Katarina "Kat" StratfordEdit
- I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big, dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick — It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh — Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
- Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.
- Remove head from sphincter, then drive!
Dr. Walter StratfordEdit
- Listen, I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is!... Momma di'nt raise no fool.
- Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long!
- What is it with this chick? She got beer flavored nipples?
- It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention.
- You're asking me out? That's so cute! What's your name again?
- I happen to like being adored, thank you!
- (While punching Joey at intervals) That's for making my date bleed! That's for my sister...and that's for me.
- You don't buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it.
- Patrick: So what's your excuse?
- Kat: For?
- Patrick: Acting the way we do.
- Kat: I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people's expectations instead of my own?
- Patrick: So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered, right?
- Kat: [smiles] Something like that…
- Patrick: Then you screwed up.
- Kat: How?
- Patrick: You never disappointed me.
- Bianca: Where did you come from? Planet Loser?
- Kat: As opposed to Planet Look-at-Me, Look-at-Me?
- Dr. Stratford: [claps] Ok, here's how we solve this one: Old rule out. New rule: Bianca can date [Bianca smiles, Kat with a shocked face] when she does. [points at Kat]
- Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
- Dr. Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh I like that. And I'll get to sleep at night, the deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.
- Dr. Stratford: This morning I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, and you know what she said to me?
- Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom"?
- Dr. Stratford: Close...but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father."
- Bianca: She did not!
- Dr. Stratford: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up.
- Cameron: She never wanted me. She wanted Joey the whole time.
- Patrick: Cameron, do you like the girl?
- Cameron: Yeah.
- Patrick: Yeah, and is she worth all this trouble?
- Cameron: Well, I thought she was, but you know, I...
- Patrick: Well, she is or she isn't. See first of all, Joey is not half the man you are. Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want. Go for it.
- Dr. Stratford: Hello Katarina. Make anybody cry today?
- Kat: Sadly no, but it's only 4:30.
- Dr. Stratford: Where's your sister going?
- Kat: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
- Dr. Stratford: Funny. [a little curious] So, tell me about this dance, was it hoppin'?
- Kat: Ugh. Parts of it.
- Dr. Straford: Which parts?
- Kat: [laughingly] The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy.
- Dr. Straford: Bianca did what?
- Kat: What's the matter, upset that I rubbed off on her?
- Dr. Straford: [proud] No, impressed.
- Kat: You can't just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
- Patrick: Yeah, I know. But then, you know, there's always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.
- Bianca: Ah-ha! [pulls out black underwear] Black panties!
- Cameron: Well, what does that tell us?
- Bianca: She wants to have sex some day, that's what!
- Cameron: You know she could just like the color!
- Bianca: You don't buy black lingerie unless you want someone to see it!
- Cameron: So um... Can I see your room?
- Bianca: No! A girl's room is very personal!
- Kat: Argh! What is it: Asshole day? [As Joey walks away after blocking Kat's car in] Do you mind?
- Joey: [smirking as he walks past] Not at all!
- [Kat rams her car into the side of Joey's sports car]
- Joey: You bitch!
- Kat: Whoops!
- Kat's Dad: Whoops? My insurance doesn't cover PMS!
- Kat: Well, then tell them I had a seizure!
- Kat's Dad: [sighs] What's this? Are you punishing me because I want you to stay close to home?
- Kat: Aren't you punishing me because Mom left?
- Kat's Dad: Do you think you could leave her out of it?
- Kat: Fine! Then stop making my decisions for me!
- Kat's Dad: You're 18! You don't know what you want! And you're not going to know till you're 45 and when you get it you'll be too old to use it!
- Kat: I want to go to an East Coast School! I want you to trust me to live my own choices and I want you stop trying to control my life just because you can't control yours!
- Kat's Dad: Yeah? Well I want...[pager goes off] Damn! We'll talk about Sarah Lawrence later!
- Kat: Can't wait!
- Bianca: [runs down the stairs with the phone in her hand] Did you just maim Joey's car?
- Kat: Yeah! Looks like you're gonna have to take the bus!
- Teacher: Yes, Miss "I-Have-An-Opinion-On-Everything"?
- Kat: Does it have to be in iambic pentameter?
- Teacher: You're having a laugh!
- Kat: I'm not!
- Teacher: You're not going to fight me on this?
- Kat: No I think it's a really good assignment!
- Kat: Who would go to that mating ritual?
- Mandella: I would! But I don't have a dress!
- Kat: You're looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective! We're making a point!
- Mandella: Oh...Goody! Something new and different for us!
- Mandella: Have you seen him?
- Kat: Who?
- Mandella: William! He asked me to meet him here!
- Kat: Oh Mandella please tell me we havn't progressed onto full hallucinations!
- Joey: Shit Bianca! I'm shooting a nose spray ad tomorrow!
- Bianca: That's for making my date bleed, That's for my sister, and that's for me!
- Bianca: What are you doing here?
- Chasity: Oh come on! You didn't think you were the only freshman invited to prom! Joey just picked me up!
- Bianca: He's all yours!
- Chasity: Very generous princess! And by the way, Joey only liked you for one thing! He even had a bet going with his friends! He was going to nail you tonight!
- Patrick: I was in the laundromat, I saw your car and came over to say hi!
- Kat: Hi!
- Patrick: Nice fenders!
- Kat: Thanks!
- Patrick: Not much of talker are you?
- Kat: Depends on the topic! My fenders don't whip me into a verbal frenzy!
- Patrick: You're not afraid of me are you?
- Kat: Afraid of you? Why would I be afraid of you?
- Patrick: Some people are!
- Kat: Well I'm not!
- Patrick: You may not be afraid of me but I'll bet you've thought of me naked!
- Kat: Am I that transparent? I want you, I NEED you. Oh baby, oh baby!
- How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
- Allusion to Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets from the Portuguese, No. LXIII:
- "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."
- I burn, I pine, I perish!
- Romeo, Oh Romeo, Get Out Of My Face.
- They're spitefully romantic.
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