"Weird Al" Yankovic
- Alanis Morissette and I actually used to date. I especially liked it when we went to the movies.
- AL TV, MTV, 1996; referring to the line "Is she perverted like me/would she go down on you in a theater" from Morissette's breakout hit You Oughta Know
- That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
- I wrote "Eat It" because I wanted to buy a house. It worked.
- I Love the 80's 3D, VH1, 1985
- I have very mixed feelings about [Napster]. On one hand, I'm concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!!!!!
- What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
- Replying to a fan criticising the poor seats a reviewer of a concert received. "Ask Al" Q&As for September 6, 2004
- I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's.
- Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.
- If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.
- My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child.
- I'll never forget the first thing she said to me, she said: "Hey - you've got weasels on your face." Right then I knew it was true love.
- Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
- I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
- I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas
And I got fat!
I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave
To dry off my cat!
- "I'll Sue Ya", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)
- Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma, or a seven-year-old girl
They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten, criminal scum you are
- Well, besides working on the album, I got married and had a kid. So, you know, in spite of that petition that was floating around asking me not to reproduce, I did it anyway.
- Interview, The Wayne Brady Show, unidentified 2003 episode
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