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Charlie B. BarkinEdit
- These are some of the poorest people I know. They're broker than... the Ten Commandments. [laughs] Little joke. Very little.
- What a selfish, callous cad of a heel I've been. Blind to the needs of our society's lowly unloved.
- [while drunk] Hee-hee-hee-hee! You're the doggonest pals... a swell could ever have. [laughs] I love you, guys. You wanna sing with me? You wanna sing with me?
- I can't help it, Charlie. I itch when I'm nervous!
- You're not my friend. You're a bad dog!
- Charlie? I have to go to the bathroom.
- All dogs go to heaven, because, unlike people, dogs are naturally good, and loyal and kind.
- I do not wish that I should share 50% of the business with my partner, Charlie.
- That is no way to treat an old friend. Friends must be handled in a friendly and business-like way!
- MORONS! I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!
- (while his ray gun is out of control) H-H-How do you stooooooop this thing?!
- [Charlie has escaped the pound]
- Smiley: Charlie? Ain't you s'pposed to be on death row?
- Charlie: No! I ain't supposed to be on death row.
- Itchy: Hey! I got him out.
- Charlie: Careful, Itchy.
- Itchy: Yeah?
- Charlie: Yeah. I think that might be a water main.
- Itchy: Nah, Charlie. Water mains are green. This is red.
- Charlie: You're colorblind. You always been colorblind!
- Itchy: That's true, but this is green.
- Charlie: It's red!
- Itchy: Red?
- [He drills into the water main; outside, water bursts out of the ground]
- Man: BUSTED WATER MAIN!!!
- Man 2: Hit the lights!
- Man 3: Call command central!
- Vera: [sings] Things have changed, Charlie, since you've been gone.
- Life hasn't been no piece of cake.
- Chihuahua Gambler: Carface ain't been treatin' us too good!
- Vera: Things are tough, but we carry on.
- Smiley: [sings while Charlie wins a game of craps] Could you spare a couple of bones, for old time's sake?
- Charlie: Why settle for a couple of bones when you can have the whole BAKE?!
- [He laughs, puts the bones in a slot machine, gives it a kick, and hits the jackpot]
- Itchy: Charlie! Charlie, look! You hit the jackpot! Attaboy, Charlie, I'm proud of ya! Charlie, tell 'em!
[as Charlie is introduced to Heaven by the Whippet Angel]
- Annabelle: [sings] Welcome to being dead.
- Charlie: [horrified] What?! You mean I'm--I'm--?
- Annabelle: [flips through a record book of Charlie's life] Stone cold, I'm afraid.
- Charlie: I can't believe it! I've been murdered!
- Annabelle: I'm having trouble finding any goodness or loyalty here, but let me see.
- Charlie: He killed me!
- Annabelle: I beg your pardon?
- Charlie: There's a mistake been made here!
- [sings] I don't wanna die!
- You got the wrong guy.
- I was double crossed by a dirty rat.
- Actually this rat was a dog.
- But his car ran me down.
- I just blew outta jail.
- I just got back to town.
- Hey! This is hard to explain.
- May I speak to your superior?
- 'Cause I don't wanna die!
- Annabelle: [sings] Welcome to doing whatever you wish--
- Charlie: [finishes his song] You got the wrong guy.
- Annabelle: [sings] Laughing and singing all day.
- Charlie: Hey! Listen! My time's not up yet!
- Annabelle: Oh, it is. There's no mistake about that. We know everything.
- Charlie: Murdered in the prime of my life! [to himself] That Carface. I'll kill him!
- Itchy: You're in love with the girl. You've gone soft. You care about her.
- Charlie: Look, I don't care about the girl! I tell her things now and then. I pretend to be her best friend, but it's bologna!
- Itchy: I thought I was your best friend.
- Charlie: You are my best friend! With her, it's just business. It's always been business. I'm usin' the girl! And when we're done with her, we'll dump her in an orphanage. Is that okay with you?!
- Itchy: Sure, boss. Anything you say.
- [At the end of the film]
- Carface: AAAAAGH!! I'll get that gator if it's the last thing I do!
- Annabelle: Touch that clock, and you can never come back.
- Carface: Shut up!
- Annabelle: I said, touch that clock, and you can never come back!
- Charlie: [to the home audience] He'll be back. [winks]