[Kevin opens the car door into a pole, causing the yellow paint to stain on it]
Nick: Aw, damn! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?!
Lindsey:(amazed) Ooh, you swore!
Nick: You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
Lindsey: That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the Swear Jar.
Nick:(to Kevin) Yeah, well, he's got to put about $400 dollars in my pocket, you got $400 for me?!
Nick: And I want it cash!
Kevin: I have to pee.
Nick: What?! No, no, no, you do not have to pee! Didn't you just go back at the train station?
Kevin: I tried to go, but there was a man standing next to me, so it just went away.
Nick: But look, man, all this open road. You can hold it, I know you can. Just cross your legs.
[Kevin does so]
Lindsey: You should've asked him to go before we left.
Nick: I did!
Lindsey: No, you asked before we got on the train, not before we left the station. You're supposed to ask before every segment. Everyone knows that.
Nick: Evidently not.
Kid: Hey, mister, you got any Yu-Gi-Oh?
Nick: What you think?
Kid: Got any Dragon Ball GT?
Nick: Look, you come in here every day, askin' the same questions. We ain't got no Pokemon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies, [spots a kid about to steal a trading card, so Nick throws a football at him] and no shoplifters! Now, get! Both of y'all! Get!
Lindsey: I knew you were lying. "Yeah, we're just friends." Yeah, right. You're just usin' us to suck up to our Mama.
Kevin: Yeah, you're just a dirty, horny sex-man like all the others. Nasty man, you're a nasty, bad man!
Nick: Look, I tried to do your Mama a favor, you little booger!
Kevin: You probably wanna kiss her, don't 'cha? [he makes a face on the window]
Nick: Hey, off the glass! Off the glass! [to Lindsey] And you, open this door.
Lindsey: You forgot the magic word.
Nick: Open this damn door!
Kevin: Ooh, you just swore again! Lindsey, he just swore again!
Nick: So what? Hey, I'm not playin' with you.
Lindsey: You can't make us do anything.
Nick: Hey! This is my car! You hear me, little girl?! This is my car!
[Lindsey is getting ready to put the car into acceleration]
Nick: Uh uh! You better not! Look at me, I'm serious! I'm not playin' with you, little girl, okay? Now, if you don't open that door before I count to three, somebody gonna get it.
Lindsey: What was Mom thinking?
Kevin: I don't know, I like him. He's kinda funny.
Lindsey: Hey, don't get soft! This guy is not our daddy. He's the enemy.
Nick: Quiet down, there. Have patience.
Kevin and Lindsey: [make alarm blaring noises] Turn if off, Nick! Hurry! Hurry!
Nick: All right, calm down.
Kevin: I'm not gonna make it. Do you have a bottle?
Kevin: How 'bout this ashtray?
Nick: Kevin, there's no receptacle in this vehicle. Now, look, the exit's about a mile away, and you can hold it.
Kevin: How far is a mile?
Nick: I don't know, 5,000 and some kinda feet. Think about something else; football, a math test, uh, puberty.
Kevin: Are we there yet?
Lindsey: I'm sure the carpet's absorbant.
Kevin: Here it comes!
Satchel: For God sakes, man, he's gonna make his water in your car!
Nick: No, he ain't. Incoming, incoming, incoming! Aaaah! Hold it, man.
Nick: Oh, man! I never ever got to read the manual! [sees the car engulfing in flames; but the flames grow a little more violently] Hit the dirt!
[Nick and the kids leap away from the car, as it explodes and goes into flames]
Nick: No! This is about a year's pay. What did I do... What did I do to deserve this!? Why is this happening to me?! [behind him, Kevin and Lindsey look at each other in worry and regret; Nick looks behind him, to Kevin and Lindsey] It was you two! If I didn't volunteer to babysit you two little demons on this road trip, this kind of thing would never happen, and I'd still have my car! [Kevin and Lindsey start crying] Go ahead and cry, I don't care.