela: I'm not hiding. I need advice.
Brennan: What — on a personal matter?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: From me?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: But romance is sort of... This is like me asking you advice on phylogenetic systematics.
Angela: Phylogenetic systematics. I have no idea what that is.
Brennan: Exactly.
Girl 1: Is that a real skeleton?
Brennan: Yes. The shape of her hips indicated she'd already given birth.
Girl 1: How old was she?
Brennan: 12
Liza: She should've waited to be married before she had sex!
Girl 1: [In a hushed voice] You said sex!
Liza: [Cute grin]
Liza: Because Breana was the Queen!
Brennan: [To a group of nine-year-olds] So yours is a cultural structure predicated in the equation of beauty with power. You instinctively align yourselves with someone who holds the greatest potential for a societal supremacy. It's a Darwinian pressure you're too young to bear.
Zack: She has very nice, symmetrical buttocks...She's definitely not the killer.

The Woman in the Sand [2.8]

Booth: (to Agent Zhang) So, I dragged out one of the top forensic anthropologists across the country on the word of a prostitute?
Brennan: What difference does her profession make?
Booth: I'm backing you up.
Brennan: You're judging.
Booth: I wasn't judging, I had your back.
Brennan: Yeah, your voice was judging.

[Brennan is holding an icepack to Booth's head]

Agent Sugarman: Sorry Booth, I just couldn't have you blowing my cover.
Booth: Ahhhh...yeah, as they taught us in Quantico Walt, I wasn't about to.
Brennan: Do you know everyone in this town?
Cam: (to Marisol) Honey, I'm from the Bronx, don't think for a second you scare me.
Nick: Another Army fighter Joe? How many of these has beens you getting a week?
Joe: At least this one still looks like he’s in shape.
Brennan: Yeah my man’s in great shape. Believe me.

.......

Brennan: (after booth has won the fight) So much for my Has Been Army fighter.
Hodgins: (whilst taunting Zack into the aspects of a fight) You’re a Vulcan and a dull Vulcan at that.

(watching the crowd cheering on the fight)

Booth:It's human cock-fighting.
Brennan: More like lesser surrogates engaged in battles on behalf of the elite lords who don't have the courage to fight themselves.
Booth: Right, you know what? (snaps his fingers) Come back to me Roxie, huh?
Brennan: Ooo, look at all the sweat!
Zack': It's as if his vertebra was cut with a razor blade.
Hodgins: Or a razor wire. Luca Brasi.(Cam, Angela and Zack all look confused) The Godfather? Please, someone, buy a DVD player!

(looking at the reconstruction on the computer)

Angela: How could anybody do this to themselves?
Hodgins: You know, 900 B.C., the Greek ruler Theseus had two men sit in chairs and beat each other to death for entertainment.
(Cam and Angela just stare at Hodgins)
Hodgins: Just saying, it's nothing new.
Cam: Just ship both sets of remains here - along with dust, bugs, the works. If there's a forensic link to these murders, we'll find it.
Brennan: As long as you keep me in the loop...
Cam:As if we could actually keep you out.
Brennan: (referring to her shoes) how does anyone actually walk in these things?
Booth: Oh you know them boots they ain't made for walking sweetheart (slaps Brennan's butt)
Brennan: Okay that was completely over the top.
Booth:I don’t want anyone knowing we’re FBI.
Brennan: That’s easy for me, I’m not.
Booth: (referring to Brennan’s little show in the gym) That was amazing! What got into you?
Brennan: It’s from when I used to watch old movies with my dad--he really liked Clara Bow.
Booth: Bones, Clara Bow was in silent movies.
Brennan: Oh...then I guess that's just how I imagined she'd sound.
[Booth and Brennan are in their hotel room, dressing up as Tony and Roxy]
Brennan: (coming out in a rather chaste black dress) What do you think?
Booth: (sarcastically) I have enough Bibles, thank you, but try next door.
Brennan: You said I could be a school teacher.
Booth: Not the spinster kind who lives with her sister but, you know, the hot one who makes the boys crazy. Here (hands her a dress) put on the one that I picked out, alright?
Brennan: Okay, but don't be so bossy. (She disappears into the bathroom.)
Booth: We're newly-weds I said. Taking Sin City by storm, ready for action.
Brennan: (from the bathroom) But you know, marriage is such an archaic institution.
Booth: (exhales in frustration) Listen Bones, I know what I'm doing. Okay? I've done this before, just stop arguing.
Brennan: I'm not. It's just, you know, I don't need a piece of paper to prove my commitment.
Booth: Fine. We're engaged.
Brennan: Why would I be okay with engagement?
Booth: Whatever Bones, alright? We're a loosely committed couple of hot high rollers with money to burn. Cause that's what's gonna get us in the door.
Brennan: (comes out of the bathroom in a stunning little black dress) Like this?
Booth': (staring and swallowing) Yeah, like that.
Brennan: Oh my God! I completely forgot you can't be here Booth, you're a degenerate gambler.
Booth: Former gambler, okay not degenerate. I've been through the program okay. And you know he's on the move!
Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?
Brennan: They call this America’s playground?
Booth: We're 15 miles outside of Vegas, Bones. This is America’s frying pan.
Booth: You never told me the second reason why you bet on me.
Brennan': Well, it's silly.
Booth: No, try me.
Brennan: Beginner's luck. I haven't lost anything since I've been here. And I... I figured if I bet on you...
Booth: I couldn't lose.
Brennan: Sounds silly, right?
Booth: Sounds familiar. Thanks.
Brennan: You're welcome.

Aliens in a Spaceship [2.9]

[Booth and Brennan are sitting next to each other in a church.]
Brennan: I'm okay with you thanking God for saving me and Hodgins.
Booth: That's not what I thanked Him for. I thanked Him for saving ... all of us. It was all of us, every single one. You take one of us away and you and Hodgins are in that hole forever. (Booth looks at Brennan whose eyes are glistening with tears.) And I'm thankful for that.
Brennan: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Booth: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Cam: How are we going to get our hands on eight million dollars?
Zack: Hodgins is rich.
Cam: He is?
Zack: "Rich squared to the power of ten times four" is how he puts it
Hodgins: (blurts) I'm nuts about Angela. Over the moon. Stupid in love with her. That's why I bought her that ... that crazy, expensive perfume. A man gives you a bottle of perfume like that, it says ... it says, "I love you". (Brennan nods) There. I said it out loud.
Booth: I need you to be Dr. Brennan.
Zack: (quoting Brennan) I don't know what that means.
Booth: I got about 100 agents working that angle. What does this mean, right here. (taps monitor) What does that mean?
Zack: You're forgetting something, Brennan and Hodgins are out of air.
Booth: Great, you wanna give up, huh? This is Bones we're talking about and Hodgins. You really think they didn't find a way to extend their air supply? Hell, they found a way to send us a message, to ask us for help and you wanna give up because of math.
Booth: We're running out of time.
Zack: Minor correction. Dr. Brennan and Hodgins will run out of air in four seconds. We are out of time.
Booth: Dr Brennan, she's pretty good at making dead people tell her things.
[Booth and Brennan are in a church. Booth has just finished praying.]
Brennan: What did you ask for?
Booth: That's between me and a certain Saint. Although, I did ask for a little help finding the Gravedigger.
Brennan: Good move. What's that smell?
Booth: Candles. And I said thanks. You should try it some time.
Brennan: If I were going to pray, I would have done it just before we set off the explosion.
Booth: And you didn't?
Brennan: No, see, if there was a God, which there isn't -
Booth': Shhhh. (looks around) Do you see where we are?
Brennan: And if I were someone who believed He had a plan ...
Booth: Which I do ...
Brennan: Then I'd be tempted to think He wanted me to go through something like I went through because it might make me more open to the whole ... concept
Hodgins: I can't sleep, Angela.
Angela: I thought that they gave you something for that.
Hodgins: No, I mean I'm afraid...that if I close my eyes, when I-- when I open them I gonna be back in that car, buried, running out of air.
Angela: Okay. Then you should come home with me.
Hodgins: What?
Angela: When you open your eyes, I'll be there.
Hodgins:Yeah?
Angela: (nodding) Yeah.
Hodgins: (nodding) Okay.
Brennan: We should get as far away from the explosion as possible.
Hodgins: Already am. (holds out hand) Care to join me?
Zack: Hodgins is all about dirt and Angela
Hodgins: (to Brennan) If you can perform surgery out of thin air, then I can pull a little thin air out of thin air. [
Hodgins: This thing you found in my leg is anodized plastic film coated in metallic tape with dried out adhesive. It's a bumper sticker.
Brennan: You mean like "If You Can Read This, You're Too Close"?
Zack: (coming to realization) 6, 7, 16. Carbon, nitrogen, and sulfur on the periodic table of elements. They are buried in coal-rich soil.
Booth: You gotta narrow it down, Zack.
Angela: Keep going, Zack.
Zack: The mineral components in coal are all the same. It's the organic components that provide a unique fingerprint. They're called macerals. They fluoresce at different levels. A reflectance of 1.4 is quite rare, suggesting a high concentration of inertinite.
Booth: Zack, tell me what that means.
Angela: It means he knows where they are.
Thomas Vega: You just need to deal with the facts. If you can't put the ransom together in the time he gave you, your partner is dead.
Booth: (furiously throwing Vega on the table and choking him) Here's the deal, alright? You have a relationship with this guy, what they call symbiotic. You benefit from each other. So know this, huh? That deadline comes around and my partner is still in the ground, I will end you. You understand? Three hours to live. (lets him go) Better hurry.
Cam: (to Angela) Hodgins seems to write everything in some kind of code. I might have to get Zack over here to break it.
Angela: It says that the traces of aluminum found on the clothing were almost certainly from the kidnapper's vehicle. Like a box. In the back of a trunk, or a van.
Cam: You can read that?
Angela: Yeah, Hodgins sends me a lot of notes.
Cam: What do you say we go to New York for the weekend?
Booth: (skeptical) Yeah, I don't know.
Cam: C'mon! We're two adults with no obligations. (continues as Booth's phone rings) Let it go to voice mail. We're not cheating, we're not hurting anybody, Seeley.
Booth': Then why are we keeping our relationship such a secret, Camille?
Cam: Because we work together, and we're professionals, and it's nobody's business, that's all. So, come to New York. We'll go to a musical.
Booth: (laughs) Talking and singing, and talking and dancing, and more singing… ya know? Heh. If you wanna stop what we're doing, just say so.
Cam: You can fantasize about pulling out your gun and shooting everyone on stage, you know you like that.
Zack: (referring to Hodgins) You should give him a chance.
Angela: Excuse me?
Zack: I apologize. I didn't say anything.
Hodgins: (not knowing Angela is in the room) If you haven't figured out the stun-gun, then I am this week's "King of the Lab" because I found something huge.
Angela: You compete to be "King of the Lab"?
Hodgins:(surprised) No. (laughs nervously) Hey, Angela. I didn't know that you were ... this sucks. I'm gonna go catch Brennan, then bolt for the night
Brennan: Had it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Gravedigger?
Booth: (stammers) What? What?!
Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question Him or negotiate, then it's almost as though He doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as He says, make some sacrifices and are delivered, or you don't and you end up in Hell.
Booth: You know what I'd appreciate? If you didn't say things like that, because I really don't want to get struck by lightning.
Brennan: You go to church every Sunday?
Booth: Yes, I do.
Brennan: Can I come with you?
'Booth: No, you can't.
Brennan: Why? It might help me to understand.
Booth: I am not gonna help you disrespect God in His own house, okay? If you wanna do some kind of, you know, anthropological study, turn on the religious channel.
Zack: The amount of blood suggests that at least one of them bled out. Probably the one with the injuries. I've also noted a constellation of identical non-metric variants. Extraforamina.
Booth: Does that mean they were twins?
Brennan: How did you know?
Hodgins: Can this possibly work?
Brennan: I'm not really an explosives expert, but the dash might shape the charge enough to blow out the windshield. If we're less than four feet beneath the surface, this charge could blow us to freedom.
Hodgins: And if we're buried more than four feet deep?
Brennan: Then the concussion will turn our brains into jelly.
Hodgins: Well, then we can run for Congress, so it's a win-win.
Brennan: Booth will find us.
Hodgins: You have a lot of faith in Booth.
Brennan: No, faith is an irrational belief in something that is logically impossible. Over time I have seen what Booth can do. It's not faith.
Hodgins: No offense, and I'm not just saying this because you filleted me with a knife, we are out of air. We don't know if our message got out, much less if anyone understood it, and we are buried underground. What you have is faith, baby. (Brennan laughs) Sorry, the "baby" thing is a reflex...
Angela: Did you try just dialing the number?
Booth: (agitated) I tried all the dumb guy normal stuff, okay? That's why I'm talking with the brain trust, alright? (slaps monitor with text message) Think! Eggheads, work it!
Brennan: Four to six seconds to enter a message and hit speed dial.
Hodgins: I figured out a text message using eight key strikes.
Brennan: How's your text messaging?
Hodgins: Thumbs like lightning. I can do it.
Hodgins:Someone ran me down with a car.
Brennan: We knew that already.
Hodgins: Yeah, but now that we've proved it, I find I'm really annoyed.
Zack: Dr. Brennan doesn't like it when we jump to conclusions.
Cam: I'm sure she'll appreciate we're on a deadline.
Booth: God does not make mistakes.
Angela: I don't know - putting testicles on the outside doesn't seem like such a good idea.
Hodgins: Aluminum.
Brennan: Aluminum.?
Hodgins: Well, the Brits say "aluminium", but that sounds so, well... British.
Booth: God doesn't make mistakes.
Angela: Mmm, I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a great idea. [Booth nods in reluctant agreement.]
Brennan: What are we surrounded by?
Hodgins:Pain. Despair. And a subsoil accumulation of agglutinated aridisols.
Brennan: Dirt.
Hodgins: You know I don't like the term dirt.
Brennan: Tell me something I don't know.
Brennan: What I'm going to do is make a long incision in the fascia to release the pressure inside.
Hodgins: And how--how long is a "long incision?"

The Headless Witch in the Woods [2.10]

Booth: Cause of death?
Brennan: Well, since I can't find a skull, I'd say... his head got cut off.
Zach: My palms perspired profusely during that film.
Booth: We're partners, you know, together all the time, all right? You're a woman, and I'm a man. I never had a relationship like this where we were, like, two guys — except you're not, you know, a guy.
Brennan: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about wanting to hang out with Will?
Booth: No, of course not. 'Cause essentially you're a guy, like me, but not really.
Brennan: That would mean that to me, you are, essentially, a woman. Yeah, I can see that.
Booth: No, no, no, no. I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind.
Brennan: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth.
Brennan: I can read bones, not people.
Booth: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me.
Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? You're not alone. Okay? Come here.
Brennan: Booth...
Booth: Hey, you're my partner. It's a guy-hug. Take it. [They hug in a very non-guy-hug way.]

Judas on a Pole [2.11]

[Zack is defending his dissertation in front of Brennan and other board members. Booth walks in.]
Booth: Hey, Bones, come on. We've got a body. Went up like a Roman candle... Hey, Zack! How's it going?
Zack: So far they don't like me.
Booth: Shocker.
Booth: Okay, who else knows about this?
Hodgins: Us and you. That's it.
Booth: Let's keep it that way.
Hodgins: I've seen this movie. I get killed on the way home.
Booth: Then don't go home.
Hodgins: [laughs, then stops abruptly] You serious?
Brennan: I wouldn't let anyone else call you a loser, Russ. What makes you think you're allowed?
Russ: I love you, too.
Brennan: I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
Booth: Hey, I get scared and I'll hug you. We'll call it even.
Brennan: I just... I'm just one of those people who doesn’t get to be in a family. That's—
Booth: [places his finger underneath her chin, lifting her head up] Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family.

The Man in the Cell [2.12]

Angela: Did you really call me "the heart of the operation"?
Hodgins: Yeah. That's before you called me short.
Angela: Hey, Zack called you short. I think you're just the right height.
Hodgins: Yeah?
Angela: Short men have better leverage.
Zack: I'm feeling uncomfortable.
Angela: How do you deal with the fear?
Brennan: I have this. [takes out huge gun from her purse]
Angela: Oh, my God! That thing is huge. Whoa, wow, that's like movie huge.
[Booth enters.]
Booth: Where the hell did you get that?
Brennan: The mall.
Booth: [incredulously] The mall?
Brennan: Yeah. It's pretty big, right? Bigger than the one you have. [Angela chuckles]
Booth: Excuse me. It's not the size that matters. It's how you use it.
Brennan: Well, I think size is pretty important.
Booth: The point is that you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela: If you do have one, bigger is always better.
Booth: You're not helping.
Angela: Right. Yeah, this does seem like a private conversation.
[Brennan has just purchased a huge gun for self defense]
Booth: You know, people see you with that, the next thing you know everyone in this place is gonna start packing.
Brennan: This is America. Get used to it.
Booth: What’s that smell?
Brennan: It’s mold. It grows in the fat creases of morbidly obese people.
Mrs. Epps: What is this about? Did you bring me here to make fun of me?
Brennan: I merely stated a fact, Mrs. Epps. You need to lose weight. Obesity also causes diabetes, heart damage, liver failure. Not to mention the wear it puts on your joints.
Mrs. Epps: I have a glandular condition. A little compassion and understanding, that's what I really need.
Zack: My doctor said most of my injuries didn’t come from the explosion but from being slammed into the floor. [to Booth.] Apparently you’re extremely strong.
Brennan: [to Booth.] Did you have to be so rough on him?
Booth: (plaintively) It was a bomb. I was being, you know, heroic.

The Girl in the Gator [2.13]

[Booth is trying to listen to an important call, but an ice cream truck is playing loud music nearby]
Booth: [speaking into his phone] Did you say the Everglades? Look, I can't hear anything because of this INSANE MUSIC!
[Booth takes out his gun and shoots the musical clown head on the ice cream truck three times. The music stops playing. People nearby run and scream. Brennan is shocked.]
Ice cream man: YOU SHOT MY CLOWN!
Booth: [speaking into his phone] Great. Flight number?
Ice cream man: [off screen] Hey! Hey! He shot my clown!
Booth: Okay thanks. [turns to Brennan] Okay, we're all set.
Brennan: [still shocked by what just happened] That... was not good.
[The clown head's nose bursts into flame]
Sully: Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: Agent Sullivan?
Sully: Uhuh, name's Eugene.
Brennan: Oh, uh ok Eugene.
Sully: Nah, not me. I'm Sully, short for Sullivan.
Brennan: Oh then, who's Eugene?
Abby: I thought maybe she'd hooked up.
Brennan: Hooked up? Hooked... up? Oh... with, uh, anyone in particular?
Abby: We met so many guys. You know how it is.
Sully: I'm guessing she doesn't.
Hodgins: I clicked on a pop-up and got caught in a pornado.
Brennan: You know, anthropologically speaking, you follow a very ancient tradition.
Monte: Okay... entrepreneur?
Brennan: Pimp.
Booth: Hey, Doc, why is it that every time I answer the phone, you walk away?
Dr. Wyatt: Why do you answer the phone, knowing it'll make me walk away?
Wyatt: According to the FBI report, there was no way you could save Epps' life. Your partner's report says the same thing. An FBI sniper on the upside roof saw everything through his scope. According to all witnesses you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Booth: (depressed) Yeah, so?
Wyatt: So why in a fit of pique did you endanger innocent people in a public thoroughfare by discharging your firearm?
Booth: I'm a good shot. I didn't put anybody in danger.
Wyatt: How many people have you killed?
Booth: I lost count.
Wyatt: Oh, you could remember 180 bricks but not how many lives you've taken?
Booth: Epps makes fifty.
Wyatt: Fifty what?
Booth: (weighed down) Fifty kills.
Wyatt: But Agent Booth, you didn't kill Epps! You tried to save him, remember? Perhaps I better put it as a question: did Howard Epps slip from your grasp or did you release him? (Booth ponders the moment Epps fell in a flashback, he can't answer) Oh, come now man, this is a simple enough question. Was he indeed your fiftieth kill or did you just happen to be there when he died?
Booth: (very vulnerable) I - I don't know.
Dr. Wyatt: A man like you? In control of every situation and you don't know?
Booth: I don't know...I had him and then I lost him and something happened in between. (almost in a whisper) I don't know.
Wyatt: I believe you. Because for a man like you to admit you don't know, to relinquish control, that could indeed argue a disruption in yourself - that was large enough to motivate you to shoot a clown.
Wyatt: You tend to do things well, don't you? Make coffee, build BBQ machines.
Booth: It's not really a machine.
Wyatt: Solve crimes, raise a son, love women, leave women. Whatever you aim at you hit.
Booth: Is that bad?
Wyatt: By no means, of course not. Except ...
Booth: Oh, okay, here we go. Let me have it, Doc.
Wyatt: Except it is indicative of a need to control your environment.
Booth': Again I ask, is that bad?
Wyatt: No, of course not, no. Except ...
Booth: Except?
Wyatt: Except when you shoot a clown.
Booth: You know, you make it sound like he was walking around making balloon animals.
Wyatt: For the most part your rebellions are small.
Booth: Rebellions?
Wyatt: The colorful socks, the funky belt buckle. They're a mechanism, quiet rebellions. A way of asserting your personal control over a homogenizing organization like the FBI. But shooting a clown is not a quiet rebellion. Shooting a clown is quite literally deafening.
(Booth is knocking at Dr. Wyatt's door)
Booth: Hi.
Wyatt: Did we have a schedule?
Booth': Listen, I really need to get back to work, so why don't you give me one of those clown restraining orders and just sign my paper?
Wyatt: Have you had an insight then as to why you shot at that clown?
Booth: (Booth's cell rings) Yeah. You know what? I've had some insight. It's right here. (pointing at the display of his phone) That's my Bones calling, my partner.
Booth: Dr. Wyatt.
Wyatt': Ah, Agent Booth is it? Yes, Gordon. Gordon Wyatt. (extends his hand to Booth but instead of his hand Booth pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket)
Booth: Great. You the shrink?
Wyatt: Shrink, yes, meaning psychiatrist.
Booth: That's great, Doc. How's about you just sign my piece of paper here and I'll get back to work, right?
Wyatt: Certainly. (Booth hands him a pen) No, no, I have a pen. Do you mind if I ask what exactly it was that you did?
Booth: Yeah, I shot a truck.
Wyatt: Ah, full of terrorists no doubt or plutonium or fleeing felons, was it?
Booth: Nah, it was an ice cream truck.
Wyatt: You have a good reason for firing on it?
Booth: Yeah, the music, it was bothering me.
Wyatt: Ah.
Booth: Yeah, there was a speaker in the clown's mouth? Yeah, I just pulled out my gun, you know, bum-bum-bum. It was gone.
Wyatt: (folding the paper without signing it) So, the FBI sent you to me because you shot a clown?
Booth: Not a real clown.
Wyatt: (handing Booth the paper back) I suggest you cogitate on the underlying reasons why you shot that clown while I make us some tea. (goes into the house)
Booth: Cogitate? Tea
Brennan: (Asking Monte about his trip from Ft. Lauderdale to Daytona) Any girls ride with you?
Monte: As much as I hate to disappoint you, uh...fact is I'm not entertaining like I used to.
Sully: (Sarcastically) Aahh, getting too old to exploit little drunk girls?
Monte: You seen the videos? They exploit themselves.
Booth: I told the ice cream guy I was sorry, alright, I-I-I even bought him a new clown head, so just sign the paper. (tries to hand the pen and waver to Dr. Wyatt)
Wyatt: I must apologize, but I've got to go off and get some ingredients for my mortar. Um, why don't we reschedule?
Booth: We can't reshcedule, alright, I-I-I got to get back to work.
Wyatt: Oh, well, in that case, um ... why not finish off uh preparing this area here. Could you do that? All the specifications are on the plans. You are fit for physical labor aren't you, I mean the uh clown didn't return the fire did it?
Booth: (gets up and throws down the pen) Oh, yeah and uh what if I said the plastic clown did fire back huh?
Wyatt: Brilliant! Now, while I'm gone what I want you to do is to consider what you were really aiming at when you drew a beat at that unfortunate clown.
Booth: Hey buddy, when I aim at something, I hit it.
Wyatt: Precisely.
Wyatt: You know what? I'm in America. We are men. Let's drink coffee, not tea, ay? (examining Booth's handiwork) Oh, I say. Marvelous job.
Booth: Thank you. (takes a sip of the coffee) That's not coffee.
Wyatt: Ah, what is it?
Booth: I don't know what the hell it is, but it sure as hell isn't coffee, Doc.
Monte: (pointing at Brennan) This is you, isn't it?
Brennan: Please don't point your finger at me.
Monte: I knew the first time I saw you, here comes another feminist crusader, out to spoil some good, all-American fun. (shoves his hand close to Brennan's face; Brennan grabs his hand and twists it around his back) OW! Get off, get off!
Brennan: (to Sully) Self defense, he assaulted me.
Sully: Yes, he did.
Wyatt: Earlier you said you weren't used to drinking tea with men which suggests to me that you're usually pretty rigid in your assignment of gender roles.
Booth: What? No, no. My partner is a woman, okay? A woman who needs my help.
Wyatt: But are you currently involved with anyone?
Booth: Just broke up with someone, okay? Me. And I ended it.
Wyatt: How long had you been involved with her? Or him.
Booth: Her! Let's get that straight, okay? Her. Couple of months this time.
Wyatt: This time?
Booth: We'd gone o- we'd gone out, b-before a-a f-few years ago, and I, I, ya know, we ah, I broke it up when ah, ya know, my ex wanted to give it another go. Ah! That's it. I shot the clown because I can't let go of the women in my life. Thanks, Doc. Alright. Now I can go back to work and you can sign the (faking a British accent) papa.
Wyatt: Excellent theory, but quite wrong! And, we're out of time. Tomorrow I'll wait for you?
Angela: I knew it was a gator. Brennan told me it was a gator. And yet ... wow.
Hodgins: Definitely confirms one thing. We have the coolest jobs ever.

(Brennan is in Florida talking on the phone to Booth who is in Washington)

Brennan: I thought you said you'd be down on the next flight.
Booth: I haven't met with the shrink, yet.
Brennan: What shrink?
Booth: Well, the department psychiatrist has to sign a piece of paper saying, you know, that I am not nuts before I get my gun back, so I got an appointment tomorrow.
Brennan: (sarcastically) Great, now I have to break in this Agent Sullivan?
Booth: Sully's a great guy, okay. And for your information, you never broke me in.
Zack: How would someone eat gold?
Angela: Not eat, drink. Goldenrod.
Brennan: Goldenrod?
Angela: It's this 100 proof cinnamon schnapps that we drank in college. It's infused with real gold flakes, purely for decadence sake.
'Brennan: How did it taste?
Angela: Well, it's way worse coming up. I can tell you that.
Monte: They all want to be a Hotty Body - I walk into a place and the shirts fly off, making what used to be a rush kinda, I don't know, mundane.
Brennan: Because you objectify them - you never see what makes them human.
Monte: (laughs incredulously) Man, you have to spend all day with her?
Sully: Yeah, an actual woman - you ought to try it sometime.
Angela: (to Zack) Just because you have a doctorate now doesn't mean I won't use you as a swizzle stick.
Sully: You can only admit evidence that is in plain view, although in this bus that could be DNA on virtually any surface.
Brennan: That's an image.
Wyatt: You know, in an effort to understand your culture better I've been trying to embrace this very American practice of preparing meat in the garden.
Booth: Barbeque.
Wyatt: Hmmm, it's a delightful word isn't it? Barbeque.

The Man in the Mansion [2.14]

Brennan: Why do you call your psychiatrist "Gordon Gordon"?
Booth: 'Cause that's how he introduces himself. You know, "Hi, I'm Gordon. Gordon Wyatt."
Brennan: Like "James. James Bond."
Booth: "Bond. James Bond." Not "James. James... James"... whatever.
Angela: For once can you just pretend that you're the girl?
Brennan: Why is everyone so anxious for me to be a girl?
Wyatt: Why don't we talk about the case you're working on at the moment?
Booth: Why?
Wyatt: Well, I am trained as a forensic psychologist. I might be able to help.
Booth: Okay, fine, great. I have a dead rich guy, works with at-risk youth, gets brutally murdered after confiscating a couple pounds of heroin from one of his kids.
Wyatt: Interesting that the first word you used to describe him is "rich."
Booth: Uh, second. The first description was "dead."
Hodgins: It's my letter of resignation.
Brennan: Your science was dead-on perfect. That's all I care about. I don't need your resignation. [to Cam] He didn't actually tamper with evidence!
Cam: Dr. Hodgins endangered a case by hiding his relationship with a suspect.
Hodgins: I'm saving Dr. Saroyan the trouble of firing me.
Brennan: Well, how much trouble is it? "You're fired." That's no trouble at all! I mean, a child could do it.
Caroline: Listen up, you people. The verdict is gonna come down any minute. Maybe we'll win. Maybe we'll lose. But this I do know, you people have got to get your sand together, you hear me? Booth and you scientist-android-brainiacs, you got somethin' very special here. But you are losing it. [to Booth] Dropping serial killers off of balconies. And [to Angela] blabbing suspect's names to vengeful fathers. [to Cam] Cuttin' into heads before their times, gettin' poisoned. [to Zack] Gettin' blown up because you go grabbin' things you shouldn't have. [to Hodgins] Taking photographs from frames. [back to Booth] Getting a perfectly good car smashed to bits for NO good reason. [to all] Get it together! Start using your over-sized heads! This is the real world. Now, I know bug man here handed in his resignation. My official Justice Department recommendation is the following: we win the case, he gets his job back; we lose, Booth shoots him.

The Bodies in the Book [2.15]

Cam: Only five days? This is an extreme rate of decomp.
Hodgins: Blue crab season. They'll feed on anything, dead or alive. Vegetation, fish, flesh.
Cam: Ugh. Opportunistic little bastards.
Sullivan: Well, two hands are better than one, Booth.
Booth: Well, last time I checked, I had two hands. See?
Angela: Testosterone spill on aisle four.
Hodgins: So, for kicks you read —
Cam: Feminist trash. You know — woman finds her power, leaves her oppressive husband, discovers freedom and fulfillment with an artist who knows how to cry and make love like an animal.
Hodgins: So, sex books.
Cam: Pretty much, yeah.
Sullivan: When you can't stop thinking about someone when they're not around, that's not a fling. When you remember their touch just like they were still next to you? That's not a fling. If you need to be alone with this, fine... but we both know what we have.
Hodgins: Be careful with fire ants, they're extremely dangerous.
Zach: I think the victim would agree with you.

