Arthur Guiterman

Arthur Guiterman (20 November 1871 – 11 January 1943) was an American writer best known for his humorous poems.

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• The Deer don't dine
  When a Wolf's about,
  And the Porcupine
  Sticks his quill-points out.
  • Safety First

• Commute with me, my Love, and be merry;
  How vain in the City to dwell
  When apple-trees blow in Dobbs' Ferry
  And lilacs adorn New Rochelle!
  White Plains is the Garden of Allah
  And Pelham's the Pearl of the Sea;
  There's bliss in the name of Valhalla --
  Oh, fly to the Suburbs with me!
  • The Passionate Suburbanite To His Love

• Oh, who would choose to be a traveler? --
  That anxious railway-guide unraveler
  Who spends his nights in berths and bunks,
  His days in chaperoning trunks;
  Who stands in line at gates and wickets
  To spend his means on costly tickets
  To Irkutsk, Liverpool and Yap
  And other dots upon the map.
  • The Traveler

• The three-toed tree-toad
  Sings his sweet ode
  To the moon;
  The funny bunny
  And his honey
  Trip in tune.
  • Nocturne

• It's lovely having grass and trees and flowers
  (Of course, at times, mosquitoes are a pest).
  Yes, life is life out here in Rangely Towers
  (Of course Some People like the city best)!
  • Our Suburb

• The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
  Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
  The sword of Charlemagne the Just
  Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.
  The grizzly bear, whose potent hug,
  Was feared by all, is now a rug.
  Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf,
  And I don't feel so well myself.
  
  • On the Vanity of Earthly Greatness