The Boneless Bride in the River [2.16]

Booth: Don't knock therapy, okay? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways—
Brennan: We do everything together.
Booth: —of dealing with them.
Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.
Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.
Booth: Kit and caboodle.
Brennan: Whatever.
Brennan: No bones, no Bones... I was the second "Bones."
Cam: Oh, very witty.
Cam: So what? You got a part of the groom instead of the bride?
Booth: Bones stole it!
Brennan: Uh, not stole — swapped.
Booth: From an old Chinese lady's mantle.
Brennan: I brought a bunch of chimpanzee bones and pulled the old ah, switchamacallit.
Booth: Switcheroo.
Cam: Whatchamacallit.
Booth: Two different things.
Zack: Positive ID on both sets of remains. William Chang and Li-Ling Fan.
Angela: [looking at both skeletons and their pictures] Wow, they kind of go together.
Cam: Because they're deceased?
Angela: Yeah. But more than that, they are exactly the same level of hotness.
Cam: Which is zero, because they're skeletons.

The Priest in the Churchyard [2.17]

Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Zack: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Brennan: And at one time most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Booth: [to Zack] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all. [to Brennan] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God, I'll burn in hell?
Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.
Booth: We're definitely not working well together.
Brennan: Because you are bossy and judgmental.
Booth: Problems between people — it's never just one person's fault.
Brennan: What about Hitler? He did pretty well on his own.

[Cam has walked in on Hodgins and Angela kissing]

Cam: Ahem. Do I have to throw cold water on you two?
Angela: We were, uh, just...
Cam: I know, just try to keep it off the internet. So, I have bad news. We've all been exposed to Coccidioidomycosis, a fungal infection from the graveyard dirt we've been breathing. Symptoms include nausea, weakness, fever...
Hodgins: I feel fine.
Angela: Yeah, me too.
Cam: ...decreased labido...
Hodgins: I'm listening.
Cam: We're all gonna get shots.
Angela: Yeah, that sounds good.
Hodgins: Very good, yeah.
Cam: Thought so.
Wyatt to Booth: So your problem with Dr. Brennan is that you don't know what will or will not catch fire or where you stand.
Brennan: Observation isn't just seeing Dr. Wyatt, it's experiencing. Ideally, I'd prefer being inside Booth's head. Seeing and feeling things the way he does. Then maybe I'd understand.
Wyatt: Be one with him.
Brennan: In a scientific sense.
Brennan: [About the chalice, a possible murder weapon] Can we take this, or do we need to serve a warrant on God?
Wyatt: [to Brennan] In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, is an issue you should address, because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Brennan: I hate psychology.
Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is your fault.
Wyatt: Mmm, on the contrary. [to Booth] If anything, your issues are more pronounced, given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for someone else's destiny.
Brennan: That makes sense.
Booth: Oh, now you like psychology.
Cam: [after testing Father Matt for poison] The good news is, we know how to make you feel a lot better.
Hodgins: Bad news is, someone is trying to kill you.
Wyatt: I stand by my diagnosis.
Angela: You stand by the FBI. Your first priority is to get agents back in the field solving murders.
Wyatt: Your romanticism is endearing. But as the Bard says, "Lovers and madmen have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies that apprehend more than cool reason could comprehend."
Angela: He also says "Journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man's son doth know."

The Killer in the Concrete [2.18]

Hodgins: Waffle-soled shoes and a track suit.
Cam: You know who wears track suits?
Zack: Athletes?
Cam: No, huge tubs of lard or retired people.
Max Keenan: Hey, I haven't committed a crime in over fifteen years. I'm straight.
Brennan: Except for killing, gutting and burning the Deputy Director of the F.B.I.
Max Keenan: He was trying to kill Russ, and then he was going after you. It is not a crime to protect your family.
Brennan: Well, some fathers do it without killing.
Cam: Okay, time to step out of your comfort zones, people.
Hodgins: What comfort zone?
Angela: I can't fight or shoot a gun; but if something bad happens, I can spit with deadly accuracy.
Angela: What can't you tell me?
Brennan: By definition, I can't tell you.

Spaceman in a Crater [2.19]

Cam: Why do you know that?
Zack: My knowledge is vast.
Cam: Why did I ask?
Booth: The telescope is pointed up at the planet Pluto.
Hodgins: Pluto's no longer a planet. It was demoted.
Brennan: Did you ever get drunk together?
James: What?
Booth: What my partner is trying to ask is if you two were buddies. Did you go out and have drinks and exchange confidences?
Brennan: Yes, that's what I asked.
Brennan: Maybe it wasn't a U.F.O. that Cal saw.
Booth: Ah.
Brennan: He could've seen something else.
Booth: Yeah, like a death beam or a space baby.
Angela: Hey, do you aliens use any weapons resembling a...
Zack: A broadsword?
Hodgins: How about a lightsaber?
Zack: No. Those can cut through any known substance. The victim would've been completely dismembered.
Booth: So we're going with the theory that this was once human?
Brennen: I've never read about an alien encounter in which the aliens wore loafers.
Booth: How much do you want to bet Hodgins has?
Zach: Little green men?
Hodgins: Grey, they're grey... Not green, grey. Being half alien you should know that.

The Glowing Bones in the Old Stone House [2.20]

Brennan: I believe that dopamine and norepinephrine simulate euphoria because of certain biological triggers like scent, symmetrical features...
Booth: Symmetrical features.
Brennan: Yes, it's an indication of a good breeder. You appear to be a very good breeder.
Brennan: I'd back down if I were you. He shot a clown once.
Hodgins: Whoa, wait a minute.
Cam: What is it?
Hodgins: A-ha, unidentified particulates. The two sweetest words I know.
Cam: I don't even want to think about your pillow talk with Angela.
Booth: Talk to me, squints, as close to English as possible.
Hodgins: Look, I'm Abby. [to Zack] You're Carly.
Zack: Why am I always the murder victim?
Hodgins: Sit.
Brennan: [chuckling] Zack’s always the murder victim.

Stargazer in a Puddle [2.21]

Zack: Your estimate was correct. This hole is consistent with a 22-caliber slug. I learned "slug" from Cam. It's a colloquialism for projectile.
Angela: This time, Art made Science her bitch.
Angela: Hey Brennan, I'd like to ask you a favor. Well, it's not so much ask a favor as, as, as extend an honor. I mean, I hope you see it as an honor and you don't think of it as some onerous duty, which I don't think you will, but then again I've never done this before, and of course—
Brennan: Angela, just ask.
Angela: Will you be my maid of honor? [Brennan looks close to tears] At the wedding? [Brennan hugs her] Is that yes?
Brennan: I'm completely, totally honored.
Angela: Really? I thought I'd have to tell you what a maid of honor—
Brennan: I don't even care how awful the bridesmaids’ dresses are. I'm so glad you asked me.
Hodgins: Those sea chimps went after that pork by-product like piranhas after a skinny-dipping missionary.
Ruth Keenan: Hi Temperance, it's Mom. I don't know when or if you'll ever see this, but I hope to put it in your hands myself and see you again with my own eyes. This is a hard, hard world. Your father and I left you and Russ to save your lives. People would have killed you to get us. That's not what this is about. Today is your sixteenth birthday. I'm so sorry not to be there to tell you all the things a mother should tell her daughter when she turns sixteen, and sorry not to give you this. [holds up the ring Brennan's father gave her] It's an heirloom. And starting today, it's yours. I don't know how long it will take me to get it to you, but I promise you I will. You're going to hear a lot of things about your parents, especially your father. He is a good man. It was my insistence to leave you kids. Max would have kept us together, fought until the end. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for that. So please, Temperance, I need you to forgive me. And if you can’t forgive me, I beg you, honey, if you can’t forgive me, please forgive your father. Remember you were loved in this world, cherished. What I did to you may have been wrong, but I did it out of love. I did it out of love.
↑Jump back a section

Season 3

The Widow's Son in the Windshield [3.1]

Brennan: How did this skull get here?
Booth: Ask our eyewitness. [runs off] Let's go, buddy. [brings a teenage boy over to Brennan]
Boy: I am not high.
Brennan: Neither am I. Why is he telling me that?
Private Investigator: So your husband signed his name to the marriage license with an X?
Angela: Yeah.
Private Investigator: So you married a guy without knowing his name.
Angela: It was Fiji, okay? I was on vacation.
Cam: Usually when you get all blustery, it's cause you think something's your fault.
Booth: Yeah, well, you know, I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.
Cam: Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.
Booth: There's only one place that uses the pink rock in its foundations. It's an old deserted bank on the Anacostia River.
Cam: Bingo, baby.
Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?
Booth: I checked into the ownership of the place.
Brennan: Why "bingo, baby"?
Booth: Angela and Hodgins are fine, Zack is back, Cam is locked in. What I need to know, Bones, is are we solid? Because, you and me, Bones, we're the center.
Brennan: And the center must hold. [They shake hands. Booth chuckles.] What?
Booth: I thought you were gonna kiss my hand again.
Brennan: I didn't kiss your hand. You put it over my cup.
Booth: Felt like you kissed it.
Brennan: Did not.
Booth: Did too.
Brennan: Did not.
Booth: Did.

Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van [3.2]

Angela: [introducing herself to Agent Frost] Angela Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions [nods toward Hodgins] and him.
Max Brennan: I always liked Booth. Nicest guy to ever arrest me.
Sam Riley: [to Caroline] Damn lawyers! Working in the case for 30 years, and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call? [Caroline walking away] HEY!I'm talking to you!
Caroline: No!You're yelling at me, and my ears are starting to ring. Now, I'm sorry that after 40 years as an agent for the FBI, you're still a LITTLE girl. But I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how about ye' stop whining...and help, okay cherie?
Cam: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be a severe injury.
Zack: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory.
Cam: You know, you could say "walk around" instead. I wouldn't fire you.
Zack: "Walk around" implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine.
Cam: Can't believe I still ask these things.
Sam: [to Booth] She must be really good in bed. Otherwise I don't see why you'd keep her around.
Brennan: Yes, I am. Very good. But Booth would have no direct knowledge of that fact.
Booth: [drunk] God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, all right, in the harbor – I'm good, all right, I'm – I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English.
Brennan: You think?
Booth: Yup. Yup. Definitely.

The Death in the Saddle [3.3]

[Brennan confronts a fleeing suspect]
Brennan: Stop, or I'll kick you in the testicles!
Booth: Hey.
Brennan: Hay, is for horses...
Booth: [laughs slightly] That's funny Bones.
Brennan: I found it on this website about horses.
Booth: Yeah?
Brennan: Where do horses stay in a hotel?
Booth: The bridle suite.
Brennan: That's correct. How did you know the answer to the bridle suite joke?
Booth: I have a five-year-old son.
Angela: I know about this hypnotism thing. I was a magician's assistant at a little gypsy carnival in Brazil.
Cam: Now that's an opening line.
Angela: Ugh. Mysterio was really cute, and I was younger then, and... the whole being sawed in half thing was actually kinda hot.
Booth: [about sex games] It's wrong. It says so in the Bible.
Brennan: It does not.
Booth: Then it was left out by mistake.
Booth: Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places. Some, they just give up hope because in their mind, they're thinking "Oh, there's nobody out there for me." But all of us, we keep trying, over and over again. Why? Because, every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet, and there's that spark. And yes, Bones, he's handsome, and she's beautiful, and maybe that's all they see at first. But making love... making love... that's when two people become one.
Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.
Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.
Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?
Booth: Yeah, Bones. A miracle... Those people — role-playing, and their fetishes, and their little sex games. It's crappy sex, at least compared to the real thing.
Brennan: You're right
Booth: Yeah, but I ...[laughing] Oh, wait a second. I just won that argument?
Brennan: Yep.

The Secret in the Soil [3.4]

Hodgins: [finding a rare insect] Hello, my exotic princess!
Cam: What a charmingly inappropriate greeting, Dr. Hodgins.
Zack: I think he was talking to the bug.
Cam: Well, now I feel a bit... rejected.
Brennan: "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Booth: How do you even know that phrase?
Brennan: Okay, stop. You don't know Booth. You don't know me. You have a limited view of us based on superficial data you've accumulated on a standardized questionnaire and a subjective analysis from talking to us that is not at all scientific. So back off.
Sweets: Just trying to help.
Brennan: By questioning his humanity?
Booth: Okay, Bones, now you're going a little bit overboard. He's just a kid, right? I mean, the worst thing that's probably ever happened to him was he lost at Mortal Kombat.
Sweets: Are you normally this protective of him, Dr. Brennan?
Brennan: We're partners. Our lives depend on being protective of each other.
Sweets: And you feel the same way, Agent Booth?
Booth: Sweets, I can only hope that one day you know what a real partnership is.
Sweets: You have a very deep connection to each other. That was obvious, even from my superficial observations and standardized questionnaire. You complement each other.
Booth: No, she never compliments me. Did you compliment me in the questionnaire?
Brennan: "Complement," not "compliment." "Ple." He means that we complete each other... uh... as a team.
Booth: Yeah, right.
Brennan: I'm sensing a but.
Sweets: However...
Booth: Same as a but...
Sweets: [doggedly continuing] I have observed some underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Booth: Issues?
Sweets: Yes, there's clearly a very deep emotional attachment between you two.
Booth: We're just partners.
Sweets: And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?
Booth: 'Cause you're 12.
Brennan: Don't read into anything that Booth said. We're professionals. There's a line that doesn't even need to be there.
Booth: Not at all. I mean, if there were no more murders, I would probably not even see her.
Brennan: That's very true.
Booth: We might have coffee.
Brennan: Probably not.
Booth: What, you wouldn't even have coffee with me? [He's obviously hurt, Sweets is temporarily forgotten as he and Brennan lean towards each other to finish the conversation.]
Brennan: Well, in your scenario, we wouldn't even know each other, because there are no murders.
Booth: Were, I said, no more murders.
Brennan: Then fine, we could have coffee. So that's the extent of our relationship, coffee?
Booth: [Solid, now that he and Brennan have talked.] So, let's move on, Sweets.
Sweets: [Nods, but there's a tiny smile on his face from watching Booth and Brennan talk.]

The Mummy in the Maze [3.5]

Zack: I will be the back end of a cow.
Hodgins: So, no costume.
Zack: Naomi from Paleontology has agreed to be my front.
Hodgins: So many jokes, so little time.
Angela: And get him to sign the divorce papers.
Private Investigator: By "get him," do you mean force him to sign them?
Hodgins: If necessary. Do you have a gun?
Angela: Or just remind him of who I am and ask him politely.
Hodgins: What are you, Canadian?
Brennan: Megan Shaw is still alive.
Hodgins: What do you want me to do?
Zack: He wants us to guess.
Hodgins: Well, my guess is Hawaii.
Cam: Not Hawaii.
Booth: W-Well, guess again, but better.
Hodgins: Nop, sorry.
Angela: Booth, THEY don't guess.
Booth: Who's they?
Cam and Angela: [pointing at Brennan, Zack and Hodgins] THEM!
Booth: Well, that's just stupid
Zack: We do not guess.
Booth: You know what? You're a horse's ass!
Zack: [referring to his Halloween's costume] Cow! I'm a cow! See my udder?
Amber: Here's what Mr. Barasa said, 100% verbatim, word for word.
Hodgins: "Verbatim" means word for word.
Amber: What?
Hodgins: You sort of said it twice.
Brennan: Is that your costume?
Cam: Uh, yeah.
Brennan: It's sexually alluring.
Cam: Thank you, I'm Catwoman. [Brennan looks at her blankly] The superhero.
Brennan: Oh!
Cam: One of the most powerful female superhero figures.
Brennan: I don't think so.
Cam: Are you kidding? Catwoman?
Brennan: Can you fly?
Cam: I have nine lives.
Brennan: Super strength, super speed, force people to tell the truth?
Cam: I think I'm pretty fast.
Brennan: Pretty fast is not super speed.
Brennan: [to Zack and Hodgins] Who's stronger? Catwoman or Wonder Woman?
Zack and Hodgins: [together spontaneously] Wonder Woman.
Brennan: I concur, vehemently!
Brennan: It's a Halloween party. We could be Wonder Woman and — what's Superman's secret identity?
Booth: Clark Kent.
Brennan: Yes. We could be Wonder Woman and Clark Kent after a really, really bad date.
Booth: Yeah, bad date because you shot me.
Brennan: It was only a flesh wound. And you dropped me on my head.
Booth: After you shot me, okay? I think I got you on this one. Okay, Wonder Woman?

The Intern in the Incinerator [3.6]

Cam: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up?
Booth: Sixty already? Wow.
Cam: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.
Booth: All right. You give him my best.
Cam: You can do it yourself. You have to come with me.
Booth: What? No. Not your family.
Cam: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.
Booth: You never told them we broke up?
Cam: You want to make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday?
Booth: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?
Cam: Yes, between 6:30 and 10 on Thursday.
Booth: Ugh. Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.
Cam: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. (brightly) One day he'll die!
Booth: Look, we are not looking for Gorgonzola today!
Brennan: Gormogon. Gor-Mo-Gon.
Aldridge: Why am I talking to you?
Brennan: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?
Aldridge: Shortly after 11. Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up on the food chain than an FBI consultant.
Brennan: Kyle, I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect. But that won't work with me.
Aldridge: Why is that?
Brennan: Because I'm smarter than you are.
Booth: I know your password too. It's daffodil.
Brennan: I never told you that!
Booth: What, I got eyes! I mean, you guys aren't exactly CIA material.
Hodgins: Daffodil?
Brennan: What, they're pretty. And I'm changing my password.
Booth: Daisy.
Brennan: How did you know?
Booth: It's your second-favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet! [Bones enters another password] Jupiter! [Brennan looks shocked]
Felicia: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?
Cam: You want him? Take him. I don't care.
Felicia: I don't want him.
Booth: You don't?
Felicia: [to Cam] No. I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.
Cam: So you admit it.
Felicia: Like you're a saint? [to Booth] She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party, but that I wasn't invited.
Cam: You were five, and they did not like you.

The Boy in the Time Capsule [3.7]

Zack: I had a Michael Jackson glove. I've never mentioned that before.
Hodgins: I loved Chevy Chase. We all have our crosses to bear.
Booth: This is crazy. It's — it's not right. Tell him that it's not right.
Brennan: Is it?
Booth: Oh! You're on his side. Why don't you go play Voltron with him?
Booth: So this girl, she had this game where she would ask me a question -
Brennan: What kind of question?
Booth: It doesn't matter, okay? So if I got the question wrong, I'd have to take off a piece of my clothing. So of course I knew all the answers, but I pretended that I didn't.
Brennan: So you could take off your clothes.
Booth: Exactly. Now, my point is, I'm standing there, you know, in my socks and my St. Christopher medal, and she runs off. She runs off with the sleeping bag and all my clothes and I'm standing there starko.
Brennan: Well, why would she do that?
Booth: Well, I suppose she heard I was under the bleachers with another girl the week before.
Brennan: Okay. This is a story about sexual prowess, Booth. You're bragging!
Booth: [laughs] I had to run across the campus buck naked!
Brennan: You're laughing about it now! You enjoyed displaying your penis. It showed alpha male mastery.
Booth: [telling about an embarrassing episode from high school] So this kid, right, we're walking past and he calls us Philistines. You know what that means, right?
Brennan: Yes, an uneducated person.
Booth: Well, I didn't. I said, "Hey, I'm not Philistine, I'm Catholic."
Brennan: [chuckles] Okay, that's sort of embarrassing.
Booth: [serious] That's not the embarrassing part. My friend, he hangs the kid over the stairwell by his ankles. I laughed, Bones. I should have protected him, and I laughed.
Booth: You know, evolution is long, long process. It takes hundreds of years.
Brennan: Thousands.
Booth: Why do you always have to correct me?
Brennan: To help you evolve.

The Knight on the Grid [3.8]

Cam: Dr. Brennan looked a little hurt when I told her you asked me to come out here instead of her.
Booth: No. Bones's feelings, they don't get hurt. She's not like you.
Cam: Like me?
Booth: Yeah. A girl.
Cam: Yeah. The word you're looking for is "woman," who, incidentally, makes more money than you.
Booth: Touchy!
Cam: What can I say? I'm just a girl with feelings.
Brennan: I can't freak out every time somebody Googles me.
Booth: Cam, she goes nowhere alone.
Brennan: Cam, don't listen to him.
Booth: Cam, who are you more afraid of, me or her?
Brennan: Booth—
Cam: Whoa! [holds up a hand] So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher.
Booth: My idea of art is a half-naked woman on the side of a van.
Sweets: That's interesting.
Booth: No, it's not interesting, Sweets, 'cause it was a joke.
Sweets: It's awesome! It's like the Sith Lords, man. There's always only two of them.
Booth: Did you just Star Wars us?
Brennan: There are levels of bad guy, Russ, and you’re not even on the first level.
Russ: Why do I feel like you just called me a sissy?

The Santa in the Slush [3.9]

Booth: Aw. Three days before Christmas, and someone killed Santa.
Hodgins: [to Angela] Our victim... was kicked by a reindeer.
Angela: Oh. Get the hell outta here!
Zack: [points to a screen] The sacrum.
Angela: Wait. The evidence actually adds up to an old, fat man with a white beard, in a custom-made Santa suit who smoked a clay pipe and got kicked in the ass by a reindeer?
Brennan: Where did he work?
Ralph: Uh, employment agency called Temp Time. On 7th, by the Convention Center.
Booth: Ha! Couldn't have been Santa!
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Because Santa wouldn't have worked at a temp agency!
Brennan: Well, why not? His work is seasonal.
Booth: No. It's not a lie lie, Bones. It's more like everybody agreeing that, up to a certain age, kids deserve to live a different kind of truth.
Brennan: Okay. By that reasoning, what we should do is figure out a lie Russ could tell the girls so they wouldn't know he's in jail.
Booth: That is a brilliant Christmas idea.
Brennan: It was intended to be a scathing and incisive comment.
Caroline: I want you to kiss him under some mistletoe.
Brennan: Kiss Booth?
Caroline: That's right, cherie.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because it will amuse me.
Brennan: Why?
Caroline: Because the two of you are all "Dr. Brennan" and "Special Agent Seeley Booth," and it's Christmas, and I have a puckish side that will not be denied.
Brennan: Puckish?
Caroline: What's the matter? You don't think I can be puckish?
Brennan: I never thought about it until now.
Caroline: You want me to write that letter, you kiss Booth, on the lips, for [counting] one steamboat, two steamboats...five steamboats.
Brennan: That's blackmail!
Caroline: That's correct.
Brennan: That's unethical.
Caroline: That's the deal, cherie. Take it or leave it.
Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Booth: I'm being misquoted.
Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
Booth: She got the gist.
Sweets: There is a fictional element to Christmas.
Brennan: You mean the whole "birth of a Savior" rigmarole?
Booth: It is not rigmarole!
Sweets: No, Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults—
Booth: Are you including you in that?
Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic routines of daily life, which make it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's all right for us to try. We put on silly hats, drape trees in sparkly lights and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only all right to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Okay?
Brennan: I found that very helpful.
Booth: That's what I've been saying the last four days!

The Man in the Mud [3.10]

Sheriff: [to Booth] Is she serious about the mud?
Brennan: As serious as a gas attack.
Booth: Heart attack, Bones. As serious as a heart attack.
Booth: What a shock for that couple. I mean, they slide naked into the hot mud bath and a skeleton hand pokes her in the, you know—
Brennan: Anus.
Booth: Bones!
Brennan: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues?
Booth: Why? Because I don't wanna talk about, you know—
Brennan: The anus.
Booth: You really like that word, don't you?
Sweets: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work?
Booth: Well, it's better than talking about, you know—
Sweets: The anus?
Booth: What is it with you two?
Booth: You know, you can play the field... and not plow it.
Brennan: That was distasteful.
Brennan: Doctor Sweets says that you work with tropical fish.
April: Yes, I lo-ove fish. They're just like people.
Brennan: No, no, they're not. Actually, people can't breathe under water.
April: She's funny.
Brennan: I am? Wha– ? Why is that funny?
Booth: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones.
Brennan: Oh.
April: You look in their eyes and you can see their little souls. It's in every part of their coloring.
Brennan: Fish don't have souls.
Sweets: [obviously trying to end the conversation gracefully] April just means they're pretty.
April: [starting to get angry] Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. [To Brennan] What I meant was, we're all made up of the same stuff; that makes us human.
Brennan: Well, on a quantum level, that's true. Although the word "stuff" is not accurate.
April: [To Sweets] See?
Sweets: [shocked] O-okay.
April: He kills about a million people a night!
Sweets: In a video game.
Booth: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey?
Tim: How'd you know that?
Booth: [points to the name plaque on his desk] Special Agent Seeley Booth. Special.

Player Under Pressure [3.11]

Brennan: I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!
Booth: Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad.
Brennan: Is she crying because she loved him, or because she lost a mansion?
Booth: [mouths] The mansion.

The Baby in the Bough [3.12]

Booth: [baby cries] You hear that?
Brennan: Sounds like a cat...
Booth: [talking about a baby] He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle?
Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical power over infants!
Brennan: Coochie-coo? [The baby cries.] Oh, no, no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys. You must have some. Let me see [finds a purple elephant in the diaper bag, holds it up to the baby] You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong.
[Brennan is trying to coax a child not to cry.]
Brennan: Dancing phalanges! Dancing phalanges! [waggles her fingers in front of the baby] I know Booth thinks bones are dry and boring but... Show me your phalanges! [The baby uncurls one fist in a little wave.]
Booth: You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor.
Brennan: I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes.
Booth: Ah. So you’ve bought him some clothes?
Brennan: Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child.
[Brennan’s cellphone, nestled in Baby Andy’s car-seat, rings]
Brennan: Brennan.
Zack: I made some discoveries regarding our victim. Is this a good time?
[Baby Andy clutches at Brennan's necklace.]
Brennan: No no no no no.
Zack: Ohh-kay...
[Zack hangs up.]
Brennan: Zack? Hello? [Brennan dials]
Zack: Dooooctor Addy.
Brennan: Uh, it’s Doctor Brennan.
Zack: Oh. Is this a better time?
Brennan: [To Andy, who is again clutching at her jewelry] No no no.
Zack: [confused] Then why’d you call back?!
Brennan: I wasn’t speaking with you, Zack.
Zack: [even more confused] I believe you are.
Brennan: Strontium is an element found in most rocks.
Hodgins: Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. Over time the isotope collects in the bones, meaning—
Booth: You could use it to figure out where someone's from. [Brennan and Hodgins look shocked.] That's right, people. I am a constant surprise.

The Verdict in the Story [3.13]

Sweets: Dr. Brennan, everyone you work with, including your therapist—
Booth: Former therapist.
Sweets: —is endeavoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.
Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.
Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. Yes, it does.
Max: Oh, he’s a full-grown scientist?
Clark: I shave, sir. I have a driver’s license. I've won a couple fist fights. I've saved a life. I've lain with women. I've been hustled at pool. I've defied my father’s wishes. I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken. So, by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man.
Max: Oh. You've "lain with women"?
Russ: Is he gonna talk like that at Dad’s trial?
Caroline: [to Booth] Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle. [to Hodgins]] No badges saying "Resist authority" or "The truth is out there." [to Zack] Do not cut your own hair the day before the trial. [to Angela] Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you. [to Sweets] Use your fully grown-up words. [to Cam] Eat. Last time, your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.
Angela: Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know what's right and everybody else is confused.
Booth: Okay. You're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined temporarily.
Brennan: I still don't know what that means.
Booth: Bones, just, take the brain, okay, put it in neutral. All right? Take the heart, pop it into overdrive. [makes engine noises and mimes driving a race car]
Brennan: [smiles] Sometimes I think you're from another planet. [laughs] And sometimes I think you're really very nice.

The Wannabe in the Weeds [3.14]

Brennan: Does Tommy share your affection?
Pam: Why do you ask it like that? Because I don't look like a scarecrow? [to Booth] Like her?
Brennan: Hey. Wha- what are you coming after me for? [to Booth] Do- do I look like a scarecrow?
Brennan: Until I was thirteen, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.
Booth: I'd say you're kidding, but I don't think you know how to kid.
Brennan: The other girls and I referred to her as "rad." [laughs] My mother said I sang just as well.
Booth: As well as Cyndi Lauper?
Brennan: Yes.
Sweets: Mothers do that. It's healthy.
Brennan: No, it wasn't just flattery. My mother told me I sang "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" better than she did.
Sweets: It was an expression of affection, Dr. Brennan, not an objective evaluation of your abilities.
Brennan: Well, I think you're wrong.
Booth: Okay then, go ahead, belt it out.
Brennan: No!
Sweets: Yeah, come on. Give us a few bars.
Booth: Come on...
Brennan: I can't just burst into song. I have to have music and an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.
Booth: Diva, forensic genius, best-selling author, better than Cyndi Lauper...
Sweets: Mocking will not change my opinion. I have been mocked many, many times before. That came out wrong.
Zack: My regimen is easily completed in my apartment. Treadmill for 30 minutes, 100 sit-ups, push-ups and leg-lifts, and then 20 minutes of free weights. I'm deceptively strong.
Cam: I am deceived.
Brennan: Hey! Break down the door!
Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door!

The Pain in the Heart [3.15]

Brennan: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said.
Booth: Wait a second. You thought that my funeral was a waste of time?
Cam: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth.
Booth: Thank you! You know, I expected to see more people though...
Hodgins: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying.
Booth: Yeah. Me, too.
Angela: You guys are pathetic.
Brennan: [to Booth] Just know I won't be attending your next funeral.
[Brennan walks in on Booth in the tub.]
Brennan: I need to talk to you!
Booth: Okay, what the hell, Bones? I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! How the hell did you get in here, anyway?
Brennan: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer?
Booth: Hot tub plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat equals solution. But why are you—
Brennan: And that cigar? Very unhealthy.
Booth: Okay. What the hell do you want now, Bones, 'cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed.
Brennan: You should have told me that you weren't dead.
Booth: I already explained this to you. The Bureau has to vet everyone when there's a security issue. I was just following protocol!
Brennan: Protocol?
Booth: Yes!
Brennan: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before! Sometimes putting my life in danger, which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me!
Booth: (stands) I took a bullet for you!
Brennan: Once! That only goes so far! (pause) Would you like a towel?
Brennan: (Booth is walking around the lab table, staring) Booth?
Booth: Hey Bones, I'm thinking here.
Brennan: Thinking about what, exactly?
Cam: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene, but we need to access it to investigate the crime.
Angela: A "cake and eat it too" situation.
Zack: Is it a cake or a pickle?
Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's Cat.
Zack: That I understand. Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me.
Cam: A toothless cannibal just can't cut it in today's competitive serial killer climate.
Booth: Bones broke into my house last night.
Brennan: There was a key!
Booth: All angry because nobody told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol!
Sweets: Broke into your house?
Brennan: There was a key.
Booth: And barged into my bathroom.
Sweets: What were you doing?
Brennan: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book.
Booth: I was taking a bath!
Sweets: You read comics and drink beer naked?
Booth: Wait a minute. Bones bursts into my bathroom, all right, and I'm weird for being naked?
Brennan: [confronting Sweets in an angry whisper] You think I don't recognize an experiment when I see one? You experimented on us.
Sweets: Beg your pardon?
Brennan: Not telling me Booth was alive, you wanted to quantify our reactions for your own research. You took advantage of us. Booth and I agreed to let you observe us. We did not agree to be used as lab rats, so you better cut it out.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan, why are you talking so fast?
Brennan: Because if Booth hears why you did what you did, he'd beat you up.
Sweets: Don't you think that would be an overly aggressive act?
Brennan: Not at all. So you better not do it again.
Brennan: I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational and intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic.
Zack Addy: With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic.
Brennan: Assumption number one: Secret societies exists.
Zack Addy: Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years.
Brennan: Assumption number two: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies.
Zack Addy: Accepted.
Brennan: Assumption number three: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have ameliorating affect on the human experience.
Zack Addy: Accepted.
Brennan: All of your assumptions are built on a first principle, Zack. To wit, the historical human experience as a whole is more important than a single person's life.
Zack Addy: Yes.
Brennan: Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins.
[Brennan moves closer to Zack and touches her forehead with his as both their eyes tears up.]
Zack Addy: There's... You're correct. There's an inconsistency in my reasoning.
↑Jump back a section

Season 4

Yanks in the U.K. [4.1 + 4.2]

Brennan: In fact, taking a right turn on a red light here is the equivalent of turning left in the wrong lane at home.
Booth: I'm turning right. [takes a right turn and almost hits a bus, stops the Mini in the middle of an intersection and gets out of the car, screaming] I hate England! I hate London! I'm glad we had a revolution!
Wexler: Inspector Pritchard, meet Dr. Brennan.
Pritchaard: Charming
Wexler: She’s exactly like me.
Pritchaard: Charming, tenacious, salacious, sophomoric, euphoric, noble, ignoble, fatuous, horrid, morbid, torpid and tedious.
Wexler: Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere, Cate. So you found Portia Frampton?
Pritchaard: Well, the way we usually work, Ian, is I drag the bodies out of the Thames and you use your extraordinary capabilities to identify them.
Booth: Bones! They’re like the English version of me and you.
[Booth tries to get out of the Mini Cooper.]
Booth: Ahh! Getting out of this thing is like being born!
Booth: Every man in this country would like to sleep with you.
Brennan: Are you being nice to me or awful to the British men?
Angela: My heart isn't yours to claim. It's mine to give away.
Pritchard: Oh, I am not the jealous sort, and you are painfully naïve if you think my sex life was limited to Ian, as I’m sure yours was not.
Brennan: But I didn’t sleep with Ian.
Pritchard: You didn’t?
Brennan: No.
Pritchard: Why not? You obviously fancied each other.
Brennan: Yes, I noted several physiological responses to his presence which can only be explained by sexual attraction
Pritchard: So why didn’t you sleep with him then?
Brennan: Because of Booth.
Pritchard: Ohhh, you know, I suspected that you two might be more than just partners.
Brennan: Oh, no. That’s incorrect. Booth advised me not to sleep with Ian because Booth didn’t want me to be another notch on Ian’s bedpost.
Pritchard: See, I rather saw it as climbing Everest. Of course it’s been done before but the experience is still breathtaking.
Brennan: You have a strong sexual appetite and you’re not hamstrung by social moralizing. I can empathize with that.
Pritchard: Thank you.
[Angela calls Brennan's phone; her voicemail answers.]
Brennan: Hi. Technically you have not reached Temperance Brennan; but if you leave a message, it will reach her. Me. Temperance Brennan.

The Man in the Outhouse [4.3]

Sweets: Does it seem that your partnership provides a surrogate relationship, making it more difficult to form other bonds?
Brennan: A surrogate relationship wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing because then I could avoid the sting of rejection, which, however fleeting, is still uncomfortable.
Booth: Right. Okay, look, I'm sorry. You know what? If Mark and Jason don't know how lucky they are, they don't deserve you in the first place.
Brennan: No, relationships are temporary.
Booth: No, that's not true, Bones, you're wrong, okay? There is someone for everyone, someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with, all right? You just have to be open enough to see it, that's all.
Brennan: Anthropologically, 83% of societies are polygamist.
Booth: Now you sound French. Being faithful is what separates us from the chimps.
Brennan: Actually, it's a gene called HAR1F.

The Finger in the Nest [4.4]

Booth: Parker had a nightmare.
Brennan: About severed fingers?
Booth: No, it was a singing frog.
Brennan: I don't see the connection. But then I'm one of those people that thinks when you dream about a banana, it's probably just a banana.
Booth: Okay, yeah, I get it. You saw a whole lady's corpse when you were a little girl and you were fine.
Brennan: Yes. Although, for some reason that I do not understand, I kept staging my own death. Pretending that I drowned in the bathtub, faking electrical shock. It really freaked my parents out. And once, when Russ found me hanging, he had to go see the school psychologist.
Booth: [mildly sarcastic] But otherwise you were fine.
Brennan: [earnestly] Yeah.
Parker: [to Booth, when introduced to Dr. Sweets] His face doesn't look like a baby's behind!
Booth: [puts his hands over Parker's ears] Look, okay, he's having nightmares, he's not eating, he doesn't wanna go to school and suddenly he's afraid of meteors!
Sweets: Giant flaming rocks from outer space. Who wouldn't be afraid?
[Booth walks into Brennan's office and finds her using her laptop computer while curled up on the sofa with Ripley.]
Booth: Uh, the dog should be, you know, in the cage. He killed Seth Elliot.
Brennan: Well, it's not his fault! He's actually a very nice dog, [cooing to Ripley] aren't you? [to Booth] He reminds me of you.
Booth: Me?
Brennan: He's got warm and reassuring brown eyes, and he's capable of great violence.
Booth: Okay, great. Thanks a million.
[Brennan and Booth have just finished burying Ripley]
Brennan: On behalf of humankind and the universe, I'd like to apologize for what happened to Ripley. He was born a cute little puppy, and then the people who adopted him wanted to kill him because they were too stupid to realize that he would grow into a big dog.
Booth: That's good.
Brennan: Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight, but he did it to please his master. And he didn't want to attack a human being, but he did it — to please his master. [holding back tears] You know, it wasn't Ripley's fault his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson.

The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond [4.5]

Angela: These are children's shoes, but they're size 11.
Cam: So you think our victim was a giant toddler?
Brennan: That would show up in the bones.
Cam: Sarcasm does not play well on the forensic platform.
Sweets: These action figurines, they're awesome.
Booth: Still living at home there, huh, Sweets?
Sweets: No, I have my own place, and before that I lived with a woman. All right?
Brennan: Was that woman your mother?
Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?
Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive-compulsive in order to figure out where I might conceal a memory-enhancing, psychosexual proxy.
Booth: Right, right. What's that mean?
Brennan: Masturbatory aid.
Booth: Oh. Check the shoes.
Sweets: Good.
Brennan: What? He's not going to find it in the shoes. (Sweets holds up a photgraph) Do all boys keep their masturbatory aids in their shoes, or is that particular to you?
Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Zack: I'm king of the loony bin!
Hodgins: Yeah, you are.
Tushman: The publishing game's changed. You know what I mean, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: No, I do not.
Booth: Try me, Mr. Tushman.
Tushman: Book writing is no longer about good writing per se. It's about marketability. A book of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent upon your image as a hot scientist chick.
Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?
Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Zack: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack}
Cam: This is not good.
Brennan: How did you get out?
Zack: You don't look happy to see me.
Booth: Oh, we're not!
Brennan: I am. I really am. (runs to hug Zack, others follow except for Booth)


Booth: What are you doing?
Brennan: I'm throwing out my book.
Booth: It's still on your hard drive, right?
Brennan: No, not any more it's not.
Booth: You erased it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Brennan: I don't want to be a writer any more.
Booth: Oh, why? Because of what that publisher said? He was an idiot. Did you see his glasses?
Brennan: Well, I don't want to be a sexy scientist.
Booth: Well, that's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.

The Crank in the Shaft [4.6]

Sweets: Well, uh, first I think it's important to find out what went wrong, why you were involved in an unsuccessful relationship.
Angela: Who said it was unsuccessful?
Sweets: You're not together anymore, are you?
Angela: Do you love your parents?
Sweets: Yes.
Angela: But you don't live together anymore, does that mean your relationship with mom and dad was unsuccessful?
Sweets: I don't think it's the same.
Angela: I do. Sometimes you have to move on, whatever your feelings.

The He in the She [4.7]

Brennan: Do you consider yourself to be one of my "brighter grad students," Mr. Nigel-Murray?
Vincent: Yes, and so do you, Dr. Brennan.
Booth: I am not calling this kid Mr. Nigel... anything.
Vincent: Vincent. Or Vince, or Vinny, Vin... Vincenzo. Actually, uh, I had this girlfriend, once, who used to call me "Vino Delectable" because of how my — uh, you don't... need to know that.
Cam: We already have Agent Booth to make lame jokes. Let's stick to facts.
Vincent: The rods in the human eye are sensitive enough to detect the light emitted by a struck match from as much as a mile away on a clear night.
Cam: Okay, let's stick to relevant facts.
Vincent: The sockets have been ground down.
Cam: Okay, that could be useful. [looks expectantly at Vincent, who smiles but says nothing] Especially if you have an explanation.
Vincent: Plastic surgery. Oh, uh, she had [gestures with his hands in front of his chest] fake boobs, too.
Cam: "Sockets," "eyeballs," "boobs" — I wouldn't use these words when conferring with Dr. Brennan.
Vincent: I know. With her it's all "supraorbital nimbus" and "mammary implants." But you seemed a more colloquial sort.
Cam: Well, in that case, what about the "backbone"?
Hodgins: Does Brennan put "Mr." before your name?
Vincent: Yes.
Hodgins: That's her very subtle way of saying you're not a doctor.
Vincent: Can I ask you something?
Hodgins: Is there any way to say no?
Vincent: What ever happened to whoever it was who used to work here before me?
Hodgins: He joined forces with a serial killer who was the last in the long line of cannibalistic murderers specializing in knocking off members of secret societies and building skeletons out of their body parts.
Vincent: Wow, I hope that doesn't happen to me.
Cam: [about the victim] "He"?
Vincent: Mmm-hmm. Triangular pubis, no evidence of a ventral arc. The pelvic bone speaks. It says, "I be male."
Cam: The pelvic bone can say whatever it wants to say. This part here [points in the general direction of the lower body] says female.
Vincent: What part's that?
Cam: It's called a vagina.

The Skull in the Sculpture [4.8]

[Brennan and Booth approach a darkened office building.]
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What goes first?
Brennan: Gun goes first.
Booth: That's right.
Brennan: What if you get shot?
Booth: Don't say things like that, all right? You're going to jinx me.
Brennan: Well, if you're relying on superstition for safety, perhaps I should carry the gun.
Brennan: [She walks up while Daisy and Cam are discussing the sculpture, and dumps a giant container of flesh-eating beetles onto it. They look at her with consternation.] I was going to say that I slipped, but I don't like to lie.
Cam: You dumped a bucket full of Dermestes beetles onto this work of art. They'll strip the flesh off our victim in no time.
Brennan: [nodding] Within 30 hours. Am I fired?
Cam: Au contraire. Remind me of this moment around Christmas bonus time.
[Booth, Brennan, Cam and Hodgins look on in shock as Dr. Sweets and Daisy kiss on the forensic platform.]
Hodgins: I am shocked.
Brennan: Yeah. They should not be doing that on the forensic platform.
Cam: That's a method of termination I've never tried. Bravo, Dr. Sweets.
Booth: They'll never work. They're, like, complete opposites.
Brennan: I agree. For all her faults, she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. There's no common ground.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Booth: Absolutely.
[Booth and Brennan look at each other as Sweets and Daisy walk away together.]

The Con Man in the Meth Lab [4.9]

Police Trainer: [after a flaming body lands on a police car] We're gonna need a... um... a fire extinguisher. Then maybe some sort of... trauma counselor?
Brennan: [to Booth's brother Jared] It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.
Jared: [to Booth, aside] Is she coming on to me?
Booth: No, it's just the way she talks.
Brennan: I didn't have sex with him, Cam.
Angela: Didn't have sex with who?
Cam: Jared Booth.
Angela: Good.
Brennan: Why good?
Cam: Because... because...
Angela: Because he's Booth's little brother, and it would just be a creepy way to have sex with a Booth without having sex with the real Booth.
Cam: Kudos, Angela. I would not have had the guts to say that out loud.
Cam: Dr. Brennan, I don't want you to think this is an intervention.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Sweets: An intervention is when a group of loved ones bands together to help one of their own make a difficult decision.
Cam: Oh, um, then this is an intervention.
Brennan: Are you my loved ones?
Brennan: [toasting Booth] Anthropology teaches us that the alpha male is the man wearing the crown, displaying the most colorful plumage and the shiniest baubles. He stands out from the others. But I now think that anthropology may have it wrong. In working with Booth, I've come to realize that the quiet man, the invisible man, the man who's always there for friends and family... that's a real alpha male. And I promise my eyes will never be caught by those shiny baubles again.

The Passenger in the Oven [4.10]

Flight Attendant: [having caught Booth in first class, reclining next to Brennan] Sir, you need to return to coach.
Booth: See, we're partners. We like being together.
Flight Attendant: Your sexual relationship is not relevant, sir. This is first class.
Brennan: Why does everyone always think we have a sexual relationship when we barely ever even touch each other?
[Booth visits Brennan in the first-class section of the plane.]
Booth: Are you tired of working with me?
Brennan: No, it's not that. But the identification and analysis of ancient remains, that's why I became a forensic anthropologist.
Booth: You're bored. The spark is gone.
Brennan: I'm a scientist first.
Booth: Right. Yeah. A scientist first. I get it. I understand.
Brennan: Hey, if you get caught up here, does that make me an accessory?
Booth: [smiles] An accessory to an upgrade.
Booth: [sees Brennan wearing cats-eye glasses while examining remains] Bones. All right, what I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say, "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"
Brennan: [looks confused] Why?
Booth: Never mind.
Booth: You want to get off the plane to see those old Chinese bones. I'm sorry.
Brennan: It's not your fault.
Booth: Yes, it is. Because I'm the one who dragged you out of pure science and pulled you into murder-solving.
Brennan: That's not how I remember it.
Booth: Really?
Brennan: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.
Booth: [smiles] Really?
Brennan: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? [smiles] This is all my fault.

The Bone that Blew [4.11]

Booth: Okay, what do we got?
Brennan: This one is a portion of the sacrum. It's definitely human. There's char marks. [sniffs the bone]
Booth: Oh, God. You know I hate when you sniff and smell dead things!
Booth: Your dad works here now?
Brennan: Not my idea.
Cam: She wants me to fire him.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: This is a crime lab! My father is a bank robber and an accused murderer!
Cam: Booth's killed more people than Max has and he works here.
Booth: Don't bring that up! Why did you have to bring that up?!
Max: Are you sleeping with my daughter?
Booth: No.
Max: Why? Are you gay?
Booth: [half-laughing] No.
Max: Is she not attractive enough?
Booth: [somewhat angry] Bones is beautiful.
Max: Is it because of me? Because I killed one man and we both know he deserved it?
Booth: All right, just cut it out, Max, all right? I'll talk to her. Probably ain't gonna get anywhere with her, but I'll talk to her.
Max: You're a good man, and I want that for her. Now, I gotta go blow up some soda for some kids.
Max: I've decided I'm leaving the Jeffersonian.
Sweets: Why?
Brennan: Because I fired him.
Sweets: You can do that?
Max: Oh, yeah. Believe me, she can do it.
Brennan: Well, it's all about proximity to forensic evidence.
Max: Don't take any offense, but that's a lot of crap. It's about a proximity to me. Right?
Sweets: Well, in my opinion, it isn't your father's presence that's causing you anxiety. It's the memory of his absence.
Brennan: I can understand quantum mechanics, but I can't understand you.
Booth: Don't fire Max. You know, let him keep his job. He's a teacher, not a janitor.
Brennan: I can't overlook the sanctity of the forensic lab, Booth.
Booth: Yeah. Maybe you can overlook it for me.
Brennan: For you?
Booth: Yeah. Personal favor.
Brennan: Like a partner thing?
Booth: [smiles] Partner thing.
Brennan: [smiles] I know you, Booth. You're trying to do me a favor by telling me it's a favor for you.

Double Trouble in the Panhandle [4.12]

Texas Ranger: How do you think they died?
Oklahoma Officer: They left Oklahoma, hit Texas, then died of despair.
Texas Ranger: Nope, they're definitely Oklahomans. If they were from Texas they would have had sense enough to carry water.
[...]
Booth: Twins conjoined at the ass!
Oklahoma Officer: Oh, they are definitely from Texas.
Sweets: Um...Can I offer you a piece of advice?
Booth: Well, that's why we called you, Sweets...
Dr. Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.
Brennan: Okay, thanks, Sweets. [she hangs up]
Booth: So, uh, sex, right?
Brennan: Uh, good idea.
Booth: 'Kay.

[they start to shake the trailer]

Brennan: Okay, well I think what we need to do is get a syncopated rhythm going, that takes advantage of the natural frequency of the springs...
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, are you this spontaneous during real sex?
Brennan: Yes, I am.

Fire in the Ice [4.13]

Brennan: Booth. Booth!
Booth: [who has just come to after hitting his head] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?
Brennan: I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.
Brennan: Agent Perotta, she really enjoyed working with us.
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: But you're the only FBI agent I want to work with.
Booth: Hey, you know what? Forget about Agent Perotta. All right? Nothing is gonna change between me and you.
Brennan: Well, entropy is a natural force that pulls everything apart in a subatomic level. Everything changes.
Booth: Not everything, Bones. [pushes Brennan around on the ice, and they laugh] Not everything.
Brennan: You're gonna make me fall!
Booth: I'm never gonna make you fall. I'm always here.

The Hero in the Hold [4.14]

Booth: Any lock worth picking is worth kicking.
Hodgins: [about the Grave Digger] I'd like to kill you. I hate her. I think I could murder her.
Brennan: If I think of any group of people could murder someone and get away with it, it would be us.
Booth: You never told her [you loved her]?
Teddy: I was twenty. It was hard.
Booth: I. Love. You. It's three words, really not that hard.
Teddy: What, you've never loved somebody and didn't say it to 'em? (Booth is silent) See, maybe that's why I'm here: to get you to say "I love you" to somebody.
Jared: It will really annoy my brother, the army ranger, to be saved by a squid.
Sweets: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything’s fine.

The Princess and the Pear [4.15]

Sweets: May I call you Bones in future moments of shared camaraderie?
Brennan: Don't call me Bones.
Sweets: Sure about that, Bones?
Brennan: Please, don't.
Brennan: What's wrong?
Booth: Nothing. Come on in. How about some coffee? Caribbean bean!
Brennan: You hurt your back again?
Booth: Nope. No, no, no. It's that obvious, huh?
Brennan: Your gait suggests you restrained your anterior longitudinal ligament.
Booth: Yeah, well, I blame the couch, all right? I fell asleep last night watching the game. Look, I figured you fixed my back last time. Really, I just thought that maybe you could fix it again. So use your little magic knuckles and hit it up, and we're ready to go.
Brennan: Booth, if this has become a recurring problem, you should see a specialist.
Booth: Right. I get it. All disclaimers apply. Here we go. Hit the back. Chop, chop. We've got a case!

[Brennan has just finished fighting the Black Knight and retrieving Excalibur after he ran her and Sweets off the road. Dr. Sweets has blood all over his face and has just managed to lift his head from the airbag]

Sweets: Mad props.
Brennan: Thanks.
[Booth has taken a lot of Vicodin for his back pain.]
Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?
Booth: The only reason that I am not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to, but she's your responsibility. Nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens to her and all that silky black hair, all that soft skin —
Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Booth: Am I stopping you? [hangs up]
Perotta: Right. I'm going to round up as many black knights as I can at Imagicon. In the mean time, please don't go out in the field without me.
Brennan: I don't need a sitter. Booth gets needlessly protective sometimes. I have no idea why.
Perotta: You really don't, do you?
Brennan: No.

The Bones That Foam [4.16]

Vincent: [referring to the corpse that is being examined] Forgive me, doctors, but...is his skin moving?
Cam: Ooh...God, that's strange.
Brennan: Insect activity?
Hodgins: Never seen insects like that...'cept in Alien.
Vincent: I'm secreting adrenaline.
Vincent: Our foamy friend seems to be petrifying right before our very eyes.

The Salt in the Wounds [4.17]

Brennan: I'm not discriminating because he's a Muslim. I find all religions equally irrational!
Brennan: Pregnancy is unlikely without intercourse.
Booth: Yeah, 'thanks for the tip, Bones.
Angela: What's wrong with the moment?
Hodgins: Nothing.
Angela: But?
Hodgins: But it's nice, every once in a while, to think about the future.
Angela: So let me this straight: to be together, then it has to be all about the future?
Hodgins: Yeah.
Angela: So this, right now, this isn't together?
Hodgins: It was a moment. A great moment, but like all great moments, past.
[Booth and Brennan walk in on a baby shower being held in the multi-purpose room of a high school]
Booth: You have got to be kidding me. Didn't this school ever hear of sex education?
Brennan: Well if so there's gaps in the curriculum.
Booth: That's for sure.
Angela: Have you ever noticed that a sunset looks more beautiful when you share it with someone that you care about?
Brennan: No, I haven't, but I'll pay better attention next time.
Cam: Some of us take coffee breaks, some of us take smoke breaks, Mr. Vasiri takes a spiritual break.
Brennan: Who smokes?
Cam: (defensively) Nobody. Not very often, anyway. Just very rarely, in times of great stress.

The Doctor In The Den [4.18]

Booth: C'mon, Bones, you ought to take time to smell the primates!
Brennan: Why? They're malodorous and they throw their excrement.

[the girls have finished telling Hodgins how female lions are better than the males after discussing how obnoxious men are]

Hodgins: Wow. Before I flee for my life...
Booth: I'm thinking the victim wandered away from his car, he was drunk, and he ended up in this area. The same thing happened to a guy last year in the giraffe section.
Brennan: Giraffes are herbivores. They don't eat people.
Booth: That part is different, but the guy broke his arm. Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?
Brennan: Yes. Everyone knows that.
Booth: And they sleep less than two hours a day.
Brennan: That I did not know.
Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps The Brain!
Angela: Ooh, what is that smell? Are you wearing cologne?
Hodgins: It's urine. I found traces of uric acid on the victim's clothing.
Angela: Oh.
Hodgins: It was the pheromones you found pleasing.
Angela: Yeah, yeah. The pheromones in tiger urine?
Hodgins: Well, I assume it was tiger urine. The cat was probably marking its territory.
Angela: I was turned on by tiger urine?
Hodgins: [Laughs] Celibacy isn't easy, Ang.
Angela: Tell me about it.
Brennan: We're scientists. We can't quantify or rely on our emotions. They're arbitrary and indeterminate.
Saroyan: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Brennan. You trust Booth because of how you feel.
Brennan: No, I trust Booth because of past actions.
Saroyan: And faith in the future. I'm sorry, but feelings are important. Even to you.

[Angela walks in with her sport outfit]

Angela: Hey, I used the measurements of the injuries, drawing different scenarios on possible weapons.
Clark: [looking at Angela's outfit] And you did this while jogging?
Angela: Well yeah, I was..burning off a little of my extra desires on my way to work...sweet-pea.
Clark: Sweet-pea's an inappropriate workplace moniker
Angela: Don't worry Clark, I won't eat you...Not that I'm not tempted.[smiles]
Sweets: Angela? Can I borrow you for a little while?
Angela:[excitedly] To do what with?

[Sweets stumped by Angela's tone]

Angela: Sorry, that just..popped out..I need a longer run.
Sweets: Yeah, I understand
Angela (to a giraffe during a hypnosis session) Dude, you're blocking my light!
Cam: Anything of value yet?
Brennan: We're cataloging injuries. I thought you would be with Booth.
Cam: Questioning people isn't really my thing. Most of the time I just want to beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.
Brennan: I know, it gets frustrating, and hitting can quite often be effective.
Clark: You both work with the Justice Department?
Brennan: Yes.
Clark: Ironic.

[in a chat during coffee break]

Brennan: Welton cheated on you?
Cam: That's why I left
Brennan: Does that bother you?
Angela: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that, most people don't like to be cheated on?
Cam: The only people who don't mind are just given up..
Angela:..Or are very very rational [looking at Brennan, Cam realized Angela's reference about Brennan] and are above those archaic notions of monogamy [Brennan nods a little]
Cam: Right, yes, of course, I'm not..quite..evolved..enough.
Angela: Despite the fact that I would love to have my legs wrapped around one right now, men are awful [Brennan gave an agreeing look]

[Hodgins walks in with information]

Hodgins: Hey? [The girls looked unhappily at Hodgins] Whoa...What'd I do?
Cam: You're a man
Angela:[to Hodgins] Hey, you wanna stay and have a drink?

[Cam snapped her fingers at Angela]

Angela: Oh! Yeah..we hate men
Hodgins: I gotta go..now

[Angela looked at Hodgins walking away]

Angela: He does have a terrific ass
Brennan: Oh, perhaps that's why you're always making him leave [smiles] [Angela smirks and nods]
Brennan: No lions?
Hodgins: Not in the whole park.
Booth: There are tigers. How much difference can there be between lion urine and tiger urine?
Brennan: There are no stripes in lion urine.

The Science in the Physicist [4.19]

Angela: Celibacy is a lot like fasting.
Brennan: So you've become sexually anorexic?
Angela: At first you're out of sorts and agitated, and then you sort of..push through to a kind of clarity.
Brennan: Have you reached clarity?
Angela: No, I'm still at the agitated and horny stage.
Cam: [Discussing a dead man] It's obvious what happened. He was frostbitten while climbing Everest, struck by a meteorite, then dumped in the vacant lot in two garbage bags.
Vincent: The slowest meteorites travel at 25,000 miles per hour.
Hodgins: Uh-huh.
Vincent: I'm not just spouting useless facts. You do not have a chance at recreating those velocities with a glorified blow-gun. You simply want to fire a cannon at a dummy.
Hodgins: [holds out safety goggles] Are you staying or going?
Vincent: Another set of eyes taking note can never be amiss.
Hodgins: To eternity, to glory, to the future. [scoffs]
Brennan: You disapprove of the Collar Institute?
Hodgins: Up and forward are only two directions. Science should look in all directions. You taught me that.
Brennan: I did?
Hodgins: Every day.
Brennan: Thank you.
Broderick Mullins: A frozen cadaver would simply bounce if dropped. Any moron would know that.
Booth: You know what? You're the only smart person I really like.
Brennan: Thank you!
Brennan: You said I have a creepy mode.
Booth: I apologize, okay? I wasn't in my element.
Brennan: Every element is your element.
Booth: That's not true. We've just got to stop hanging out with geniuses, because you're going to figure out that I'm really stupid.
Brennan: What? Don't worry about that. I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
Booth: Hmm.
Brennan: What I just said is true and yet it really sounded wrong. What I should say is I don't care how stupid you are... That's not any better?
Booth: No. No. Not at all. That's not even relevant.
Brennan: There is intelligence, which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.
Vincent: Thank you.
Brennan: And Sweets, even though his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.
Booth: Right.
Sweets: Wow, backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.
Brennan: And Hodgins, and Angela not so much, but she's very talented.
Angela: Thank you, very much.
Brennan: You're welcome. But then there's another quality, which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.
Booth: Thanks, Bones.

Cinderella in the Cardboard [4.20]

Booth: Oh, I'm just saying that life is a lot more than what you cook up with your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.
Booth: Why'd you tell Sweets? He's gonna come in here. He's gonna cry and stuff.
Angela: Where did this come from?
Wendell: Egyptology Department.
Angela: They let you borrow it?
Wendell: Well, no one was using it.
Angela: Tell me you're kidding.
Wendell: No... I left a note.
Wendell: What happened to your measuring tape?
Brennan: I don't know. Missing. There was a Post-It note from the Egyptology Department.
Brennan: I know intellectually jealousy is absurd, but I see that it's real for people... I even experience it myself.
Booth: So what are you jealous of?
Brennan: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is transcendent and eternal... I want to believe that, too.
Booth: Hey, you will... I promise. Someday you will.

Mayhem on a Cross [4.21]

Cam: The remains were found in the possession of a Norwegian Black Metal Band.
Brennan: [looking at Clark] What's Black Metal?
Clark: I don't know, it's Norwegian, that's a whole different kind of black.
Wyatt: May I say, Dr. Sweets, that this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause.
Sweets: Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat.
Gordon Wyatt: Just a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites.
Sweets: Wow. Small? What is that, British understatement?
Wyatt: Yes, he's a man. She's a woman. He's instinctual. She's empirical.
Sweets: Opposites.
Wyatt: Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets.
Sweets: Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship? Would you agree that they have both sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship, because their working relationship is paramount to both of them?
Wyatt: Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that. No.
Sweets: Wow. Which part?
Wyatt: Well everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of their attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact.
Sweets: Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that. Which one?
Wyatt: It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write.
Wyatt: Might I offer a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets?
Booth: Might I try to stop you.
Brennan: Why do we need advice about Sweets?
Booth: We don't. Sweets is just fine.
Wyatt: He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book.
Brennan: Wait, did he say something mean about us?
Wyatt: On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime fighting unit.
Booth: What are we, the land of misfit toys?
Wyatt: He's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants. Which is a family.
Brennan: So he imprinted on us like a baby duck?
Booth: Are you okay, Bones?
Brennan: Yeah, I'm fine. Here. [Places Booth's handkerchief back in his pocket, then looks to Sweets] Why are you nodding?
Sweets: Nothing. Just Wyatt made an observation about you two and I think I just saw what he saw.

The Double Death Of The Dearly Departed [4.22]

Booth: Can you get lost?
Brennan: Why?
Booth: I can be devastatingly charming if you aren't watching me.
[Hodgins is giving a toast]
Hodgins: This is a sad day for all of us, but I think it's important that we remember what we loved about Hank, you know? His sense of humor, of course. He was always quick with a joke, good or bad. Usually bad. But he...[Hodgins suddenly looks out the window and notices Booth and Brennan stealing Hank's body] Oh, my God! [Tries to recover] Uhhhhh... Oh. My. God, Hank. Hank is... Hank-Hank is...he's leaving us. Where is he going from here? Who knows? Oh. But, uh, uh... [smashes his glass on the floor] Oh..God... Hank. It's not fair, you know? You live life, and we-we... we die. And we don't - we don't love enough, and-and I- I got to not do that anymore 'cause I'm... I...I- I need to live and-and love, and...[Booth and Brennan are finally out of sight] Thank you.
Hodgins: King of the funeral!
Booth: Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
Brennan: Yeah. No problem.
Booth: Right? Maybe, uh, you know, leave my body out for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
Brennan: No, I'd rather refrigerate you, or else you would start to smell.
Booth: Nobody looks inside the casket, okay Mr. Tung?
Tung: How do I do that?
Booth: Just, um- w- Bones, how does he do that?
Brennan: Say someone enters and desires to gaze upon the visage of their dead relative one more time, in a vain effort to say goodbye to someone who can neither see nor hear them because there's no such thing as a soul—
Booth: Bones, just- ju- Bones, Bones. Just give him a reason not to show the body.
Brennan: We are encountering fluid seepage at the moment, and the body is not available for viewing just now.
Tung: I would never phrase it that way.
Booth: I know, it's perfect! It's so gross.

The Girl In The Mask [4.23]

Officer Kopek: [referring to Brennan] Is she serious?
Booth: Always.
Hodgins: I rarely find motive in bird vomit.
Dr. Haru Tanaka: I am not familiar with the "blah, blah, blah."
Brennan: I myself have no one in my life whom I talk to that much. Outside of work, I mean. Perhaps that is good.
Ken Nakamura: How so?
Brennan: I can see how much pain you're in. Is it worth it? To have your own happiness so contingent on another human being?
Ken Nakamura: If I was willing to give up my life for Sachi, why would I not be willing to risk my happiness for her?
Brennan: Will he recover? Your friend Ken.
Booth: From losing his sister? You don't recover from something like that. You just survive.
Brennan: People die. There's a fault in the design if we can't recover from it.
Booth: Fault in the design. What are we, coffee pots?
Brennan: I just mean that we should be designed so that we can handle the worst.
Booth: We are designed that way. We aren't sent anything that we can't handle.
Brennan: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.
Booth: I have a son and it's worth it.
Brennan: Even if he died?
Booth: Whoa, Bones, don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it and everything around it is worth it. Every moment. Everything is worth it. Now eat your ice cream before it melts.

The Beaver In The Otter [4.24]

Cam: Mr. Vaziri, do you have the x-rays?
Arastoo Vaziri: Yes. I have never seen so many foreign objects in human remains. Arrows, marbles, jacks, various coins and cutlery. My best guess is that a nuclear explosion occurred just as the victim entered a 99 cent store.
Brennan: They keep track of sexual conquests by putting stars on the wall?
Sweets: It's emotionally stunted.
Booth: Guys, it's a college fraternity.
Brennan: They seem like really terrible people.
Booth: They're college kids, okay? It's their job description to be bad. It's what they do.
Sweets: Yeah, but still. It's a community of young men mutually supporting bad decisions.
Booth: Look, these kids, they go out into the world. They're alone, they have no supervision, they have to be bad. It's just in order to figure out what it is. It's a scientific fact that their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
Brennan: No, that is not a scientific fact.
Booth: What they've got to do is build their frontal lobes with exercise, and that comes from doing the wrong thing.
Sweets: Okay, so you're theory is that they've got to be bad to be good.
Booth: Exactly. It's the facts of life, my friend. Okay, so whats transmissions did you get from the brothers?
Brennan: Booth, he is not a radio.
Booth: Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
Sweets: What I did observe, using my eyes and my training, is that these two frat brothers weren't actually upset about Beaver's death.
Brennan: How do you know?
Sweets: Well, real grief comes and goes in waves. These guys had their face set in sadness the whole time. They were lying.
Brennan: I believe you're just guessing.
Sweets: Okay, fine. I'm just a magic eight ball. [walks away]
Booth: I think you hurt his feelings.
Brennan: [incredulous] Did you believe him?
Saroyan: I am saying no to this experiment.
Hodgins: Yeah, I got that after the part where you said no seven times in a row.
Cam: I find that you don't pay attention to the first six.
Brennan: What are you going to do?
Booth: Something personal.
Brennan: What is it?
Booth: Personal. Personal means personal. You know, not for the public.
Brennan: I'm not the public!
Booth: Jared wants me to go to India with him.
Brennan: Indiana?
Booth: India, okay? Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras, Slumdog Millionaire.
Brennan: I know. Are you going?
Booth: We don't like each other.
Brennan: So, not going?
Booth: Well, he's my brother. I still love him.
Brennan: I'm confused. You are going?
Booth: Jared should not go to India alone. He'll get in all kinds of trouble.
Brennan: You said he's never been alone.
Booth: Exactly! He'll be eaten alive.
Brennan: If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad and his frontal lobe always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. It makes no scientific sense.
Booth: Yeah. Got it.

The Critic In The Cabernet [4.25]

Sweets: It's quite simple. Whatever Agent Booth says, you respond with whatever word or phrase pops into your head, and vice versa.
[...]
Sweets: The point of the exercise is not to explain, but to respond. Okay? Children can do this.
Brennan: Because it's childish.
Sweets: Can we just try it, please?
[...]
Booth: Hunger.
Brennan: Sex.
Booth: Whoa.
Brennan: Horse.
Booth: Cowboy.
Brennan: Child.
Booth: Baby.
Brennan: Booth.
Booth: What, do you think I'm a baby?
Brennan: You're a father.
Booth: Oh. Mother.
Brennan: Birth.
Booth: Happy.
Brennan: Sperm.
Booth: Sperm, isn't this kind of weird?
Sweets: No, keep going.
Booth: Ok. Egg.
Brennan: I want a baby.
Booth: Whoa!
Brennan: Horse.
Angela: Brennan, this is crazy.
Brennan: Why? I'm intellectually gifted, financially secure. Statistically, I could expect to have an exceptional child.
Angela: Fine. Yes. Absolutely. But do know how this is supposed to work, right?... You get naked together. You devour each other in a passionate frenzy.
Brennan: Booth would think that would create an emotional bond between us.
Angela: [sarcastic] Of course that's ridiculous.
Brennan: I knew you'd understand.
Angela: Then why use Booth at all? Why don't you use Fisher ... and his discount sperm?
Brennan: No, Booth has a bigger mandible and a more prominent zygomatic than Fisher, as well as a more pronounced ratio between the width of his clavicles and his ilia.
Angela: So, it's because Booth is hot? Now we're getting somewhere.
Booth: I'm just donating.
Cam: So you decided?
Booth: No, no. I am deciding. I-N-G.
Cam: I know you, Seeley. You're going do it. You want to do it. You're not really doing it, but it's still doing it, even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Cam: And what will it do for you?
Booth: She'll get what she wanted!
Cam: A piece of you?
[Booth is alone at the sperm bank when Stewie Griffin from Family Guy appears on a TV]
Stewie: Why are you here at the bank, Booth?
Booth: [startled] AH!
Stewie: You’ve got a hot doctor friend. Go to her and make a direct deposit like a man!
[Booth turns off the TV]
Booth: [to himself] That’s impossible.
[The TV suddenly turns itself back on]
Stewie: And yet we converse.
Booth: [Yelps and backs himself up against a wall]
Stewie: [looking at some magazines on a table] Ooh, look! A pile of porn! Delicious! Give me a peek, Booth. Mmm? Just a little peek at a booby? Please?
[Booth unplugs the television and the screen goes black again. As he turns around, the TV turns itself on again.]
Stewie: What’s your problem? You’re threatened by a cute, harmless baby? Grow a set! You do want her to have your baby, don’t you?
Booth: Of course I do, it’s just... I want her to have a baby because it’s what she wants.
Stewie: And you could just walk away like a heartless cad while she changes poo all by her lonesome?
Booth: It’s what she wants!
Nurse: [speaking from outside the room] Are you okay in there, Mr. Booth?
Booth: Uh, I’m fine. Just, uh, fine, thank you. [to Stewie] Listen, could you just go away now, okay? I don’t need your help.
Stewie: You know, you’re not a bad looking fellow, and if you’d just keep an open mind...
Booth: Go back to cartoon land, wherever you came from. Leave!
Stewie: You sure? I’m good at pretend games.
[Booth uses the remote control to turn the TV off.]
Booth: [Shakes his head] That wasn’t possible.
Sweets: But right now I'm more interested in whether you decided to inseminate Doctor Brennan.
Booth: God, you know, don't say it like that.
Sweets: I'm sorry. I'm interested in whether you decided to provide your semen for her fertilization.
Booth: Saying it like that is worse.
Sweets: Okay, well I could go with baby daddy.
Stewie: So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
Booth: I didn't say that.
Stewie: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
Booth: No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
Stewie: And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.

The End in the Beginning [4.26]

Voiceover: People say you only live once. But people are as wrong about that as they are about everything. On the darkest moment before dawn, a woman returns to her bed. What life is she living? Is the same life this woman was living half an hour ago? A day ago? A year ago? [cuts to Booth] Who is this man? Do they lead separate lives or is it a single life shared? ... A storm approaches. It is still over the horizon, but there is lightning in the air. Are either of them aware of the gathering turbulence? Can they feel the crackle of electricity in the wind or are they aware of only the power they generate between themselves?
Brennan: Cam says everybody thinks I'm a cold fish.
Booth: What you are is Iceland: cool to the touch, but underneath you're all volcano!
Brennan: I don't like people thinking that I'm a cold fish.
Booth: Look, if you were really a cold fish, you wouldn't care.
Brennan: You used logic on me! That's sweet! [They smile.] Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.
Booth: Jared thinks, you know, I'm the killer, and he's helping me get away with it.
Brennan: So you're a murderer; I'm unfaithful. We are a very exciting couple!
Max: Oh, he's a man of principle, and I mean that as a terrible insult.
Brennan: So did the police try to convince you I was having an affair with Arastoo?
Booth: It's what they do, you know? They drive wedges.
Brennan: It wouldn't be irrational to think I was having an affair with him. He is very handsome.
Booth: Yeah, I'd feel it if the energy was bad between the two of us. I'd know. The same way that you would know that I couldn't murder someone.
Brennan: I believe you would murder someone for me, and I believe you'd lie about it so I wouldn't have to carry the burden.
Voiceover:You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.
↑Jump back a section

Season 5

The Harbingers In the Fountain [5.1]

Booth: I do not like cats.
Sweets: Well, that's consistent with the person you were before your brain surgery.
Booth: I don't own a nightclub, I'm not married to Bones, you are not a singing bartender and I hate clowns. So, can I go back to work now?
Sweets: When our sense of reality is challenged - you know - really challenged, it can take some time to regain our footing.
Booth: Look, it's been six weeks since I put my brain box through the blender, there. I am back, baby, huh! Special Agent Seeley Joseph Booth!
[Angela has enlisted the services of a psychic, Avalon Harmonia, to perform a tarot reading on Brennan]
Avalon: This man was lost. You brought him the light that showed him the way home. Without it he would have died.
Angela: Booth was in a coma. Brennan read him the book that she was writing. When he woke up he thought that they had a whole different life together, he thought they were married. He thought that for days.
Avalon: You were joined at that time. You're still joined.
Brennan: [Getting up to leave.] Nothing either of you is saying makes sense.
Avalon: [Turns over another card] Were you pregnant?
Brennan: [Dismissively] What? No, of course not.
Avalon: I mean in your book.
Brennan: [Stares, surprised, for a moment] No, I deleted the book. I'm tired, Angela, I'm going to go check in at the office then go home. Nice to meet you, Miss Harmonia. [Leaves]
Angela: [About Brennan] Underneath the icy exterior beats a very warm heart.
Avalon: Her life is at a very critical turning point. Between great happiness - [She turns over a card.]
Angela: [Reading the card] That's "Death".
[Avalon gives Angela a meaningful look but says nothing.]
Cam: What's really on your mind?
Booth: [Sighs, troubled] All right, um, that place that, uh, I went to, you know, in my coma dream? It was just, Bones and I, it was so real.
Cam: [Bluntly] You're in love with Dr. Brennan.
[Booth is shocked, Cam just smiles gently.]
Booth: [After a pause] What I'm wondering is, am I the same guy?
Cam: A sweet, kick-ass FBI murder solver with hard fists and a lion heart? Mmm, yep, you're still him. My advice, for what it's worth, is forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Booth: Right, and tell Bones how I feel.
Cam: Yes. Except, be sure about your feelings, because if you crack that shell and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.
Sweets: Do you know what you're looking at?
Booth: Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you haven't been this close to one in a long time.
Sweets: It's a PET scan of your brain.
Booth: Hmm. Then I was wrong.
Sweets: This is called the ventral tegmental area, and this is the dorsal caudate body. Now these two areas have been proven to be linked to romantic love and sexual arousal.
Booth: If this is your version of dirty pictures, they're not working for me right now. [Closes the laptop computer.]
Sweets: No. [Reopens computer] This scan was taken before your operation. The green and blue areas indicate low activity. The same scan while you were in the coma: lit up like the fourth of July. You were dreaming of being in love, of being married, right? [changes image] The same scan, three days ago. Before your operation you were not in love. After your operation you were. Conclusion: your feelings are not real and will fade away, like every other symptom. Now, I think you and I both know that Dr. Brennan's hyper-rationale is really just a cover for a very vulnerable and sensitive core.
Booth: Well, great. So we're talking about Bones' brain, too, here now.
Sweets: So, if you breach those defenses and it turns out you don't really love her -- [puts PET scans on table] -- I left you hard copies.
Avalon Harmonia: Dr. Brennan, how are you feeling?
Brennan: Well, they gave me medication, so I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel all the time. I came here to see if you ran away.
Avalon: No, I'm here looking for clues. Something I might have missed.
Brennan: In your cards? Because that is a waste of time.
Avalon: You say that after I sent Agent Booth to save your life.
Brennan: Well, you knew where the bodies were buried. You knew Dr. Leacock would attack me.
Avalon: [turns over a card] You were an abandoned child. [turns over another card] The world scares you, so you wrap it up neatly in bonds of reason, education and proof. All riddles are solvable to you, except for one.
Brennan: Yes, the riddle of how you knew where your sister was buried.
Avalon: No. The riddle you can't solve is how somebody could love you.
Brennan: [laughs dismissively] Well, I'm beautiful and very intelligent.
Avalon: The answer to the question you're afraid to say out loud is: yes, he knows the truth about you, and he is dazzled by that truth.

The Bond In The Boot [5.2]

[Booth and Brennan discover a rotting corpse in the trunk of a James Bond style car]
Booth: Whoa! Ok, that is going to kill the blue book value.
Sweets: Do you want my advice?
Brennan: No.
Sweets: Okay, if you really want to help Booth, you should let him teach you about plumbing.
Brennan: I'm a wealthy, accomplished woman. Why would I want to learn a menial skill?
Sweets: Well, for Booth, so he can regain whatever he feels he's lost. I think, for once, it would be beneficial if you were the student.
Sweets: Perhaps he's a double agent. I mean, Rutledge certainly fits the profile. They're usually intelligent male officers, who had poor father figures resulting in repressed anger and revenge fantasies.
Harold Prescott: Double agent?
Sweets: By betraying his country Rutledge is essentially choosing a new father. One who might treat him better than the last.
Brennan: Yes, but that would also fit Booth and he's not a double agent. Are you?
Booth: Stop. Watch it, Sweets!
Sweets: All elephants are gray, Agent Booth, but not all gray things are elephants.
Booth: [whispers] That's good for me, right?
Brennan: [whispers] Yeah.
Brennan: Shouldn't we be honest with each other?
Booth: We're honest! I mean, aren't you? I mean, I am.
Brennan: So you have no problem with me making so much more money than you.
Booth: No. [Brennan makes a face] Well, yeah, but it's -- it's a little weird. I mean, you're loaded. You're really loaded, and you still don't even have a flat screen. That's just kind of weird, to be honest. It's a little French, if you ask me.
Brennan: Rutledge said the bug was checked out in your name.
Mandy: I got the bug because I was afraid Greg was cheating on me.
Booth: So why didn't you mention this before?
Mandy: We weren't supposed to date! I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.
Brennan: Is she talking about us?
Booth: We're not.
Brennan: No!
Mandy: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.

The Plain in the Prodigy [5.3]

Booth: You know, when I was a kid, Bones, I always wanted to be a hobo. I wanted to ride the rails, play the guitar --
Brennan: Be malnourished, riddled with preventable disease.
Booth: You know what? You could make Santa Claus cry. You really could.
Brennan: Hey, you're wearing your belt buckled again! Cocky.
Booth: Yeah. Ever since the whole coma thing I just kept staring at it thinking to myself, why would I wear something like this?
Brennan: Because you love it. You always have.
Booth: Yeah, that's what I landed on, Bones.
Brennan: Oh, well I'm glad you did, because I like it. It's Boothy.
Booth: Boothy?
Clark: I'm more of a lab rat, Dr. Brennan. Perhaps somebody more outdoorsy would be better.
Brennan: Clark, if there's spinal damage that corresponds to the compression fractures on the long bones, we could have cause of death. I need those bones. You're the most qualified. Don't scratch your neck with the gloves!
Clark: [affects a Southern accent] Well, is it all right if I get a drink of water, boss? You know, it's awful hot out there, and them tools is mighty heavy.
Brennan: Of course you can get water. Why are you talking like that?
Clark: Nevermind. I'll go.
Brennan: You just said you were having sex when you were sixteen.
Booth: That's different!
Brennan: Oh, so there's a double standard?
Booth: Of course! You know what, Cam needs to shut that down.
Brennan: I said that Michelle should wait until she's at least seventeen and a half.
Booth: Is that how old you were?
Brennan: No, I was 22.
Booth: Twenty-two?! twnent--, why?
Brennan: Don't -- why do you sound shocked?!
Booth: No, it's just that that's a good age. Twenty-two??
Brennan: It was an important decision! I gave it a lot of thought. I finally found a man who could provide a skillful introduction.
Booth: You make it sound like it was a class that you took. You know, the first time you should be in love. You know, totally goo-goo for the other person.
Brennan: Were you when you were sixteen?
Booth: Well part of me was.
Michelle: I'm scared. Is that weird? I mean, it's just sex, right? It's all over the TV and everywhere.
Cam: Whoa, there's no such thing as 'just sex', Michelle. Every time you give a bit of yourself to the person you're with. So it's okay to wait as long as you want.
Michelle: I don't want to lose Perry.
Cam: If Perry doesn't understand how you feel, he doesn't deserve you.
Booth: Michelle's family to me. I'm here number one uncle.
Perry: Really? She, she didn't meantion...
Booth: I'm also a trained sniper.
Perry: Ok, wow, oh...
Booth: Listen, Perry, all right? You're a red-blooded young man and uh, Michelle's - she's an attractive young girl. So I assume that you...
Perry: What? No, no, no!
Booth: Because Michelle deserves your respect, you understand?
Perry: I do! I do respect her. We were just going to the movies tonight.
Booth: All right. And if you behave anyway less than a gentleman to her, I'll find you. I think we understand each other, right?

The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood [5.4]

Cam: Were you guys aware that Arastoo doesn't really have an accent?
Booth: Yeah, he does. It's thicker than Ahmed the rug merchant. Was that racist? It sounded racist.
Sweets: [watches Cam walk into his office without knocking] No, no, no. You can't just walk in here!
Cam: Arastoo Vasiri, our Muslim intern, he's been faking his accent. At first I go where everyone else goes, you know? [singsong voice] Terrorist!
Sweets: Wouldn't a terrorist fake not having an accent?
Cam: Is it crazy or just weird? Weird I can deal with, but crazy? [shakes head and begins to leave the office]
Sweets: Wait. What do you want me to do?
Cam: Crazy's your department.
Paula Lindbergh: I was afraid this would come up when I heard you took Trey in for questioning.
Booth: You're right, so start talking.
Paula: I should never have made Elliot move to the suburbs. In a way, I emasculated him.
Brennan: Oh, God. She's a therapist. She talks like a therapist.
[...]
Brennan: Interlocking lines of persuasion between members of the collective result in multiple duplicities.
Paula: Oh, my God. She's an anthropologist. She talks like an anthropologist!
Booth: It takes a village, Bones.
Brennan: I beg your pardon?
Booth: A village to raise a kid properly! It takes a village!
Brennan: Metaphorically. It doesn't mean we must all grow up in hamlets of 800 people or less.
Booth: Thanks. Will you be my village?
Brennan: Huh?
Booth: I need Parker to know that I lead a full and rewarding life.
Brennan: But you don't.
Booth: What?? Yes, I do!
Brennan: No, you don't. You work too much, you don't socialize, all which prevents you from having a sex life.
Booth: Okay, let's take a hint from the suburbs and just make it look good.
Brennan: Wait, you to know if I'll help you fool your son into thinking your life is gratifying?
Booth: Yeah! Will you do it?
Brennan: Well, how?
Booth: Come to dinner with us, have fun, laugh at my jokes.
Brennan: That might actually turn out to be fun, thus becoming a self fulfilling desire.
Booth: Right! So, you'll do it?
Brennan: Yes! I will be your hamlet of 800 people or less.
Parker: Can't you be his girlfriend?
Brennan: That would be inappropriate.
Parker: Why?
Brennan: Because we work together.
Parker: That's a stupid reason.
Booth: Bones, I'm really not comfortable with the questions you're asking.
Brennan: Booth, could you maybe trust me for a second? Trust that I can say the right thing? In the time I've been with you I've learned a lot about how to deal with people. [looks to Parker] Your father is very, very good with people.
Parker: Then why doesn't he have a girlfriend?
Booth: And we're off! [gets a look from Brennan] Okay. All right.
Brennan: Can I ask you a question? [Parker nods] Why do you think your father needs a girlfriend so much?
Booth: Bones, there's a whole gender/parent bond thing going on here. He's just going to get confused.
Parker: So I can have a pool!
Brennan: He doesn't sound confused.
Arastoo: [Irritated without Jordanian accent] I am a scientist! Okay? Just like the rest of you. I can deal! So please just back off and let me do my job!
Cam: Wow.
Arastoo: [With Jordian accent] I apologize for my outburst.
Cam': Oh, you aren't even going to try to unring that bell are you?
Arastoo: [as he's leaving] I have to pray.

A Night at the Bones Museum [5.5]

Cam: What are you doing here, Sweets?
Angela: He's Daisy's trainer. If she attacks, he can put her down.
Angela: Hey! How could you not tell me you were on a date when I texted you?
Brennan: It was just drinks!
Angela: Celibate. Seeking crumbs. Spill.
Brennan: He's Booth's boss's boss. His name is Andrew.
Angela: Wait, this is his boss's boss? Was Booth upset?
Brennan: Yes. I don't know why.
Angela: Brennan, this could screw up the natural order of things, and Booth wishes that you were going out with him.
Brennan: I drink with him all the time, but with Andrew there is the potential for sex.
Angela: And not with Booth?
Sweets: Dr. Saroyan, I'm having some serious problems with Daisy. Can I ask your advice?
Cam: No.
Sweets: No, really.
Cam: Really. I have a sixteen year old, and believe me, when it comes to dating advice, I am batting a red hot zero.
Sweets: But you've been through this like a million times yourself!
Cam: Did you just call me old?
Booth: Bones doesn't feel pressure to act or do or say anything that she doesn't want to, and no one, no one, can make her. That's what makes her Bones.
Brennan: I have to speak. I hate these things.
Booth: What are you talking about, Bones? You're great at these things. Listen, you changed history. How many people can say that?
Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.
Booth: With your help. So, Andrew. You were going to take him to this thing. At least that's what you told me.
Brennan: I was, yes, but you and I -- this was our case. I guess what goes on between us, that should just be ours. Isn't that what you said?
Booth: Yeah.

The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken [5.6]

Protesters at chicken farm: Pluck you! Pluck you! Pluck you!
Josh Parsons: Are you here to protect them while they mistreat and torture the chickens on this farm and the people who live downwind of its foul emanations?
Booth: You practice that speech much, pal?
Brennan: We found Nick Rabin's body.
Booth: As of now, you are our number one suspect.
Parsons: Please, I didn't kill anyone. I'm an extreme pacifist.
Brennan: That's an oxymoron. You're either extreme or pacifist. You can't be both.
Booth: I'm losing it. I'm not up to speed here. I woke up this morning and I realized that I didn't even know if I liked brown sugar on my oatmeal.
Brennan: Next time, call me. You like brown sugar on everything!
Booth: I'm the one who is supposed to know if people are lying. Who do I call for that?
Brennan: Sweets.
Booth: Sweets?
Brennan: You said he's like a human lie detector test!
Booth: I don't like things at half speed, you know? I'm a full speed kind of a guy.
Brennan: Well, even at half speed, you're twice as fast as anyone else.
Brennan: You noticed something! See! You've still got it!
Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?
Brennan: Do I want to know?
Booth: No. Do you want to know anyway?
Brennan: Nope. It can wait. I trust you.
[Seated at the diner with Sweets, Booth notices that Bones is upset. He discovers that she and Angela have had a fight.]
Booth: [to Bones] I'd do anything for you. I'd die for you, I'd kill for you, but I am not getting in the middle of two best friends.

The Dwarf in the Dirt [5.7]

Sweets: There have been a few changes in Booth.
Wyatt: Since the brain tumor?
Sweets: Yeah, is that why he came to you? He doesn't trust me? Oh, right. How could I forget about cook/client privilege.
Wyatt: Chef/client privilege!
Sweets: Has he also told you about how now when he climbs stairs he leads with his right foot rather than his left? He holds his phone to a different ear. Coffee in his left hand.
Wyatt: How wretchedly observant of you.
Sweets: Not me: Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: The only markings we know for sure came before the sinkhole are these three little nicks on his ribs.
Vincent: Could he have been stabbed?
Brennan: With what?
Vincent: The world's dullest knife.
Brennan: Perhaps something along the lines of a dull hatchet.
Vincent: To a little person a hatchet would be the equivalent of an ax. Assuming the accomplice was already lying in wait, surely he would have had the forethought to bring a more suitable weapon.
Brennan: Like a gun.
Vincent: Or a giant sword. Or a gun.
Wyatt: I don't think Booth has brain damage.
Sweets: What's his problem?
Wyatt: May I ask why you didn't publish your book on Booth and Brennan?
Sweets: Is there a connection between my book and Booth's marksmanship?
Wyatt: I believe you didn't publish it because you're afraid of how Brennan and Booth would react to its conclusion.
Sweets: My book concludes that Brennan and Booth are in love with each other.
Wyatt: It's a scrummy conundrum, isn't it?
Sweets: I believe as a reaction to the childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment, Dr. Brennan utilizes her intellect to armor herself from intense levels of emotion, like love.
Wyatt: And Booth?
Sweets: Well, subconsciously he's sensitive to her vulnerability. He knows that acting upon his feelings for her would amount to a kind of assault.
Wyatt: I couldn't agree with you more.
Brennan: Maybe I should start packing heat again.
Booth: Packing heat?
Brennan: Yes, it's a colloquialism. I'm quite a good shot.
Booth: Hey, if the leprechaun was shot, where would the bullet be?
Brennan: I assume somewhere in the six tons of crap Hodgins hasn't sifted through yet.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. Did you just call forensic evidence crap?
Brennan: It's colloquial again. What do you think?
Booth: I like it. It shows that you're adapting.
Wyatt: When you were in the coma, you got a glimpse of another world.
Booth: Great, and how does that help me aim my gun?
Wyatt: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. Family.
Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way, I see it another way.
Wyatt: Of course! It's absolutely ludicrous, the idea of you together, but the heart chooses what it chooses, doesn't it? We don't really have a say in the matter.
Booth: She doesn't love me. I would know if she loved me.
Wyatt: May I counsel patience on this front. Hope and patience.

The Foot in the Foreclosure [5.8]

Angela: Booth must be cute with his grandpa, huh?
Brennan: His grandfather calls him shrimp. Booth seems to like it, which I don't understand.
Angela: Well, it's because it makes him feel loved, like when he actually was a shrimp.
Brennan: So the moniker is a sign of affection?
Angela: Very good, Brennan. You never had a nickname?
Brennan: Oh, no, just what Booth calls me; just Bones.
Brennan: But on her last visit with him, she weighed 234 pounds.
Clark: Baby had back. [disapproving looks from Brennan and Cam] Sorry... I don't know where that came from.
Hank Booth: Did I take these blue pills?
Booth: You took the yellow pills.
Hank: I feel like a damn chemistry experiment! They didn't have this stuff fifty years ago and everybody was fine!
Brennan: Actually, medicine has increased life expectancy quite a bit since 1959. Fifty years ago, you'd probably be dead.
Booth: Bones!
Hank: No, I like her. She's real. She's got balls.
Brennan: Well, ovaries, actually.
Hank: All right, you've got steel ovaries.
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: Will you two, please!
Brennan: Being overweight wasn't always stigmatized. During the Middle Ages in Italy, the wealthy and influential members of society were called popolo grosso, meaning literally, fat people.
Hank: Is she always like this?
Booth: Well, Pops, she always has the facts, Pops. Always.
Hank: You should go on a gameshow. You'd clean up.
Booth: I tell her that all the time, but you know, she's already loaded.
Hank: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money and you're just friends? I didn't raise you very well.
Hank: Everyone needs someone. Don't be scared.
Brennan: Scared, what? I'm not scared of anything.
Hank: It all goes by so fast. You don't want any regrets.
Brennan: I don't understand.
Hank: Yes, you do.

The Gamer in the Grease [5.9]

Booth: Fishing is not a sport!
Brennan: What? Monuments to sporting events in ancient Egypt include fishing, as well as swimming and wrestling.
Booth: Come on! No sweat, no sport!
Brennan: Well -- oh! Boris Spassky at chess. He used to perspire profusely.
Booth: Why do you got to make things so complicated? Let me break it down for you, okay? Basketball, football, hockey: that's a sport. Board games, fishing: not a sport!
Cam: You'll probably go easy on the fried food after this one.
Brennan: Well, the International Olympic Committee is considering adding chess as a sport.
Cam: Not a sport.
Booth: See! Not a sport!
Cam: Neither is ribbon twirling, bridge or synchronized swimming.
Booth: Synchronized swimming, that's not a sport, that's for sure.
Cam: Oh, God. I'm in the middle of something, aren't I? Oh, look! Dead guy!
Booth: Yeah, look at that. The Colonel's not going to like this one.
Cam: Male, no sign of clothing, all other stats still unknown. He was found at the bottom of this grease receptical by those lovely gentleman over there.
Brennan: The remains are covered in flesh. Why am I here?
Cam: I don't know. I told Booth. Oh, God. In the middle again!
Fisher: He was beaten and stabbed. Somebody really went after this guy.
Cam: Those injuries didn't kill him. There's grease in all levels of the bronchi, which means our victim was alive when he was tossed into the vat. Cause of death is drowning and cooking, or vice versa.
Fisher: Saturated fats; they're a killer.
Booth: Steve Rifton, 26-year-old mailman reported missing by his wife twelve days ago. You figured out he was a mailman and guess what? He's a mailman!
Brennan: Why are you surprised?
Booth: It doesn't surprise me. It amazes me sometimes how you can figure that stuff out. It's a mailman! You figured that out!
Brennan: [smiling] I'm good at my job.
Booth: Wait until you see what I've got here. Okay, here --
Brennan: Marked in red.
Booth: Right. Is Steve Rifton's postal route. And here --
Brennan: Marked in black.
Booth: Right, is the grease truck's route. See what I've done here?
Brennan: Obviously you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
Booth: No, no, incorrect. What I've shown is here is they've overlapped in the same area.
Brennan: You need to Google "Venn diagram."
Fisher: There's a lip here. I'm thinking a smooth, rounded edge.
Hodgins: Okay, Sweets said he had an appointment he can't miss, so --
Fisher: Follow me on this. The mailman is delivering his package to the "lady of the house", if you catch my drift. The husband comes home, finds the nearest blunt instrument, which is a cast iron frying pan. And WHAM! The postman who rang twice never rang again.
Hodgins: Yeah, yeah, that totally works. If the husband is a peacock wrangler who fights crickets after work in a creeping red Fescue field.
Fisher: Peacock?
Hodgins: Yeah, what I thought was silk turns out to be the thread from the after feather of a peacock.
Fisher: You and your particulates always ruining the day for me.

The Goop on the Girl [5.10]

Brennan: I have to remove your clothing now.
Booth: Why?
Brennan: Well, there may be particulates.
Booth: Particulates.
Brennan: Evidence for Hodgins and flesh for Cam.
Booth: You know, the bomber said something about answering the call. What do you think that means?
Brennan: Many terrorists think they're acting upon divine instruction.
Booth: I don't think he was a terrorist. I just think he was a bank robber.
Brennan: There's spatter on the back of your collar.
Booth: Spatter?
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: I can take my own shirt off.
Brennan: No, don't! You'll compromise the evidence.
Booth: Right.
Brennan: I'm having Christmas dinner at my place this year with my dad. Considering you've been shunted aside by your own family, I'd like to invite you.
Booth: That's a sweet invitation.
Brennan: So, will you come?
Booth: I don't know. I was thinking about going up to Quebec to see Parker. I don't really care what Rebecca thinks.
Brennan: If you do that won't she retaliate by insisting upon coming to all your special times with Parker?
Booth: Yeah.
Brennan: You have a perfect acromion. Stand up.
Booth: Whoa! Is there stuff on my pants?
Brennan: Vascular tissue on your cocky belt buckle.
Booth: All right. Slides right off. And now we're done.
Brennan: Nope. I have to remove your pants.
Booth: All right, you know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. St. Joseph, St. Peter, St. Paul, St. John --
[Cam walks in]
Cam: [Sees what's going on] Anyone for mistletoe?
Brennan: I'm recovering evidence.
Booth: Just evidence! That's all!
Angela: [seeing Booth on a cart being pushed by Brennan only in his boxers] Uh, are we doing an experiments on Booth? Because if so, I'd like to help.
Booth: Make fun of the naked guy. Knock yourself out.
Cam: Clear out, Sweets. We have to identify our Christmas in December bomber.
Daisy: Bye, Lancelot! Colon, end bracket, colon, capital D!
Sweets: Semi-colon, end parenthesis, less than sign, numeral 3!!
Daisy: Colon, capital P!
Cam: Oh, dear God. I'm going to yak.
Booth: So I decided to take you up on your offer.
Brennan: What offer?
Booth: You invited me to your house for Christmas dinner. You forgot you invited me.
Brennan: No, it's just -- no! My dad brought by my second cousin and I really didn't like her.
Booth: Well that makes sense.
Brennan: Why do you say that?
Booth: Because she's family. Ninety percent of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
Brennan: She's unapologetically dogmatic, she lives her entire life based on the quotations of Benjamin Franklin.
Booth: Maybe she feels the same way about you and your mania of logic.
Brennan: Mania?
Booth: Okay, enthusiasm.
Brennan: That's my partner. He's FBI.
Margaret: His eyes are too small to be really handsome.
Brennan: Well, I have to admit, I find him pleasing to look at.
Brennan: Sometimes people are terrible.
Booth: I know.
Brennan: Cam says that the victim's mother is burying him on Christmas morning.
Booth: I heard that.
Brennan: It's just him and his mom, right?
Booth: He worked alone and never had any time for friends. What's wrong?
Brennan: Max told me that being alone at Christmas means that nobody loves you. She's burying her son. Alone. On Christmas. I think that's heartbreaking.
Booth: You know, when I say heartbreaking you say the heart is a muscle, so it can't break. It can only get crushed.
Brennan: Isn't it heartcrushing?
Booth: You want to go to his funeral?
Brennan: Yes, I would. Then she won't be alone.
Booth: You know what, Bones? Sometimes I think your heart muscle is bigger than people give you credit for.

The X in the File [5.11]

Brennan: Her skeletal robusticity and large areas of muscle attachment suggest extremely good health.
Cam: A couple of weeks in the desert and no critters got at these remains?
Wendel: Perhaps there was a lot of green radiation from alien hyperdrive systems? [Cam and Brennan look at him strangely] Or something not crazy.
Brennan: The man who found them remarked that he saw several set of orange eyes staring at him from the darkness.
Wendel: Orange eyeballed aliens?
Brennan: Tapetum lucidum of the American coyote glows orange when light strikes the retina. What he saw were likely coyotes, not orange eyeballed aliens. Oh, you're being facetious. That was funny.
Brennan: Oh, good! You got here for the good stuff!
Booth: What good stuff?
Brennan: The MRI. It's an older model but entirely serviceable.
Booth: Okay, for future reference, that's not the good stuff.
Brennan: Sure it is! Look at all those remodeled lateral muletas fractures. Also, signs of inflammation to the tendon fibers here and damage to -- [looks up to see the body appearing to sit up and screams in reaction]
[Booth draws his gun only to have it pulled from his hand by the magnet in the MRI. Brennan shuts the machine down; the body and the gun fall to the ground.]
Booth: [pause] You know, I won't say anything about the scream if you don't say anything about the gun.
Brennan: Those terms are satisfactory.
Booth: Right.
Sweets: Dr. Hodgins, I'm kind of in the middle of --
Hodgins: You were right, Sweets. Everything is not fine. It's not fine at all!
Sweets: This is a good time.
Hodgins: I don't know if I want to crawl into a hole and die or run over Wendell and Angela with a truck.
Sweets: You know, it's natural to have these feelings.
Hodgins: I'm a better man than this! I want to be happy for them, I really do.
Sweets: It's easier for us to accept loneliness as long as the person we were once with is also alone.
Hodgins: Then when she finds happiness with someone else, oh man, it's like being stabbed in the heart.
Angela: [to Wendell regarding a melon with her face on it] Call that thing by my name one more time. I dare you.
Brennan: It's ridiculous to think that there's anything on this planet worth seeing which merits crossing what are literally astronomical distances.
Booth: Maybe aliens are anthropologists. Maybe they just want to study our religion, and sex, and love, and our funny languages and line dancing.
Brennan: That's an interesting possibility I hadn't considered.
Booth: Well they're living creatures. They like to reach out, Bones.
Brennan: Living creatures like to reach out and eat each other.
Booth: Oh, so what are you saying? That the aliens just want to come down here and drink our spinal fluid?
Brennan: Well, if the aliens are advanced enough to fly faster than light, then they can probably make spinal fluid.
Booth: Well you just said that aliens are nice.
Brennan: I did not!
Booth: You just basically said that aliens are nice anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't think so.
Booth: You think that aliens are you!
Brennan: [laughs] You got me! I'm one of them. I was sent down as an advanced scout.
Booth: Ha! I knew it! No probing! No probing!!
Brennan: [laughs] Hey, probing is a valuable way to gather information.
Booth: I know how you people like to probe!

The Proof in the Pudding [5.12]

Cam: Strange question, I know, but I've gotta ask. [pulls EPT test from behind her back] Are you, by any chance, pregnant?
Brennan: No, I haven't had sexual intercourse in quite some time.
Cam: Do you want to know why I'm asking?
Brennan: You're holding a home pregnancy test. I assume it's positive and you're worried about losing the most important person in this lab.
Cam: No. Very modest. I'm asking because Michelle was here earlier this afternoon and the only other two people who you use that bathroom, beside me, are you and Angela.
Brennan: Well, Angela is currently sexually active.
Cam: Very true.
Brennan: With Wendell!
Cam: Very, very active!
Brennan: And even if they use condoms, Wendell is young! His sperm is likely to be extremely motile.
Cam: You are so cheering me up right now.
Brennan: Bone graft. It looks like a repair to a screw hole.
Cam: Huh. I count three metal plates.
Brennan: Indicating multiple corrective surgeries.
Cam: Which could help us positively identify these remains.
Brennan: Mr. White told us to regard identification as a zero priority.
Cam: I'm not as good as you are at doing as I'm told.
Brennan: [smiles] Thank you!
Booth: Hey, guys! Guys, listen, I'm going to need some science jibber-jabber to distract these guys.
Brennan: Oh, you know who can do jibber-jabber?
Booth: Who?
Brennan: Me!
Booth: Perfect! My lucky day.
[...]
Brennan: Because you have forbidden us from taking samples in order to estimate the osteoconductivity of the oblique taphonomic remodeling pertaining to the mid-saggital plane, encephalometric transaction — or translation, if you will — of the intramatrix can be deduced by correlating the force-displacement values with the osteogenic and geogenic hydrogel nanocomposite we placed inside the surrogate.
Agent White: Which is the cantaloupe?
Brennan: You understand me perfectly.
Cam: You two don't understand. Booth is a very patriotic man. He believes this is the greatest country ever.
Brennan: Being the best doesn't mean being perfect.
Sweets: It's naive to think that a country the size and influence of the US doesn't pursue secret agendas.
Cam: Kennedy's assassination wasn't a secret agenda, it was a black stain. A dark moment in history. Do you know how many people Booth has shot for his country?
Brennan: Approximately fifty.
Sweets: Wow. That's a lot of blood to have on your hands. It's the kind of thing that would keep a person awake at night.
Cam: And Booth did that because he trusted that it was right, and who did he trust?
Sweets: The government.
Brennan: Oh.
Cam: If they lied about the murder of a president, they can lie about anything.
Cam: Were you aware that JFK had scarlet fever in childhood?
Brennan: Hodgins informed me of that fact, yes.
Cam: Scarlet fever can cause osteomyelitis.
Brennan: It's very rare, Cam. It can happen in approximately one in a hundred cases. It's statistically unlikely that it was Kennedy.
Cam: You're a good person. I will never forget what you did for him.
[...]
Booth: [offers Brennan his arm before crossing the street] Shall we?
Brennan: [smiling] We shall.
Booth: You know, you must think I'm crazy for being so happy that it wasn't JFK.
Brennan: I'm very impressed. You wanted the truth, even if it was going to hurt you.
Booth: I learned that from you.
Brennan: Really?
Booth: Yeah. I mean, sometimes you have to go with your brain over of your gut.
Brennan: That's nice, but I prefer that you always go with your brain over your gut, because your gut cannot think.
Booth: Your brain can't digest a breakfast burrito. I'm just saying, to each their own!
Brennan: To each their own.

The Dentist in the Ditch [5.13]

Hodgins: The spider eggs were on the body before it was encased in the clay. The heat in the lab caused the eggs to hatch and when you shone your flashlight they headed for the light.
Mr. Nigel-Murray: Based on mandibular indentation, the victim is late-twenties, early-thirties.
Cam: Dr. Hodgins, I can still see one in his mouth.
Hodgins: These badboys are frontinella communis. They're non-poisonous.
Cam: Yeah, but still with those gross spider faces and legs, though.
[...]
Hodgins: Are you okay there, Dr. Saroyan?
Cam: I'm just itchy all over. I'm gonna go burn all of these clothes and maybe my hair.
Brennan: You think your brother's girlfriend is hinky? Is that slang for pretty or buxom?
Booth: No, it's just slang for iffy.
Brennan: Well, iffy is already slang. I don't see the need for slang for slang.
Angela: Four years ago Jared's girlfriend was a hooker?
Brennan: An escort. I believe in the hierarchy of prostitution, an escort ranks equal to high class call girl.
Angela: And now she teaches grade school?
Brennan: Mm-hmm. I don't see any other injuries that could be cause of death. Apparently the rule is, once a sex worker always a sex worker.
Angela: You know, it really would have been better if Booth never ran her record.
Brennan: He said it was my influence. That it was the rational thing to do.
Angela: No, sweetie, he's rationalizing. Which makes what he did irrational, because he's rationalizing that Jared can't make rational decisions for himself. You do the same thing all the time. Maybe that's what he learned from you.
Hodgins: Do you know what Vincent Nigel-Murray is? He's a genius.
Brennan: Yes, but so are we all. Except for Angela.
Angela: Oh, right, and yet who do you turn to when you need pretty pictures?
Brennan: When Booth and I first met, I didn't believe that such a thing as love existed. I maintained that it was simply brain chemistry, but perhaps Booth is correct. Perhaps love comes first and creates the reaction. I have no tangible proof, but I'm willing to accept Booth's premise.

The Devil in the Details [5.14]

Booth: Right now I'm worried about a safe distance between you and me.
Brennan: Why?
Booth: Why? Because we're going to a church, and you tend to get blasphemous in churches.
Brennan: You're afraid if God smites me with lightning you could get hit?
Booth: Yeah, I'm usually standing right beside you.
Brennan: The Greek god Zeus also used lightning to incinerate his enemies, although Zeus apparently had better aim than your god.
Booth: Exactly. Stuff like that. Just don't say stuff like that.
Hodgins: Are you asking me to do an experiment?
Cam: With Arastoo.
Hodgins: Why are you saying his name like that?
Cam: Like what?
Hodgins: Arastooooo. You're chewing on his name.
Cam: Arastoo said that he looks at the devil every day.
Hodgins: Maybe he has low self-esteem.
Cam: Or — you know what they call us, right?
Hodgins: They, being?
Cam: Muslims. Some Muslims. The ones over there trying to kill us.
Hodgins: Yeah, they call us the great Satan. Oh.
Arastoo: [walks in] Look here, what I found. Radiating microfractures in the cartilage of the victim's vestigial tail.
Cam: Radiating microfractures plus a ruptured intestine?
Hodgins: What does that mean?
Cam: He was slammed into something.
Arastoo: Perhaps, in fact, he did wrestle with an archangel and lose. As it should be. The devil lost, as he always must.
Cam: The devil lost?
Hodgins: As he always must?
Cam: What if Arastoo means us?
Hodgins: Arastoo is a very sweet, gentle guy, you know?
Cam: I know, but maybe in his heart he looks down on us! Do you want to work with someone who thinks you're the great Satan?
Hodgins: No! I don't want to be the great Satan. I don't even want to be a minor demon.
Hodgins: [After Aristoo demonstrates his great proficiency with nunchucks] What are you...some kind of Persian ninja?!
Brennan: You have faith that you will retain your faith? Why?
Booth: Because, Bones. The sun will come up and tomorrow is a new day.
Brennan: I know that feeling.
Booth: Really?
Brennan: Mm-hmm.
Booth: You know what it feels like to get your faith back?
Brennan: When I see effects and I am unable to discern a cause, my faith in reason and consequences is shaken.
Booth: Then what happens?
Brennan: Two plus two equals four. I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet. The sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand, but everywhere I look I see proof that for every effect there is a corresponding cause. Even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring.
Booth: And life is good again.
Brennan: It is very good.
Booth: Yes, it is.
Dr. Copeland: I've listened to you take shots at my profession, and that's okay. I'm a big boy, a tolerant man, but I want you to think about something. I spend every working hour of every day trying to help people who are living in Hell. That's an honorable way to spend a life. Perhaps more honorable than figuring out what happened to dead people who are already beyond pain and suffering.
Bones: Intentions, however misguided, do count. I understand that.
Dr. Copeland: I hope you won't think I'm too picky when I point out that that wasn't an actual apology. But perhaps it's the best you can manage.
Hodgins: The accelerant was common motor oil, available at any gas station.
Cam: Well, at least it wasn't brimstone, available only from Hell.

The Bones on the Blue Line [5.15]

Hodgins: Page 187. [places Brennan's new book on the table] Would you mind reading it aloud?
Angela: Page 187. [playfully] I am not reading the sparky bits to you! You get somebody else to do that, sicko.
Hodgins: Okay, fine. Read it to yourself, then. [watches as Angela reads] That's that thing that I do. Nobody does that thing. It's my thing that I do.
Angela: Right.
Hodgins: It's not a well known thing. It's, you know, my thing that I do.
Angela: Right. I remember. I was there.
Hodgins: You told Brennan about that thing that I do!
Angela: It's a very good thing.
Hodgins: It's my thing! That I do! Did you tell her that it was my thing?
Angela: You mean did I give you credit?
Hodgins: Yes! Did you?
Angela: No.
Hodgins: Good, because I don't need her looking at me thinking about that thing I do.
Angela: Well that's good, then.
Hodgins: But now that thing I do is in print and every guy that reads that book is going to give it a shot. [sighs] Oh, well. You know I've got other things that I do. [Angela laughs] My advice: only sleep with guys that can't read, because otherwise you'll never be rid of me.
Brennan: I believe my books are popular because they introduce the reader to the world of forensic anthropology. Why aren't you writing? You usually write down everything.
Riku Inagawa: Why did it take so long for Dr. Reichs to have sex with Agent Andy?
Brennan: For the same reason that she used stable isotopes to determine that the victim spent her childhood in east Timur. The oxygen isotopes we ingest through food and water are incorporated into the hydroxocarbonic appetite of bone. You should be writing this down.
Inagawa: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan?
Brennan: That was inconsequential fluff, Miss Inagawa.
Inagawa: It's why they fight in chapter six.
Brennan: They identify the lotus tooth in chapter six.
Inagawa: That is when their passion is released. Page 187.
Brennan: Why are you only asking about things that mean nothing?
Inagawa: Those are the things that mean everything.
Booth: Do you own a gun, Mr. Ceraficki?
Ceraficki: Of course, I own a gun! This is a pawn shop! I never have to use it. I mean, I wave it around from time to time, but --
Brenna: Why is he allowed to carry a guy after being arrested on a concealed weapon charge?!
Ceraficki: Innocent mistake. I accidentally put it in my pocket, you know, when I left work.
Booth: Could I see the gun, please?
Ceraficki: She's right over here.
Booth: Real easy there, pal! I don't want any sudden movements. No mistakes. That's it.
Inagawa: That is very sexy! Big Andy with a gun, protecting Kathy!
Brennan: No, no. He is not Andy and I am not Kathy. [smiles] It's even more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Booth: Bones.
Brennan: Well, it is, Booth, and it's very impressive! He never misses.
Inagawa: Andy sometimes misses!
Brennan: Yes! See?
Booth: I still can be surprised by people.
Brennan: Is that good or bad?
Booth: Bad, I think. I don't know.
Brennan: Well, if she's convicted, even with good behavior, she'll be in prison for the next fifteen years.
Booth: He said they're soulmates and he'll wait for however long it takes for her to get out.
Brennan: Soulmates?
Booth: Soulmates. Yeah.
Brennan: The idea of soulmates actually originated with Plato.
Booth: Yeah, from the clay kids play with.
Brennan: No! The anc -- aw. [laughs] You're joking.
Booth: Me, joke? No. [smirks]
Brennan: The ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power and split them all in half. Condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Booth: [smiles] I don't believe that's true.
Brennan: [laughs] I agree. It's ridiculous.
Booth: Right? [they smile]

The Parts in the Sum of the Whole [5.16]

[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Brennan: Are you a student here?
Booth: Special Agent Seeley Booth from the FBI.
Brennan: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institution.
Booth: Do you believe in fate?
Brennan: [smiling] Absolutely not. It's ludicrous.
[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: I'd ask you out if I could.
Brennan: Why can't you?
Booth: Well, FBI rules again. No fraternizing with other agents or consultants.
Brennan: That's too bad.
Booth: I'm glad you think so.
[Flashback to Booth and Brennan's first case]
Booth: Listen, I've got something to confess.
Brennan: Is it the fact that you're a direct descendant of John Wilkes Booth? I already know that.
Booth: Wait, wait a second. How do you know that?
Brennan: From your bone structure.
Booth: Keep that under your hat for now, okay?
Brennan: [laughs] Okay.
Booth: I'm a gambler. [Brennan gives him a quizzical look] I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I wanna give this a shot.
Brennan: You mean us? [Booth nods] No, the FBI won't let us work together --
Booth: Don't do that, that is no reason -- [he kisses her, but after a moment she pushes him away]
Brennan: [close to tears] No! No!
Booth: [desperately] Why? Why?
Brennan: You -- you thought you were protecting me, but you're the one who needs protecting.
Booth: Protecting? From what?
Brennan: From me. I -- I don't have your kind of open heart.
Booth: Just -- just give it a chance, that's all I'm asking!
Brennan: No, you said it yourself: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
Booth: Well, then let's go for a different outcome, here! All right, let's just hear me out, right? You know when you talk to older couples who, you know, have been in love for thirty or forty or fifty years, all right? It's always the guy who says, "I knew." I knew, right from the beginning.
Brennan: Your evidence is anecdotal.
Booth: I'm that guy. Bones, I'm that guy! I know.
Brennan: [crying] I -- I am not a gambler. I'm a scientist. I can't change! I don't know how. I don't know how. [Booth looks crushed] Please don't look so sad.
Booth: All right, okay. [sighs, then hangs his head.] You're right. You're right.
Brennan: Can we still work together?
Booth: [Booth hesitates, Brennan gives him a pleading look] Yeah. [wipes away a tear]
Brennan: Thank you.
Booth: But I gotta move on. You know, I gotta find someone who -- who's gonna love me in -- in thirty years, or forty or fifty.
Brennan: I know.

The Death of the Queen Bee [5.17]

Brennan: I used to come here to find animals to dissect. I didn't have a boyfriend.
Booth: Well, maybe because you were cutting up little woodland creatures.
Officer Becky Conway: Have I arrested you before, hon?
Brennan: No. You were my lab partner in Chemistry at Burtonsville High.
Officer Becky Conway: Are you absolutely sure? I have an excellent memory.
Brennan: Positive. Though you are thinner now, which is better for you cardiovascular system. In High School, you were quite overweight, hence the derision from the other students.
Officer Becky Conway: Yeah. I remember you now. The creepy girl.
Hodgins: You know you get very bossy when you don't have any flesh to play with.
Cam: I *am* the boss.
Brennan: 33. She was 33.
Angela: Well, how do you know that?
Brennan: Because I'm the one who broke her jaw... with a tennis racket. This is one of my classmates... Evelyn Simms.
Brennan: Why are you so suspicious of Mr. Buxley?
Booth: Why? Because, you know, he's psycho. He has access to the shop. And he has a huge knife.
Booth: Bones, you're tearing up.
Brennan: This is the prom I never got to go to.
Carrie Turner: So, you actually look normal now.
Brennan: Thank you. I heard Evalyn ruined your career!
Carrie Turner: ...But you're not, are you?

The Predator in the Pool [5.18]

Catherine: A seasoned law enforcement agent who still has empathy for victim. I'm glad to know you're out there.
Booth: At your service.
Catherine: I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?... Maybe this weekend? Unless of course, I'm a suspect, cause I know you can't date me if I'm a suspect, right?
Booth: I ... I can't date anyone who's a suspect.
Catherine: I understand.
Booth: Yeah, right. It's FBI, rules regulations.
Brennan: He emailed me and said he had tickets to a play.
Booth: He emailed you for a play??
Brennan: I believe that play is Andrew's code for sex. Is it okay for us to talk like this?
Booth: Yeah!
Brennan: Well, when he invited me to the play I thought it was code for sex, so I said no.
Booth: Oh.
Brennan: But I said yes to coffee.
Booth: Maybe that's a code.
Brennan: Angela informed me that coffee isn't a code for anything.
Booth: I have a date, too.
Brennan: [surprised] Good.
Booth: Catherine Bryar.
Brennan: Everyone at the aquarium is a suspect.
Booth: And once she is eliminated as a person of interest --
Brennan: Why did Andrew call?
Brennan: What's wrong with these angelfish?
Marilyn Stoddard: They've been listless the past few days. Most likely from something they ingested.
Booth: Or someone.
Brennan: We should take these fish back to the lab.
Stoddard: No, you can't! These are a gift from Morocco!
Brennan: They need to be tested for trace evidence in a murder investigation.
Booth: We'll get them back to you. Don't worry.
Brennan: I may or may not get them back to you.
Brennan: I'm going to have coffee with Andrew.
Booth: Alright, have a good time.
Brennan: Thank you!
Booth: I'm going to see someone too.
Brennan: Dr. Catherine Bryar.
Booth: Case is closed.
Brennan: She's very nice. The two of you seem compatible.
Booth: Maybe. We'll see.
Brennan: She's easily as pretty as I am. I mean, using me as a standard.
Booth: Bones, you are the standard.
Brennan: Andrew is not as handsome as you, using you as a standard. He is however, taller. Catherine isn't as smart as I am.
Booth: Well, I'm not as smart as Hacker.
Brennan: You once said he was a doofus.
Booth: He is a doofus, a smart doofus.
Brennan: I hope you have a good time together.
Booth: Yeah, you too.
Brennan: [smiles] Thanks.

The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle [5.19]

Cam: Check this out. [Cam, Booth and Brennan look into an industrial size washer at human remains] Good luck on the ID. Too bad they didn't do him on the delicate cycle, huh?
Booth: No. No. Uh, let's -- you think, we can go twenty minutes on this case without talking about testicles?
Sweets: Please.
Brennan: Okay.
Booth: Great.
Brennan: Booth has made a social contract with a marine biologist.
Sweets: Sorry?
Booth: [laughing] It's amazing that you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. [turning to Sweets] And you, you're supposed to say, "Oh, that's interesting," in a very annoyed way.
Brennan: It's a logical transition.
Sweets: But it is very interesting.
Brennan: Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman, and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship.
Booth: That's nice. I think.
Sweets: Yeah. I think it is nice.
Booth: Thank you, Bones.
Sweets: Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed.
Brennan: Well, you've known me for two years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me.
Brennan: Booth seems to like Catherine, don't you think?
Cam: I do. I'm glad. It's been a long time since he dated anyone.
Brennan I know. It's important for Booth to share his life. I prefer being alone.
Cam: But you're seeing Hacker.
Brennan: Yes, I like him. But not like Booth. I mean, not like Booth wants to like someone.
Cam: All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect. Your life doesn't exist outside the laws of nature.
Brennan: Then in ignorance, I await my own surprise. Although the odds of it to evolving into a commitment to another person are remote.
Brennan: Our partnership is so important to me. You know that, right?
Booth: Sure. Yeah. Die for your partner. That's the way I look at it.

The Witch in the Wardrobe [5.20]

Clark: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystren from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment.
Cam: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins.
Angela: (while Hodgins is giving her a massage) Oh, thank you God! Oh!
Hodgins: God is a little formal. Hodgins is fine.
Sweets: So, I've been thinking about dead cats.
Bones: That ... doesn't seem like a good use of your time.
Booth: (upon seeing a naked ritual) Why is it that when these things happen, they always happen to the people you don't want to see naked?
Clark: Those naked ladies were trippin'.

The Boy with the Answer [5.21]

Heather Taffet: You're so brilliant, Dr. Brennan. Why couldn't you find something as simple as the number?
Caroline: So, how's your girlfriend holding up?
Booth: She's fine. She's not my girlfriend.
Caroline: Oh! So those looks between you --
Booth: Nothing.
Caroline: Right. Hope you're more believable on the stand.
[regarding Max trying to kill Heather Taffet]
Max: I was doing it for you.
Brennan: No, I don't want you to kill people for me. Just buy me a sweater like a regular dad.
Brennan: I'm tired of... all of it. I'm tired of dealing with murderers and victims and sadness and pain.
Booth: Bones, it's what we do, all right? We catch the bad people, make the world a better place.
Brennan: No Booth. That's what you do. And somehow I get caught up in it.
Heather Taffet: [to Brennan after Taffet's conviction] This isn't over.
Brennan: I have the sense that everything's changing.
Booth: Not everything. Look, we're still partners, and Taffet, she's put away. You feel good about that, right?
Brennan: You almost died, Booth. That could happen again. What if next time I can't get to you?
Booth: That's not going to happen again.
Brennan: [scoffs] I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality.
Booth: You know what? Maybe you just need to take some time off. Go to a beach. Lay in the sun.
Brennan: I might need more than a little time.
Booth: [shakes his head] Don't make any decisions about your future right now.
Brennan: I'm just saying --
Booth: You know when a dentist gives you anesthetic and tells you not to operate any heavy machinery or make any important decisions within twenty-four hours? All right, this case was bigger than a root canal. Come on. Let's just go back inside and have one more drink. Come on, just one. [takes her hand and tries to pull her inside]
Brennan: No, I'm tired, Booth. I'm going to go home. [hails a cab]
Booth: All right. Come on, let's get you in the cab. I know, it's been a long day. [Brennan gets in the cab] All right? Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, right?
[The cab pulls away from the curb, Brennan looks over her shoulder at Booth as she rides away]

The Beginning in the End [5.22]

Brennan: The term garbage is relative. The only intrinsic value things have is what we give them. It seems odd now, but in Holland tulip bulbs were once as valuable as houses. Maybe we all overvalue things that are essentially worthless.
Angela: Well that was more than a comment on this case. What's going on, Brennan?
Brennan: What separates what I do here from what this man did?
Angela: So, going to Malulu is worth more?
Brennan: Maluku. Yes. The murders will never stop, but this find has real finite value. I'd be able to answer questions about our origin! Evolutionary tract! It has implications for history, science!
Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break in my life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it. Worried about what our partnership means.
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just -- I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.
Angela: Have you talked to him about it?
Brennan: The army wants Booth to go to Afghanistan to train soldiers in the apprehension of terrorists.
Angela: Is he going to go?
Brennan: Even though he said that he wasn't, it felt like he wanted to. Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: [scoffs] You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't think so.
Daisy: So you’re coming?
Brennan: Agent Booth and I are partners, I have to discuss it with him first.
Daisy: He’s probably gonna go be a big hero in Afghanistan.
Brennan: He says he doesn’t wanna go.
Daisy: Lance said that Booth has the psyche of a true warrior, that is a miracle he hasn’t gone back long before this. Maybe you’re holding him back the same way he’s holding you back... I should’ve not said that... but sometimes my mouth just has a mouth of its own.
Booth: I don’t do really good with change, I guess.
Bones: Well, you’re better than I am
Booth: The pyramids are better at change than you are. …It’s a joke. Hey, I was being affectionate.
Bones: Oh. [Pause] Will you go back to the army?
Booth: It’s what best for me right now.
Bones: I’ll only be gone for a year.
Booth: Me too. So, hey, what’s a year?
Bones: It’s the time it takes for the Earth to make a full revolution around the sun.
Booth: In the scheme of things. You know, the grand scheme of things. I’m just saying a year, you know, it’s not too bad.
Bones: Right.
Booth: Right?
Bones: We can come back, pick up where we left off. Nothing really has to change
Booth: No, things have to change. You know what? Hey, I taught you about eye contact, you taught me about evolution. So… here’s to change.
Bones: To change.
Cam: You've been here all night?
Brennan: Is it morning?
Cam: Yes.
Brennan: I've been here all night.
Cam: Are you really leaving the Jeffersonian?
Brennan: Yes, for a year. I can provide you with a list of forensic anthropologists who can do this job.
Cam: [smiles] No, Dr. Brennan, you can provide me with a list of forensic anthropologists.
Brennan: I don't know what that means. [watches as Cam walks away]
Booth: Sorry, I couldn't get a pass. I had to sneak off the base to come say goodbye. Listen, Bones, you've got to be really careful in that Indonesian jungle, okay?
Brennan: Booth, in a week you're going to a war zone. Please, don't be a hero ... please, just don't be you.
Booth: [takes her hand] One year from today we meet at the reflecting pool on the mall. Right by the...
Brennan: ...Coffee cart. I know. One year from today.
Brennan: (about her and Booth's trips) Perhaps it's all for the best.
Angela: You two at opposite ends of the world? I don't- I don't think so.
Parker: I want you to save lives.
Booth: Yeah well I do that here.
Parker: No, here, you catch people that kill other people. There, you would make it so people won't die. Isn't that better?
Cam: (at the airport) I've ... really enjoyed working for you, Dr. Brennan.
Brennan: In fact, Dr. Saroyan, I worked for you.
Cam: We both know better.
Caroline: If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.
Bones: It's not our last case.
Booth: We'll be back in a year.
Caroline: Tight as a drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you'd better be damn sure of these little trips you're taking. [edit]
Sweets: Daisy's going to, uh, Indonesia. She doesn't really care if I go with her.
Hodgins: Ooh. Ouch!
Booth: Sweets, no offense but, you might be better off without her.
Sweets: Dr. Brennan was asked to head up the expedition, will you be better off without her?
Angela: Listen, you're allowed to make life changes without, picking a fight with your old life.
Brennan: But I need a break from that life. I'm worried all the time. Worried that Booth might get hurt on a case and I couldn't prevent it, worried ... about what our, partnership means ...
Angela: So you want to get away from Booth?
Brennan: No, it's just (pauses) I just need some perspective so that I can view my life with some objectivity.
Sweets: You don't think the success might make them change their minds?
Caroline: You know what? You're a nice kid, but today is a good day for you to grow the hell up.
Cam: Are you really leaving the Jeffersonian?
Brennan: Yes. For a year. I can provide you with a list of forensic antropologists who can do this job.
Cam: No, Dr. Brennan, you can provide me with a list of forensic antropologists.
Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Sweets: So what, I should just go? I should just, give up my career and my life and my friends and my practice, and go to Indonesia?
Hodgins: Hey, I'm about to risk dismemberment just to impress my scary father-in-law.
Sweets: How are you gonna get past the dogs?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna start the car?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna get the car through the gate?
Hodgins: I don't know.
Sweets: How are you gonna evade the angry bikers?
Hodgins: Ugh, I haven't got a clue.
Sweets: Okay. Good plan, what do I do?
Hodgins: Survive and tell the story of my love.
Angela: Okay, what I did was modify my mass recognition program -- patent pending -- to scan the photographic reconstruction of the crime scene, to find areas of comparatively less chaos.
Hodgins: Awesome.
Cam: (surprised) You understand what she's saying?
Hodgins: Not in the least, but I am so turned on by her brain. I'd like to see her brain totally naked.
Sweets: It's a terrible image. It's just terrible.
↑Jump back a section

Season 6

The Mastodon in the Room [6.1]

Brennan: [lifts large boa constrictor from the back of a Jeep] I find it interesting that I'm only afraid of snakes when Booth is around to be jumped upon.
Brennan: So, was it dangerous in Afghanistan?
Booth: No, what I did was mostly administrative.
Brennan: Because you seem really very heavily armed in this photograph.
Booth: How about you? Any headhunters or cannibals?
Brennan: Daisy and I were attacked by some armed guerrillas! But I beat them up and we got away.
Booth: You beat up armed guerrillas?
Brennan: I had to; you weren't there to save me.
Booth: [smiles] Aw, Bones.
Caroline: So you people come back from the far four corners of the Earth, out-pass the outer suburbs of Timbuktu and you solved the case in a shake?
Brennan: [confused] What's a shake?
Caroline: [sigh and sarcastically] Three jiffys and a cha-cha.
Booth: [moving his hands] Cha-Cha-Cha!
Angela: So what is the deal with Booth? Is it weird seeing him again?
Brennan: Not at all weird; very nice.
Angela: Are there any old surges, feelings? Anything like that?
Brennan: Booth fell in love in Afghanistan.
Angela: Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
Brennan: Why? Are you in love with Booth?
Angela: A little bit, but that's not what I mean. Don't tell me that you're happy about him finding someone else.
Brennan: I'm very pleased for him. A committed, romantic dyad is exactly the kind of relationship Booth seems to require to be happy.
Angela: Did you think about Booth at all while you were away?
Brennan: Yes, I did. A few times I actually dreamed about him.
Angela: Oh, well there you go! Dreams are very meaningful.
Brennan: I dreamed about the work we do. I dreamed about catching murderers and getting justice for people who were killed. What does that mean?
Angela: [facetiously] It means you're going to die loveless and alone.
Brennan: I don't follow your reasoning.
Booth: Why do we only solve crimes when we have a dead body?
Cam: Seriously? Because I'm a pathologist and she's a forensic anthropologist. [points to herself] Fresh dead. [points to Dr. Brennan] Long time dead.
Booth: Welcome home, Bones.
Brennan: Thank you. Welcome home, Booth.
Wendell: If you don't mind me asking, Dr. B, why do you keep staring at the X-ray?
Brennan: Because I'm suffering the nagging certainty that my eyes are seeing something which my brain refuses to process.
Brennan: What happened? You're no longer in the Jeffersonian, all my interns—gone.
Cam: What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else when you left.
Brennan: Are you angry with me?
Cam: Yes, I am angry, Dr. Brennan. We had a great thing going. You just … you let it fall apart.
Brennan: (about Hannah) Is it serious between you?
Booth: Serious as a heart attack.
Brennan: Heart attacks are very serious.
Booth: Yes, they are. Very serious.
Sweets: Talk to me.
Caroline: That is no way for an adult holding a PhD in psychology to answer the telephone.
Sweets: (playing a piano) Ms. Julian? I'm on sabbatical.
Caroline: Doing what, installing elevators? Because I can hear the music.
Sweets: Hey, uh, Booth, can I ask you a personal question?
Booth: Oh, that depends. About you or me?
Sweets: Me.
Booth: Shoot.
Sweets: Okay. Daisy just wants to pick up where we left off. And I don't know whether to—
Booth: Move on?
Sweets: Yeah, like you did.
Booth: You know what? You asked my opinion, right? I'm gonna give it to you. You listening? Give yourself a chance to be happy, move on.

Sweets: And that worked for you?

Booth: Yeah, it did. It did.

The Couple in the Cave [6.2]

Cam: So what was it like to meet Hannah?
Brennan: Oh, she seems very pleasant and attractive. Her face fits comfortably within the Golden Ratio.
Hodgins: So you guys did math together?
Brennan: No, the Golden Ratio is a formula that determines beauty; 1 to 1.618. For instance, the width of the mouth to the width of the cheeks --
Angela: So she's hot?
Clark: I see some particulates here, Dr. Hodgins, you know, if we still care about finding what happened to these poor people.
Cam: I just assumed that when you guys got back from your trip you'd be a real couple.
Brennan: We were never a couple.
Clark: Dr. Saroyan, you assured me that you would try to keep this workplace professional.
Cam: And I will, Dr. Edison.
Angela: No, no. You were a couple, you just weren't having sex. Were you jealous?
Brennan: Of course not. I'm happy for Booth. Why would I be jealous?
Clark: Because it's obvious you and Agent Booth were attracted to each other! I mean, a blind man could see that. I just couldn't understand why you two didn't rip each other's clothes off. I mean, just get all butt naked and -- [stops in horror when he realizes what he's saying]
Hodgins: All right!
Cam: I was told these were for you.
Hodgins: Yes, these are the tires from Lupe Rojas' car. She denies going to the park, but Booth doesn't believe her.
Cam: And if she's lying the tread should contain insect and plant matter that could place her there.
Hodgins: Exactly. You know, you could be my lovely assistant!
Cam: Yes, but since I'm your boss, you're my lovely assistant.

The Maggots in the Meathead [6.3]

Brennan: The tox screen showed copious amounts of alcohol, over the counter stimulants, and men's beauty products.
Booth: I'm sorry, men's what now?
Brennan: Hairspray, hair gel, tanning spray and some sort of aerosolized perfume.
Booth: Cologne. Men wear cologne.
Brennan: You don't.
Booth: Well that's because it smells like perfume.
Brennan: Eureka! A gathering of Guidos!
Hannah: I was thinking I wanted to get him something when I moved in; a present, and since you know him so well --
Brennan: A telephone! Get him a telephone!
Hannah: I was thinking something a little more personal.
Brennan: A vintage rotary phone. Booth loves them and hasn't been able to find the right one.
Hannah: Really?
Brennan: Yes! He's been looking. Booth says that's what a phone is supposed to be: indestructible and heavy enough to knock someone out.
Hannah: [laughs] Yeah, that sounds like Seeley.
Brennan: His grandfather kept his rotary phone until it fell apart. Booth loved the feel of the bakelite, the tick-tick-tick of the dial as it turned. He says the mechanics make it human.
Hannah: And lucky for me, he has a partner who knows him so well.
Brennan: Booth and I have become close, by necessity. Congratulations again. I'm happy for you both.
Hannah: Thanks.
Brennan: One thing, Hannah. I want you to be sure about this.
Hannah: The phone?
Brennan: No, although I understand the misunderstanding. No, about you and Booth moving in together. Booth will give himself to you completely, and it would be very painful for him if you aren't as serious about the relationship as he is.
Hannah: I am, but thanks, though. You're a good friend, Temperance. Seeley is very lucky.

The Body in the Bounty [6.4]

Dr. Jude the Science Dude: This rib was broken before this man was killed. Amazing!
Brennan: This injury occurred perhaps a week before the victim was killed.
Dude: Whatever made him die was not the same thing that broke his rib.
Brennan: There were two injuries: one that broke off a piece of the rib --
Dude: And another approximately a week later which propelled the bone into this heart and killed him dead.
Brennan: Killed him dead is redundant.
Dude: But it's clear, and what do we say about clarity? It's a barbarity that clarity is a rarity!
Brennan: That's very true.
Brennan: It was an accident. The rib fracture broke off in the fight at the pool hall. [to the bounty hunter] You had no idea that your beanbag gun would kill him.
Booth: Bones, what are you, a defense lawyer now?
Brennan: [quoting Dr. Jude] "A kind mind is a fine mind."
Booth: She cut off his head! That wasn't an accident.
Brennan: I have no rebuttal for that statement.

The Bones that Weren't [6.5]

Brennan: Dr. Hodgins, would you come over here and be a corpse?
Hodgins: Yeah.
Angela: [to Brennan] Sweetie, y-you do mean pretend to be a corpse, right? 'Cause the way you're holding that knife, you're looking a little slashery.
Hannah: Don't worry, Seeley, I'm fine.
Booth: You got shot, Hannah, you're not fine.
Hannah: I've been shot before. So have you, right?
Booth: It's not like you build up an immunity to gunshot wounds.
Brennan: Your fluidity makes it appear that you have no bones, and I am an expert on bones, so I find that very impressive.
Russell: Well, thank you. I take that as a great compliment while being intimidated by law enforcement.
Brennan: You stayed up all night?
Angela: Yes.
Brennan: Is that good for the baby?
Angela: Well, what he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him, right?

The Shallow in the Deep [6.6]

Brennan: [knocks on Booth's apartment door] Booth? [knocks again] Are you there?
Booth: No, I'm in South Beach working on my tan. [opens door]
Brennan: You need Sweets to sign your post Afghanistan ready for duty report. Did you forget?
Booth: Me?
Brennan: Well, generally you wear more clothing, and you've been avoiding it for weeks.
Booth: Well, I couldn't sleep. Hannah got up at the crack of dawn. [cracks back]
Brennan: Do you always have this pronounced release of gas in the morning?
Booth: Is it that bad?
Brennan: Synovial gas. That's what the cracking is.
Booth: Synovial gas? What's that mean?
Brennan: Well, there comes a point where a body can't hide all the abuse it's taken.
Booth: What do you mean 'certain point'?
Brennan: Booth, you've been shot, beaten, and jumped out of airplanes. The skeletal damage alone --
Booth: Oh, God. I'm falling apart.
Brennan: You're fine. It's your skeleton that's falling apart.
Daisy: Dr. Brennan, about this morning..
Brennan: What about it?
Daisy: I don't want you think that Lance and I are dating again because we're not. That was purely accidental intercourse.
Brennan: You had intercourse accidentally? What were you trying to do, Miss Wick?
Daisy: I was returning a book.
Brennan: [confused] And..your pants fell off?
[monitoring the transfer of the slave ship remains into the lab]
Angela: This is incredible, I can't believe this is an actual slave ship! Where did they find it?
Brennan: Off the coast of Maryland. This could shed an enormous light on the slave trade.
Cam: Or give me nightmares, one or the another.
Cam: [found something amongst the slave remains] Over here! Now! Uh..not kidding even a little bit, Dr Hodgins!
Hodgins: Yeah? What you got?
Cam: That! [pointing to the skull covered with pink lifeforms] What the hell is it?
Hodgins: Wow...some kind of organism anchored to the bone. [examining the skull] Interesting!
Cam: Alien sea-life hitchhikes in on a slave ship, and that's all you can say? Interesting?
Brennan: But I think in this context, interesting is a way of acknowledging lifeforms beyond Dr Hodgins' expertise.
Hodgins: Temporary condition, I assure you. [announcing to the people on the forensic platform] Hey, listen up! Hold any other bones with pink slime and bring it over here. [reexamining the skull with a magnifying glass] It's possible that alien is an inappropriate adjective. I think we maybe looking a N.T.I here.
Cam: What's he talking about?
Brennan: I have no idea.
Booth: Scuse' Me, we're looking for Hunter Lang.
Captain: Err..he's one of our bartenders. Nadi, they're looking for Lang.
Nadi: Oh! [looks at Booth] Jealous husband?
Booth: [shows his badge] FBI
Nadi: Oh! Well, ca-can this wait? We'll be back by 10.
Booth: How about we come with you?
Nadi: [looks at Sweets] Only if he comes to. [points at Sweets, Booth and Brennan looks at Sweets]
Booth: That was the plan.
Nadi: Done!
Sweets: I'm sorry, what just happened there?
Brennan: If this was the Malukus, I would say it was some sort of virgin offering.
Sweets: Virgin?
Brennan: Quasi virgin offering.

The Babe in the Bar [6.7]

Angela: Well, maybe you should talk to Sweets.
Cam: Sweets? Why would I do that?
Angela: He might be able to help you deal with Michelle.
Cam: I don't want to talk to a child about a child.
Nigel-Murray: Oh, you know, there are many fine universities in England, uh, Oxford and Cambridge, of course, but th-th-there's also...
Cam: You so much as mention leaving the country to my daughter, and I will choke you on your own trivia, and stuff your lifeless body in a locker.
Vincent: Then again, Georgetown's lovely.
Vincent: Definitely looks like murder.
Brennan: There's nothing definite here, Mr. Nigel-Murray. It's possible the victim had a grand mal seizure while voluntarily lying in the chocolate.
Cam: But let's call it murder, just for fun.

The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck [6.8]

Hannah: I don't want to mess anything up between you and your son.
Booth: Look, I love you, all right? He's gonna love you, too. And don't think of him as a kid. Just think of him as a short guy who … who's not allowed to drink.
Booth: The point is, like, they have to meet sometime, right?
Sweets: Well, yeah, if your relationship with Hannah is serious, then …
Booth: It is serious.
Sweets: I wasn't questioning that …
Booth: It sounded like you were.
Sweets: No, I wasn't.
Booth: Well, it's serious.
Sweets: Then they have to meet.

The Doctor in the Photo [6.9]

Booth: Bones, what are you doing here?
Brennan: What are you doing?
Booth: I don't know; following you to a bad part of town and saving your life. You know, the usual. Your turn.
Brennan: How-how come I understand every word you say? Always? I don't have that with anybody else. Sometimes I just hear … noise.
Micah: Well, I guess I've been here so long, I speak the secret language of the Jeffersonian, hmm?
Micah: By the power vested in me by the Jeffersonian Institution, I declare you sleep-deprived. There's a cab waiting to take you home to bed, hmm?
Brennan: Do you really have that power?
Micah: I saw this lecture where this New Age guru type said the only power people exert over us is the power we allow them to exert.
Brennan: Well that's incredibly stupid.
Micah: I agree. You wave a gun in my face, you got power whether I like it or not.
[Brennan has Micah listen to Lauren Eames' voice on the DVD.]
Brennan: It sounds exactly like my voice. She is me.
Micah: She isn't you. She's her and you're you. You're alive and she's dead. Ergo, ipso, facto, Colombo, Oreo.
Brennan: Those last two words, one is the capital of Sri Lanka and the other is … a cookie.
Micah: [smiles] It sounds like Latin.
Hannah: I-I can't imagine going from being a woman to being a mom.
Booth: When Parker was born, everything changed in my life, everything.
Hodgins: Like what?
Angela: Everything. Everything means everything.
Brennan: I made a mistake.
Booth: Nah, I told you my opinion, I mean, you got it right.
Brennan: Not everything. She died with regrets.
Booth: Come on, Bones, everybody has regrets.
Brennan: I heard her, you know? Micah says that all we get are these dim, staticky messages from the universe.
Booth: Who's this Micah guy?
Brennan: The night watchman, but he attends a lot of lectures. Anyway, the point is … she never gave him a chance.
Booth: Micah.
Brennan: No, no, the helicopter pilot. He offered himself to her, but she never gave him a chance. That was her regret. I got the signal, Booth. I don't wanna have any regrets.
Booth: Um, I'm with someone, Bones. And, uh, Hannah? She's not a consolation prize. I love her.You know, the last thing I wanna do is hurt you, but those are the facts.
[Brennan begins sobbing]
Brennan: [in tears] I understand. I missed my chance. My whole world turned upside down. I can adjust.
Booth: I did.
Brennan: Yes, you did.
Micah: We don't actually fear death. We fear that no one will notice our absence. That we will disapper without a trace.

The Body in the Bag [6.10]

Clark: I would be very happy to discuss this whole mess with Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth and this new woman. What the hell is that about?! I mean, come on. The potential emotional fallout, it could be cataclysmic! Am I right?
Hodgins: Okay, we should really focus on these bone fragments so that you can determine the weapon. Okay?
Clark: Oh, sure! But my money's on Dr. B and Booth!
Clark: She was killed by a blunt force trauma to the occipital bone. The bone shards were jammed into her brain.
Cam: This was one angry, violent death.
Clark: Dr. Brennan would say it's impossible to know the assailant's state of mind, but I'm gonna go on record right now and say this was one psycho dude.
Brennan: We found traces of rhinoceros's horn in Paisley's shower. In Chinese medicine, rhinoceros's horn is only used by men.
Booth: Which puts you in the shower.
Ming Tsou: No, th-the rhinoceros's horn was a blue string, like a necklace. I told Jenny it will help her back.
Brennan: That's not true. Rhinoceros's horn is cold and only used by men because they are hot.
Booth: We are.
Brennan: Please roll up your pant leg.
Ming Tsou: What? What are you doing?
Brennan: We have a video of the man with Jenny that night. I'd like to compare your tibia with the one on the video.
Ming Tsou: No. You could make a mistake.
Brennan: I don't make mistakes.
Ming Tsou: [looks at Booth]
Booth: She doesn't.
Clark: Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spy on you two, I just -- wow, that is so amazing. You guys! [hugs them]
Angela: Thanks. Wow, that's really sweet.
Hodgins: Yeah, and weird. What is going on? It's like you've eaten the real Clark.
Clark: Change is growth, man. I just wanted to come by and tell you guys that you did a great job on the case.
Angela: Thank you.
Clark: [waves to Angela's belly] Bye!
Angela: Goodnight, Clark.
Hodgins: That's totally weird, right? And he was in the NSA, so he could be completely messing with us!
Angela: Or he's just turning into a normal guy. Don't get all paranoid on us! [laughs]

The Bullet in the Brain [6.11]

Caroline: Don't just stand there! We got a shrink who needs shrunk and a headless child killer in a puddle of brains! [leaving the crime scene]
Booth: Wo-Who's gonna take the witness statements?
Caroline: Doesn't matter! That shot came out of nowhere, straight from God!
Jacob Broadsky: Go ahead! Jump the fence! Don't wait for a warrant.
Booth: I don't need a warrant. This land belongs to Seeley Booth!
Caroline: We all just people, cherie. You're an expert with the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Now, who's Heather Taffet?
Sweets: Dead serial killer?
Caroline: Ya damn straight! Dr Brennan has her head all rigged up, spinning like a Christmas tree! [Sweets nods in agreement]
Caroline: It's over. She can't get to any of us anymore. [Sweets smiles in relief]

The Sin in the Sisterhood [6.12]

Hodgins: Mother Nature cleaned these bones.
Wendell: She did a crappy job.
Hodgins: Shh... She can hear you.
Cam: How many chances does he deserve?
Booth: Nine.
Cam: That’s cats.
Booth: Applies to men and cats.
Brennan: It’s as if this man spent a great deal of time on his hands while engaging in a repetitive motion.
Wendell: ...I get it!
Brennan: This motion would be reminiscent of a primate having intercourse!
Wendell: We are looking for a horny farmer, yes we are.
Hodgins: Who let Cam shoot a gun?
Wendell: The Second Amendment.

The Daredevil in the Mold [6.13]

Hodgins: So who was our victim? A mouldy crash test dummy?
Angela: [referring to severely molded flesh] Ew and ew. What are you doing, babe?
Hodgins: I am going to shake them through these filters until they give me what I want.
Angela: You're getting that mad scientist look in your eyes.
Hodgins: I always wanted to be a mad scientist! I'm living the dream, baby! [kisses her cheek] Baby! [kisses her belly]
Angela: So what do you want our kid to be, anyway? I mean, if we could decide and make it happen without being those annoying parents that we hate.
Hodgins: Anything I want?
Angela: Anything.
Hodgins: A musician. Hard rock and 50s West Coast jazz. Who is also an astrophysicist specializing in extra terrestrial studies. Who also has a secondary degree, not necessarily a doctorate, in 20th century political theory and its relationship to corporatism. Ooh, who also does killer stand-up on the weekends. What about you? What do you want our baby to be?
Angela: [smiles] A mad scientist sounds good to me.
Booth: Marry me. I want you to be my wife.
Hannah: Oh, Seeley. I love you. I really do. I'm just not the marrying kind.
Booth: I am.
Hannah: I know! I know you are. I just thought we would have more time before we got to this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What happens now?
Booth: What do you think happens now?
Hannah: Can't we just go back? I'll walk in here, you tell me how good I look, I'll say thank you, we'll have a nice dinner like this never happened. We'll just go back. Okay. Your turn. What happens now? [nods] I'll get my stuff out of your place.
Booth: How much time do you need?
Hannah: To get out of your place or get over you? [moves to walk away, but stops] I do love you, Seeley. I don't think we're done, but I can see we're done for now. I'm just not the marrying kind.
Booth: You already said that.
Hannah: I've said it plenty of times before. I guess you weren't listening.
Brennan: Hannah called me.
Booth: Let's just -- I really -- I don't want to talk about that, okay? I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm done.
Brennan: So, what happens next?
Booth: What happens next. You like evidence, right, Bones? Well, here's the evidence: the evidence is that there's something wrong here. I fell in love with a woman. I had a kid. She doesn't want to marry me. Well -- and then the next woman, well, she's --
Brennan: Me.
Booth: Yeah, and now -- what is it with women who just don't want what I'm offering here?
Brennan: Booth --
Booth: No. You know what? Drink. Drink. I just really -- I'm just mad. I'm just really mad at all of you. I'm just mad. Okay, so you want to know how this is going to work? Okay, this is how this is going to work. Me and you are partners. That's what we do; we're partners, and I love that! That's great. We're good people who catch bad people. Right? Yeah, and we argue. We go back and forth, we're partners, and sometimes after we solve a case we come here and we celebrate. That's what we do. We celebrate. So as far as I can see, that is what happens next? Are you okay with that? Great, because if you are, I'll tell you what. You stay here and you have a drink with me. All right? Maybe we have a little small talk, chit chat, and if you're not, well, you can leave. There's the door, and tomorrow I'll find you a new FBI guy.
Brennan: Those are my only choices?
Booth: Yeah, those are your only choices.
Brennan: Then I'll have a drink.

The Bikini in the Soup [6.14]

Brennan: [answers mobile phone] Brennan. Oh, hello, Douglas. No, I can't tonight. I'm busy. I'm sorry. Okay, goodbye!
Clark: So you have plans tonight? That's nice!
Brennan: No. No. A date on Valentine's Day comes with the expectation of affectionate companionship and probably sex. I have no intention of engaging in either.
Angela: So this one must be a tough one, huh?
Booth: What? The case?
Angela: Valentine's Day. I mean, so soon after your breakup with Hannah.
Booth: Not really.
Angela: Really not really?
Booth: Really. Can't we just focus on the case?
Angela: No twinges at all?
Booth: It's over, okay? Hannah and I are done. I've moved on.
Angela: Okay. So what are you gonna do?
Booth: Nothing! Valentine's Day is not a holiday. It's just made up by these greeting card companies and florists.
Angela: Well, then, maybe you should find somebody else who's doing nothing so that you two can do nothing together.
Booth: So do you want the good news first or the bad news?
Brennan: Is the order at all relevant?
Booth: You know, people like to get the bad news first so the conversation ends in happiness.
Brennan: All right, then. What's the bad news?
Booth: Well, the court refuses to compel a DNA sample from Ericson based on what we have so far.
Brennan: [mobile phone rings] Do you mind? It's not work related.
Booth: Go right ahead.
Brennan: Brennan.
Booth: I'll be right here.
Brennan: [to person on the phone] For Valentine's Day?
Booth: Oh! A Valentine's date, huh?
Brennan: A secret service agent from my gym.
Booth: Of course.
Brennan: [laughs to person on the phone] No, it's not my mother. [to Booth] He thinks that you're my mother.
Booth: Look, I'm not her mother!
Brennan: [to person on the phone] Okay, I don't have a mother. Could I phone you back to tell you no? Thanks! [to Booth] All right, what's the good news so that we may end this conversation on a happy note.
Booth: Ericson has a son in prison for insider trading.
Brennan: Why is that good news? It seems the entire family is degenerate.
Booth: Bones, it's good news because it means the son's DNA is on file with CODIS.
Brennan: Right. So Cam can compare it to the sample from under the fingernails to see if there's sufficient alleles in common to match the dad.
Booth: See. Always start with the bad news first then go with the happy. Are you happy now?
Brennan: It's good news.
Booth: Are you happy?
Brennan: I'm happy!

The Killer in the Crosshairs [6.15]

Caroline: [referring to the victim] Real name, Walter Coolidge.
Booth: [looks at the victim's photo] Alright, makes sense if Broadsky will go after a guy like him.
Caroline: That's right, Broadsky goes after bad guys.
Booth: [slams the file down] Doesn't make him right!
Caroline: Of course it doesn't make him right! It just bleeds off a little of our motivation to catch him right away.
Booth: [reading the file] Coolidge flipped on Ortiz and sent him to prison. Is he still there?
Caroline: No.
Booth: Why? Thought he got 'life'?
Caroline: Ortiz isn't currently in prison because he's sitting in your interrogation room.
Booth: You're the best!
Caroline: Tell me something I don't know
Caroline: Cher, did the man get to you?
Booth: You know what? It would actually help if you wanted to put the man in prison.
Caroline: Oh, I most definitely do.
Booth: Well, you're the one who says that you can't argue with the choices Broadsky makes on who he's gonna shoot.
Caroline: Yeah, I can't fault that, but now the man has crossed a line.
Booth: Causing a suicide?
Caroline: No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun. That's unforgivable. He should be lethally injected just for that.
Booth: [smiles]
Brennan: [on the phone with Caroline, talking to Booth] Caroline is asking if we see anything?
Booth: The answer's still no and tell her to stop asking.
Brennan: [to Caroline] Booth says stop asking.
Caroline: I don't wait well, I'm an action person. Waiting makes my teeth hurt!
Brennan: [to Booth] Her teeth..hurt.
Brennan: Why are you mad at me?
Booth: Forget it.
Brennan: No, you can't say forget it to your partner. You taught me that.
Booth: I just don't like the idea that my partner thinks that me and Jacob Broadsky are alike.
Brennan: You are similar in many ways.
Booth: [sarcastically] Great! Thanks, Bones.
Brennan: But not in the most important way. How can I put this in a way that you will understand?
Booth: Try to say it in teeny tiny words.
Brennan: Okay. Broadsky is bad. You are good. That's as simply as I can put it.
Booth: [laughs] You don't believe in absolutes like good or bad, all right? You think it's where people stand.
Brennan: From where I stand, you are good and Broadsky's bad.
Booth: Thanks for standing there, Bones.
Brennan: I'm standing right beside you, Booth, like always. Like I always will. I'm being metaphorical, of course, because we are currently sitting.
Booth: Thank goodness, because I thought I'd shrunk.
Brennan: [laughs] That's funny, because you made a joke based on relative position, which goes back thematically to our discussion of situation morality.
Booth: Ha! That's not why it's funny.
Brennan: Tell me another one!
Caroline: Broadsky was in your apartment?
Booth: Yes.
Caroline: Why didn't you, I don't know, jump up and judo/karate/kung fu the man?
Hodgins: These are the bills found with the victim's body.
Booth: All hundreds, right?
Hodgins: Yes, but guess what I found on them?
Booth: Blood, on account that he was shot to death with a high-powered rifle?
Hodgins: Yes, blood, of course blood. But guess what else I found.
Booth: Does this look like a guessing face?
Vincent: Please tell me that this meat is not human.
Brennan: No, it's venison. We found it frozen in the suicide victim's cabin freezer.
Vincent: I'm confused. Are we investigating a murder, or preparing lunch for the Palin family?
Hodgins: So the name that came to you?
Billy Gibbons: It could work for either a boy or a girl, that's the beauty part.
Hodgins: Great.
Billy Gibbons: Staccato Mamba.
Hodgins: Staccato Mamba? Yeah, I-I didn't see that one coming
Brennan: How-how can I put this in a way that you will understand?
Booth: Why don't you try and say it in teeny tiny words?
Brennan: Oh, okay. (slowly and deliberately) Broadsky is bad. You... are good. That's as simply as I can put it.
Booth: All right. You don't believe in absolutes like good or bad. All right? You think it's where people stand.
Brennan: From where I stand, you are good, and Broadsky's bad.
Winkler: In my line of work, discretion is paramount.
Booth: Discretion can also be an accessory to murder.
'Winkler: I know my law, Seeley. I can't be charged for simply selling ammunition.
Caroline: Well, you see, cher, I am the law, and I can charge your scrawny ass with whatever I want.
Angela: I mean, this is a computer chip. You can program it.
Brennan: Which suggests you can program the bullet.
Angela: Yeah, which means we're looking at something from the future.
Brennan: Time travel is physically impossible.
'Angela: Yeah, but so is a bullet that you can program like a computer. Like we didn't have it bad enough with the old kind.
Booth: Well, you're the one who says that you can't argue with the choices that Broadsky makes on who he's gonna shoot.
Caroline: Yeah, I can't fault that, but now the man has crossed a line.
Booth: Causing a suicide?
Caroline: No. Man sneaks into your house, threatens you with a gun. That's unforgivable. He should get lethally injected just for that.
Booth: I'm coming after you. I'm gonna catch you, and next time I have you in my sights, I'm not aiming for your knees.
Broadsky: Good to know, because if that moment comes, I will not hesitate to make that sweet son of yours fatherless. He'll be the collateral damage.
Brennan: I admire your certainty, but since good and bad are such subjective concepts, how could you ever be sure you were doing the right thing?
Booth: Okay, well, it's not subjective to me. I mean, there's good, and there's evil. Life is all about taking sides, and Broadsky, well, he joined the wrong team
Broadsky: You and me both—we've always been on the same side.
Booth: No, you're off the reservation, pal. You want to do the right thing, you give me that gun, and you let me take you in.
Broadsky: I'll tell you what. The day I wake up and there are no more bad people that need killing, you're the one I come to.
Hodgins: I actually have a question for you.
Sweets: Oh, great. Shoot. Probably not a term I should use during a murder investigation, huh?
Booth: You're the best!
Caroline: Tell me something I don't know.
Caroline: Funny thing about Witness Protection…
Booth: What's that?
Caroline: …It sort of comes with a built-in motive for murder attached, doesn't it?
Booth: (laughs) That's why they need protection.
Brennan: The bullet severed the C5.
Booth: Right. Severing the spinal cord from the brain stem is the gold standard for snipers. We call it disconnecting the computer.
Caroline: You can never have too many cute phrases for taking a life.

The Blackout in the Blizzard [6.16]

Angela: [walks in tiredly] Ugh...
Wendell: [sees Angela in her oversized outfit] Holy cow!
Angela: [sighs] I heard that.
Wendell: Oh! No, no, no, no! Heh! It was, um, it was an exclamation of admiration. [clears throat, Angela smiles sarcastically] I wasn't actually --
Hodgins: Stop now. Save yourself.
Wendell: -- commenting on your size.
Angela: [laughs upon seeing Hodgins rapidly pumping the handle to a dynamite igniter, then laughs harder when he accidentally breaks the handle] Wow. Maybe you should think of a way to get electricity that doesn't involve rare, historical items worth upwards of fifty thousand dollars.
Hodgins: Yeah, I'll just blame Wendell.
Angela: [smiles] Okay.
Booth: [brennan is sitting on him in the elevator fixing his back. one hand is on his knee and the other rests on his thigh.] Wow. that feels great. Ahhh it's like you're untying the knots.
Brennan: It's Thai massage. It combines deep tissue with acupressure it's quite effective.
Booth: [laughing in pleasure] Yeah...Right...I can feel that [brennan moves her hand down right next to his crotch. booth laughs] Oh ho ho ho wee hee stop...you know before Sweets comes back.
Brennan: Why?
Booth:Well... [indicates their...position]
Brennan: Ohh I understand you think... he'll interpret our physical contact as another sign that we...
Booth: [sighs and gets up] Yeah... yeah yeah yeah...ohh but I gotta tell you my back feels... wow so much better thanks!
Brennan: No problem.
Booth: Yeah...You know... I can see how Sweets could... get confused.
Brennan: [realizing what he's talking about] W-we both did tell him how we felt about each other.
Booth: In the past.
Brennan: [nodding] In the past...And we... both thought about it, he knows that.
Booth: It?
Brennan: Sleeping together. It would be odd if we didn't.
Booth: Right uhh...so we're talking about this now?
Brennan: We seem to be. [both laugh] I always assumed that we'd be very compatible. Didn't you?
Booth: Well...yeah...
Brennan: Because we're both so physical.
Booth: Right...the way we throw ourselves into a case.
Brennan: We both have excellent stamina. [laughs] Making love would be..quite satisfying.
Booth: Yeah...but then what? I mean...as a couple, me and you would never...
Brennan: [awkwardly] No.. it wouldn't work...
Angela: So this is why you broke into the cafeteria?
Wendell: Yep. I learned how to do this in grade school. I won my science fair.
Angela: Oh my God. You were that kid.
Wendell: Meaning what?
Angela: The showoff.
Wendell: And this is how you thank me.
Hodgins: This is spudtastic! Is this for the victim's cell phone?
Wendell: Yeah. I'm connecting groups of potatoes in series to increase voltage, then we can connect these potatoes together in parallel to increase amperage.
Hodgins: Spudsational! Totally spudtacular! Can I help?
Angela: If you stop making spud jokes.
Hodgins: Sorry. My sincerest potatologies.
Booth: So, what do you think the chances are that me and my dad actually sat in these seats watching the game?
Brennan: Hmmm. Let's see, 60,000 seats -- are you going to stop me?
Booth: No, I just like watching you do the math, that's all. I'm just glad the power's back on. These pills that I have to take, they look huge.
Brennan: They're an extremely potent anti-viral. As long as you just don't skip any doses you'll be fine.
Booth: Yeah, as long as I don't choke to death. I can't get these to open.
Brennan: [takes the bottle] How's your back?
Booth: It feels great since you magically fixed it.
Brennan: It wasn't magic.
Booth: Well, me and you, we both have different definitions on that word.
Brennan: [laughs] That's true. You think that microwave ovens are magic.
Booth: Well, I'll tell you what. Cooking a baked potato in five minutes? That's magic.
Booth: I'm just angry. I'm really angry. [sees Brennan looking at him warily] Not at you.
Brennan: [sighs] Okay.
Booth: I just need time, that's all. I just need time to kind of hang back and find that inner peace before I, you know, get back out there. You know what we're talking about here, right?
Brennan: Yes.
Booth: You and me, you know, and love, happiness, and life and fate.
Brennan: I don't believe in fate, but I know what we're talking about. I am improving.
Booth: Improving?
Brennan: Yes, I'm quite strong.
Booth: Yeah, well you've always been strong.
Brennan: You know the difference between strength and imperviousness, right?
Booth: [smiles] Not if you're going to get all scientific on me.
Brennan: [chuckles] Well, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn't need to be strong. When you and I met I was an impervious substance. Now I am a strong substance.
Booth: I think I know what you mean.
Brennan: A time could come when you aren't angry anymore and I'm strong enough to risk losing the last of my imperviousness, maybe then we could try to be together.

The Feet on the Beach [6.17]

Booth: Hey, Bones! Bones, Bones, just when you go over there, be nice. They're Canadians.
Brennan: Are you referring to the broad generalization that Canadians are polite?
Booth: Yes, I am.
Brennan: More expertise is required instead of just feet.
Booth: Yeah, gosh. You really are not going to stop until this Canadian foot guy is paralyzed from head to toe.
Brennan: Would you accept an agent who specialized in murders that only occurred in February?
Booth: Okay, that's different.
Brennan: Not to me.
Booth: I'm glad that you apologized to the Canadian. I'm proud of you, Bones!
Brennan: I didn't apologize.
Booth: I thought --
Brennan: The word apology derives from the ancient Greek apologia, which means a speech in defense. When I defended what I said to him you told me that wasn't a real apology.
Booth: Why don't you think of a word that means you feel bad for making someone else feel bad.
Brennan: Contrite! From the Latin contritus, meaning crushed by a sense of sin.
Booth: There it is! Contrite! I'm happy that you contrited to the Canadian.
Brennan: Right. Would you like to hear some more things that I feel contrite about?
Booth: There's more?
Brennan: Yes. I feel contrite that I think your socks are silly.
Booth: What?!
Brennan: Also, I am contrite in the way that I think you are foolhardy in the way that you approach a cup of coffee.
Booth: How do I approach a cup of coffee?
Brennan: You drink it without checking the temperature and then you complain all day that your tongue is burnt! I feel contrite that I think that's stupid.
Booth: Let's recap: foolhardy and stupid.
Brennan: There's more.
Booth: Bones, you don't have to apologize for things that you think.
Brennan: Oh!
Booth: Believe me, if we had to feel sorry for every single thought...
Brennan: Like what?
Booth: Oh, believe me, I'm not going to fall down that path.

The Truth in the Myth [6.18]

Booth: Do you even own a TV?
Brennan: Of course! It's in the closet.
Booth: [looks at a laughing Brennan] Now what?
Brennan: Perhaps you could see your dark side if you mooned a mirror. [laughs] Because "moon" is a term that refers to exposing --
Booth: I know.
Brennan: Get it? It's pretty clever, right?
Booth: It's clever. I'd laugh, but I'm afraid of driving off the road.
Brennan: I understand.
Booth: Yeah, right? [smiles]
Brennan: Safety first. I understand. [laughs]
Angela: You really had to volunteer us for this, huh?
Hodgins: Yeah! I thought coming out to the woods would be nice, you know? A little fresh air.
Angela: Honey, let me explain something to you: there's a human growing inside me. Vegging on the couch and eating pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream is actually all I want to do.
Hodgins: Recent studies show that mothers who gain excess weight during their pregnancy makes their babies more prone to childhood obesity.
Angela: Huh, that's interesting. I read a story that says that husbands who suggest their pregnant wives are fat are far more prone to being slugged by them.
Booth: Bones, at any time did you think that the chupacabra was real?
Brennan: [laughs] No.
Booth: Then why did you believe that I saw the Yeti in Nepal?
Brennan: Because what I said you saw was totally rational.
Booth: I never saw it. You see, what you did was rationally explain something that never happened.
Brennan: You never saw the Yeti?
Booth: Or did I?
Brennan: No, you didn't! You did? Are you trying to confuse me?
Booth: I might be!
Brennan: Okay, what is your point?
Booth: That things are confusing. Just because you can explain something doesn't mean that it's explainable.
Brennan: You mean explicable?
Booth: Sure, like us. We don't make any sense at all.

The Finder [6.19]

[Booth's trying to get Brennan's ID back from Walter, both of them scuffling around the bar]
Walter: [calling for help when Booth pushes him down on the table] Leo! LEO!!
Leo: You provoke this upon yourself. [rising to leave] Let me know how things turned out.[leaves]
Ike: Cold beer while you wait? [offering cold beer to Brennan who's watching the two guys scuffling]
Brennan: [holds the beer bottle] Wait for what? [Booth and Walter still scuffling in the background]
Ike: The boys to get reacquainted. [cheers at Brennan's beer bottle and drinks]
Walter: Uh, pudge here is a..blind at one eye. [referring to person in the video]
Brennan: [surprised] How can you tell?
Walter: Oh, it's the way he holds that scrap, or whatever it is to the light.
Booth: 'Whatever it is' is a map...
Brennan: [correcting Booth] It's a chart fragment, Mr Sherman.
Walter: Oh, uh, please...call me Walter. [smiles at Brennan, Brennan smiles back]
Booth: Seriously? Focus, can we? Thank you. Really? [gesturing and giving a look at Walter]
Walter: [looks at Booth and looks back at Brennan] Are you two sleeping together?
Brennan: [chuckles] No! [looks at Booth]
Booth: No.
Walter: [to Brennan] Would you sleep with me? [Brennan looks at Walter shocked and amused]
Booth: [to Walter] You know what, you find the map, maybe you get a shot.[Brennan smacks Booth's arm] What? [mutters 'sorry' to Brennan]
Brennan: [rising to leave, talking to Walter] Uh..can I get your cell number, please?
Walter: What? No! [panicking] Who..who told you to get my cellphone number?
Booth: Oh, oh...just relax, don't be paranoid.
Brennan: In case, I obtained any..helpful informations from the victim's remains back in D.C.
Ike: [chuckling] Wh-What exactly you'd expect to find from a cracked-up bag of old bones?
Booth: Oh look, Bones has her thing, just like Walter here, alright? [leaving with Brennan]
Brennan: Except my thing is real, not some imaginary finder power! [gesturing mockingly]
Booth: Oh! [laughs]
[Walter answers his cell in the toilet]
Walter: Who is this?
Brennan: [at the other end with a surprised, confused look] It's..Dr Brennan at the Jeffersonian. Don't you have caller ID?
Walter: Caller ID doesn't tell you who's calling, it tells you the phone company wants you to think who's calling. Eh, did you guys find out that the victim was terminally ill?
Brennan: Yes...His mitral valve is completely calcified. How did you know?
Walter: He had pyramids on the ceiling of his bedroom.
Brennan: Wh..Pyramids indicate heart disease?
Walter: Of all the things humans created, pyramids stood the test of time best. Dying people invest all sorts of meaning in it. So..uh, did you find any signs of torture?
Brennan: Yes, I did. Three fingers were dislocated shortly before death. It's possible, given his heart condition, the victim died with his secret intact.
Walter: Nope, he told the killer where to find the map.
Brennan: What...Did you know where?
Walter: Poor man's safety deposit box. [looks at the victim's pawnshop's receipt]
Brennan: I..I don't know what that means.
Walter: Pawnshop. You got anything else?
Brennan: No, I'm done.
Walter: Yup, me too. [flushes the toilet; Brennan gives a confused look after hearing the flushing sound on the other end]
Walter: My work's done. [passes receipts to Booth]
Booth: What's this?
Walter: Itemized invoice from my expenses, mostly fuel for Ike flying me back and forth.
Brennan: But we haven't solve the murder!
Booth: Yes, two murders.
Brennan: Two murders! We haven't solve two murders!
Walter: You hired me to find the missing chart fragment. Eureka! Ta-daa! Bingo! Mission accomplished, [gesturing to the map] I found it.
Cam: Ah, technically, I found it..in her throat
Walter: Britney's body was submerged under 80 feet of water in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, I brought her here to you..I..pretty sure that's the impressive part. [leaves]
Brennan: That's true. If it weren't for Walter, her remains will never be discovered.
Booth: [gives a look at Brennan] Seriously?

The Pinocchio in the Planter [6.20]

[Booth and Brennan are faced with a suspect who is dressed as a clown]
Booth: (gives handcuffs to Brennan) Just cuff the clown.
Brennan: Me?

The Sign in the Silence [6.21]

Brennan: How about an encyclopedia?? Ooh! Or..a microscope?
Booth: C'mon Bones! Angela and Hodgins are having a baby, not a graduate student. I GOT IT! Uh-Huh! Stuffed animal! That's it!
Brennan: How'll that benefit a child?
Booth: Bones, they're having a kid. His major past time is gonna be about pooping his pants, okay? Mr. Poo-poo pants!
Brennan: One of my foster families..I had a..stuffed dog.
Booth: And you liked it, right?
Brennan: It frightened me actually. It was the family's pet for many years before they had it stuffed.
Booth: [pause] Oh! We'll..we'll forget about the whole stuffed animal thing. I..I got it, we'll get em' one of those mobiles for the crib.
Brennan: Can you sign? Because we'll need to communicate with her.
Meacham: Yes, but as of yet, she hasn't responded and who were you? [Brennan gives a suprised look]
Caroline: [to Meacham] Dr. Brennan is the best forensic anthropologist in the country..
Brennan: World! [Caroline surprised and Cam smiles at the reply]
Booth: Hey! You got anything?
Caroline: We've been checking on the hospitals and morgues for stabbing victims within a 50miles radius where Jane Doe was found, we've got nothing!
Booth: Yeah, well, I've got something. You know the bloody money that we found on the girl, assuming she stole it from the victim..this..[types the computer]..could be good news.
Caroline: You're cute when you try to make me happy.
Booth: Right..[hits one of the computer keys, image comes out in the screen] Look at that, look at all the 20 dollar bills.
Caroline: [looking at the computer screen] Okay..and what's that? [pointing to another image beside the bills]
Booth: I don't know what that is, we found it in her pocket. Angela's gonna reconstruct..but take a look at the serial numbers on the bills.
Caroline: They're sequential. Bank robbery?
Booth:No, ATM. ATMs get sequential bills from the banks. We can trace the number to the ATM, we should be able to find our victim.
Caroline: Now you're just downright handsome! [Booth smirks]
[creating the scenario of the case in the Bones room]
Cam: Okay, I still don't understand.
Brennan: They were face to face.[moving to a bigger space, gesturing Arastoo to participate, Arastoo obliged]. Duvall Price knocks her down.[Brennan lies down on the floor as Amy] He landed of top on her [gesturing Arastoo to be Duvall Price and get on top of her] Mr Vaziri?
Arastoo: [Awkwardly obliged, holds his body with his hands on top of Brennan] This is very awkward.
Brennan: [Below Arastoo] Mr Vaziri, this is a part of your job.
Arastoo: And I would like to quit this part of the job.
Hodgins: That's why nature invented false labor. Parents...need a dry run.
Angela: [in pain] Ouuuuhhh! [holds her belly, gasping for air] Oh-ouuuhhh!
Hodgins: [looking at Angela in pain] Oh god!
Angela: Oh, don't worry! It's nothing, it's nothing! Ouuuuhhh!![shouting in pain]
Hodgins: [goes to Angela] Okay, that is definitely something! OH MY GOD! [panicking] OH GOD! Okay! BABY! OH, OKAY! [looks at outside, shouting] BABY! Okay! Okay! [looks back at Angela, shouting and gesturing at Angela's belly] BABY!
Angela: [gasping in pain] According to the birthing class, that is SOO not how you're suppose to react right now!
Hodgins: Right! Right! [trying to calm down] Uh...I should..I should..
Angela: GET THE CAR!!
Hodgins: Go get the car!! Okay, I'm..[running out of the room, stops to tell Angela] I'm gonna get the car! [runs and stop again, returns back] KEYS! Oh, I need keys! Where're my keys..[feeling his pocket, looking around the ookey room] where the hell are my keys!? [Angela looks at Hodgins, frustrated and in pain] Don't look at me like that, babe! I know what I'm doing, okay!? I'm gonna...I'm gonna get the keys! I'm totally...[looking for his keys] and completely...calm..WHERE THE HELL ARE MY KEYS!?
Angela: Oh wow! Man are so not made for this!

The Hole in the Heart [6.22]

Hodgins: You know, Vincent gave me a great piece of advice? He said, "The busiest shopping hour in the entire year is between 3:00 and 4:00 on Christmas Eve." So, I never shop during that time.
Sweets: Oh, he told me that Quebec City in Canada has the same amount of street crime as Disney World. So, safe place to visit.
Cam: Vincent informed me that the crack of a whip was actually the tip breaking the sound barrier.
Angela: He told me that the top of the Eiffel Tower is actually six inches shorter in the winter time. So, it's better to climb it then.
Brennan: Vincent's favorite song was "Da Lime in Da Coconut".
Sweets: Seriously? 'Cause that's like … that's my jam.
(The team breaks out into singing "Da Lime in Da Coconut" as they load Vincent Nigel-Murray's remains into a hearse.)
(The T. rex contraption hits a snafu in the first man-dinosaur contest.)
Hodgins: Yes! That is one for humanity and zero for the tyrant lizard!
Broadsky: You really so damn positive you're the good guy in this?
Booth: Yeah. Positive as you are. Difference is, I'm right.
Broadsky: Do the math, Seeley. I'm doing good work.
Booth: You kill people. No judge, no jury. Just you making the call.
Broadsky: My conscience is clear. And since you're trying to stop me, you're playing for the wrong team.
Booth: Oh, you threatening me now?
Broadsky: Self-defense, Seeley. Sometimes, that means a very aggressive offense.
Booth: You forget who you're dealing with, Jacob?
Broadsky: Not for a moment. And don't you forget, you never see the bullet that takes you down.
Booth: Uh, how are you feeling?
Angela: Oh, boy. Like an overstuffed turkey shoved into an overhead bin of an overcrowded flight. How about you?
Booth: Me? Like I'm chasing a ghost.
Booth: [Applying pressure to a wounded Vincent Nigel-Murray] Open your eyes, Vincent! Stay with me!
Vincent: [pleadingly] I... ple-please don't. Just don't make me go. I-I don't want to go. I love -it's been lovely. Being here with - with you.
Brennan: No! You can stay here as long as you like, Vincent. You're my favorite! Everyone knows that. Right, Booth?
[Vincent's pleas stop and he goes still. Realizing there's nothing more he can do, Booth takes his hands off him.]
Brennan: You have to keep the pressure on!
Booth: [quietly] No, I don't, Bones.
Booth: [having been woken by Brennan] What's wrong?
Brennan: He kept saying 'don't make me go.'
Booth: What?
Brennan: Vincent. He was looking at me and he was saying 'don't make me leave.' [crying] He said that he loved being there. Why would he think that I'm the one making him leave? What kind of person am I?
Booth: Come here. No, no, no, Bones. You got that all wrong, all right? You got it all wrong.
Brennan: No. I heard him. You did, too. Don't make me leave. That's what he said.
Booth: He wasn't talking to you.
Brennan: I was the only one there. And you. He wasn't -- he wasn't talking to you.
Booth: I think he was talking to God. He didn't want to die.
Brennan: No, Vincent was like me, Booth. He was an athiest.
Booth: Okay. He was talking to the universe, then. He didn't want to go. He wasn't ready, Bones. He wanted to stay.
Brennan: If there was a God then he would have let Vincent stay here with us.
Booth: That's not how it works.
Angela: What is going on? I mean, is this about Vincent?
Brennan: Yes.
Angela: Yeah.
Brennan: And I got into bed with Booth last night. [looks at Angela's dumbfounded expression] Why aren't you saying anything?
Angela: Because I -- I don't wanna yell 'Hallelujah!' so close to losing Vincent!
Brennan: I think I did it because of Vincent.
Angela: Wait. Whoa. What exactly happened after you -- after you crawled into bed with Booth?
Brennan: [pause and thinks for a moment, then gives a happy smile]
Angela: [smiling in anticipation of Brennan's answer]
Hodgins: [walks in the room with speed, bringing information and interrupting before Brennan could say anything] I've got the GC mass spec result back on the bullet that killed Vincent.
Angela: Honey! No! Not right now! I'm sorry, I love you, but go tell Cam! Go! Away!
Hodgins: Uh -- [walks out of the room, stops in the doorway and tries to talk]
Angela: [raising her voice] AWAY!
Hodgins: [has just given a long, detailed scientific explanation of the GC mass spec results on the bullet that killed Vincent] And you know what that means...
Cam: ...of course, but remind me anyway.

The Change in the Game [6.23]

Wendell: You know, the only perimortem injury that I could find is this fracture to the nasal bone.
Hodgins: Who dies of a broken nose?
Wendell: Exactly. If I can't figure out the cause of death, Dr. Brennan's gonna be tossing me into that machine.
Hodgins: Right.
Wendell: You're supposed to say, "No, she'll understand."
Hodgins: Oh, but she won't.
Wendell: Ah, that is so funny.
Angela: I'm pretty sure any day the Guinness people are gonna come and measure me.
Hodgins: You look beautiful.
Angela: Yeah, for a water buffalo.
Wendell: Watch this. I'm about to Brennanize you.
Hodgins: Brennanize?
Wendell: Transverse fracture to the metacarpal and the right thumb, chondromalacia patellae of the left knee, a notch in the notch of the left ulna --
Hodgins: A notch in the notch?
Wendell: That's correct. With exostosis of the medial surface.
Hodgins: So what is that? Some kind of repetitive stress stuff?
Wendell: Yep, like this. [moves right arm upward repetitively]
Hodgins: Wow.
Wendell: Yeah, I'm thinking some kind of ritualized offering to like the sun, you know?
Hodgins: Yeah, yeah. Like a figure kind of on a high throne, right? Like a Satanic or an Illuminati slave!
Angela: Boys. You're bowling.
Hodgins: What? Okay! You're ready! The hot sauce worked!
Angela: Uh, no, not yet. Just relax.
Wendell: Bowling!
Angela: Bowling, yes.
Hodgins: Well, that would correspond with the high level of polyester in his garment.
Angela: And the fact that he was found in a bowling alley.
Hodgins: All right. So, breathe through your nose.
Angela: Do not tell me what to do.
Hodgins: All right.
Angela: But, but, but coach me like we practiced!
Hodgins: Those are mutually exclusive!
Angela: Don't argue with me!
Hercules: We are doomed! We only needed two pins and you left them both standing!
Booth: I've still got another ball.
Max: Yeah, right. A seven-ten split.
Brennan: It's highly improbable, statistically approaching the impossible.
Tina: Sometimes when you speak it's like you watch PBS on purpose.
Angela: Have I ever told you how wonderful your voice is? It's like hot tea and honey. Any child with a father who has a voice like yours is just --
Hodgins: Have I ever told you how good you smell, and how soft your skin is, and how every time you take my hand I feel your whole life vibrating with mine?
Brennan: They looked so happy.
Booth: Shoot yeah. They had a baby!
Brennan: Their whole lives have changed. You'd think they would be a little more apprehensive.
Booth: Well, you know, having a baby. That's a good thing.
Brennan: You really think that?
Booth: Yeah, it's a great thing. Why? What? Oh, come on, Bones. The baby is fine. He's healthy. They have a healthy baby, all right? They love each other. This is the happiest day of their lives, okay? What?
Brennan: I'm -- I'm pregnant. You're the father. [She watches as Booth smiles, and smiles back]
↑Jump back a section

Season 7

The Memories in the Shallow Grave [7.1]

Booth: [notices Brennan crying while examining a body] Everything okay, Bones?
Brennan: Of course. I'm merely experiencing emotional inconsistencies due to hormones secreted during pregnancy.
Hodgins: Angela used to cry at the ShamWow commercial.
Booth: Maybe the dead bodies are finally getting to you.
Brennan: Of course not.
Booth: Let me get a picture of this one. [takes out his cell phone and starts taking pictures]
Brennan: [still crying] Stop it, Booth!
Booth: Relax, okay? It's just -- you're normal.
Brennan: I'm not normal! I'm extraordinary!
Angela: Is it true that you were crying at the crime scene?
Brennan: Only as a result of increased hormonal output, not at sadness at the victim's death.
Wendell: Probably chorionic gonadotropin.
Brennan: Exactly.
Wendell: Still, I mean, you crying. I would have loved to see that.
Brennan: Why?
Angela: It's sort of like an eclipse. It doesn't happen that often.
Brennan: Booth took a picture of me, but since I have a picture of him cooking an omelet naked he agreed never to show it to anyone.
Wendell: Smart move.
Angela: I'm sorry. Naked? Wow. Okay, listen, I am your best friend, so I think I should take a peek at that.
Cam: [walks into Hodgins lab to see him holding his and Angela's son] What is this?
Hodgins: [surprised] Uh, it's a very small, bipedal primate from the Hominidae family.
Cam: You both know the rules.
Angela: Yeah, we do, but he doesn't. He missed his dad, so --
[...]
Cam: He's not allowed in the lab. I don't want to see him here again.
Angela: Your daughter visits.
Cam: She's eighteen! She's not going to spitup on the mass spectrometer. [Michael smiles at her] Tell him to stop looking at me like that. [Michael continues to smile] Would you tell him to stop?
Angela: He likes you.
Cam: Well, don't let the smile fool you. I'm still very upset. Sweet, baby boy.
Hodgins: That's my boy.
Hodgins: So, I was sifting through the soil at the bottom of the grave and I found fibers coated in linseed oil.
Wendell: You said her clothes had absorbed the oil.
Hodgins: Her clothes are made of polyethylene terephthalate.
Wendell: Can't you just say polyester?
Hodgins: I did.
Brennan: What are these x-rays?
Wendell: The paint had hardened, so I x-rayed each glob to see if there was anything inside.
Hodgins: We didn't want to break it open in case it would destroy evidence.
Brennan: What about 6F3?
Hodgins: It looks like tree sap or resin.
Brennan: Enlarge the image, please.
Wendell: That's not sap.
Cam: It looks like chewing gum.
Hodgins: Okay, even if it is, the dye and the polyethylene, the paint would have destroyed the DNA.
Brennan: We don't need DNA, do we Mr. Bray?
Wendell: Of course not. I should have seen that. I'm sorry.
Cam: Excuse me, the boss here needs an explanation.
Brennan: Look at the image. There is a clear impression of the tooth in the gum. That's as clear as a fingerprint.
Hodgins: If I freeze the paintball I should be able to extract the gum without compromising the shape.
Brennan: I'll tell Booth.
Wendell: She's having that baby so the next generation will have someone to make them feel dumb.
Hodgins: Seriously.

The Hot Dog in the Competition [7.2]

Hodgins: Dr. Brennan, are you sure you don't want a chair? The way you're squatting, I'm worried that little guy in there is going to drop right out.
Brennan: Thank you, but my uterus and cervical plug are quite healthy. Also, I'm not having a boy. It's a girl.
Booth: [smiles] A girl. [becomes alarmed] Excuse me?
Brennan: The fetus inside my womb has female genitalia.
Hodgins: You guys are having a girl? That is so awesome!
Booth: Okay, wait. Just wait one second. Can I have a word with you here? You're guessing, right? What we're having?
Brennan: No, I had an ultrasound at the doctor's this morning. Are you displeased with the results?
Booth: No, I'm thrilled, but you can't just spring something like that on me in public. Why didn't you tell me that you had a doctor's appointment?
Brennan: Ultrasounds are poorly pixelated and black and white. You only like movies that are in color.
Booth: I would have loved this movie! It would have been my favorite movie of all time!
Brennan: I had no idea that our child's genitals were so important to you.
Booth: Bones, I am the father.
Brennan: Did your interest in forensics stem from a plan to murder your stepfather?
Finn Abernathy: Yes, ma'am, it did.
Brennan: Dr. Soroyan mentioned that he was physically abusive to both you and your mother.
Finn: He had a temper. Probably why I behaved like I did. I could never find a way to make the mad go away.
Brennan: So did you murder your stepfather, Mr. Abernathy?
Finn: No, ma'am. I did not.
Brennan: What stopped you?
Finn: I read a paper you wrote: postmortem dismemberment analysis. I knew no matter how careful I was I'd never get away with killing him. At least not with ya'll around.
Brennan: I like to think that's true.
Finn: I took it as a sign from above to keep me on the straight and narrow. I haven't so much as talk in church since.
Brennan: What happened to your stepfather?
Finn: Last time I saw him I told him he was a dead man if he ever touched my mama again. I guess the son of a bitch didn't know I was bluffing.
Brennan: I can imagine how it must feel to know people are thinking that you did something like that.
Finn: I appreciate that.
Brennan: [affects southern drawl] You must never walk out again, you hear? There ain't gonna be no more second chances. [smiles at Mr. Abernathy] I love John Wayne movies.
Brennan: I owe you an apology.
Booth: An apology? Wait a second, is this you apologizing to me or me apologizing to you for something that I don't understand?
Brennan: I understand how upset you must have felt not to be included at the ultrasound. While I wish I could undo what I've done to you, I can't.
Booth: That's okay. An apology is enough.
Brennan: Really? Because I have more.
Booth: Oh. I'll always take more. What do you have in mind?
Brennan: Well, the doctor made me a DVD of the ultrasound. While the resolution is not ideal, I feel certain that you will enjoy seeing this.
Booth: Of course I'm going to enjoy seeing it. [whispers] Oh, wow. [He stands up] Look, that's the heartbeat.
Brennan: [smiles] You're happy.
Booth: Of course I'm happy! Look at that! She kicked!
Brennan: [laughs] She has your prominent mental protuberance.
Booth: Is that a good thing?
Brennan: Yes. It's a very good thing.
Dr. Saroyan: (freaking-out on seeing a python emerge from the intestines of a dead woman during an examination) Somebody kill that thing!
Dr. Brennan: (wide-eyed,on her cellphone to Hodgins) You can come back to the lab. We discovered the warm place where the python was hiding. (Finn pulls the python from the corpse, and holds it up to his face.)
Finn Abernathy: (to Cam) Oh, I got to say, Ma'am, this is the best damn job, ever.

Prince In The Plastic [7.3]

Angela: (to Hodgins) You! You're a genius scientist person, right? So get over here and put this thing together, or there will be BLOOD.
Brennan: (about their living arrangement) We're still arguing about it. I want at least an acre of land, and he wants something called a man cave.
Booth: Wait, really? Really. You really want to get him involved?
Brennan: He asked a question.
Booth: Just tell him that it's crazy for him to carry a gun, that's all.
Brennan: But it is not.
Booth: It is.
Sweets: (to Brennan) Thank you.
Brennan: At the very least, he could draw fire away from you and get shot himself, which would reduce the likelihood of me becoming a single parent.
Sweets: We, we, we don't have to go through every eventuality.
Booth: You're not getting a gun.
Sweets: Then I'll make sure you don't get a man cave.
Booth: You're not going to get a gun.
Sweets: Well, then, you won't get a man cave.
Brennan: I'm not good playing with toys. What if I can't connect with our child?
Booth: Okay, you connect with me, right?
Brennan: You know I do.
Booth: Okay, our child is half of me, so at the very least, you can connect with the me half. Get it, right? Listen, you're gonna be a great mom.
Bianca: And I'm going to need each of you to sign a non-disclosure form before we enter.
Booth: Oh, I can't do that. I'm with the FBI. What we do is disclose.
'Bianca: Well, then, I can't allow you to stay here.
Daisy: Well, we can always shut the building down while we wait for a warrant if that's what you'd prefer. I'm sure the press would love a story like that.
Bianca: Fine.
Daisy: That was relevant, wasn't it?
Booth: I cop, you squint.
Daisy: Well, then permission to squint, Agent Booth.
Booth: Squint away.

The Male in the Mail [7.4]

[Two postal workers are pilfering items from the dead letter office. One of them, Ronald, opens a box and finds some remains.]
Tom: That's an animal. I found a dead cat once. Early retirement is looking good. [Ronald finds a skull and screams] That's it. I retire. Welcome to the US Postal Service, kid.
Cam: The body fluids, along with the packing materials, transformed the tissue into an adipocerous gel.
Clark: I'm pretty sure my middle school served this for dessert.
Cam: Unless we can separate them, the packing material is going to contaminate any tests I run on the tissue.
Clark: And I need to separate these bones before there's anymore chemical damage to them.
Hodgins: I have got just what you need, Clark. This little puppy is a plycimer laser. Now, who wants to hear it bark?
Cam: Aren't those used for eye surgery?
Hodgins: There's gotta be an eye in here somewhere, right? Now, I've set it so that it'll zip through the goop and separate it from the cardboard.
Cam: Can't we just cut the box open?
Hodgins: But I already signed this out, and it's much cooler. Trust me.
Booth: You really want to help? I got a great idea. What do you say we talk about something else? Let's talk about you.
Brennan: [pause] My breasts are very sore. Would you mind if I spent the evening naked?
Booth: Sure, yeah that's fine with me. No complaints here, that's great. See, now, isn't this a better conversation?
[Sheila Burnside is in the FBI Interrogation Room with her lawyer]
Bob Fisher: Do not talk! Not... one... word!
Sheila: [regarding herself and Oliver] We did it a few times, but it didn't mean anything!
...
Booth: Where was your husband the night Oliver died?
Sheila: Hugh wouldn't kill anyone.
Bob Fisher: I hate my job.
Hank: [reading a letter from his son - Booth's father] "I didn't write a letter to Seely because I knew he'd rip up anything I sent him - and he should. If you can find a way, let him know ... I love him. He and Jarod deserved a better father than me. A father ... a father as good as I had. Thank you for raising him to be the man I could never be."
Brennan: Do you miss your father, Booth?
Booth: Why? He's been gone for twenty years. No.
Brennan: Are you going to open the box?
Booth: You know I don't really want to talk about this.
Brennan: But I do, and I might say the wrong thing, but for the time being we're sharing our lives and that means you can't shut me out, Booth.
Booth: What's the point? [Brennan retrieves and places the box in front of him] Seriously? Bones.
Brennan: Quantum physicists have postulated that the way we experience time is an illusion; that it doesn't happen in a linear way. That past and present, in reality, there's no difference.
Booth: Bones, what are you trying to get at?
Brennan: You do have some good memories of your father. You told me that. There was the time when the river froze and he woke you up at midnight to skating, and the time you were sweeping up at his barbershop when he put on Louis Prima and pretended that the electric razor was a microphone. And the World Series, your one perfect day together. Those good times with your dad are happening right now. They'll always be happening. You deserve to keep those alive.

The Twist in the Twister [7.5]

Cam: [spies Hodgins yawning] Is death getting dull to you, Dr. Hodgins?
Hodgins: Oh sorry, it's Michael. Apparently our baby believes that sleep is only for the weak.
Cam: [watching Angela swiping a card over and over again] Um, is she trying to get on the platform with a buy ten get one free yogurt card?
Brennan: (opening the tornado cover door) You lied to me! I could have missed this!
Hodgins: [sees the "Gramps" tattoo on Michael's arm] He's tattooed? You tattooed MY CHILD?
Billy: Relax. It's a press on - for now.

The Crack in the Code [7.6]

Brennan: The mighty hut appears to be leaking.
Pelant: It's the giant flaw in our system: trying to make the system more secure, we make it more complex. But the more complex we make it, the more insecure we actually are.
Booth: Well, it turns out I'm not a complex guy. I'm a simple guy. And simple guys take down guys like you.
[Sweets has walked in the Jeffersonian lab wearing a bright blue motorcycle helmet]
Caroline: Why is that man wearing an Easter egg on his head?
Caroline: This set of orders was passed down through channels that even the Almighty Himself would need an atlas and a double-shot of bourbon to navigate!
Brennan: We have a house, Booth. You found our home. [smiles]
Booth: We have a home.

The Prisoner in the Pipe [7.7]

Brennan: At this stage of my pregnancy, my IQ could be anywhere from eight to ten points lower than normal.
Daisy: Which is why we all need to pitch in every way we can. I'm becoming a certified doula. [squints as Hodgins' headlamp shines in her eyes]
Brennan: You aren't getting anywhere near my cervix, Miss Wick.
Daisy: Just saying. Should you find yourself in need, I could stop at the perineum.
Cam: I ran a tox screen on the ocular fluid and it came back negative, which eliminates poison as cause of death. Do you have anything?
Brennan: There's a fragment of the right ninth rib with striations that are consistent with a stab wound, but there's so little evidence it would be irresponsible of me to form a conclusion at this point.
Angela: Come on. Just this once.
Brennan: [wriggles under the pressure] No.
Cam: You can do it. Just say it's a stabbing.
Brennan: I can't.
Angela: We'll think you're cool if you do.
Brennan: Well I want to be cool, but I can't.
Angela: It's okay, honey. We still love you just the same.
Booth: [looking at welcome home sign] What is that? Welcome stapes?
Brennan: [laughs] It's the smallest bone in the human body.
Angela: We didn't know her name, so --
Brennan: Thanks. She's so lucky to have all of you.
Angela: So, what is her name?
Booth: Well, we named her after Bones' mom.
Brennan: Christine. Our daughter's name is Christine. Christine Angela.
Angela: Oh my God.

The Bump in the Road [7.8]

Brennan: Did you wash the nipples?
Booth: Yes, I did in the shower, but I don't think day care is gonna check.
Hodgins: I found more papers in her bra.
Angela: Well, these papers from her pockets are all faded. I have no idea what was written or printed on them.
Hodgins: It must be something important.
Angela: Why do you think that? I mean, you have papers in your pockets and so do I.
Hodings: Yeah, but do you also stuff papers into your bra?
Angela: [smiles] Not since high school.
Hodgins: She was hiding it, right? That means they're important. You know, maybe even secret.
Angela: You think this is some kind of government conspiracy?
Hodgins: Ang, in 1963 the positions of the Soviet nuclear fleet were sewn into the lining of a hunting cap.
Angela: The video spectral comparator should be able to tell us what was once on here.
Hodgins: You never know, I mean, these markings could be code. See? Here.
Angela: Yeah, it's a UPC code on a coupon.
Hodgins: Ten cents off any three pack of tapioca pudding.
Angela: Oh my God. Oh my God! Terrorists are trying to corner the market on tapioca pudding and take down America!
Hodgins: You're mocking me.
Angela: You're quick.
Brennan: You shouldn't hit people. You should use your words! That's what all the books say.
Chad: Are you serious?
Booth: Well, you know, she's a new mom.

The Don't in the Do [7.9]

Booth: [Brennan has asked him about her outfit] You're an airplane propellor and I'm about to walk into you so I am going to take a step back.

The Warrior in the Wuss [7.10]

[Booth has fallen down a ravine while Brennan and Hodgins are looking for the corpse's skull]
Booth: [picks the skull up out of the water and treats it like a puppet] "Hey look, you found me!" Can we go to the airport now?
Sweets: What part of "stop the car" don't you understand?
Booth: Just put your seatbelt back on! CLOSE THE DOOR!

The Family and the Feud [7.11]

The Suit on the Set [7.12]

The Past in the Present [7.13]

Caroline: [at Pelant's parole hearing] This isn't a court of law. We don't need proof. That's why I like it.
Booth: Sometimes you gotta work a little out of the system, Bones, for the greater good.
Max: You two don't understand what happens when the system turns on you! I do!
Brennan: I love you, Booth. I don't want you to think that Christine is the only reason we're together.
↑Jump back a section

Season 8

The Future in the Past [8.01]

Angela: Brennan didn't use binders. She could remember...
Clark: I'm not Dr. Brennan. I use binders! People like my binders!
Booth: [in baby talk to Christine] Organic content decomposing changes the appearance of plant life, right? Doesn't it?
Brennan: [surprised] Yes!
Booth: [to Brennan] Well, you know, I missed you so I was reading some of your boooks. They're thick. They're really ... they're heavy.
Pelant: You're not capable of killing me.
Hodgins: People change.
[Booth arrests and handcuffs Pelant]
Pelant: It's too tight.
Booth: Not for me it isn't.
Max: This guy, Pelant. He needs killing, Booth.

The Partners in the Divorce [8.02]

[Dr. Saroyan enters the Ookey Room for a update from Dr. Hodgins.]
Dr. Saroyan: You found something, Dr. Hodgins?
Dr. Hodgins: Ho, ho, yeah! I did a microscopic analysis of the victim's stomach contents. Did you have any suspicions about what I might find?
Dr. Saroyan: I knew it was meat, but there were so-many additives-
Dr. Hodgins: -Delicious additives: Curry Paste, Sea Salt, Red Pepper, Red Poblano Chili-
Dr. Saroyan: -I got the "Poblano Chili", where is this leading, 'cos you seem very excited?-
Dr. Hodgins: -Capers and Tarragon; which I would never think to combine-
Dr. Saroyan: -Dr. Hodgins, this is not "Top Chef".
Dr. Hodgins: Well it-it sorta is, because, what we have here, is an expertly-prepared burger.
Dr. Saroyan: And this has meaning, why ?
Dr. Hodgins: Because who-ever made it was masking the meat, which came from; Rattus norvegicus.
Dr. Saroyan: Excuse me?
Dr. Hodgins: Yeah! Richard Bartlett's last meal... was a ratburger.
Dr. Saroyan: Yeah...
[FBI Interrogation Room, Dr. Sweets is interrogating Chef Paulo Romano, who served the victim ratburgers.]
Romano: I got nothing to say without my Lawyer present.
Dr. Sweets: Mmm, mmm, well legal represention is your constitutional right, but, Im telling you, the minute a lawyer gets here, I can't help you.
Romano: Ha, ha. You say that, but you don't mean that-
Dr. Sweets: -You served your divorce lawyer... a ratburger.
Romano: Says you.
Dr. Sweets: The ingredients, aside from the rat, forensically matched your kitchen.
Romano: (Plays along, amused) What ingredients?
Dr. Sweets: "What ingredients?" (Starts pulling out evidence from a box, identifying each one.) Curry paste. Corsican Sea Salt. Red Peppers. A fairly rare Russian Tarragon. Majorcan Capers. Red Poblano Chillies. Oh, this is the pan you used.
Romano: All you're doing is convincing me I need a lawyer.
Dr. Sweets: You prepared the rat. You didn't just dice it up and toss it into the pan. You treated it like a fine fillet. You really hated Richard Bartlett.
Romano: Now that's a fact.
Dr. Sweets: He was your divorce lawyer, wha-? You won!
Romano: At first, I thought he was my savior... Then I got his bill. That bastard charged me so much, I would have been better off giving half to my wife.
Dr. Sweets: So, you served him the burger as revenge.
Romano: Every Tuesday night. For two years. With a year and a half to go.
Dr. Sweets: Excuse me?
Romano: He was gonna eat Rat for as long as I was married. Three and one-half years. For poetical reasons.
Dr. Sweets: He figured it out, somehow, called you to his office, threatened to sue you, take away your resturant, and you killed him...?
Romano: Ok, now your just being insulting.
Dr. Sweets: Because I'm accusing you of murder?
Romano: 'Cause you're insulting my cooking. He loved that burger. You can check my emails. All Bartlett does is rave about that burger. Why would I kill him? Now, I never get the satisfaction of seeing that bastard's face, when he finds out that he had Rat, every Tuesday night.

The Gunk in the Garage [8.03]

Booth: You've got to be kidding me! Eight hundred bucks for a stroller?
Brennan: I have done extensive research, Booth. This is the best stroller on the market. Plus, the design is beautiful and it's cerise.
Booth: It has a name?
Brennan: It's a color. Cerise is a color.
Booth: Look, I only paid five hundred bucks for my first car.
Brennan: I can afford it.
Booth: No! We've been through this. All our expenses are split, right down the line.
Brennan: You're too sensitive. It's just money.
Booth: Rich people always say that. That's what they say. Mm-hmm.
Brennan: Didn't you say you would be getting a raise soon?
Booth: And until then Christine will be fine in a cheaper stroller that's in a color people have heard of like -- [looks over to see Brennan looking at him] -- don't do that. Not that look, please. Don't give me the sad eyes.
Brennan: Please?
Booth: No, come on. No! I'm not looking! I'm driving!
Brennan: Come on.
Booth: [to himself] Just keep driving. [looks over] You were never able to do this look before the baby. What did the baby do to you?
Angela: Okay, I'm no coroner, but I'm saying the cause of death was a humongous explosion.
Cam: The coroner concurs.
Brennan: I'm sorry you're not getting the promotion.
Booth: Thank you.
Brennan: You're welcome.
Booth: You know, for lying to me, thank you. I mean, I know it's a white lie, but I mean look at you, being all sweet and lying to me.
Brennan: I didn't want you to get the promotion?
Booth: Why? Because I'm a man of action and not someone who's going to rot behind a desk?
Brennan: No, because who else will take me out into the field?
Booth: That's a good point, Bones.
Brennan: But truthfully, I am sorry that you're disappointed.
Booth: I'm not disappointed.
Brennan: [smiles] Because you're a man of action who would rot behind a desk?
Booth: That's right! A man of action!
Brennan: Can I start buying you things now?
Booth: No, you can't, but I'll tell you what: you can buy Christine stuff.
Brennan: I know you'd like a new grill.
Booth: Christine would love a new grill. She would love it.
Brennan: Baby girls need new grills.
Booth: Baby girls, and a new tool set! [motions to the food] And what is this?
Brennan: It's quinoa.
Booth: Quinoa?
Brennan: Quinoa.
Booth: And what is that?
Brennan: It's a grain. It's a lot of protein --
Booth: When I get the new grill we can grill steaks!

The Tiger in the Tale [8.04]

Hodgins: Dr. Saroyan, have you seen the excrement that I left on my desk?
Hodgins: What kind of lunatic wants a wild animal as a pet?
Cam: I think "lunatic" pretty much describes who we're talking about.
Daisy: I could call in an anonymous tip like "I hear roaring at night."
Angela: I was thinking more along the lines of looking at satellite photos on the internet and seeing if any of the farms shout "tiger."
Cam: That is brilliant.
Brennan: When I am President, killing tigers will be a death penalty offense.
Booth: Whoa. The President isn't actually a dictator, Bones.

The Method to the Madness [8.05]

Hodgins: What kind of freak feels nostalgic over human sacrifice?
Fisher: I'm gonna go ahead and plead the fifth on that.
Booth: A man doesn't fold another man's underwear!
Sweets: Are those Captain America boxers?
Sweets: Artisans go into business because they're passionate about the products they create.
Booth: That is so unamerican.

The Patriot in Purgatory [8.06]

Booth: I beat up bad guys and I leap over things.
Sweets: You're describing Superman.
Booth: Exactly. You ever hear of Superman picking up a phone?
Arastoo: This was not the work of religion, it was arrogance, it was hypocrisy, it was hate. Those horrible men who hijacked those planes hijacked my religion that day too. They insulted my God. So no, this isn't too difficult. It's a privilege to be able to serve this victim, to be able to show him care and love that was so absent that day.
Fisher: 9/11 was a trauma to us all - not like this guy or the people who died that day. But it still changed us, right? A-and we act like it doesn't matter. Clearly Wendell is freaking out and you ... [motions to Arastoo] you went nuts earlier. The firs rule of the looney bin is to get it all out in the open. So, that's what we're going to do, alright? I'll go: I was in High School. It was my Senior Year. I was [chuckles] breaking into my history teacher's desk to steal a test I hadn't studied for and he walked in. He was crying. He couldn't care less what I was doing. That's when I found out. So I ... I talked with him. I had a stolen test in my hand, and we both sat...and we cried. Next? Oh, c'mon!
Clark: I wsa working. It was, uh, before school - coffee shop. Everyone was just staring at the TV. No one said a word. the cook came out to watch with the rest of us. I still remember the smell of food burning on that grill.
Finn: I was nine. I got in the way of my stepfather hitting my mama. He stuck me with some scissors. My mama wanted to take me to the hospital. But my hurt didn't seem like nothin' when we heard what had happened.
Arastoo: I was at morning prayers. I didn't believe that day. I didn't believe in anything.
Fisher: Wendell?
Wendell: I was, uh, with my aunt ... from that morning until the next few days. My uncle was a firefighter in New York. He never came home.
Booth: For years, Tim Murphy was homeless. He was forgotten. He was one of those people on the streets that we try not to look at because the sight of them is just too painful. But we're all cut from the same cloth. Tim knew that. He knew just how connected all of us are. He knew that if it wasn't for his three buddies, that Tim wouldn't be alive on September 11th to save the lives of Diane, Warren and James. And we wouldn't be able to tell Tim's son that Tim didn't die a broken man living on the streets, Sean, but he was as brave and noble as the rest of us. We lay him to rest today a hero.

The Bod in the Pod [8.07]

Bones: Sweets has trust issues involving finding a home. Since he grew up an orphan, the anger he's sublimated has paralyzed him from developing a healthy perspective on what having a home means. That made him bond with us and our home so he didn't have to deal with his own emotional insecurities.
Booth: Bones shoots from the outside! Three points!
Sweets: Where's that psychobabble coming from?
Booth: Well, you left one of your psychobabble books in our bathroom.
Booth: [to suspect, who is gloating over the fact that there's no evidence to convict him of murder] She's gonna find something. She always does.
...[later]
Booth: You made one big mistake.
Suspect: Yeah, what was that?
Booth: You pissed off my partner here.

The But in the Joke [8.08]

Bones: Now you don't have to unfold and refold a map.
Booth: Wait a second, I like maps. What's wrong with maps?
Bones: Well, maps cannot tell you the amount of traffic to expect en route to your destination. See? Now we can relax and talk about interesting things.
Booth: This is not how the cowboys settled this country.
Fisher: I don't know if you're aware, but I do a bit of stand-up myself.
Bones: I imagine you are not very skilled at it, as you are not a humorous person.
[Booth is undercover as a stand-up comic]
Sweets: Oh my god, Booth is funny.
Fisher: Almost funny.

The Diamond in the Rough [8.09]

Wendell: [to Cam] Something is going on here that I don't know anything about, so walking away. Running away.
[Booth and Bones are in a dance audition]
Bones: Do I have to do anything special when it ends?
Booth: No.
Bones: Why not?
Booth: Because it's never gonna end, Bones. It's always gonna be just like this. Just like this.

The Archaeologist in the Cocoon [8.10]

Clark: Crime, you. Ancient history, me. Remember?
Bones: Yes, but I would think you would want nothing more than my expertise.
Clark: And I'm well aware that you would think that. But I don't want to take you away from your murder.
Bones: I don't believe this. I taught you.
Clark: And I'm grateful. I promise, you'll be thanked when I'm published.
Bones: I don't want to pass my failings on to Christine, Booth.
Booth: What failings?
Bones: Hyper-competitiveness, arrogance, insensitivity to the feelings of others.
Booth: You know what? Thumbs up to the self-realization there Bones. Actually, two thumbs up.
Bones: You should make a similar effort.
Booth: What?
Bones: Not to pass on your failings.
Booth: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? What failings?
Bones: [to Christine] It's time for bed.

The Maiden in the Mushrooms [8.21]

[Hodgins catches up with Finn on the Forensic platform.]
Dr. Hodgins: Finn, I've got the results.
Finn Abernathy: From the victim's fingernail?
Dr. Hodgins: What? No, no, no, I'm still working on that. No, I have a molecular breakdown of your Grandma's secret sauce.
Finn Abernathy: Oh, forget it. I've moved on.
Dr. Hodgins: No, you haven't, your still pissed, and I don't blame you. That stuff is awesome!
Finn Abernathy: My Grandmother used to put it on my Catfish...
Dr. Hodgins: Oh, you're kidd...you're killing me here. I'm not gonna let that hot sauce die. [walks over to monitor] Now, look at this. I-I took a swab of the bottle and I ran it through the Mass-Spec, right, and I almost got everything. We've got Red and Yellow Peppers, ok, Cayenne, Tomatoes, of course, Garlic, Onions, Cumin, Salt, Brown sugar, Vinegar--it's just-it's just this one compound I cannot identify, and I hoping you'd know what it was.
Finn Abernathy: Yeah, it's the one thing you'll never find.
Dr. Hodgins: Alright, but I've already got a portion of the molecular chain...
Finn Abernathy: Love! It's love, Hodgins. That's not gonna show on your Mass Spec. Come on, let it go. [walks away]
Dr. Hodgins: No...Finn, come on...hey. I'm just one compound away.
[Finn leaves the Forensics Platform]
Dr. Hodgins: I'm gonna burn the crap outta your mouth and you are gonna love it!
[Another lab technician looks at Hodgins and wrinkles his nose, weirded out by the comment. Hodgins feels awkward for saying that so loud]
Finn Abernathy: I hope this is important, I'm trying to find cause of death... [Smells the fried catfish.] What's that smell?
[As Angela prepares a table, Hodgins turns to show Finn.]
Dr. Hodgins: It... is Catfish, "Opie".
Finn Abernathy: Oh. That wasn't neccessary, "Thurston".
Dr. Hodgins: But it was. [Points to the chair waiting] Come here, sit down.
[Finn sits down to the fried Catfish. Hodgins' hand moves to his pocket.]
Dr. Hodgins: And this... [Pulls a bottle of the hot sauce out of his pocket] This is the hot sauce.
Angela: Taste it, you are gonna love it.
[Finn reluctantly obliges]
Finn Abernathy: This is... [drinks some of the sauce] Oh, my god! How did you do that?
Dr. Hodgins: Aframomum melegueta; it's more commonly as "Guinea grain". It's native to swampy habitats along the West African Coast. I have no idea how your Granny got a hold of it, but...
Finn Abernathy: She used to trade with a Herbalist in the woods...Damnit...If you hadn't brought my Granny back from the dead! [starts laughing]
Dr. Hodgins: Hey, I told you I'd find it, right?
Angela: And you were right. The secret ingredient was Love. That's the only explanation for Hodgins spending so much time, and effort to do this.
Dr. Hodgins: Eat. Go, eat.
[Finn pours the hot sauce on the catfish and starts eating]
Dr. Hodgins: Hey, we shouldn't keep this stuff a secret, I mean the world would love this.
Finn Abernathy: Aaaa. Very true, very true.
Angela: You should slow down a little bit, Finn. You don't wanna get a bone stuck down your throat.
Finn Abernathy: [Holds up a catfish bone] Not from a baby Catfish.
[Bends the catfish bone to emphasize that it is flexable. As he looks at it, he has an epiphany on the victim's cause of death.]
Finn Abernathy: That's it!
Dr. Hodgins: What?
Finn Abernathy: Cause of death.
[Finn gets up, hovering between going and eating his catfish. He grabs the bottle of hot sauce before he leaves. Angela and Hodgins look bemused.]
↑Jump back a section

External links

Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
↑Jump back a section

Read in another language

This page is available in 6 languages

Last modified on 30 April 2013, at 13:26